Eternal Sunshine of the Scourgified Mind
by Solstice Muse
Summary: The trio have defeated Voldemort but paid a devastating price.How can they cope without each other and without any magical memories?. This fic is now being gradually beta'd and chapters reposted
1. Intro

**_Disclaimer: None of this is mine, it all belongs to Rowling._**

**Eternal Sunshine of the Scourgified Mind**

**Introduction**

The operator had been trying to persuade Vernon Dursley to accept the charges for Harry Potter's call for several minutes now.

Harry jammed a finger in his ear as a police car wailed along Charing Cross Road and he struggled to make out his uncle's voice, pressing the receiver against his other ear firmly.

"...oh for goodness sake, go on then but tell the boy it's to be for no longer than a minute."

Harry rolled his eyes at the sound of Uncle Vernon begrudgingly taking the call and pictured him looking at the second hand of his watch as the operator spoke to him again, sounding quite frustrated with Mr. Dursley herself.

"Mr. Potter?"

"I'm still here."

"Mr. Dursley's going to take your call but warns you to be quick; it sounds like he's not planning on chatting for too long."

"Bloody right!" Harry heard his uncle mutter.

"Just connecting you," the operator said.

Harry struggled to hear from his dingy phone booth at the roadside.

"Well?" Vernon Dursley snapped.

"Um, Uncle Vernon, I..." Harry trailed off, not quite sure how to explain his situation right now.

"What? What is it? I thought we were rid of you."

"I don't know what happened. I didn't run away or anything."

_Although you couldn't really blame me if I had,_ Harry thought.

"I'm in London."

"Bully for you," Uncle Vernon grunted. "What the devil does that have to do with me?"

Harry hesitated. He was as confused about what he was saying as his uncle obviously was, but he still hadn't expected anything from him other than rage in the circumstances.

"Well, aren't you going to come and get me?"

"Get you?" The voice at the end of the line sounded incredulous. "Come and get you? So now that your bloody shambles of a school is done with you you expect to come back here and bring more misery to our lives with your 'Hocus Pocus'?"

Harry frowned,

"School?" he said, not finding it possible to be any more confused than he already was.

"What's wrong with your Weasel family eh? Why can't you pester them to pick you up? Or any of those other freaks you call friends, their phones out of order, are they?" Uncle Vernon sounded as if he was amplifying his conversation for the benefit of a curious Aunt Petunia and Dudley who were listening over his shoulder.

Harry rolled his eyes once more and let out a sigh. His uncle was clearly attempting humour, always a mistake, Harry thought to himself.

"Very funny, Uncle Vernon."

"Oh, of course, how ridiculous of me to assume that those friends of yours have simple devices like telephones, eh?"

_What was his problem?_

"Yeah ok, you've made your point; I don't have any friends to call. Please will you come and pick me up, Uncle Vernon? I'm stranded in London and I don't have any money."

Harry pulled what looked like a large gold medallion from his pocket and held it up to the slot where the coins were supposed to go into the payphone, his brow furrowing, as he wondered where it could be a souvenir from.

"Well, nothing you can actually spend, anyway. I just want to get home."

"Well go home then!"

"But..."

"For crying out loud boy, you're a grown man, act your age. If you recall, you ungrateful little brat, I always said that you were out of this house for good as soon as you turned eighteen and that was weeks ago. So happy belated birthday, have a nice life and stay out of ours, goodbye!"

The line went dead.

Harry stood, telephone receiver still clamped to the side of his head, his eyes wide and his mouth gaping.

A car screeched on its breaks, there was a crash as a bike messenger was thrown to the ground in a twisted mess of broken limbs, a woman screamed and several people on the street took out mobile phones and dialled 999.

Harry noticed none of this. He was staring at his own reflection in the graffiti covered glass of the phone booth's door; the stubble on his chin, the hollowed out cheeks where baby fat used to be, the man who stared back at him in shock.

"I'm eighteen?"


	2. Tabula Rasa

**Chapter One -**

**Tabula Rasa**

The Grangers knew what to expect as soon as they arrived back home that night. Dr Granger had barely taken off his coat when the pounding on the door began and his wife cast him a look of guilt and hurt.

"It won't just be Aurors, you know? The Weasleys will be out there too. There are a lot of them if you remember, darling."

Dr Granger took a deep breath and turned to face the front door.

"I'll deal with them, Helen, don't you worry about them, why don't you go and run yourself a nice bath?"

Helen Granger looked appalled at this suggestion.

"At least we have our child, David; at least we know what happened to her and that she's safe — think of poor Molly and Arthur."

"I'm not a monster. I feel for them, I really do, but my priority is to protect my daughter from that world now; I believe that all this has happened for a reason."

The pounding became louder and a muffled voice called through the letter box.

"Doctor and Doctor Granger? It's Remus Lupin, we've met, I was your daughter Hermione's professor a few years ago."

There seemed to be a scuffle as the letter box snapped shut and then flew open again. Molly Weasley's voice sounded shrill and breathless as she called out to the Grangers.

"David? Helen? Please, we know she came home to you, please let us in."

Arthur Weasley's voice could be heard trying to calm his wife down as the Grangers cast a miserable look toward each other. Molly seemed to be immovable from her position at their front door, however; her face was pressed against their letter box in a desperate attempt to get closer to the couple within.

"Was Ron with her, Ron or Harry or both? Please open the door Helen, as a mother to a mother, he's my baby and he didn't come home."

At that Molly let the flap of the letterbox close and dissolved into tears. Helen Granger's eyes welled up and she shoved her husband aside and unlocked the door.

"Helen, please let me deal with this."

She shrugged her husband off and opened the door to Remus Lupin and an unimaginably large crowd of red haired people of all different shapes and sizes.

Molly Weasley pulled away from her husband and flung herself into the open arms of Helen Granger, sobbing uncontrollably.

"What went wrong? What happened to them? You-Know-Who has gone but...but..."

"Come and sit down, Molly"

Mrs Weasley was guided into the living room by both of the Grangers. The rest of the Weasley family followed, reacting to their father's stern look to keep quiet and not barrage the Grangers with multiple questions, and Lupin stepped in last of all, pulling the door closed behind him.

As David Granger looked around his living room at all the faces, he knew he could do this, knew he could keep them calm and protect his daughter at the same time. He cleared his throat and tried to remember everybody's names.

There was one of the older boys and beside him was another but his face was horribly scarred, so they must be Charlie and Percy...no, Charlie and Bill that was it, Percy was the one with the glasses. Doctor Granger smiled at Percy, he could talk to him, he had his head screwed on and could keep a cool head. Percy didn't smile back, he just swallowed and gave a courteous nod, and Doctor Granger continued to scan the rest of the anxious faces staring back at him. The young girl was Ginny, of course. She was clinging to a twin, he would never be able to tell them apart but he knew they were called Fred and George, and the other twin was shifting from foot to foot beside his father. Remus Lupin stepped into his eye line and gave a nod of encouragement as Molly's sobs faded into a low whimper.

"Hermione did come home. She wasn't hurt, well she had some cuts and scrapes but considering the circumstances..."

Dr Granger waved his hand, not really wanting to speculate on the final battle with Voldemort, and Arthur Weasley gripped his wife's trembling shoulder.

"Well anyway, Hermione came home in the early hours of this morning and seemed very confused."

"She'd been Confounded?" one of the twins asked.

Dr Granger looked to Lupin blankly for an explanation.

"In what way was she confused?" Lupin said.

"She had some memory loss but it was strange."

David Granger looked from face to face briefly before continuing.

"She remembered who she was, where she lived, who we were. She could remember her childhood and books she had read, museums we'd visited and holidays we've taken."

Lupin shuffled uncomfortably,

"What _couldn't _she remember?"

"Magic."

Everyone turned to look at Helen Granger as she released Molly Weasley from her comforting embrace.

"She didn't remember being at school for the last seven years and she didn't have any memory of anything she had learnt or any magical experience she'd had."

"Or anybody magical she had met," David Granger added solemnly.

Lupin let out a breath he had been holding with a shudder. Helen granger gripped Molly's arm and looked her in the eye, her own eyes filling with tears now.

"We asked her what had happened to Ron and Harry, we showed her photographs of the three of them together, but all she did was scream that the people in the picture were moving. She thought she was going mad."

Molly choked as she spoke - "She didn't remember anything at all?"

The Grangers shook their heads.

One of the boys, _Bill_, Dr Granger thought, couldn't sit in silence any longer and shot to his feet.

"So we're assuming that the same thing has happened to Ron and Harry then, yes?"

Bill glanced around the room but didn't allow anyone to respond to the question before pacing the room and carrying on.

"Right, so they don't remember anything magical, which means where they live or how to travel or where to go for help..."

Charlie got to his feet as well,

"Or how to use their wands."

Bill had been deep in thought but this comment made him stop in his tracks and his face drop, the scars that had been crinkled by his thoughtful grimace were smoothed out at the realisation of what this meant.

"Shit, so they're unarmed as well."

Both the older Weasley boys stood rigid for a moment before pacing the room together, the sight becoming quickly hypnotic to the rest of the family who watched them intently for lack of anything else to do, and soon they began to mutter out loud.

"So they would've been wandering around London."

"They could still be in Diagon Alley."

"Hermione got home though. She wouldn't have been able to get home from Diagon Alley, would she?"

"She wouldn't have been able to remember how."

"So they're in muggle London."

"And Hermione grew up a Muggle so she could remember how to get around, how to get home, where home was."

"So Muggle memories stay intact."

"Harry's got Muggle memories."

The pacing stopped and Bill and Charlie stared at each other, their eyes wide; they seemed to speak as one.

"Harry has a Muggle home."

Lupin was shaken out of his silent meditation at this.

"Of course, he would have gone home to the Dursleys; he grew up as a Muggle too."

"But R-Ron..." Mrs Weasley began.

"We can only hope that Harry took him with him. We know the kind of people Harry and Hermione were before they came to Hogwarts, don't we? Can you imagine that, if they found themselves with a young man who had complete memory loss, they would just leave him and set of home?"

"Not Hermione, not for a second," Doctor Granger said firmly.

"So if she didn't bring him home to us..." Helen Granger said with hope.

Bill looked almost jubilant,

"Then he would've gone home with Harry!"

The entire Weasley family seemed to get to their feet with one fluid movement and were about to charge out of the Granger home and storm Privet Drive when Remus Lupin raised his voice to such an alarming degree that they all looked as if they'd been hit with a Immobulus spell.

"WAIT!"

Bill opened his mouth to speak, but Lupin had something to say.

"Wait and think about this for a moment. It is one thing to descend upon the poor Grangers like this but entirely another to confront the Dursleys in the same way. For one thing, the Grangers aren't afraid of us."

"For another thing," Ginny added, "the Grangers care about Hermione."

"Succinctly put, Ginny," Lupin nodded.

David Granger looked at his wife at this and he let a pained smile break through his rigid demeanour.

Bill took a step toward Lupin.

"So what's the plan Remus?"

"The plan is that you and I will go to Surrey and pay the Durlsey's a visit."

Bill nodded.

"Me too," Charlie said.

Lupin sighed with resignation and nodded.

"Very well, but just the three of us, the rest of you are to wait here for our return."

A thought seemed to occur to Lupin and he turned to David Granger.

"Is that alright with you, Doctor Granger?"

"Of course."

Helen Granger seemed to be motivated by this.

"Right, I'll make some tea."

"I'll help you," said Ginny as she followed Hermione's mother to the kitchen.

Lupin made his way out of the living room and toward the front door; Bill followed him without a word but Charlie paused beside his mother and rested a hand upon her shoulder.

"We'll bring them back."

Molly Weasley smiled and Charlie left; the sound of the door closing behind him was followed by the sound of three pops as they Apparated.

In the Grangers kitchen Ginny was rummaging for the sugar bowl while Helen Granger waited for the kettle to boil. David Granger walked discreetly over to his wife and whispered to her before giving her a reassuring hug.

"They're going to ask where Hermione is soon. Leave the talking to me."


	3. Missing Persons

_A/N Lots of thanks to the reviewers who have commented so far. Glad to have got you interested so early on. Don't fret about updates, I'm a fast writer, the only real delay will be with posting new chapters as my computer at home doesn't have spell-check so I have to wait for a day off work and go to the library to use theirs...my spelling is really bad so it's worth the wait I assure you!_

**Chapter Two - Missing Persons**

Harry sat in St James's Park watching the ducks fight the pigeons for the crumbs that a small red-haired child was throwing to them. He smiled. He remembered when Dudley had been taken to the local park when they were little, well Dudley was never really little, and he clung to the stale loaf of bread that Aunt Petunia had brought along for the ducks as if he'd never eaten in his life.

"No it's mine!"

"Come now Dudders, it's stale, you don't want that."

"It's MINE!"

"But I'll buy you a nice éclair instead. You don't want that nasty loaf do you? Now give it here to mummy..."

"No!"

Harry smiled as he pictured the huge swan that had left the pond and waddled furiously at Dudley, impatient for the bread, who screamed and fell into the pond himself.

He got into trouble that day for laughing at Dudley's misfortune. He was always in trouble as far as the Dursely's were concerned. He remembered being at the zoo with the family for Dudley's birthday and there had been some commotion about a snake that somehow Harry had been blamed for.

The small red-haired child squealed with delight as more ducks waddled over to her and Harry frowned. He had always been blamed for things, things he couldn't even remember, and there was something about the way the family looked at him whenever Aunt Marge came up in conversation that had always baffled him. He never remembered her even looking at him so how could he have possibly upset her?

"Eighteen." he found himself sighing.

Why did it surprise him? He knew what year it was. He knew what year he was born. He knew he was eighteen. Where had the time gone though?

And there was something else. Uncle Vernon had mentioned school. Harry didn't remember even going to secondary school. He remembered his miserable time at nursery, then Infant school, and of course the pure torture that had been junior school with Dudley and his gang tormenting him every day but what had happened then? Why didn't he go on to the local comprehensive and take exams?

And more importantly, what had he been doing instead?

He felt his stomach grumble and snapped out of his contemplative state. He didn't know what he was going to do about food, or a place to stay tonight and suddenly panicked about his predicament. He left the park in a hurry. He wasn't exactly sure where he was hurrying to but he liked to feel as if he was doing something rather than waiting for his problems to solve themselves.

He was eighteen, he was homeless, he was unemployed, he was broke and he was hungry. He needed to grow up fast.

"Humph!"

Harry grunted at his last thought. His adulthood seemed to have totally taken him by surprise, he called that growing up fast, and he looked around as he marched purposefully along Pall Mall towards Trafalgar Square. London was full of people; therefore London should also be full of jobs he concluded. He would try to find a job in a kitchen or a fast food place, he had overheard a conversation between two penniless students once and one of them had mentioned that you get a free meal if you worked in the food service industry. So that would give him food and cash. Once he had cash he could get a place to stay.

There, he had a plan.

He held up his hands in front of his face as a flock of pigeons flew alarmingly close to his head as he crossed Trafalgar Square and he realised that his plan didn't help with finding a place to sleep tonight. Did the Dursleys just throw him out? Did he argue with Uncle Vernon and storm out? What the hell was he thinking when he left the house with no plan?

A grinning couple with deep suntans and exotic accents stepped in front of him just as he started to walk down a street called Haymarket.

"Lee-cest-er Square?"

"What?" Harry snapped, annoyed at this frivolous interruption into his crushing disaster of a life.

"Where to go for Lee-cest-er Square?"

Harry understood now, they wanted directions to Leicester Square but were over-pronouncing it, he shrugged at them.

"Sorry, I'm not from London."

He tried to carry on past the grinning pair when the man grabbed his arm and nodded furiously.

"Yes, London."

"You're _in_ London." Harry huffed.

"Lee-cest-er Square, London."

"It's..." Harry had too much on his mind to deal with this right now, he pointed in a direction that was away from him, "...that way."

The couple looked overjoyed and scampered away eagerly. For a brief moment Harry felt guilty but as his eyes left the departing tourists they fell upon a homeless man huddled in a doorway being ignored by passers-by and reality hit him once more. He was going to have to do the same thing if he didn't think fast.

ooo

"What are you saying?" Fred said, looking at Dr Granger as if he had just suggested breeding blast-ended skrewts in his conservatory.

"Fred!"

Mrs Weasley looked with scorn at her son.

"No mum," George got to his feet to stand alongside his twin brother, "he's saying that we're all best left forgotten. Hermione's better off with Ron and Harry out of her life."

"Now Geor..." Dr Granger hesitated, unsure which twin he was addressing.

"Yes I'm George!"

"George, I'm not...please don't misunderstand what I've said, please."

Both Fred and George opened their mouths to respond but Percy stood up so fast an observer would've sworn that his seat must have been on fire. He spun around to face his brothers and spoke firmly in a hushed tone.

"We are in the Grangers' home, show some respect for once in your lives an think about how you would feel if they stood in the Burrow telling mum and dad how to bring up Ron and Ginny."

George's face had twitched at the mention of Ron's name and Fred managed to look both livid and ashamed at the same time.

"I'm worried about him too," Percy said, now in a louder but kinder tone, "but think about everything that's happened over the last few years. You'd do anything to protect him from it all I know you would. The Grangers are protecting Hermione the only way they know how."

Fred and George were dumbfounded. Arthur swelled with pride at his diplomatic son and Molly suddenly gripped Helen Granger's hand and forced a tearful smile onto her face.

David Granger felt an overwhelming wave of gratitude as he stared at Percy who was now returning to his seat on the sofa. Fred and George quietly sat on either side of him and muttered their apologies.

There was an uncomfortable silence for several seconds that was broken by Ginny who had been sitting on the floor beside the coffee table, serving the tea.

"I'm still angry about this."

Percy let out a sigh.

"No Perce, I don't understand," then she looked Dr Granger in the eye and said, "Explain this to me again. Why did you send her away?"

"It wasn't that we sent her away Ginny, it's that..."

Helen Granger was interrupted by her husband,

"She can't remember anything of your world. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with your world but she's in the fortunate position of still having a lifetime of memories of our world, the muggle world, she can still have a normal life. She can still be happy."

"She was happy in both worlds." Ginny said, calmly but firmly.

"Yes I know, she was more than happy, she had friends in your world and that was more than she had before she became a part of it. But she once told me about an old professor of hers, Gideon Lockhart?"

Dr Granger looked to his wife for confirmation that he had got the right name.

"Gilderoy." Molly corrected quickly.

"That's it. Well she told us that he had lost his memory because of a spell backfiring on him and that she had spoken to him at St Mungo's years later."

Ginny nodded for Dr Granger to continue.

"I don't want that for Hermione. I don't want her in a hospital, on a ward, feeling as if there's something wrong with her because she can't remember magic anymore. In this world there's nothing wrong with her. That's how I want it to stay."

Ginny was quiet for a time, staring down at her now cold cup of tea.

"But she's my friend."

There seemed to be nothing to say to that, so nobody did.

ooo

Harry's fingers were shrivelled up like pink prunes. The water in the sink was almost scalding hot but it was getting busy in the pub and he was being yelled at to get some clean plates to the kitchen ASAP.

He'd managed to work a miracle and get a job as a 'pot-boy' at a pub in Charing Cross Road. His duties involved washing up the dishes and cutlery during the hours the pub served food and then cleaning up all the pots and pans ready for the next day.

Not challenging work but the cook would make him lunch as the first meal of the day, before he had any dishes to do, and then make him dinner as the last thing he prepared before closing the kitchen down for the night.

Two meals a day and cash in hand wasn't bad for his first day alone in the real world. He had only made about twenty pounds on his first night's work and in London that wasn't enough for even a crappy hotel room.

"It's enough for the YMCA." Mario, the bar manager, had told him.

Harry dried his shrivelled hands and pulled out the map that Mario had drawn on a paper napkin for him. He was so tired that he resolved to get a bus rather than walk.

Giving Mario a weary wave as he headed out of the pub he passed another member of the bar staff, Natasha, as she collected empty glasses.

"You're not staying for a drink?" she asked him, understanding why he was going to say no before he got the chance to.

"I will tomorrow, I've really got to sort out some digs right now."

She gave him a sympathetic smile and he went on his way.

ooo

Charlie was subconsciously clenching and unclenching his fist in his lap as his older brother recounted their encounter with the Dursleys. His simmering rage wasn't doing a lot to keep Fred and George's tempers in check.

"I can't believe that idiot." Bill hissed through gritted teeth as he finished reliving the frustrating doorstep confrontation of half an hour ago.

"What kind of man is he?" Helen Granger had said, more to herself than to anybody else, as she rocked Molly Weasley gently.

"He actually called him for help," George growled, "he called him and asked him for help and that spiteful prat said no."

Percy didn't even admonish his brother's outburst; he was trying to understand how you can hear a plea from a lost or frightened member of your family and turn your back on it. He still felt the guilty burn of his two and a half year feud with his family. Even through misguided loyalties, pride and ego he had never sunk as low as that.

During their search for Horcruxes Harry, Ron and Hermione had become separated and only Harry and Hermione had showed up at the agreed meeting place in Grimmauld Place. Every Weasley had been put on alert to try and find Ron before the Death Eaters did.

Errol had blundered into Percy's flat with a hastily scribble parchment filling him in. Percy had felt sick at the news that his youngest brother was missing but, even then, had resolved to keep his distance from the family.

In the early hours of the following morning Percy had been woken up by the crack of somebody apparating into his living room quickly followed by the sound of metal crashing to the floor and a thud that shook the floorboards.

Grabbing his wand he'd tip-toed into the room to discover Ron, bruised and bleeding, panting heavily and struggling to get to his feet.

Forgetting the past two and a half years in an instant he dropped his wand and rushed to his brother's side.

"Ron, what happened, oh Merlin what did they do to you?"

"They didn't do anything," Ron winced as Percy sat him up and began to examine him, "I'm...too fast for them. Can't...can't catch me."

Percy didn't like how much trouble Ron was having breathing and looked to the fireplace and the floo powder in a bowl beside it.

Ron noticed the change in Percy's focus and grabbed his brother's extending arm,

"NO!"

The sudden movement seemed to have hurt him and he cried out and put his hand to his ribs.

"You need a healer Ron." Percy had said, surprisingly gently considering the high level of anxiety he was feeling at that moment.

"Perce please..." Ron's eyes closed with the effort of suppressing his discomfort.

"You're hurt, I have to."

"Not the floo network, you can't, they'll find me."

Percy realised what his brother was saying, the floo network was being watched by whoever had attacked him, and he stopped reaching out for the floo powder.

"Ok St Mungo's then, I'll take you myself, I'll take you now."

"No, please listen to me; I can't go back out there. Listen to me Percy, I need your help."

"I'm no healer Ron."

Percy had realised that his eyes were filling up with tears as he looked into Ron's own pleading eyes.

"Just keep me hidden, please, just 'till morning."

"But you're in pain..." he began.

"In pain and alive or in hospital and dead within minutes, your choice Perce!"

Percy had looked to Hermes and then back to Ron who had just made an awful wheezing sound at the back of his throat.

"Send an owl in the morning. Let them know then, he'll...he'll get intercepted." Ron grimaced.

"Potter's really got you paranoid hasn't he?"

Percy's mumbled words had shocked Ron out of his latest spasm. His eyes were wide and livid as he expressed his outrage through the now constant wheezing in his chest.

"Paranoid? Paranoia threw every curse imaginable at me tonight did it?"

"I'm sorry Ron, I..."

"Harry and Hermione are out there too, being attacked; do you think I want to be here hiding like a coward?"

"They're safe. They're looking for you, everybody's looking for you."

Ron looked as if he was about to pass out,

"They're ok?"

"They're fine."

Ron coughed something that looked agonising for him, and relaxed in Percy's arms at this news.

"Do you know what curse they hit you with?"

"They...they didn't, I told you, I'm too fast for them."

"But your chest?"

Ron laughed, he actually _laughed_, a tear escaped Percy's left eye as another shudder of pain went through the body in his arms.

"I did this to myself! Typical eh?"

Ron's eyes squeezed shut and he gritted his teeth as he shifted to try and find a more comfortable position to lay his body.

"Very you." Percy's weak voice managed to say.

"I accio-ed a broom, thought I'd make my escape by air, but the broom was tethered to a huge iron caldron so when the broom flew toward me so did that. It hit me right in the chest, I heard a crack and...and something else."

Percy looked down at his brother's chest and tried to feel his ribs as gently as possible.

"It's poking me, one of my ribs is poking me, it hurts when I take deep breaths."

Percy looked back to his brother's face, he had gone a deathly pale and his eyes were forced shut as another wave of discomfort washed over him.

"You can't wait until morning Ron. I have to get you some help."

Ron's eyes opened again, though the pain didn't seem to have subsided yet,

"I can't fight them like this, they're looking for me and they know I'm hurt, St Mungo's and the healers will be being watched."

"Nobody's going to hurt you, I'll kill any Death Eater that crosses my path if they try, and we'll apparate to Hogsmeade and get you into Hogwarts to be treated by Madame Pomfrey. They'll not be expecting that and the school is safe."

"I can't apparate that far Percy, I only came here because I knew I'd splinch myself aiming for Grimmauld Place."

"I'll get you there."

Percy's resolve took even him by surprise.

"Don't try it Perce," Ron's voice was getting weaker and his breathing was even more laboured than before, "just keep me hidden until morning."

"It isn't safe here though; you don't think they'd look for you at your brother's house?"

"Everyone knows I hate you, who'd think I'd be here all night?"

Percy felt as if he'd been hit with ten iron caldrons at once on hearing that.

"It's also common knowledge that if you asked me for help, no matter what, I'd never turn you away. Everyone knows I love my baby brother."

Ron had taken a deep breath at this, then cried out and gasped; he looked at Percy with wide pleading eyes.

"Perce...help me!"

Percy felt his eyes glistening as he followed the story being told by Lupin and Bill. The memory of the look on Ron's face just before he passed out; the fact that he was willing to move heaven and earth to help his brother, estrangement and bad feeling be damned; made the idea that Harry's uncle had ignored his plea for help unimaginable.

"Did Dursley say anything about somebody being with Harry?" Fred had asked, his voice pulling Percy back from inside his own head.

"He couldn't care less." growled Charlie.

"It doesn't sound as if Harry had any company from what Mr Dursley told us of their brief conversation." Lupin said.

"We had him," Charlie stood suddenly as he spoke, "we were that close to Harry and Dursley just let him go."

"Charlie..." his father interrupted.

"It didn't even faze him that there was clearly something wrong."

"Charlie!" Arthur repeated firmly, "We'll find them; they'll stand out won't they? It'll be easy. We'll track them down tomorrow."

"And what about now?" Percy said.

Everybody stared at him, his voice had sounded so distant.

"Where do they spend the night? What do they eat? Who's looking after them tonight?"

Fred and George lowered their heads and Ginny sniffled. Arthur Weasley was about to say something to reassure his son but didn't get the chance. Percy stood up and found himself face to face with Charlie.

"I'll do it." Percy said to his family as a whole but to Charlie's face.

"Want some company?" Charlie asked with a sad smile.

Percy nodded and the two of them apparated without a word of goodbye.

ooo


	4. Memories Are Made of This

**Chapter Three - Memories Are Made of This**

_Obliviscor, oblivisci, oblitussum - forget._

Hermione copied down the words into her new workbook.

She had chosen Latin for the challenge. She had also declared, on enrolment at the night school, that it would be quite useful in the future. That statement had caused her soon to be tutor to raise an eyebrow with some cynicism.

Hermione knew how ridiculous it had sounded; she hadn't known what she meant by it when she said it, but she seemed to believe that this was something she was supposed to know.

She had lost a lot of her education after her recent accident. Her parents had reassured her that, although permanent, her amnesia shouldn't ruin the rest of her life. Hermione had agreed, after crying for nearly an hour about losing her precious thoughts and experiences for ever, and knew that the first thing she wanted to do was to throw herself back into education.

_Abiit, excessit, evasit, erupit - He has left, absconded, escaped and disappeared._

She copied down as the tutor turned to explain the next section they were going to cover in the lessons to come.

Hermione had wanted to do something to earn the free ride she was now getting from her parents. Her father was paying the rent for her new flat and all the bills that were to come with it. He'd even paid her tuition fees for the lesson she was currently focused on so intently. She had no academic qualifications to speak of and no memory of anything she'd learnt even if she had so a job would be almost impossible to come by unless it was a menial one. Her father had expressly forbidden her to take a job as a cleaner when she'd suggested it. Her mother had agreed with him and arranged to send her daughter a weekly allowance which just made Hermione feel even more of a scrounger.

She felt that she needed to do something. She couldn't earn money herself but she could at least do some good to earn the generosity that her parents were showing her. The solution had come to her earlier in the cafeteria before class. She had been reading the student notice board and a poster for the Samaritans had caught her eye immediately.

The Samaritans organisation provided confidential support to any person who was suicidal or despairing in any way and aimed to increase public awareness of issues around suicide and depression. They were looking for volunteers for the local centre. There were telephones that needed answering around the clock every day to give free, confidential and non-judgemental support to anybody who called.

She had thought that it sounded like something she would like to do. She knew that all she had wanted from her parents on the journey up to Warwickshire was information and conversation, she needed to be reminded who she was and that she was still that person, and knew how powerful and comforting just talking to somebody could be when you were in emotional distress.

She read on to discover, to her great relief, that the volunteers didn't have to be professional counsellors or psychotherapists but caring individuals who would be trained in the art of listening and empathy. She had frowned at that part, how could somebody be trained to be empathetic? She couldn't imagine not feeling empathy if she was told a story of another soul's misfortune.

Yes, she had thought, this is what I want to do with my empty days. So that was how Hermione Granger came to have the telephone number for prospective volunteers scribbled on the very first page of her Latin workbook. She was going to try to help people with death on their minds while learning a dead language herself.

Her tutor asked a question about Latin phrases that were commonly used in modern English and her hand shot into the air eagerly. Her tutor smiled.

"Hermione, this isn't school, you don't need to raise your hand here."

Hermione flushed and apologised. She looked around to her fellow students who were smiling at her and felt the absence of something familiar. She had looked over her shoulder to see the expression of a certain person at her behaviour but she had no idea who she was looking for.

ooo

Charlie was sleeping on the sofa at Grimmauld Place. Every other room was taken and it was either the sofa or the floor between Fred and George's beds listening to them snore in perfect synchronisation. The sofa was the easy winner.

He had trudged in with Percy, exhausted, at breakfast and they had used the last of their energy fending off questions from their fully rested and anxious family. They had found no trace of Ron or Harry, Percy had taken to waking up every shapeless bundle in the streets to see if a familiar face would appear from within, all they had found was an endless line of disgruntled homeless people who were very put out at being woken.

There were so many people out there. It took them three hours just to search the Strand. Three hours for one street, Charlie couldn't quite believe how muggles could let people just gather on the streets in the freezing cold every night as if they were worthless. Were they going to let Ron and Harry just rot in the gutter as well? Would they find them by tripping over their dead bodies one day? Would they ever find them at all?

Charlie hadn't known what would be worse.

He suddenly felt extraordinarily uncomfortable and his eyes snapped open as he sat upright and flipped over onto his side to see his older brother Bill staring at him.

"Bloody hell Bill! What are you doing?"

"Sorry, I forgot you can't be watched when you sleep."

Charlie tried to focus on the big clock on the wall as he sat up.

"Maybe it's because you lot insist on doing it all the time."

He saw that it was half past noon and muttered his dissatisfaction at only having three hours sleep.

"Sorry," Bill said quietly, "I suppose it's just a novelty for us all, you're the only one in this family who doesn't snore. It's fascinating to watch for some reason."

"Ginny doesn't snore either." Charlie muttered as he tried to settle back down to sleep, this time with his back to Bill.

"No. She does drool though."

Charlie gave a muffled laugh against his pillow. Then he felt uncomfortable again and it wasn't because he knew he was being watched this time. He turned back to his brother and searched his expression for some kind of giveaway to his inner workings.

"Bill, why aren't you out searching with the others?"

Bill looked down at the threadbare rug and sighed,

"I was."

"But you're back already." Charlie sat up as he spoke.

Bill looked up and met his eyes.

"Bill?"

"I found somebody who saw Harry."

Charlie's heart felt as if it was in his throat, he even gagged on the air he was trying to breathe as if it was a blockage, as he sat bolt upright on the sofa and tried to wake himself up properly.

"A wizard who was about to go inside the Leaky Caldron that day, the day they went missing, said that he saw Harry Potter running out in a real state."

"Just Harry?"

"Well Harry's the recognisable one isn't he?"

Charlie tugged at his own hair,

"Ron's hardly easy to miss is he?"

"Well he wouldn't talk about seeing anyone else, just the famous Harry Potter fleeing the scene of You-know-who's demise, and it shouldn't matter who he was focused on because he's letting us try something."

"Try what? Who's us?"

"Well I'm going to include myself as I'm the one who bloody found him and got him to co-operate and I'm pretty sure mum and dad will insist on being in on it...though I don't think mum should. You know what she's like imagining the worst? She'll be ten times as bad if she knows the facts, if she gets to see Ron..."

"See Ron? What are you talking about Bill?" Charlie was about to punch his cryptic brother for not getting to the point.

"I'm talking about how many of us are going into a pensive to watch this old duffer's memory of that day. He said he has no objection to extracting the memory for us to investigate."

"I'm in." Charlie said.

"Yeah, I thought you would be." Bill said without enthusiasm.

"Why don't you want to include me?" Charlie was hurt at his brother's comment.

"It's not that, it's the bleedin' procession I'm seeing in my head as we all go into that memory, you do realise that when Percy and the twins find out they'll want in too?"

"You forgot Ginny."

"No I didn't, I just don't want to think about trying to tell her she shouldn't see it, and then there's aurors to think about..."

"Ton's and Lupin should go but the rest of them can just ask us what we saw, it's not a party for crying out loud." Charlie found himself putting Percy's shoes on the wrong feet as he spoke.

"Get a grip Charlie! Take a breath, take those boats off your feet and think about this for one second will you?"

Bill sat beside Charlie and put his hands together.

"So there's going to be me, you, dad, Lupin, Tonks and I can't see us keeping Percy out after all that went on last night."

"No way, he's been extra protective of Ron since he almost died on his living room floor; he won't let us 'fill him in' afterwards."

Bill nodded,

"So now we have six for definite going into that pensive, that'll be crowded enough, but you'll notice I didn't count mum?"

"You're right, she shouldn't see it, or at least we should check it out first to be sure there's nothing that'll upset her more than she already is."

"But that means her bowing to our judgement."

The two of them sat in silence for a few seconds as the tried to picture that scene in their heads.

"Right," Charlie said eventually, "so that makes seven of us who will insist on going then."

"We're not taking Ginny; I'm not going to allow that, whatever she says I'm putting my foot down." Bill seemed to literally do just that to illustrate his point.

"She'll go spare."

"I'm not afraid of her."

"She's turning into another mum y'know? They have the same Weasley rage, I've seen her turn it on Ron."

They both fell silent again at the mention of Ron's name. Charlie felt suddenly guilty to have momentarily forgotten that his youngest brother was missing. Bill put a hand on his shoulder and gave a quick squeeze before removing it as if the moment had never happened.

"So no Ginny, no matter what." Charlie nodded his voice suddenly hoarse.

"No Ginny and no Fred and George."

"That's going to be a tough one."

"Don't I know it? We'll say they have to stay so Ginny isn't the only one left out but it's more than that."

Charlie wondered if Bill was worried they'd make jokes while they were in the memory. They hadn't been taking the search lightly, they were just as worried as anybody else, but something in Charlie made him agree that the twins shouldn't see whatever it was first hand either.

"We can't have eleven people in there, we just can't, we won't see anything useful. All we'll see and hear would be each other."

Charlie tried to stifle a yawn that was creeping up on him but Bill spotted the growing exhaustion taking over his brother's features and stood up.

"Well we won't be going until tonight anyway so you'd better get some sleep."

"I can't sleep now!"

Bill's eyebrows arched in a way that twisted a particularly nasty looking scar on his right temple into the shape of a meat hook.

"D'you want me to punch you out? I don't mind."

A tired smile broke across Charlie's face as he let out a sigh of submission and settled back onto the sofa.

"I'll see you when the yelling starts." he mumbled as Bill pulled the door closed behind him.

"I'll charm the door so nobody can come in and watch you sleep ok?"

There was no answer, Charlie was already out.

ooo

The Meadows was one of the best clinics in the South of England as far as mental health was concerned. Places were hard to come by as it was also one of the few top quality treatment centres to still be part of the NHS so money, or lack of it, was no object as far as the patients were concerned. The main focus was on rehabilitation after debilitating mental illness and a strong support network to help patients deal with their problems.

A new therapy group was just about to begin; so many new patients had come in during the past week that the staff couldn't really handle as much one-on-one work with them as they'd have liked to so starting them in groups almost immediately was the only solution it seemed.

Their mediator, it was funny how none of the staff wanted to be referred to as doctors by the patients, had asked a young man with black spiky hair to introduce himself and then for the rest of the group to follow suit. Nobody seemed particularly happy about this but the young man got to his feet all the same.

"Hello. My name is Tony; I'm twenty seven years old. I'm from Kilkhampton in Cornwall and I'm an only child. I've been suffering from depression for longer than I can remember and I've been in this clinic for nine months now. I think they've brought me in so it wasn't all newbies, either that or my old group have got sick of me."

Tony sat down, it had been hard to tell if he was joking or not, and a tiny girl with dark curly hair sprung to her feet with enthusiasm.

"Hiya, I'm Harriet," a strong Welsh accent came from her mouth, "I'm twenty four and as you can probably tell from my accent I'm from Wales. I've been coming here, on-and-off, for five years now as I keep having relapses but I've only started doing these group thingies since April so that's...five months."

Harriet seemed to have nothing more to say so she just grinned cheerily and sat down again.

Next was another small girl, this one wasn't quite so petite though, she had long straight hair that was obviously not her natural colour what with it being a deep shade of purple and was a little curvier than Harriet was.

"Um hello, I'm Jo, I'm twenty two and I'm from East London. Please don't call me a Cockney, as I hate that and will hit you, and there will be no 'chim-chimeny' Dick-Van-Dyke style impersonations of my accent thank you."

Tony and Harriet had laughed at this, the mediator had made a comment to Jo that maybe she shouldn't be trying to make people like her and just let them know her instead. This seemed to annoy her but she went on with her introduction anyway.

"I've been here for three weeks almost and I'm here because i keep disappearing. I take off and leave without warning, I don't like people to notice that I've gone, I don't want people to miss me or try to find me and...I don't know why."

Jo sat back down, seemingly kicking herself internally for letting too much out, and wouldn't meet anybody's eyes. The young man sitting beside Jo gave her a smile that she didn't see and rubbed his hand over his shaved head as he stood to deliver his own little monologue.

"Hi I'm Dee, I'm nineteen years old and as I'm sure you can tell by _my_ accent I'm quite posh."

Jo had looked up at that and laughed with the others before casting a scowl at the mediator for not telling Dee off for entertaining the group. The young man continued.

"So I have blackouts, huge chunks of my life just drop out of my head and I can't get them back. I might freak you out on occasion by not knowing how to do the simplest of things so please be patient with me, I'm still learning. This is my first group session; I've had a couple of one-on-one's with Doctor Statham before that for a couple of days."

Dee had looked skywards for something more to say but found nothing so took his seat and looked to the last member of the group to say his piece.

The young man looked around the group and stood up reluctantly. He had no clue what to say. He had to say something. The mediator gave him an encouraging nod. He didn't feel very encouraged though.

Finally he spoke.

"Hi. My name, I think, is Ron. I don't know how old I am but I'm old enough to shave, and I don't know where I'm from but my accent seems to suggest the south east somewhere. I'm six foot four inches tall, I have red hair and blue eyes and there are feint scars all the way up both of my arms. That's all I know about myself really so now you all know as much as I do."

Ron began to sit before remembering something else and jumping back up again.

"Oh and last week I tried to kill myself. So that's why I'm here."

He smiled, shrugged and sat back down.

ooo

_A/N Although I am using the name of The Samaritans this is still entirely a work of fiction and nothing to do with the real organisation._

_The real organisation is a wonderful thing though and the information I had Hermione read is all accurate. If you are interested please visit their website at http/ _

_Also, a note on the NHS: It stands for the National Health Service and is what we in England call the public health service. I just wanted to explain how somebody with no money can be in a top clinic._


	5. Three is the Magic Number

_A/N A BIG thank you to Greenpluff and Scribnheoir (I think I've spelt that wrong!) for your encouragement and very kind compliments. As far as flash-backs go Greenpluff, don't worry, we've got the pensive coming up and further on down the line I've got a multi POV flashback of the Voldemort defeat and the memory erasing...but there are a few more surprises before that so be patient._

_Oh and Scrib, I'm glad you liked the Latin, I was worried that I was being a bit pretentious with it. I'm also pleased you like my writing for the Weasleys. I'm a big fan of all of them and they're the easiest people in the world for me to write as I am the youngest and only girl in a family of five so I totally understand the dynamic._

_So here are the next two chapters - enjoy!_

**Chapter Four - Three is the Magic Number**

Sarah-Jane Rayner had been speaking at him for twenty minutes now. Not 'with' him or even 'to' him but at him. She seemed to hate any kind of pause in a conversation and resolved that if he didn't want to talk then she would just fill the time with nothing of any importance.

Occasionally she would say something to Ron that he would find extremely patronising but he bit back the retort he instinctively felt the need to spit her way and tried not to look as if he had even been listening to her.

Why was she unable to share a comfortable silence with him?

He could quite happily sit with her and not say a word so why couldn't she? Silence seemed to be her enemy. She had to be saying something until he said something back to her and he didn't intend to be doing that. Doctor Rayner was the last person he wanted to engage in conversation.

Her voice was annoying. It had a whiny sing-song quality but didn't seem to have any life or emotion behind it. Then there was the whistling thing. She had a gap between her front teeth, about the width of a matchstick, and occasionally she'd whistle through them when saying words containing the letter 's' and it really was starting to bug him. She also had a habit of putting on airs as if trying to convince him, and maybe even herself to some extent, that her status in society was much higher than it actually was.

Ron shrugged and nodded in response to the rhetorical question she had just posed and Dr Rayner resumed her directionless waffle.

_Why can't she just shut up? She's not saying anything of any value. She knows I'm not listening to her. She's just talking for the sake of it. What a waste of energy._

"You're going to have to participate in these conversations in the future Ron."

His attention was directed back out of his internal monologue on hearing his name.

"Sorry?"

"I'd accuse you of bottling-up your emotions and clamming-up but I honestly don't think that's your problem is it?" she had let out an involuntary whistle on the word honestly.

Ron winced before shrugging. He knew that annoyed her.

"You're bored aren't you?"

He looked her in the eye, for the fact that she'd actually got to the point he decided to reward her with a genuine response,

"Yeah."

Dr Rayner sighed and sat back down at her desk,

"Well off you go and send in the next person please."

Ron got up and smiled an apologetic smile before opening the door to the office and seeing the girl from his group session, Jo, standing outside waiting her turn with some agitation. He gave her a sympathetic grin and she looked annoyed as she stepped forward to address the doctor.

"Come in" Ron heard Dr Rayner say as he set off back to the day room.

Jo leaned against the door frame.

"You know what doctor? I'm not really in the mood for this today so how about you just give me the gist of what you're aiming for and I'll tell you what you want to hear even though we'll both know I'm lying to you?"

Ron's grin widened and he turned to look back at Dr Rayner's open office door. He saw the deep plum hair flip over her shoulder as she tossed her head defiantly, or maybe it was defensively, and she stepped into the office a little. Ron strained to listen to her.

"Why waste your breath talking to people who won't listen when you could sit around in silence and be as enigmatic as we all are?"

Ron snorted at this.

"You're enigmatic are you?" Dr Rayner said.

Jo had stepped back out of the office and shrugged before answering,

"It's better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."

With that she turned and walked towards Ron with a victorious flourish. As she passed him and headed into the day room Ron heard a voice from over his shoulder.

"Quite the philosopher aren't we?"

Jo's head snapped around to look at the person behind Ron, who was also turning to see who the sarcastic but authoritative tone belonged to.

"Oh yeah that's right," she nodded on seeing the shaven-headed Dee from their group session smirking at her, seemingly impressed.

"D'you read that one in a book or did it come inside a Christmas cracker with a paper hat?"

Dee took a step forward as he spoke and cast Ron a sideways glance and winked before passing him and standing before Jo, making her look even shorter to Ron now he had a regular-sized person to compare her to.

"No," Jo had answered, straightening her posture and lifting her chin haughtily, "I got it from The Simpsons."

She was waiting for a reaction from them but there was none. Dee simply folded his arms across his chest and Ron frowned quizzically at her.

"Are they friends of yours then?" Ron said eventually.

"Who?" Jo said as her shoulders slumped.

"These Simpson people."

She scanned his face, trying to see a flicker of a mischievous glint in his eyes but there was none, he had been serious. She looked over at Dee who was smiling at her confusion.

"He's got complete memory loss remember?" Dee had said slowly as he pointed over his shoulder at Ron.

She looked horrified,

"You don't remember The Simpsons? We've got to get you to a TV!"

ooo

Five days ago

Ron had discharged himself from the Royal London hospital and had been wandering aimlessly for a couple of hours now. His wrists were still very sore. He tugged at his sleeve to be sure that the bandages were covered-up. Everybody seemed to see them and immediately know what he had done to himself. He couldn't bare the looks he had been getting from people. He couldn't take one more person asking him why he had done it.

Why had he done it?

He had absolutely no idea why. He didn't know if he had done it because he had lost his memory, while he had lost his memory or before he had lost his memory. He wished he understood what had happened to him. The only memory he had of anything but the hospital had been of blood; blood all over his arms, his hands, his clothes; his blood all over a concerned young woman who was waving something black and rectangular in front of him. That was all he knew. That was all the past he had.

When he had discharged himself against the doctor's advice a frantic psychiatric nurse had chased after him and demanded he take a card from her. She had told him to go to the address on the card. That she had made a call and they were expecting him. He had tried to keep walking but she had pulled a few paper notes out of her pocket and forced them into his hand.

"Please go; they're brilliant there, I used to work there; they'll be able to help you."

Ron looked down at the crumpled notes in his hand and back up at the nurse. He said nothing.

"I can't imagine how hard it must be for you. It's tough enough dealing with...your problem but to have lost your memory on top of that. I know it feels as if you don't have anything to hold on to, I know you must feel lost, but please let them help you."

The nurse grabbed his hand and closed his fingers tightly over the notes.

"Take that money and get yourself there ok? Promise me."

Ron took a deep breath. He didn't have anywhere else to go. He didn't know what he was going to do. For some reason he trusted this nurse so he nodded.

"I promise."

She looked relieved at let go of his hand.

"I'll call the clinic to check that you got there safely ok?"

Ron nodded once again.

The nurse forced a smile onto her worried face and walked back into the hospital. She turned and looked over her shoulder a couple of times on her way and gave a wave as he watched her disappear back inside. He sighed and looked down at the money she had given him and then the card. He sighed and put them into his pocket before walking away.

He had hung around a bus stop briefly before a red double-decker turned the corner and pulled up beside him. He couldn't bring himself to climb on board though. Something told him that he didn't like travelling by bus. He wished he knew why that was.

He crossed the street and set off on another of his directionless walkabouts. A car honked as a black taxi cab pulled an illegal U-turn and Ron realised why it was that he didn't drive a car. Well he didn't think he did, he definitely didn't have a licence, he'd checked with the authorities when they were trying to find out who he was, he didn't have any identity at all.

He hated this, he hated not having anywhere to be, and he hated not feeling as if he belonged anywhere. Everybody had to be somewhere didn't they? Where did he have to be? He plunged his hand into his pocket and pulled out the small card and read it.

_The Meadows, Spinney Gardens, Eastbourne._

He chewed on the inside of his bottom lip and thought for a moment before walking up to a man in a uniform who was writing something down on a piece of paper and putting it under the window washer of a parked car.

"Excuse me, I'm totally lost, would you be able to help me?"

"Where are you trying to get to son?" said the West Indian man with a smile, he seemed to have been expecting Ron to have shouted at him when he noticed him put the ticket on the car and was happy to be of assistance for a change.

"I need to get to Eastbourne but I don't know how to do that from here."

"Eastbourne? You _are_ lost!"

Ron nodded as the man pulled a folded map out of his back pocket and opened it up.

"Right well it looks like you can get a train to Eastbourne from Charing Cross, London Bridge or Victoria. I'd say Victoria would probably be your best bet for the south coast so..."

"So how do I get to Victoria from here?"

There was something about sitting on the train that made Ron feel safe, comfortable, and he liked the way it seemed familiar. He thought that rail travel must be something he did a lot. Well he knew he didn't drive and the thought of getting on a bus gave him a funny feeling so how else would he have got around? As the train began to carve its way through the English countryside his eyes felt heavy and he rested his head against the window for a moment.

The vibrations of the train and the warmth of the sun shining through the window and onto his face made him feel relaxed for the first time he could remember, which wasn't saying much, and he fell into the first descent sleep he had had in ages.

ooo

It was lunch time at The Meadows and Ron was watching Dee as he cautiously prodded the gelatinous yellow blob that was supposed to be Cauliflower cheese. Dee had received a scowl from a butch woman wielding a ladle and hastily moved along to pick up a roast beef sandwich instead. Ron had done the same and ordered a cup of tea.

The two of them picked up their trays and turned around to find a place to sit. There were plenty of empty tables but they noticed the dark purple hair of Jo sitting by herself with a glass of orange juice and a pastry. She was scowling at a leaflet that she had obviously just been handed about the therapeutic dance session in the recreation room that evening and Dee sniggered.

"Come on, let's go and see if she's up for the nutters' night!"

They approached her table as she balled the leaflet up and tossed it over to the waste paper bin, missing it by a fraction.

"Nice shot. Mind if we join you?"

Dee sat before she could respond to his question.

"I'd have missed it if I had been standing over the bloody bin." she grumbled.

She looked up at Ron, who was still waiting for an invitation to sit; she smiled at his manners and pulled out the chair beside her for him.

"So are you going to the dance therapy thing tonight?" Dee asked, obviously looking to wind her up.

"No I'll be getting my foot removed from your arse tonight, that is of course if you keep going the way you are now." she smiled at him sweetly.

Ron chuckled at this and took a sip of his tea. He caught Jo looking at the bandages that were showing under his sweatshirt as he raised his arm to drink. He swallowed, put down his cup and tugged at his sleeves with embarrassment.

"Sorry, didn't mean to stare, I was just..." Jo didn't seem to have any idea what she was just doing. Instead she held out her own bare arms to him and said, "Here, you want to see mine?"

He looked down and saw pink scars running the length of the underside of both arms; he looked away quickly, not really knowing how he was supposed to react to this; Dee leaned in to get a closer look at them. Jo, noticing Ron's discomfort and Dee's interest, shifted in her seat so her arms were now being displayed under Dee's nose.

"You really meant it didn't you?" Dee had asked her as Ron glanced at the scars again.

"I always do." she said, with a slight shrug.

Ron frowned at the way she had admitted to multiple suicide attempts with the same flippancy as she admitted to always missing the waste paper bin earlier on. Dee ran a long pale finger down one of the scars before looking her in the eye and asking another, very personal, question.

"Does being at this place help?"

"Not that I've noticed." She finally said after a long pause for thought.

Ron found himself absent-mindedly rubbing his own left arm as he watched this scene play-out over the lunch table.

"So what's with the purple hair?"

"What's with the no hair?" she snapped back playfully.

"I have hair. It's just extremely short that's all"

Without prompting they both turned and looked at Ron who sat back in his seat, defensively.

"What? My hair's great!" he found himself saying with a smile.

"Yeah right." Dee scoffed.

"Don't listen to him. My hair was that colour for a while and I had some fun when I was a red head." Jo gave a wicked grin as she spoke.

"How many colours has your hair been?" Ron asked.

Jo shrugged, she seemed to do that more than Ron did. Dee took up the questioning again.

"Why do you keep changing it?"

Predictably she shrugged again.

"What colour is it really?" Dee pressed.

"Blonde."

"No way are you a blonde!" Dee exclaimed, "Why would a blonde colour her hair almost black?"

"Why would a blonde shave his head?" she threw back at him.

"How do you know I'm blonde?"

"You're eyebrows."

Ron was thoroughly enjoying this back and fourth. In fact he was finding this more entertaining than the episode of the Simpson's she had made him watch earlier that morning. He felt natural with these two people, it felt right, like when he had been on the train. Something about sitting with these two people made him feel like he was exactly where he was supposed to be. Even the teasing conversation he was listening to seemed familiar to him.

"So you didn't answer my question. Why don't you let yourself be a blonde?"

"Because that isn't who I am. I don't feel like myself when I'm..." Jo's speech stalled.

"Bare?" Ron suggested.

"That's not the word I would have chosen but yes. I feel weaker with it so I cover it up."

"Like a disguise?" Dee said.

"You've been talking to my doctors haven't you?" she raised an eyebrow in Dee's direction.

"I like your hair," Ron said, "disguise or not, it's cool."

"Thank you. For that you can have my pain-au-chocolat."

Jo slid the plate with the pastry on it over to Ron.

"Merci beaucoup." he said as he tore a little off from the corner and popped it into his mouth.

"You speak French?" she asked, both eyebrows raised now.

Ron was a little surprised,

"Blimey, I did didn't I?"

Jo turned in her chair to face Ron as she had when she had first exposed her scars,

"Ca va?"

"Oui ca va bien." Ron replied without hesitation.

"Did you know you could speak French?" Dee said.

Ron thought for a moment.

"I don't think so."

"Do memories come to you accidentally like that a lot?" Jo said.

"Com ci com ca." Ron shrugged, "It's more like deja vu."

"I don't speak French, so could the two of you please stop doing that?" Dee snapped.

"Malheurasment non." Ron grinned.

"He's right Dee, it's just too much fun to see how badly it annoys you!"

ooo

Bill was preparing a light dinner for the family when they got back from the search. He had just put the kettle on to boil when his wife Fleur opened the front door and seemed to float into the house.

"Hello flower." he smiled as she rushed down the hall and into his arms.

"I came as soon as I 'erd but you were all out looking for zem." she kissed him on the cheek and continued "Perzee told me about 'ermione. Do you 'ave any news of Ronald and 'arry yet?"

"Not yet but I'm hoping that that could change tonight."

"What eez 'appening tonight?"

Bill turned back to the soup he was supposed to be stirring and grabbed the spoon,

"We found a witness, somebody saw the three of them leaving the Leaky Caldron, and he's letting us go into the memory."

"Well zat eez something yes?"

Bill smiled and kissed her on the forehead. She took the spoon from her husband and began to stir as the kettle whistled and Bill turned his attention to making tea.

"Perzy told me zat 'arry would still 'ave all of eez muggle memories intact. 'E should be fine."

"Yeah" Bill said sadly.

"And we both know 'ow quickly Ronald can learn when ee really needs to. Remember 'ow fast ee picked up French when my familee were 'ere for ze wedding."

Bill couldn't help but laugh,

"He wanted to be able to flirt with all the French Veelas."

Fleur took a sip of the soup.

"Is ziz 'ow your mother likes it?"

"What?"

"I would put in pepper but if zat isn't to 'er taste..."

Bill pulled his wife into a firm hug and kissed the top of her head.

"She'd love some pepper in it flower."

ooo

"I think that memory loss might be a good thing for me," Jo said, still sat at the lunch table although lunch was long over, "I could forget everything that I feel bad about."

"Well I obviously felt bad before I lost the memory," Ron said as he stroked his chin, "because I don't remember doing this..."

He held up his arms.

"But I still feel pretty bad now and I don't know why. That kind of makes it worse."

Jo and Dee thought about what he'd said for a moment.

"The thing that throws me with you is the simple things you don't remember. The way you didn't know how to turn on the light when you got to your room last night, that was weird."

Ron blinked,

"You saw that?"

"Yeah, your room's across from mine, I wasn't spying on you or anything."

"No, she was waiting for me." Dee smiled.

Jo cast him a look that seemed to say _'not now'_ and he turned his attention back to Ron.

"You're right about that stuff though. I feel like an idiot sometimes. It's the way people look at me when I don't know how to do something obvious. Like at the hospital in London; a phone rang and I didn't know what that meant, I didn't know what you were supposed to do when a telephone rang. I just looked at it and wondered what I'd done to make it go off."

"Go off?" Jo frowned, "It's not a bomb!"

Ron shook his head at his own ridiculous situation,

"The doctors kept saying they'd never seen memory loss like that before. Normally people will remember the basics of day-to-day life. They sat me at a desk, gave me a piece of paper, and asked me to write down anything I could remember. I spent a minute and a half searching for something to write with. There were pens and pencils all over the place and I was looking for something to write with, it just never occurred to me to use one of them. I mean nobody's really normal in this place but I'm..."

Ron ran his fingers through his hair.

"...something's really wrong with me."

"Well I have to agree with that. Of all the empty tables in this place you came and sat with me. That is making a hell of a subconscious statement." Jo said with deep sincerity.

"What kind of statement is he making?" Dee asked, not buying Jo's seriousness for a second.

"The same one you are. You're a pair of masochists." she smiled.

Ron and Dee laughed.

"It's true, "she said, "only someone with severe emotional problems would choose to befriend me!"

Ron gave Jo a playful shove as Dee stopped laughing and leaned in towards the both of them. They mirrored his movement as he started speaking.

"Well I've got a worse one than that. My first time in the day room I was standing around trying to find somebody to talk to and everybody in there was just listening to this guy sitting at a window yammering away. I didn't want to interrupt so I listened for a bit too. He was going on about petrol prices and then crime and then the latest sporting event that England had lost and I started to fee sorry for him. He was making all the conversation and the rest of them were just sitting there like slack-jawed morons, not even joining in or telling him any of their opinions, so I walked over and started nodding and agreeing when I agreed and asking questions when I didn't understand what he was on about. He wasn't really acknowledging me though so I thought that he wasn't used to interaction. Anyway, I persevered until one of the nurses came into the day room and dragged me out. She said I needed to have a sit down for a while."

Ron's eyebrows knitted together, he didn't understand why Dee wasn't supposed to have been talking to the friendly gentlemen who had appeared at the window in the day room. Jo was shaking her head and attempting to suppress a smile though.

"You're not telling me what I think you're telling me are you?" she said, the smile finally breaking through.

Dee nodded,

"I think so. If you're thinking that I spent half an hour talking to the television set. I'd been trying to talk to the newsreader."

Jo howled with laughter, throwing her head back and clutching her sides, while Ron realised what he had been told. The television, that box he'd seen the Simpsons in, Dee had been talking to a person in there.

"So aren't you supposed to talk to them then?" Ron asked tentatively.

Jo stopped laughing and stared at Ron.

"Please don't tell me you thought the Simpsons were actually walking around _inside _the telly?" she pleaded.

Ron looked nervously to Dee and then back at Jo,

"So there's not actually anybody in there?"

Jo's shock seemed to melt at the bewildered expression on Ron's face.

"That is so sweet. Oh I'm gonna love you."

Dee looked affronted by her warmth towards Ron while she had mocked him for the same reason just moments before.

"What about me? I have exactly the same problem."

Jo waved a dismissive hand in Dee's direction.

"Yes but I'm strangely indifferent to you."

Dee looked at her and tried to read her expression. She held her deadpan facade well, until she looked at Ron who was smiling at the amount of effort it was taking her to keep up the act, and then she broke into a wide smile. Dee rolled his eyes and huffed before joining her and Ron in their amusement.

The laughter died down and the three of them sat in silent contemplation for a couple of minutes.

Jo picked up her glass and took an un-ladylike gulp of her fruit juice before saying,

"You gotta love the logic of this place haven't you? What do you do when confronted with an unhappy person? You put them in a room full of other unhappy people, that'll do the trick!"

Ron chuckled at this; he had had a similar thought when he had arrived at the clinic the previous evening.

"I'm not unhappy." Dee said.

"No, you just enjoy spending half an hour talking to a television set."

"It's my only hope of getting any stimulating conversation." he smirked.

Ron suddenly sat back in his chair and shook his head.

"What is it?" Jo asked.

"It's this...I'm getting that deja-vu thing again. It's like I've heard this conversation a thousand times before."

"If you've experienced a thousand conversations like the one I've just had with her then you might want to embrace that memory loss of yours." Dee snorted.

Jo threw a scowl in Dee's direction before turning her attention back to Ron.

"So maybe you know a bickering couple or something?" Jo suggested.

"Since when were we a couple?" Dee's eyes were wide.

"I was referring to the bickering part rather than the couple part you prat!"

Ron almost jumped out of his seat,

"See there! Right there, that was another one; I must know someone who talks like that."

Dee and Jo were distracted from their banter by Ron's unprecedented animated state.

"And it's not just the two of you either, it's me being here with you, it's the three of us. It didn't happen in the group and it didn't happen once when I was with Dee it only started when we came and sat down with you. There's something about the three of us sitting together and talking like this that's really familiar."

Ron was confused but excited.

"Maybe you're into threesomes." Jo said, looking at Ron suspiciously before smirking.

"Come on, I'm _serious_!"

"So am I," Jo protested, trying to lighten Ron's growing anxiety at the memory that wouldn't come to him, "I mean they do say that three is the magic number."

Ron flinched.

"What did you say?" he asked, slightly alarmed.

"Y'know? Like that song?"

"What are you talking abo…" Dee started to say.

"WHAT?" Ron said, before Dee could complete his sentence.

"The song y'know?" Jo began to sing, "Three is the magic number, yes it is, it's the magic number..."

She tailed off on seeing how serious Ron was. She sat forward and grabbed his arm.

"Are you really remembering something?" she asked, excitement building in her body.

Ron flinched at the discomfort in his arm where Jo was gripping him. Dee was looking concerned at him racking his brain for the missing link that he knew was there somewhere. What the hell had made his deja-vu go into overdrive like that?

_Three...magic...number._

One of those words, it had to be, and one of those words meant something to him. The number three must be really important to him.

"Maybe," Ron struggled, "I live at number three, maybe it's my address."

"Or your phone number," Jo suggested, "you might have lots of threes in your phone number?"

"Three." Dee said out loud as he thought about what it could mean.

"Damn it!" Ron sighed as he dropped his head into his hands, "It's gone now whatever it was."

Jo realised that she had her hand around Ron's injured arm and let go as if she had been burned. She apologised to him but he waved his hand to let her know that it didn't matter. Dee was still trying to think of different ways the number three could be significant.

He almost had it, whatever it was, he felt a rush that had left his mind almost as soon as it had arrived and it had something to do with what Jo had been saying to him.

Three is the magic number.


	6. From Despair to Where?

**Chapter 5 - From Despair to Where?**

It had just turned 5 am when Harry had woken up in the unfamiliar room.

His eyes focused up at the cottage cheese textured ceiling and then they awful home made red lampshade sprouting from the centre of it. How, he asked himself, could a thing look translucent while retaining the appearance of a cereal box? He turned onto his side and knew he was awake for sure on seeing the bright orange carpet glowing radioactively in the dawn sunlight. The Dursley's had a carpet like that in the living room in the late eighties. It had been bobbly and of such a high nylon content that he had been convinced that the family walking over it would ignite the floor from the static charge alone. Harry smiled. That room had been a fire trap; a carpet you could strike a match on and those foam ceiling tiles stuck above; deadly smoke-inhalation just waiting to happen.

He sat up and marvelled at the size of the room. How on earth had anyone managed to fit a bed into such a small space? If another person had wanted to come inside he'd have to breathe in. Harry wondered if it was really a room or just another cupboard under the stairs for him to call his own.

He had biblically bad breath but he couldn't face dressing, stumbling along the hall and down a flight of stairs, and tip toeing through the corridors to the bathroom to brush his teeth. Instead he sat up and looked out of his window. Yes, he had a window, which proved to him that he wasn't in a cupboard at all. Then something caught his eye as it whizzed past his window faster than he could blink. Harry was startled and utterly confused by what he thought he saw.

"Was that an _owl_?"

ooo

Bill was annoyed.

He had wanted to get this pensive exploration done earlier in the evening but his father and Remus still hadn't come home yet. It was daylight now, although still night as far as the male Weasleys were concerned. Sunrise was a time you should be asleep in their opinion. He understood why the two men were so reluctant to give up that night's search and come home empty-handed but that didn't mean it made his wait any easier.

"Sod it, let's just go without them." he snapped.

"Come on Bill, that memory isn't going anywhere is it? Besides, they might have a lead that they're following." Tonks had suggested as she tried to keep the peace amongst the Weasley's who'd managed to stay awake.

Ginny was one of those Weasleys and had eagerly offered to take her father's place on the journey into the pensive but all Bill and his mother had needed to do was combine their stern scowls into one and she huffed and sat back down. As she did Charlie had let out a grunt from his spot on the sofa and turned over in his restless sleep. Ginny looked down at him, feeling bad that she'd almost woken him after all the trouble he'd had getting any sleep at all that day.

"Gin, he needs his sleep, please don't stare at him." Bill had said in a much kinder tone that the one he had used moments ago.

"Sorry." she muttered as she remembered Charlie's ability to detect anybody watching him sleep.

"Let's go into the kitchen and leave temptation alone in here shall we?" Molly suggested.

Bill and Ginny nodded and Tonks shook her head at the strange little quirks she kept discovering about this red-haired family. She had stood in the doorway for five minutes when she had first arrived, checking to see if Remus had come back yet, watching the twins, Bill and Fleur all staring at the sleeping Charlie as if mesmerised by him. She had shaken her head and realised that she had been as hypnotised by them as they had been by him and coughed as she stepped into the room.

"Can't you leave the poor bugger alone?" she asked them, making them shift in their seats uncomfortably.

"No they bloody can't!" Charlie had growled into his pillow.

Eventually they had become distracted with the renewed debate about who was to be left behind on the pensive adventure and Charlie had managed to doze off again unnoticed.

Bill had hesitated as he passed by his mother's clock. She had brought it with her to Grimmauld Place to reassure herself that Ron continued to be simply 'Lost' and not 'In Mortal Peril'. She had been frantic for the tense hours early on in the search when his hand had pointed at 'Hospital' but no sooner had the search parties been dispatched to muggle hospitals to look for him then his hand had circled around to 'Travelling'.

Travelling. Where could he be going to? Where did he know in the world that had no magical connections and how had he known about it at all in the first place? It all confused Bill too much to think about. He watched the clock, no movement, Ron was still lost. Bill sighed and followed his mother and sister into the kitchen, Tonks had been silently watching him but had thankfully said nothing, and he took a seat at the table.

Tonks sat across from him and met his gaze,

"If he had enough wits about him to actually travel somewhere and arrive safely then he has enough wits about him to survive." she smiled.

"There's one thing our Ronnie's got in abundance it's wits." Bill said, smiling back at her.

"He's going to be fine Bill." she said.

Bill nodded; and the wonderful thing was he believed it.

ooo

Harry yawned as he flicked the switch on the electric kettle to boil. He hadn't realised that he needed to go shopping when he took up residence at the YMCA so he'd had to borrow a teabag and two slices of bread to toast for breakfast.

"You're new to this life aren't you?" the friendly Irish voice chuckled as he watched Harry put the bread into the toaster.

"How could you tell?" Harry grinned sheepishly.

Jimmy had been the kind soul whose bread was now toasting and whose tea was now brewing. He had offered Harry some peanut butter as well but Harry hadn't wanted to push it and declined.

"Mmmm...dry toast, you do like the life of luxury don't you?"

Jimmy leaned against the kitchen counter and unscrewed the lid from his jar of peanut butter.

"As far as luxuries go it's a home away from home," Harry said, "although at home I'd be making a fried breakfast for three people before having my dry toast."

"Ahh." Jimmy had nodded, now seeming to understand why this kid had found himself at the YMCA.

Jimmy held out the jar to Harry once more, he declined the offer of the peanut butter again, before plunging his finger into the jar and scooping out a big dollop of the stuff. He caught Harry watching this display with some amusement.

"Why waste perfectly good peanut butter on boring old bread? That's what I say." he grinned and with that, devoured the peanut butter on the end of his finger with relish.

Jimmy's eyes looked to the heavens and he closed his eyes to savour his taste sensation. Harry's toast popped up and he busied himself finding a plate and then taking a sip of his tea. He grimaced, he hated tea without milk but Jimmy didn't have any to scrounge so he'd have to make do. Jimmy had been consuming more finger-fulls of peanut butter as Harry had been doing this before finally screwing the top back on the jar and staring at the label.

"Y'know I've always wondered what kind of people actually buy smooth peanut butter."

Harry looked up at him and shrugged.

" 'Cause it ain't really peanut butter is it? It's peanut paste."

Jimmy seemed to be trying to work a chunk of nut loose from between his front teeth as he spoke.

"The whole point of putting peanuts in the thing is to make it crunchy isn't it?"

"I'd have thought so." Harry nodded.

"I often wonder what the use is of smooth, what purpose it serves, I've certainly never seen anybody buying it. Most civilised members of society eat crunchy like me."

Harry gave a chuckle at Jimmy's thoughtful expression.

"You know who I think uses smooth peanut butter Henry?"

"Harry." he corrected.

"Sorry," Jimmy held up both his hands, "won't happen again, I'm brilliant with names me. Anyway, the people who keep the smooth peanut butter industry going strong, you wanna know who they are."

Harry really did, he really hadn't wanted to know something as pointless as this more, and Jimmy seemed to be able to make talking about nothing of any importance an art form. He nodded eagerly for Jimmy's answer.

"Perverts!" he barked.

Harry nearly snorted his black tea out of his nose as Jimmy stood before him looking as satisfied as if he'd just planted the Irish flag at the exact centre of the universe.

"Perverts?" he asked.

"That's right," nodded Jimmy, "perverts love smooth peanut butter."

"Why?" Harry could barely say for laughing.

Jimmy looked into Harry's eyes seriously as he spoke,

"Because it doesn't chafe."

Harry tried desperately to hold in the laughter that was now bubbling to a boil inside him when Jimmy's face slowly broke into a smile and the two of them giggled like idiotic kids.

Harry was going to like communal living.

ooo

What is a man really?

A man becomes a man in many different ways. Arthur Weasley became a man the day he first kissed Molly Prewit at Hogsmede station at the end of the school year. He felt like a man the first time they were together. He knew he was the luckiest man in the world when Molly Prewit had become Molly Weasley on that beautiful summer day all those years ago. He felt a shift in everything he thought he knew about being a man when the then only minutes old Bill was placed in his arms. He was the man who was this child's father. Being the father to his children seemed to be the best kind of man Arthur Weasley could ever have imagined he could be.

Right now Arthur Weasley didn't feel like much of a man.

He couldn't find his youngest boy anywhere. He couldn't do anything to conjure his missing son to him. He wanted to stand in the centre of muggle London and bellow his name until he found his way back to him. No, Arthur Weasley wasn't a man, he was a terrified wreck who just wanted to cry on the shoulder of the man beside him...and the man beside him knew it.

"Arthur," Remus Lupin said in a concerned and tired tone, "we've done all we can do for today. Come on, let's get back and see if anybody else has had better luck."

"It's like looking for a snitch made of glass." Arthur said, choking back a sob of desperation.

Lupin put a comforting hand on his shoulder,

"The Grangers said they would send an owl to Grimmauld Place to let us know what they could find out using muggle techniques didn't they? Missing persons reports, hospitals, police stations; they had lots of ideas on where to look that none of us even knew about."

Arthur nodded as the two men began to walk away from the crowded muggle street in search of an empty place to apparate. It was strange how many people were still on the streets of the city at this hour of the morning, Arthur had thought, at least Ron wouldn't ever have the chance to be lonely. Neither of them said a word for the six or seven minutes it took them to slip unnoticed into an alleyway. They stopped and faced each other and Arthur sighed deeply.

"We're not getting anything from all the owls we've been sending them Remus. How can you not notice owls at your window every morning?"

"Quite easily if one does not posses a window." Lupin said; ashamed at his own bluntness it appeared.

_NO!_

The voice had screamed inside Arthur Weasley's head. He would not have that thought, he would not allow himself to believe what that infernal logical part of his mind was repeatedly trying to drum into him, and he refused to contemplate it. Ron was not sleeping on the street. He was not eating out of muggle dustbins. He was not a mindless, homeless, faceless body slumped in a doorway somewhere.

"An owl can't find somebody if they can't find themselves." Remus said.

Arthur nodded.

"Ron without magic is still Ron." Lupin even managed to smile as he spoke.

They were about to apparate when Arthur suddenly jumped, it was as if the thought that had struck him at that moment and given him that flicker of hope had taken him by surprise, and he grabbed Lupin's shoulders and began to speak as the tears formed in his eyes.

"When he was a little boy Ron spent the best part of a week making a set of quiddich hoops for him and Ginny to play with when their older brothers said they were too little to play with them. He worked so hard on them and they were so perfect. He had almost finished them when Fred and George came blundering through the room trying to escape Molly's wrath for something or other they'd done to Percy and smashed them to pieces. Ron just looked at the mess that had been his pride and joy, just stared at everything he'd built up from nothing, and do you know what he did Remus?"

Lupin felt the calm radiating from Arthur and shook his head silently. Arthur Weasley smiled for the first time in days.

"He let out a long deep sigh and started all over again."

Lupin joined Arthur in his hopeful smile.

"That sounds like Ron."

"You can take away everything that made him who he was and he'll just take a deep breath and start building again."

The two men stared at each other for a moment before apparating back to Grimmauld Place.

ooo

Harry had gone back to his room to set down the small bag of groceries he had just picked up at the supermarket and pull out the fresh pair of underwear he had also felt he medically needed to buy. There was a different kind of dirty he seemed to feel when pulling on yesterday's boxers that he knew wouldn't be helped by simply washing them. Nobody could think of themselves as hygienic if they only owned one pair of underwear. He vowed to grab some more clothes with the money he would earn at the pub today.

Then he heard it, a scratching at his window, he looked up and yelped as he saw a huge snowy owl on the ledge scrabbling to be let inside.

"Blimey, another one!" Harry said aloud as he moved over to the window with some caution.

He didn't think that this was normal behaviour for an owl. He didn't even realise that owl's existed in the city let alone wanted to socialise with humans. He wondered if the owl was a pet, maybe that was why it felt the need to be taken in by someone rather than fly away. Harry stepped forward and laid his fingertips on the window frame, he paused before opening it to think over his decision.

Owls are birds of prey aren't they? This was a big one. Was it wise to let it into this tiny room of his?

Harry took a deep breath and decided to go for it, after all the poor thing might be hurt, he slid the window up and the owl fluttered in. He watched as it landed on top of bed post and hooted at him. Harry cautiously leaned in to examine the owl for any signs of injury. The owl held out a leg to him and he jumped back, not wanting to lose an eye because of one of those claws, the owl didn't seem to be defending itself though. It seemed to be showing him its leg. Harry stepped forward a little closer and saw that there was something tied around it.

"Spiteful little morons..." Harry grumbled under his breath, "...hold still ok, I'm not going to hurt you."

Harry began to untie the string that was wrapped around the owl's leg as he thought about why some children did things like that to animals. He had found a duck at the park once who had its beak wired shut with what looked like part of a wire coat-hanger and he had heard one of Dudley's idiotic mates bragging about tying a hamster to a firework and launching it into space. He was amazed how calm this bird was being considering the trauma it must have been put through.

The binding was now removed from the bird's leg; Harry tossed it out of the open window and wondered what to do next. He knew that London Zoo was the nearest place to take an exotic creature, he had plenty of time before he was due at work, so he grabbed the tourist map he'd found in the room when he'd arrived and devised the best route to take to get a large white predatory bird across town safely.

Well this was a problem he never thought he'd have to deal with when he first became homeless.

ooo

George gripped Ginny's shoulder as they watched the rest of their family, along with Lupin and Tonks; prepare to explore the memory of the only witness to their brother's escape from the Leaky Caldron into the muggle world. Ginny was still furious at her family, especially Bill and Charlie's patronising attitude when they had explained to her why she shouldn't go. Every one of those reasons applied to her mother as well but she didn't see them trying to stop her. George was squeezing harder now and it kind of hurt but she knew that he and Fred were also pretty ticked-off at being seen as the obvious exclusions from this lead. They had done just as much to try and find Ron and Harry, they had worried just as much, and they were suffering twice as badly because of what had gone on between them and Ron the last time they saw him.

Guilt can be a painful thing. Ginny knew all about that. She felt guilty every day for her stupid mistake in her first year with that diary. How could she have just trusted a book that answered her back without questioning its intentions? How the hell did she not realise that a _book _shouldn't have any bloody intentions. She had found a diary with an ulterior motive and yet she still told it everything she knew and felt and she almost got a lot of people killed because of it.

Unreliable, irrational and impulsive, that was why she and the twins weren't going to get to see what had happened to their brother and their friends. They had made their beds and now they had to lie in them.

The memory was poured into the pensive and the family were steeling themselves to take the plunge. Ginny couldn't stand it anymore.

"Promise me you'll tell me everything when you get back."

Bill looked over at her and opened his mouth to respond but George cut him off before he could.

"She was talking to Percy." he said coolly.

Bill looked crushed, Ginny didn't care, and she looked to Percy who seemed to be somewhat conflicted with pride that the twins had finally forgiven him for the past once and for all and also guilt that it was only to hurt his oldest brother.

"We trust you Perce," Fred called out from behind George somewhere, "we all remember what you did for Ron that time. It's good to know you're looking out for him."

Percy blinked and turned away, Ginny could tell he was moved beyond words but didn't want the twins to see him welling-up with tears; everybody's attention was now turned back to the pensive. Ginny held her breath. All she wanted to know was that her closest brother and the love of her life were alright and the one thing that could've re-assured her was right in front of her. But she wasn't going to get to see.

As she glanced at the look on her mother's face, she wasn't sure she wanted to.

ooo

_A/N As I post this chapter I am heartbroken. One of my heroes has just died. I dedicate this entire fic to the two great Ron's in my life._

_My father Ron Smith and the dear departed Ronnie Barker, RIP._

_Sorry if that has brought you guys down but for me I have lost another great inspiration that I will now never get to meet and thank. _

_Spike Milligan finally has some decent company in the afterlife!_


	7. Faces in the Street

**Chapter Six - Faces In the Street**

_I left the dreadful corner where the steps are never still,_

_And sought another window overlooking gorge and hill;_

_But when the night came dreary with the driving rain and sleet,_

_They haunted me -- the shadows of the faces in the street,_

_Flitting by, flitting by,_

_Flitting by with noiseless feet,_

_And with cheeks but little paler than the real ones in the street._

_HENRY LAWSON_

Lupin landed in the old wizard's memory of the day of Lord Voldemort's defeat and took in his surroundings. It looked just like any other day. There were Weasleys to his left and right and, behind him, he felt Tonks' breath on his ear as she whispered to him.

"We're going to have to keep them calm Remus if we're going to have any chance of observing this properly."

He nodded and turned to Bill,

"Which one's our wizard?"

Bill pointed to a shabby-looking stout wizard as he shuffled along the street, doing a very poor job of blending in with muggle Londoners.

"Here he comes."

Lupin felt Tonks hold her breath and Molly and Arthur's bodies visibly tensed as the wizard neared the door to the Leaky Caldron. Bill swallowed and Percy made an indescribable noise at the back of his throat but other than that the Weasleys were silent.

They waited.

THUMP!

The door to the Leaky Caldron was flung open, startling the wizard and not doing a hell of a lot for those who were gate crashing his memory either, as Harry Potter stumbled out and tripped over his own feet. He hit the pavement hard and scrambled back to his feet before he had really regained his balance and found himself half crawling, half running toward the busy road in front of him.

"Ooof!" the old wizard said as Harry blundered into his chest and fell back to the pavement.

Lupin scanned Harry's dazed form as it sprawled at the wizard's feet. He didn't appear to have been hurt at all by the confrontation with Voldemort. He looked rough admittedly but not wounded in any way. Lupin allowed himself to breathe a sigh of relief and optimism at the sight of him in one piece.

Just as the wizard was recognising Harry another flash of rapid motion caught Lupin's eye. Hermione Granger was sprinting from the Leaky Caldron as if her life depended on it. She ran straight out into the road and Lupin heard Molly scream her name as the breaks of a car screeched out at the same time.

Hermione had frozen with fear in front of the car and the breaks took effect just in time to stop it less than an inch away from her. Her knees buckled and she fell to the ground sobbing. Lupin's heart sank as he gave Hermione's condition a quick once-over. She was bleeding. Well he knew that didn't he? The Grangers had said she needed a little patching-up, cuts and scrapes they had said, Lupin could see that she was grazed on both knees and that her arms bore a few minor scratches but otherwise she wasn't too bad. Lupin wondered how Harry had managed to avoid any harmless contusions while Hermione had obviously had some kind of rough time of it. He couldn't imagine Harry just standing aside while Hermione was in any kind of physical danger.

Lupin snapped out of his meditation as the driver of the car flung his door open and leapt out to see if she was alright. He seemed concerned that he had caused the cuts and scrapes on Hermione's body as he tried to calm her down as she shook with fear.

Lupin looked back to the doorway of the Leaky Caldron before his attention was dragged back to Harry and the wizard when the old fool hoisted Harry back up to his feet and declared at the top of his voice,

"Harry Potter!"

Harry looked very uncomfortable under the man's gaze and squirmed to get out of his grip but the old wizard was having none of it.

"It is, it is you, it's _the _Harry Potter!"

Another figure had left the Leaky Caldron but the wizard and Harry were blocking their view. Lupin leapt into action.

"Tonks stick with Harry, somebody watch what happens to Hermione, and Bill watch the door...Molly?"

Lupin had stalled in giving his orders as he watched Molly Weasley break away from the group and run past Harry and the wizard and behind them into an alleyway. Lupin followed her, Arthur at his heels; they rounded the corner into the alley and froze as they saw Molly full to her knees before the memory of her missing son.

Ron had leant against the wall and slid down it until he was sitting on the ground. He was covered with blood. Lupin took a step forward. It might not be Ron's blood. He hoped it was Voldemort's.

"Ronnie..." Molly whimpered as she held out her hand to his pale cheek.

Her fingers passed through the memory as if the image of her son was just smoke. She cried out with a guttural sob that Lupin had never heard from her before and it cut into him like a rusty knife. Her husband crouched beside her and pulled her into his arms while staring at Ron's image with a new kind of pain in his eyes. Lupin could see it now, it was clear, and Arthur had seen it too; Ron's wounds. It was Ron's blood. There were ugly slashes across the underside of both his arms; slashes across his wrists. Ron had been hurt. On top of everything they knew had happened to him on that day now they knew that he had been seriously injured.

"Somebody must come to help him Molly." Lupin tried to say soothingly, "We know that he didn't die don't we? We know he was taken to a hospital. Somebody will come along and help him in a moment, you'll see."

Molly managed to tear her red eyes away from the deep gashes in her son's flesh with desperation down the alley and back towards the street. Nobody seemed to be coming. Lupin didn't know any more words of comfort. He had nothing. He was as lost as the rest of them.

"Where are you?" Molly screamed, "Why aren't you here yet? Somebody come and help him!"

Arthur struggled to calm his frantic wife as Percy appeared at the end of the alleyway and ran towards his parents looking terrified at what he might find there.

Lupin didn't know what to do. This wasn't informative or helpful to their situation it was just downright upsetting. He looked down at the young man he had met as a thirteen year old boy and felt helpless. Ron was staring at his blood drenched hands as if he was trying to understand why the blood was there. He pulled up one of his torn sleeves and whimpered as he saw the deep lacerations on his arm. He made some choking sounds in his throat that made Lupin think he was trying to speak. Eventually his weak, tremulous voice broke through the shock.

"What have I done?"

Molly began to weep now as Percy knelt beside her and hugged her tightly though still unable to look away from the sight of his wounded brother. Lupin heard Tonks' voice trying to call Bill and Charlie back to the street as they ran down the alleyway toward the rest of their family.

"Bill no!" Lupin turned on the terrified-looking man as he saw all the blood, "What did we agree before we came in here?"

"They're gone," Bill said as he cast a brief but angry glare at Lupin, "The man drove Hermione to hospital and Harry got away from the wizard and ran down the street."

"We couldn't follow him," Charlie added, his voice sounded as if he was speaking from miles away but his eyes were boring into Lupin's own, he seemed determined not to look at Ron's bleeding form on the floor, "the wizard's memory wouldn't go any further than he could see."

Tonks had joined the group now,

"And yet he didn't see this did he? He didn't even remember seeing Ron at all."

Lupin knew what Tonks was getting at; he admired her ability to think logically at times like these, he began to fathom the situation out for himself.

"He couldn't have gone into the Leaky Caldron right away after Harry left."

Tonks nodded to let him know he was on the right track.

"He must have heard something of what went on in this alleyway for us to still be able to be here."

At that moment a woman in her early thirties passed by the alley and glanced down it as she did. She then did a double-take and froze. She said something under her breath and ran down the alleyway towards Ron.

"Oh shit, oh shit, oh my God!" she breathed as she skidded to a halt beside Ron.

The group of observers moved back out of the woman's way, they weren't in anybody's way of course but they did it all the same, as she panicked and yelled over her shoulder.

"Somebody get some help!"

Lupin looked to Tonks, that must've been it, the woman shouting must have caught the wizard's attention as he was about to go inside the Leaky Caldron for a few seconds. They both knew it now, the memory was about to run its course and turf them all out.

Molly crouched again, Percy went with her and Charlie looked down the alleyway to see if somebody else was coming. Nobody did.

"Bloody Londoners!" the woman screamed in frustration before beginning to mutter as she pulled a black rectangular object from her pocket, "Don't bat an eyelid when anything goes wrong as long as it's not happening to them, selfish bastards..."

She pushed some buttons on the black object.

"...they'd step over you and keep walking if you fell on your arse in front of them in this town. They hear trouble and pretend they haven't heard anything at all..." she held the black object to the side of her head as Bill started to audibly cry.

Arthur grabbed his eldest son and pulled him toward himself in hug that took as much comfort as it was giving.

"London?" Ron had said weakly.

The woman's attention was brought back to the young man bleeding to death in front of her. She swallowed.

"Yeah, you're in London, I didn't think you were awake."

Lupin had never seen Ron look more confused in his life. The bewildered red head held out his arms and tried to articulate his confusion,

"I...I..."

"It's ok; you're going to be fi...Hello?"

The woman was now talking into the black object.

"Ambulance please. I'm on a mobile and I'm in Byward Lane, it's a little alleyway just off.."

Ron was looking horrified as the woman began a conversation with the small black rectangular object in her hand. He tried to get her attention but she was still talking and put a finger in her uncovered ear and strained to listen.

"I don't...it wasn't...how?" Ron pleaded with her as he wiped the blood from his arms.

Lupin glanced around at the Weasley family, he couldn't imagine how they were feeling, he knew Tonks had been right when she expressed her reservations about them all going into the memory. Not even Bill was able to hold it together in there. He looked back to the woman who was still talking into the object. Lupin assumed it must be the muggle equivalent of flooing somebody, an electrical communicator, but it didn't plug into the wall like so many of the gadgets Arthur had shown him from his muggle collection. The woman was definitely talking to someone, she was following brief pauses with answers to unheard questions.

"Yes he's slashed his wrists, both of them, really badly. What do I do?"

Ron had looked at his deepest gash on hearing her say that last part, blood was pumping from it in regular spurts, and his hoarse voice struggled to speak again,

"I...I did it?"

"Right," the woman said as she looked at the black object, pressed a button and set it on the ground, "ok I'll hold them up, elevate them you said yeah?"

"That's right," a distorted voice came from the object on the ground, "and apply pressure to the cuts that are bleeding the most."

"Ok." the woman said before repeating it to herself for her own reassurance, "ok."

Their eyes fixed on each other as she pressed down hard on his bleeding wrists, pinning them above his head against the wall, and Ron finally managed to find his voice.

"I don't want to die." he pleaded.

The woman forced a smile that didn't manage to reach her eyes as she struggled to stay strong for him,

"I wish you'd realised that earlier."

Molly was shaking so hard now that Percy could barely keep his grip on her. Bill looked as if he was going to vomit. Lupin saw that Tonks was losing her enforced detachment from the situation and wanted to squeeze her hand to let her know he was there for her but they needed to keep cool for the sake of the others.

Ron's eyes were glazing over as the voice from the object told her that an ambulance was almost there. The woman started to panic as his breathing slowed and his eyelids grew heavy.

"No no no please don't close your eyes, please..." the woman looked to the black object on the floor and shouted at it, "...he's passing-out what do I do?"

The voice from the black object began to answer as Ron's eyes closed and he slumped sideways, caught by the woman as he slid down the wall to rest on the ground. The woman began to tap him on the cheek and say something but her words were inaudible and the image of her and Ron blurred and darkened until the living room of 12 Grimmauld Place came back into vision.

Lupin blinked and his eyes focused on the twins and Ginny as they stared back at their reappearing family, gripping each other for comfort. Something about the expressions on their faces let Lupin know just what they were seeing from their side of the room. They were seeing their family in more pain then they could stand. Lupin felt Tonks grab him from behind and shudder into his back as she buried her head between his shoulders. If they had done one thing right regarding the trip into the pensive it was their decision not to take the three youngsters with them. Even Bill and Charlie hadn't been able to take it.

Hell, he wasn't sure he had been able to handle it himself.

ooo

_A/N So just when you thought I couldn't get any more pretentious I start quoting POETRY! I didn't go hunting for a poem, it was emailed to me as I wrote this chapter and that verse seemed apt so I thought I'd share it with you seeing as you've been so kind to review._

_I feel I must also defend my little rant about Londoners in that last bit. I am not a Londoner but my father is and I live extremely close to London and have worked and socialised there on and off for seven years now. Londoners are distant and tough. They have been known to cross the street to avoid helping somebody who has just fallen. They also have an incredible strength of character and that is why so may of them got right back on the buses and the tubes after the July 7th attacks. I was on the tube myself on July 8th. Londoners are tough in both good and bad ways but when it comes down to it they're decent people just like the woman I got to help Ron. I just wanted to defend the people I seem to have been slagging-off that's all!_

_I never really intended to do back-to-back flashbacks but that's what's going to be happening as this one is really a chapter in itself so the following chapter is going to be staying with Fred, George and Ginny as they wait for their family to return from the pensive and you can find out what it was that happened when the twins last saw Ron._

_Thanks again for all the encouragement, I didn't anticipate the amount of enthusiasm I'd get quite so early on...I wonder if you'll turn on me when I pull the rug out from under you all later on?_


	8. Lights Out

**Chapter Seven - Lights Out**

The family had disappeared into the Pensive with Lupin and Tonks. Well, not all the family, not the twins or Ginny. They had to stay behind for their own protection. Apparently their fragile little minds wouldn't be able to cope with seeing what happened outside the Leaky Cauldron this summer. The 'babies' needed to be kept blissfully unaware of all the nasty goings on in the world.

Of course what nobody seemed to remember was that the babies were one too few. Fred was missing one baby brother. The person who was actually suffering all the nastiness the world threw at him was younger than him and George and if he could experience it all first hand then they should be able to experience it second hand shouldn't they?

He looked at Ginny. She was really miffed. Too right as well, Fred thought as he pulled her into a hug, she had seen more action in the fight against You-know-who than Percy and mum had for crying out loud. Why shouldn't she see?

George was walking forward now, he crossed the room to look down into the Pensive, Fred wondered if his twin was about to dive in head first. Who could stop him? George frowned and looked back over at them.

"They'd throw me out and have to start all over again anyway wouldn't they? What's the bloody point?" he huffed as he threw himself down onto the sofa.

Ginny pulled away from Fred and sat beside George who took up the hugging duties.

"I could hit Bill I really could." she mumbled into George's shoulder.

"Well we all know that hitting each other doesn't work don't we?" George said before going suddenly rigid.

His eyes darted up to meet Fred's and he looked panicked.

"Sorry bro, I didn't...I wasn't getting at you, I didn't think." he stammered.

Fred lowered his head and sighed as he sat in the armchair across the living room from his brother and sister,

"It's alright you prat, I know what you mean, and you're right too. Hitting each other is probably what got the three of us excluded from the little pensive day trip; you both know it as well as I do. We didn't get to go because of me."

"No," Ginny pulled back from George and shifted in her seat to face Fred, "that's got nothing to do with it Fred. No matter what they always look for an excuse to leave us out; you two, me _and_ Ron; if it wasn't that then they'd come up with something else."

"She's right y'know?" George shrugged, "Don't beat yourself up about it."

Fred snorted,

"No that's what Ron's for isn't it?"

He leapt out of the armchair and stormed out, running up the stairs to Ron and Harry's room where he and George had been sleeping during the search. He knew that George would want to follow him but not be able to. He wouldn't want to leave Ginny who wouldn't walk away from that pensive for anything on this earth. That was how he wanted it. He wanted to be alone for a change. He wanted to blame himself for the way he and George had left things with their little brother. It was, after all, his fault.

ooo

Fred had been teasing Ron for long enough now. The aggravated expression on his face was no longer amusing, it was intriguing.

"So what's on your mind Ronniekins?" Fred had asked as he gave his little brother a slap on the shoulder.

"What mind?" George snorted, seeming to be on a page behind Fred in the 'how to deal with little brothers' book.

Ron shrugged off Fred's arm and made to join Harry and Hermione in the back yard of the Burrow where they were taking a well earned break from the search for the final horcrux.

George finally caught on and grabbed Ron's other shoulder, pulling him back to them,

"Whoa there little bro, you didn't give us an answer."

Ron looked at them and his lips almost parted for a second before he seemed to think better of it, honesty and the twins didn't seem to go together as far as the Weasleys were concerned so people didn't tend to confide in them so much. Ron shrugged and shook off George's hand.

"Doesn't matter." he mumbled, turning to escape them once again.

Both the twins laid a hand on either shoulder now.

"Spill it you!" Fred said sternly.

"It's nothing." Ron hissed as he lightly shoved away from them.

"Well I'm convinced." said George as he turned to his twin.

Fred smiled and stepped into the doorway as Ron rolled his eyes at George. When Ron turned to make his escape again Fred was waiting, arms crossed and a smug look on his face, he wasn't going to let him get away from them.

"So, apart from the obvious, what is wrong with you?"

Fred's smile had flickered slightly at the expression on Ron's face at that statement. It was as if he'd taken it to heart. Ron never took Fred's insults to heart; he just got angry at him. Where was Fred's anger? Where was Ron's righteous indignation? Where was his little brother? Fred felt uneasy and leaned in to stare into Ron's eyes.

"Oh you're telling us everything now." he said.

"It's just..." Ron began, "...I'm thinking..."

"Get on with it." Fred snapped with impatience.

George was looking baffled at his twin's behaviour just as much as he was Ron's. Fred knew why that was, George hadn't seen the look on Ron's face, and he wanted to get to the bottom of it right now.

"I'll tell mum I think there's something upsetting you." Fred said in a low, calm voice.

Ron scowled at Fred and shook his head slowly. That had been a low blow and Fred knew it. So, it had seemed, did George who was now closing in behind Ron to ensure that he didn't bolt. George now knew that something was wrong for Fred to have stooped so low to have to play the mum card.

Ron glanced over his shoulder and now saw George closing in and turned back to Fred who thought he looked like a cornered animal being hunted.

"Is something bad happening?" Fred asked.

Ron laughed, the laughter didn't reach his eyes though, and he looked at his feet.

"Where have you been for the last few years?"

"Well I've been spending a lot of time in hospital waiting rooms wondering if members of my family are going to live or die...and yourself?" Fred snapped with bitterness.

He noticed that his twin was getting more uncomfortable now. Neither of them liked to get serious like this but when they did they usually did it together.

"It's just," Fred held his tongue as Ron finally seemed to be opening up, "it's those two out there."

Ron had nodded through the window to Harry and Hermione in the yard. Fred turned to glare at them as they sat quietly chatting and relaxing together.

"What about them?" George prodded.

Ron looked into Fred's eyes and away again quickly as he answered,

"They're...it's the way they're talking about the end."

"The end?" George repeated.

Fred knew that George understood but still wanted some clarification anyway.

"The final battle, whenever it comes, they've both confided stuff with me that makes me feel sick and angry at the same time."

"What?" Fred pressed further, putting his hand back onto Ron's shoulder albeit gentler this time, "Tell us."

"Harry wants to leave us both and face it on his own. He says he can't face killing us to win his fight. He reckons that when the time comes he's going to take it all by himself to protect the two of us; said he'd die to save us if he had to."

"Well," George croaked, "we all knew that about him already didn't we?"

Fred looked to George and back to Ron again,

"And Hermione?"

Ron looked nauseated.

"She said that," he paused and took a shuddering breath, "she said if an unforgivable curse was aimed at me or Harry she'd take it for us in a second. She told me that our lives were more important than hers and she'd die without a second thought if it would buy us two more minutes to fight Voldemort."

George's eyes bulged. Ron had said You-know-who's name. He'd never heard him say it before and neither had Fred. Ron noticed their reaction.

"Both of my friends are going to die to give me an extra two minutes of my pointless existence and you two are cringing over a bloody _name_?" Ron growled.

Fred felt his insides boil.

"What did you say?"

"They're both gonna die just to save my worthless hide and I'm supposed to understand that am I?"

George swallowed and stared at Fred as he felt his eyes blazing with rage. Ron noticed none of this and kept going.

"I mean, of the three of us, I'm the expendable one. I should be the first one to drop. It's not as if my being there or not being there makes that much of a difference..."

Then it happened.

Fred had felt seven different emotions all at the same time, compressed into a split second and pouring out of him all at once; rage, sadness, fear, desperation, helplessness, protectiveness, love... All one loud internal scream inside his body that could only be released one way. He made a fist, pulled back his arm, and punched Ron in the jaw with everything he had.

As Fred felt his knuckles pop and the explosion of pain on contact he watched as Ron slammed onto the kitchen floor, out cold. George gasped at his brother. Neither of them had ever hit Ron, not like that, a playful punch on the arm or slap around the back of the head maybe but this, never.

Harry and Hermione had come running into the kitchen to see what the commotion was all about and Hermione had screamed on seeing Ron sprawled unconscious on the floor. Harry instinctively pulled out his wand as Hermione dropped to her knees and skidded along the smooth ceramic tile, coming to a halt at Ron's still body and bending over him.

"Ron!" she yelled.

"What happened?" Harry demanded as he looked from Fred to George before doing a double-take back to Fred who was now massaging his sore knuckles, "You?"

Fred's anger still burned inside of him as he stared at Harry's shocked expression.

"Back off!" Fred warned Harry.

Hermione looked up to see what Fred was being accused of and saw his hand, she was livid,

"What did he do to deserve _this_?" she screeched up at him from the floor.

Fred took several deep breaths as he watched Hermione wait for an answer before lifting Ron's head onto her lap and beginning to brush his hair away from his face with her hand.

"Well?" Harry demanded an answer from Fred, not seeming to be able to understand how this could possibly have happened between the brothers, fiery temperaments or not.

Fred lowered his head but his eyes still bored into Harry harder than they had done before.

"He's not worthless." Fred growled, so quietly that he was amazed that Harry had even heard him.

Harry blinked,

"I never said he was."

Fred looked away, suddenly embarrassed that Harry really hadn't deserved his rage, it was Ron he was angry with. It was the way Ron thought of himself, not Harry that had caused Fred to see the red mist and flatten his brother.

"You think this makes him feel special do you?" Hermione raged, she sounded so much like their mother that Fred found himself cringing.

Then the absolute worst thing that could ever have happened right then did happen. The sound of heavy footsteps thundering down the stairs and his mother's own tyrannical voice bellowing ahead of her.

"What's all that shouting for? What happened?"

Fred's mother burst into the kitchen with a breathless Ginny behind her and she let out a horrified scream at the sight of Ron lying on the floor, cradled in Hermione's arms.

"What happened?" she asked as she bent over Ron.

The sound of his mother in one of her maternal rages had obviously penetrated Ron's concussion and his face scrunched up into a wince. As he groaned Hermione's attention was drawn away from pointing the finger at Fred to whispering gently to Ron.

"Don't worry Ron, its ok." she soothed.

"What happened to him?" Molly repeated.

"Fred's fist happened to him." Hermione said as she attempted to keep the volume down for Ron's sake.

Fred saw that his mother had no such worry. Louder than if she'd have sent a thousand howlers she rounded and screamed into Fred's face.

"What in the name of Merlin were you thinking? We don't see him from one month to the next, and when we do he's lying in a hospital bed, and now that he's home for a couple of days rest you...you..."

"Mum leave it." Ron groaned as he struggled to sit up.

Fred felt thankful that Ron's voice had distracted his mother from he livid rant.

"Ron are you alright?" she fussed, cupping his face in exactly the worst place, causing him to grimace with discomfort.

"What were they fighting about?" Ginny asked George.

"They weren't, well Ron wasn't, we were just talking."

Hermione huffed at that and Fred's mother turned back on him as the younger witch helped Ron back to his feet.

"Talking doesn't knock people out!"

"He..." Fred began to try to explain before realising that he really didn't want anybody to know just what the problem with him and Ron was and decided to change tack, "...I just got angry at something he said that's all."

"Angry? I'll show you angry Fred Weasley!" his mother was almost beetroot in the face.

"Mum, its ok." Ron tried to come between his attacking mother and rigid brother as she bounded forward.

"Sit down Ron, you don't know what's going on, you probably have a concussion."

"Mum I'm fine, this is between Fred and George and me."

Their mother spun around to the already cowering George,

"You too?" she scolded.

George glared at Ron for involving him in this mess.

"George was involved in our conversation." Ron said as he rubbed his swollen jaw and found Hermione guiding him into a nearby chair while 'shushing' him quietly, "No I will not shush Hermione." he snapped at her and she jumped back with a hurt look on her face.

"Don't snap at Hermione, she didn't hit you." Ginny said.

Fred could see that Ginny was undecided on whether or not to be angry with him or worried about Ron so she was trying to stay emotionally detached from everything.

Ron looked up at Hermione,

"Sorry."

"That's ok." she said, but she didn't resume her fussing over him like before.

"So he said something typically Ron-like and you hit him then?" asked Ginny.

Fred took a deep breath and nodded.

"What did he say?" Ginny said.

Hermione, Harry, Ginny and his mother awaited Fred's answer. He looked at Ron who shook his head and then closed his eyes in pain. Wow, he'd really knocked him for six hadn't he?

"That's mine and Ron's business." Fred said, awaiting the inevitable eruption.

"It became our business when you laid him out so tell." Ginny said, now seeming to take Ron's side Fred thought.

Harry broke his silence at that moment, Fred knew what was coming.

"It was about me wasn't it?"

Ron looked from Harry to Fred in alarm, Fred knew Ron was wondering what had been said while he was out of it.

"It was about Ron. I hit him because of him not you Harry."

"Then why did you look at me as if you were going to deck me as well?"

Ginny's eyes burned, shit, she was definitely not on his side now.

"I was still angry at Ron."

"But you looked at _me_ and said 'he's not worthless' as if you'd been arguing with me and I'd said it." Harry was struggling and failing to keep the pain from his eyes.

Ron looked at Fred and blinked.

All eyes were on Fred now; he had no idea what to do.

"Fred, Ron, can you come outside with me for a quick chat please?" George had boldly said out of nowhere.

"Yeah sure." Fred said, not really following his twin's drift but wanting any excuse to get out of that bloody kitchen.

Ron stood and his mother tried to push him back down into his seat while Ginny looked as if this was the worst idea she'd ever heard.

"No we want this resolved..." she began to say.

Ron pulled out of his mother's arms and stood beside Fred,

"And it will be, but not in front of all of you."

"But..."

"No Gin," Ron said, forgetting that his jaw hurt and wincing as he tried to keep his resolve, "Fred needs to say what his fist didn't let him and I..."

"And Ron needs to hear it." finished George on his behalf.

Fred blinked, he thought that George only finished _his_ sentences for him, and then looked at Ron who nodded and looked ashamed of himself. Fred gave his little brother a nudge on the shoulder and smiled as the two of them made their way out of the door and into the yard, George following them.

"No more fighting." Their mother had called after them.

"Not even Death Eaters?" Ron called back and Fred and George laughed.

That had been the last time they had seen Ron. That conversation, after the punch, had been their last too. Fred looked at his knuckles and sighed. The bedroom door swung open, it was George.

"If it's any comfort he doesn't remember any of that y'know?" he said with a sad smile.

"I wish I didn't."

ooo

Fred had walked back down to the living room where a nervous Ginny waited for them both. As he reached the spot he'd been standing when the others had gone into the pensive Ginny threw her arms around him and squeezed tightly.

"I still don't know what that fight was about but he forgave you and that's good enough for me so it should be good enough for you too."

Fred let himself smile,

"Thanks Gin."

George sighed and patted him on the back just as the pensive began to vibrate.

"They're coming back." Ginny gasped, seeming to be anxious for news but dreading what it would be at the same time.

They clung to each other as the figures spilled out of the pensive. The sight before them made them all understand the real reason they had been forbidden to go with them.

Their mother was on her knees, being rocked by Percy, and crying as if she was trying to squeeze all the air out of her lungs with the force of it. Their father was white as Dumbledore's beard and shaking as he tried to calm Bill who was...so unlike Bill. Bill didn't cry. Bill didn't get scared. Bill didn't lose hope. Not even when he was scarred for life. Not when he realised that his temper was going to be lethal around the full moon if he didn't meditate to control it. Not even when Ron had gone missing. But now he looked as if his world had disintegrated around him. Fred couldn't bare it.

He crossed the room in fewer steps than he thought was possible and grabbed his eldest brother, pulling him into a bear hug, and muttering whispered apologies into his ear as Bill shook with renewed sobs. He felt Ginny and George join him for a second before Ginny dropped to embrace their mother and Percy while George walked past everyone to grab Charlie who looked empty of all emotion. It was like he'd just spent the evening with a group of dementors rather than his family.

George had been about to speak when Charlie blinked and looked at him as if noticing him for the first time.

"You three can't ever see that." Charlie said breathlessly.

"We don't want to anymore." George said as he hugged his brother who Fred assumed was in some kind of shock as he didn't hug back.

Fred closed his eyes and just held onto Bill as his father attempted to help Ginny and Percy get their mother to a chair. He heard Lupin saying something, he didn't know if it was to himself or to everybody, but it didn't really matter as everybody was going to benefit from his intentions shortly.

"There's brandy in this house. I intend to find it."


	9. A Quiet Night In, a Wild Night Out

**Chapter Eight - A Quiet Night In, a Wild Night Out**

"And you walked with this thing on your arm all the way to London Zoo?" Natasha laughed.

"What would you have me do with it? Train it to carry messages for me?" Harry shrugged.

Mario still couldn't believe that his new pot boy had carried an adult snowy owl across London when he could have just let it fly away. He also couldn't believe that he hadn't considered selling it; after all, Harry had said the bird was pretty tame.

Harry was drinking Guinness; in honour of his new friend Jimmy, but he was finding it quite hard work though.

"Listen give me that and I'll finish it off for you and buy you a Boddingtons or something, it's lighter on a fragile drinker like yourself." Natasha had smirked.

"No, I'm fine; I want to drink something Irish I told you." Harry insisted as he wondered if he'd ever be able to taste any other flavour than Irish stout again.

She laughed,

"Well I'll buy you a Caffreys then, that's Irish; it's like a lighter Guinness."

"She's right, you'll like it, and it's very smooth." Mario agreed and Harry decided to give up the act and happily handed over the glass of black liquid to the smug young woman.

"How come you can drink it then?" he asked.

"Why shouldn't a woman be able to handle a pint of Guinness?" Natasha was ready to go all feminist on him, he could tell.

"I didn't say a woman can't handle a pint I just asked how it is you can? I always see you drinking spirits here." he covered his arse surprisingly well he had thought.

Natasha obviously thought so too,

"Well that was wriggled out of quite masterfully wasn't it Houdini? Well you're not wrong, spirits are my preference but I go to the football on Saturdays and you don't sit in the bar before and after a match drinking Bacardi and Coke, it's just not right."

Harry laughed at her sense of pre and post match etiquette,

"So who do you support?"

"Nobody you'd have heard of, they're not even pros, we're non-league but we get to compete and fail dismally in the FA Cup every year."

Harry raised his eyebrows and looked dubious.

"That's right, look impressed!" Natasha nodded, making him laugh, "I went to a game last Monday night and we had a crowd of fifty four there. I was almost giddy, we usually only get around twenty two."

Harry shook his head and took a sip of the pint of Caffreys that Mario had just presented him with, they were right, it was smoother.

"So you're telling me that in this city we live in, a city with Arsenal, Chelsea, Tottenham, West Ham, QPR, Fulham and several others in the lower leagues you choose to support a team that nobody's heard of and nobody watches?"

"Uh-huh." she nodded as she took a gulp of Harry's rejected drink.

"Who also never win." Mario added.

"We draw a lot." Natasha said.

"Ooh the excitement must be immeasurable!" Harry scoffed.

"Look who's cocky now he's had a drink." Natasha said to Mario who laughed before being called away momentarily to serve an impatient customer at the bar.

He was having fun. He couldn't believe his luck. He had not only fallen on his feet but he had fallen on his feet into a pub with people who actually liked him. He raised his glass when the laughter had died down.

"Here's to my new life."

"To your new and glamorous life!" Natasha mocked.

"Who needs the Ritz or the Hilton when you have the YMCA and a man with a peanut butter fetish?" Mario called over to them and the grumpy customer sniggered and raised his glass to toast as well.

They laughed and drank their amended toast. His old life was dead...good riddance.

ooo

Hermione kicked off her shoes and strolled wearily to the bathroom. She began to run herself a bath while she went over tonight's lesson in her head. Verbs fascinated her, the rest of the class seemed to hate them and had left the class grumbling about the homework that had been set, Hermione had completed it on the bus ride home.

She ran her fingers through her unruly hair and looked at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. She wanted to talk to somebody but it was too late to call her parents at home, they would be in bed by now. They needed to be up early for morning surgery and, although she knew they'd take a call from her at any time of the day or night for as long as she needed, she couldn't be a burden to them any more than she already was. She wished she had somebody else to speak to. She had been presented with a brand new life and she was just as lonely as she had been in the old one.

It wasn't that she didn't make an effort to befriend people. She had attempted to engage every one of her classmates at some point over the last few lessons but they were just on completely different frequencies. If there was one thing Hermione did remember, clear as day, it was the feeling she got when she started to alienate someone within seconds of a conversation with them. The glazed eyes, the annoyed sigh, the feeble excuses people always made to move away from her. Sometimes people took offence to what she was saying and snapped at her. It broke her heart.

All she wanted was a friend, just one, to talk to and laugh with and confide in. It was so difficult though. All her classmates in Latin wanted to bond over was how hard it was to learn and what part they were struggling with the most. They didn't want to hear how easy she was finding it and that she got 100 on the last piece of homework and wanted more on the spot tests for stimulation. She knew how she made herself sound, she knew she seemed to be presenting herself as some kind of smug know-it-all, but she couldn't help it. She was proud of her knowledge, especially after losing so much of it in that stupid accident and she didn't want to be ashamed of it. Why should she be?

She climbed into the bath and reclined with a satisfying groan. The warm water was like a hug she really needed. She closed her eyes for a few seconds and just wallowed in the good feeling. She released the breath she had been unaware of holding and opened her eyes again. Why couldn't she meet somebody who admired her intellect? There must be somebody out there who would. And she didn't mean another person just like her, which would be infuriating, everything would become competitive and she wouldn't be able to ever let her guard down and just be silly. She wanted somebody who accepted her for all she was and still enjoyed and valued her company; if that was indeed possible at all.

She sank under the water and felt the warmth envelope her completely. She would have people to talk to tomorrow; it was her first day on the phones with the Samaritans.

ooo

A bar towel was thrown over Natasha's shoulder.

"Ok you, time to get back to work." Mario said to her, "We're getting too busy to fraternise with the pot boy."

Natasha rolled her eyes and hopped off her bar stool.

"Well see you tomorrow then Houdini."

"This is my new nickname then is it?" Harry asked.

"Well you seem to get out of any sticky situation with a smile on your face don't you?" she winked.

Harry finished his pint and pulled on his jacket. He hadn't drunk that much but he felt pretty light-headed anyway. He took that to mean he couldn't be much of an experienced drinker and should probably go home.

Harry had frozen when Mario had asked him what his drink was. He had one, he knew he did, but he couldn't for the life of him remember what it was called. His eyes had scanned all the beer pumps and nothing had jumped out at him. Then he's looked at all the different whiskeys but nothing seemed overly familiar there either. That had been why he'd chosen Guinness. Jimmy had told him to have a pint of the black stuff for him when he'd discovered that Harry worked in a pub.

Harry waved to Mario and Natasha and swayed out of the double doors and onto the street. He managed to bump into somebody immediately.

"Oops, sorry." he chuckled.

The woman who he had stumbled into had accepted his apology but the man with her obviously thought a sterner attitude was needed.

"You've got those glasses for a reason y'know son?"

Harry pushed his glasses up his nose and brushed his scruffy black hair back in the same movement,

"I know, I must've been blinking at that moment and not seen you coming."

The woman laughed at this, the man frowned.

"Yeah, well just watch..." the man stared at Harry's forehead and gasped, "...Harry Potter?"

Harry looked surprised,

"That's _my_ name!" he nodded.

The woman suddenly looked just as surprised as the man,

"You're Harry Potter!" she sputtered.

Harry nodded with enthusiasm,

"I know."

The man smiled and all the tension he'd had previously melted away.

"I _love_ you mate, you made the world a better place, I really love you."

Harry didn't really know what to say to that so he just grinned and said,

"I love you too!" and threw his arms around the man who embraced him in return without a moment's pause.

They broke apart and Harry continued on his way with a merry drunken wave. The man waved back and the woman called out after him.

"You're really Harry Potter?"

He turned and threw his arms aloft and bellowed, for the whole of London to hear,

"I'm better than that, I'm Harry Houdini!"

As he turned away from the many amused faces now looking his way he nearly knocked a little old man off his feet.

"Oh sorry, I'm having a bit of trouble with these legs."

And with that he carried on his jovial journey home.

ooo

She reached for a book on the top shelf.

She could barely touch it with her fingertips. Who would've put one of her favourite books out of her reach anyway? She'd read it a thousand times but she wanted to read it again. It was her favourite book and yet she couldn't have told you what it was about if you'd asked her. She stood on tip toes and strained to curl her fingertips around the leather-bound spine.

She was angry now.

It was her book. It was her book and it had been taken away from her and put out of reach. She needed to read it again; one more time, for the first time. It was her favourite book and she'd never read it before. Wait, that didn't make any sense. Except that it did to her.

She stamped her foot and let out a frustrated growl.

"I want my book!" she screamed.

Something snapped inside her and she grabbed one end of the coffee table and dragged it over to the foot of the bookcase. She climbed up onto the table and reached up for the book. Her fingers were about to curl around the spine and grip it firmly when she heard the familiar voice calling from behind her.

"Be careful Hermione, that table's not meant for your weight y'know?"

She turned to look in the direction the voice had come from and snapped,

"Are you saying I'm too heavy for it? I'm too fat is that it? Are the poor legs buckling under my colossal weight?"

There was nobody there. Who was she sniping at? Who had spoken to her? Did she really hear a voice at all? Maybe the voice was her own inside her head.

"Oh great, I'm going mad." she huffed and turned back her attention to retrieving the book.

"Going?" the voice said again.

"Shut up!" she snapped.

She wasn't going to turn around. The owner of that voice wasn't going to be there. He wasn't really there.

_He?_

It had been a man's voice. But it should be a she; it was her own voice wasn't it? Why was she trying to draw herself into an argument for heaven's sake?

"My book." she said aloud, trying to remind herself what she was reaching for.

The table creaked and she grabbed the book and pulled it down. It was heavier than she remembered. But she'd never held it before. It was hers though; it was her favourite; she knew that for sure. The table groaned and she heard a crack.

Leaping off the table with the book in her arms just before the table collapsed into nicely varnished firewood she heard him sniggering.

"Told you."

"Go away!" she barked.

Why was her internal voice a man anyway? What did that say about her subconscious she asked herself.

She sat down with her book, the gold lettering on the cover was faded and she couldn't make it out. She opened the book and the words jumped out at her. Bold black letters on the well thumbed yellowing pages began to fade as her eyes began to focus on them. Then whole words just vanished before her eyes. Next the sentences were disappearing followed by paragraphs until the page was wiped clean of text. The same happened to the next page and the next and the next. She flicked through the book frantically, its many chapters vanishing as each page fanned past her face.

The whole book was erasing. Her favourite book was just a bundle of blank pages bound together in battered crimson leather.

"It's not fair." she whimpered.

"You know it well enough." the voice was mocking her again, "You could re-write the thing in a day."

"Shut up!" she screamed again as she threw the empty book in the direction the voice was coming from.

The book crashed into a mirror and Hermione Granger woke from her dream with a start.

Well that was odd, she thought.

ooo

Jimmy had laughed _too_ loudly the following morning. Harry thought he was doing it just to be evil.

"I don't know what's funnier pal, that you got that drunk on so little alcohol or that you had to have a _woman_ finish your pint of Guinness for you."

"I don't like Guinness," Harry groaned, his elbows resting on the kitchen table, holding his head up, "I like Caffreys...I think."

"I bet you don't like either of them much this morning though do yer?"

Jimmy grabbed his jar of peanut butter and began to unscrew the lid.

"Oh no, not the peanut butter on the fingers again Jimmy, I don't have the stomach to watch that this morning." Harry moaned.

Jimmy decided that he was going to eat twice as much of it this morning; but twice as slowly; as he did Harry dropped his head to rest on the table in front of him.

"I don't think I can ever eat again."

"Funny really seeing as you just went out and bought all that food for yourself isn't it?" Jimmy the smirking sod said.

Harry's voice sounded muffled as he spoke into his folded arms,

"And to think I bought you a jar of extra crunchy to say thank you for the loan the other morning."

Jimmy's smirk turned into a smile,

"You did? Aren't you a diamond?"

Harry groaned in response.

"Y'know, " Jimmy took a seat across the table from him, "you say you'll never be able to eat again right now but I guarantee you by this afternoon you'll have the most crippling craving for fish and chips it'll drive you mad."

Harry whimpered and shook his head slowly.

"Dripping in vinegar as well, I'll lay money on it. Or better still, I'll bet my jar of extra crunchy on it."

Harry lifted his head and held it up with both his hands again; it didn't seem to stop the kitchen from spinning. Another resident of the YMCA came blundering into the kitchen way too noisily and Harry let out another groan.

The broad Australian man raised an eyebrow at Harry's state,

"Rough night for the new boy eh?"

"He went a little overboard last night." Jimmy explained, with very little sympathy for his plight.

Harry felt awful and needed them both to understand that it wasn't funny.

"I feel like a pig shat in my head." he whined.

Jimmy didn't pick up on the subtle plea for sympathy and chuckled,

"He tried Guinness for the first time last night." he explained to the Aussie.

"And you're eating peanut butter in front of him? You bastard!"

Jimmy shrugged,

"At least I didn't do a fry-up."

At those words the Aussie pulled a frying pan out of the kitchen cupboard, causing a lot more crashing and banging than was really necessary while he was at it,

"Yeah, that was real considerate of you that was Jim."

Jimmy knew the answer but asked anyway; Harry thought just to prolong his torture,

"So what are you having for breakfast then?"

"A fried egg, chilli and chutney sandwich."

At that Harry ran for the bathroom.

ooo

_A/N Alright, I couldn't resist giving Harry one of Richard E Grant's lines from 'Withnail & I' but can you blame me? It's one of the finest films about drinking ever made!_

_After the last couple of chapters I wanted to have a bit of laugh but the next chapter is back to angst central. I'd apologise but I don't feel bad as it's a really good one and I'm sure you'll all be very happy that the two people who get to speak to each other do._

_Thanks again for all the reviews and I hope you've been noticing that I don't just give you one chapter at a time, I know how frustrating that can be when you really get into a story._


	10. The View from Beachy Head

**Chapter Nine - The View from Beachy Head**

"I'm sick of being stuck in here. I'm sick of all the pointless talking, talking, talking and getting nowhere. I'm sick of that bloody woman and her bloody drony voice and that bloody whistle thing that she does..." Jo ranted as she threw herself into a chair across from Ron and Dee in the day room.

"I thought it was just me that whistle thing was getting to." Ron said, glad he wasn't being unreasonable for hating every tooth in Dr Rayner's head that morning.

"I just wanna..." Jo clenched both fists in front of her face and let out a frustrated growl before running her hands through her deep purple hair and growling exactly what she wanted to do to Sarah Jane Rayner, "...get some putty and just plug it up for good."

"So good therapy session then?" Dee asked in his best nonchalant tone of voice.

Jo pressed her lips together as she attempted to suppress her brewing rage and glared at him.

"You're just jealous because I don't have to have those sessions anymore." Dee said as matter-of-factly as he could but failing to disguise his amusement completely, "She obviously thinks you still need it."

Jo was about to explode.

"I mean you really do look stressed Jo-Jo."

Ron looked from Jo to Dee and wondered how he was going to pay for that later. Jo was admirable keeping her rage internal for now but something was going to have to give her a release soon, Ron hoped to be behind something solid when that happened.

"You've charmed her; unimaginable as it is to think you have that ability but you have, you've wriggled your way out of that bloody woman's sessions."

Ron shook his head and Dee looked down to hide the smirk that was spreading across his face from Jo.

"She is a nightmare." Ron said as he went over his own agonizingly irritating session in Dr Rayner's room that morning.

"How does it help?" Jo asked, looking genuinely upset now that Ron really paid attention to her, "How does putting me in this mood for the rest of the day help me?"

Ron touched her foot with his and gave her a small smile, she sighed and he knew she was feeling embarrassed for loosing her rag in front of people.

"I suppose they think it's better for you to feel something rather than not let yourself feel any emotion at all."

The anger left her face but she was still frowning, she looked tired Ron thought,

"But I feel. I'm honest with you all, with the group, I participate. I don't hold back. I showed you my scars for Pete's sake." she slumped back in the armchair, "I'm not in denial."

Dee raised his head at the change in Jo's tone and Ron could tell he didn't like Jo this way at all. Angry he could deal with, haughty he could enjoy, stubborn was downright funny but this Jo was just upsetting. She was beaten, defeated, and that felt wrong. Ron watched as Dee leaned forward and put his hand on her knee and began to rub it up and down soothingly.

"She doesn't like that you don't trust her., you don't and we all know it, and she's pushing you to get you to open up to her. It's her job."

Jo looked at Dee and put her hand to her mouth, toying with the idea of chewing her fingernails Ron had thought.

"I'm not going to talk to someone just because they're paid to give a damn. You guys listen to all my shit and you don't have to. She only puts up with me because it's her job. She wouldn't give a flying fuck otherwise."

Dee pulled her hand away from her face,

"Don't bite your nails."

"I wasn't," she mumbled, "I was just holding them in my teeth."

Ron blurted out an outrageously loud laugh at that. Dee and Jo jumped and stared at him.

"I'm sorry," he said, still in the throes of laughter, "it's not even that funny I just..." he waved his hand and shrugged as he broke into giggles.

He really didn't know why he was laughing so hard. Why he found himself in a good mood right when Jo was on a low. Maybe it was the feeling that he wasn't alone. She understood everything he was going through, the frustration with the therapy sessions, the feeling that he was just a chore to Dr Rayner, the knowledge that she had the same inferiority complex that plagued him from time to time, and the fact that the one thing she couldn't understand Dee could. Dee had lost whole chunks of his past too. Dee made silly mistakes just the same as he did. With these two people he didn't feel quite so alone, quite such a freak, and he was just so overwhelmingly grateful for that.

Jo had broken into a smile as she watched him recover from his giggling fit.

"You should laugh more. You've got a really good laugh."

"Well I'll have to stick around you two a lot more than I already do then eh?" he said, still letting out the odd involuntary chuckle as he spoke.

"Yeah, we should definitely spend more time together, " Dee nodded, "if only I could fit that into my busy schedule of having breakfast with...you two, going to group with um let's see...you two, sitting in the day room with...yes that's right the both of you and then lunch, now who am I doing that with this week?"

"Oh you're funny." Jo said sitting up in her chair and drumming her fingers on the arm of the chair in mock annoyance.

"He really is." Ron nodded as if commenting on a piece of abstract art in a museum.

Dee rose to his feet,

"Well let's do something then, break the routine, let's climb out of our rut."

"I'm only little and it's a very deep rut." Jo said, scrunching up her nose.

Ron got to his feet alongside Dee,

"Don't fret Jo; I'll give you a leg up."

He and Dee offered her one of their hands each and hauled her out of her seat.

"So where are we going then?" Dee asked as he rubbed his hands together.

"Are we allowed to leave?" Ron asked, the thought suddenly occurring to him as the headed for the door.

"This isn't a lunatic asylum Ron!" Jo rolled her eyes, "We're voluntary patients remember?"

"Oh cool." Ron said happily, feeling more normal with every passing second.

"So m'lady," Dee bowed, "where are we headed?"

Jo thought for a moment before her face lightened up in that carefree way Ron and Dee liked to see.

"Well we're at the seaside and I haven't paddled in the sea or made a sandcastle or had an ice cream or any of that seaside stuff. I say we make a start there."

Ron nodded, he couldn't remember the last time he was at the beach, and he did remember beaches. He remembered playing and swimming and laughter and a little girl's excited squeals but nothing very clear.

"Right," Dee declared, "to the beach!"

ooo

Hermione was nervous. She had gone through all the training and the do's and don'ts of empathy and now she was about to go onto the phone lines. She was going to talk to people who needed her. She was going to listen.

Well, eventually she was, right now she was assigned a buddy to listen in on for an hour or so. She was to see how it was done and learn the most common calls they would receive during the daytime. She shook her head, all this training just to listen to somebody seemed ridiculous, since when was listening supposed to be so complicated?

As the phone rang and her buddy took a call from a frantic mother declaring that she hated her baby and would only end up ruining its life anyway Hermione pondered on the one thing that she had been told over and over again, don't get attached to a caller. You can give your first name to a caller and tell them to ask for you when they call back if you find you've gained their trust and you think it will help but you mustn't take a case personally or commit yourself too much.

"What if that caller becomes dependant on you and one day they call and ask for you and you're not there? What if you're on lunch or off sick and they can't speak to anybody else but you? What do you think they would do in that situation?"

The trainer's words echoed through her brain. Don't get emotionally attached. Don't care too much. Listen and don't give personal information. She just wanted to help people. She just wanted to feel worthy of her new life. She just wanted to give all the other lonely people in the country somebody to talk to.

She just wanted somebody to talk to.

Her buddy smiled at her as she adjusted her headset and listened in to the call.

ooo

Ron was churning the sand beneath his bare feet with his toes as he watched Jo and Dee splashing around in the waves. Jo was so much happier now. She had run into the sea as soon as she had been able to pull off her big clumpy boots and socks and the bottoms of her jeans were soaked despite Dee having rolled them up as high as they would go. The ocean seemed to be a form of therapy for her. She was being washed clean of all her insecurities he thought. Maybe he should try it.

As he got to his feet and walked toward them Jo squealed as Dee picked her up and walked deeper.

"No! Dee no!" she tried to sound intimidating but she was too breathless to pull it off.

Ron shook his head and smiled, if Dee did drop her into the water fully clothed he was a dead man, he was definitely a brave man as he ignored her warnings and waded further.

"I'm warning you, if you drop me I will destroy you!" Jo said her eyes wide.

"I won't drop you." Dee laughed.

"I swear Dee, don't even think about it, I'll wear your knackers for earrings I shit you not!" she began to smile but the exhilarating fear was still in her eyes.

"She means it Dee," Ron warned as the first wave lapped over his feet, "I'd watch it if I were you."

Dee turned to face Ron and called back to him,

"What is it with you two? I am not going to drop..." as he said the word drop he jerked as if letting Jo slip out of his arms before straightening up again with a wide grin on his face, "...see?"

Jo was livid,

"You're gonna have to carry me forever now because the second you put me down I'm going to give you such a kicking!"

Ron laughed as Dee feigned terror.

Jo grabbed Dee's chin and directed his amused face back to her, fixing his eyes in her own steel grey stare,

"Seriously Dee, if you drop me you will be carrying your bollocks in a doggy bag from that moment on."

Dee gulped and gripped her tightly.

"I'd say you're pretty safe there Jo." Ron laughed as Dee carefully carried her back to the shallows and set her down.

"I don't know what your problem is, "Dee grumbled, "they're only clothes, you get wet, you dry-off, what's the big deal?"

"The big deal is that I'm wearing a white t shirt Dee." Jo grinned wickedly, "White t shirt...water...invisible t shirt...are you with me now?"

Dee's eyes lit up,

"Right you're going in!"

Jo screeched as Dee began to chase her around and around Ron as he struggled to maintain his balance.

"Ron, help me!" she pleaded through a fit of giggles.

"Leave him out of it." Dee barked as he changed direction and pursued her in the opposite direction.

"Why am I the defender of your bloody virtue anyway?" Ron scoffed at the passing blur that was Jo, "I have no memory of seeing tits and now would be a good time to get one."

Jo stopped splashing around him and looked at him in shock,

"Oh my God, I forgot you were a _man_."

"Well thank you." Ron chuckled.

Dee was about to lunge for her when she hopped out of the way and waded back onto the beach and as far from the sea as she could get.

"Spoil sport!" Dee yelled as he and Ron waded out after her.

"If you two want to leer at tits I'll buy you a nudie mag" she teased.

"I'm going to hold you to that." Ron warned as he wagged his finger at her.

The three of them perched up on the sea wall and brushed the sand off of their feet. They had had their ice cream cones and some fresh doughnuts before venturing into the sea and were now wondering what else their seaside escapade had in store for them. Ron looked to Jo, this day had been to cheer her up and she was setting the agenda as far as he was concerned. She and Dee had been his salvation at the Meadows and he liked that he could pay her back with one good day.

"So where to now?" Dee asked her, as if reading Ron's mind, "You want to explore the pier?"

"The pier can be done at night; I want to do something bigger." Jo said he eyes were alight with mischief.

"Bigger?" Ron said apprehensively.

Jo waggled her eyebrows,

"Uh-huh. And what's the biggest thing within walking distance of Eastbourne sea front?" she asked cryptically.

Ron thought for a moment, he had no idea; he looked up and down the coastline to see if anything stood out. He shrugged and turned to Dee whose face was becoming strangely serious.

"That's not funny Jo, this is supposed to be a fun day." he said sternly.

Jo huffed and rolled her eyes,

"Who says it can't be fun? Bloody hell Dee I'm not gonna jump off. I just wanna see the view that's all."

Ron frowned at them both but neither of them seemed to have noticed.

"You want to see the view?" Dee repeated.

Jo nodded.

"You want to see the view from the country's most famous suicide hot spot?"

Ron blinked and snapped his head around to stare at Jo.

"It's a suicide hot spot because it's so high. You go up high to see views as well as kill yourself y'know. The height is what makes it a view. You look down at a view, look out at one; you don't stand at the bottom of a view and look up at it. That's not a view it's a sight."

"Jo I don't know..." Dee shook his head.

She stood up as she answered him,

"You know what? It's the furthest away I can think to get from that sodding place. I'm going even if you're not."

She began to walk away. Dee looked at Ron, his face the picture of concern,

"Is she alright or not? I can't tell."

Ron seemed to understand though. He nodded to Dee and rose to follow her as she walked along the sea front towards the cliffs of Beachy Head.

ooo

This was not what Hermione had signed up for.

Her stupid 'buddie' was patronising her, she thought, and had not let her take a single call yet. Did this place want volunteers or observers? He had said that he would transfer the first call that he didn't think would be too much for her on her first day as soon as one came in and all she had got so far was to deal with a wrong number. Honestly, as if he couldn't have dealt with that himself, he had just transferred it to her to give her something to do.

She hadn't thought much of his counselling techniques either, these people would be much better off talking to her, she knew what it was like to feel lost. She knew what it was like to feel like an outsider in her own life. What did he know? He'd just memorised the textbook, he didn't know anything practical, she had fumed at him earlier on that you can't read everything in books. Then she had shivered, it had been like deja-vu and frostbite at the same time. That feeling had distracted her from her buddie's witty retort and he had now turned back to his phone.

So she didn't fit in at night school and now she didn't fit in at the Samaritans. Hell she was even being mocked in her own dreams. Did anybody out there actually like her apart from her parents?

"Her...Herrenome...Hemmen..." the idiot buddy called, he hadn't got her name right once yet.

"Hermione" she said as if talking to a small child with his head stuck in a bucket of cotton wool.

"Do you want to take a lunch break and you can take your first call when you get back?"

Without a word she snatched up her coat and bag and stomped away.

ooo

They were knackered.

"Y'know when I suggested us climbing to the top of the country's steepest cliff I never really thought about the fact that it would be...y'know, steep?" Jo panted as she gripped a stitch in her side.

Dee looked desperate to say something witty but he couldn't vocalise any of his thoughts past the wheezing. Ron hadn't realised just how many muscles he had in his legs until now and that was only because he could feel every single one of them.

"Y'know Jo?" he huffed as he clung onto some tufts of grass to steady himself as he climbed, "I've been thinking, ever since I lost the ability to breathe with my mouth closed, that most of those people who jump off this bloody cliff probably weren't depressed at all. They were just too exhausted to climb back down again."

Jo laughed at this, Dee gave a weary smile and Ron grunted and pulled himself up a little further.

"Look, it levels out from here, it's just like big hill rather than a small mountain." Jo announced as she stood upright.

Dee sighed and shook his head in resignation.

"I think Dee needs a break." Ron called up to her as she turned around and her face dropped.

"Oh crap, we haven't come very far have we? I can still read that street sign down there."

She extended her hand and pulled Dee onto the kinder gradient. He flopped forward and rested his palms on his bent knees and puffed.

"I would've thought that we'd have got further than this what with us being about ready to drop." she moved forward to heave Ron up too.

Ron turned around and saw that they had indeed not climbed quite as high as it had felt like. The steepness really did make this harder than any of them had predicted as they walked the coast line to the foot of Beachy Head.

"Well you're definitely holding up better than this one." she nodded at Dee who still hadn't been able to speak yet.

Ron took a deep breath and smiled at her. She did the same in return.

"I know what you're thinking, you're thinking I'm not worth all this effort aren't you?" she said, surprisingly upbeat.

"Bollocks you're not," Ron breathed, "what would me and Dee have been doing if we weren't her with you? Watching suds on the telly that's what."

Jo laughed one of her energy giving laughs and corrected him,

"It's soaps not suds."

"Same difference." Ron shrugged.

They each grabbed on e of Dee's arms and began to drag him along with them as they continued up the slope of Beachy Head. Ron knew that Dee was increasingly more worried about Jo the nearer they got to the top but Ron could see how much better she was feeling. She was enjoying herself and she didn't seem to care if what she was enjoying was strange in the eyes of anyone else, she knew what worked for her and this was really doing her the world of good and that was enough for Ron.

"Do you know why I chose the Meadows for my treatment?" she asked him out of nowhere after five or ten minutes of walking in silence.

Ron shrugged and shook his head.

"The sea; I knew how close I would be to the sea and that made up my mind; being close to the ocean always makes me feel better."

"It certainly worked today." he agreed.

"I don't know what it is but it always makes things seem lighter on my mind. Problems don't seem to exist anymore."

Ron looked out over the vast expanse of the sea to his left and agreed,

"It makes you think that there's nothing all that wrong with being alone." he whispered.

She turned and seemed to let go of the very last ounce of tension in her body,

"There isn't, I'm so glad you get that too, you have no idea how many people think that's why I feel bad when I do. I like my solitude, I need it some days, there's nothing wrong with my own company."

"I love your company" Dee said, causing Jo to smile in surprise at his return to the conversation.

"That's what it is with that bloody woman back at the Meadows y'know? She thinks loneliness is a problem to solve and it isn't. It's a passing state of mind and shouldn't be dwelled upon otherwise you'll never get past it."

Ron wanted to hug her. He didn't because Dee beat him to it. Jo was still talking.

"And no matter how much I dislike myself from time to time there are some days that I just like to sit in my room completely alone and just...be ok." Dee released her, "And I am, at times like that I am ok, it's just that nobody believes me. Then, when I am messed up in the head, you can't tell because...well, I'm damn good at covering that side of my personality up. It's not when I'm quiet that you have to worry about me it's when I seem fine that's the problem."

Dee kept his arm around Jo as the three of them carried on walking together. Ron was so proud of his friend's honesty and openness that he wanted to share something of himself too. He wanted to tell them exactly what he hadn't been telling Dr Rayner.

"Nobody's looking for me." he stated, as breezily as he could make it sound.

"What d'you mean?" Jo and Dee asked at the same time.

"When I was in London, in the hospital after...well," he held up his arms, "the staff and the police tried to find anybody who was looking for me. Missing persons reports, official papers in my name, they phoned everybody in the phone book with my last name and nothing. Nobody was missing anyone. They even tried to find my address through my dental records and I don't even have those."

Jo furrowed her brow,

"You don't have dental records?"

Ron shrugged,

"I know, the hospital couldn't believe that one either, not considering the good condition of my teeth. It's like I didn't exist before. Maybe that's why I don't remember anything of my life before this. Maybe I don't have a life to remember."

Dee pulled Ron towards him with his free arm and walked with an arm over both his friends' shoulders now.

"It's as if I was so insignificant that not even my mum and dad have noticed I've gone. Nobody's looking for me at all."

"Don't think like that mate." Dee said.

"You've just been looking in the wrong places Ron," Jo said, a warmth in her tone made him smile despite his misery, "somebody out there's missing you and we're gonna look after you until they track you down."

"We're all going to look after each other." Dee said firmly as he squeezed Ron's shoulder and Ron was sure he'd done the same to Jo on his other side.

"Cheers Dee." Ron said quietly.

"So it turns out you can miss what you don't remember." Dee said, seemingly to himself.

"What d'you mean?" Jo asked.

"Well my last session with Rayner was kind of ambiguous. It ended with me saying that I couldn't feel bad about having no family in my life or any friends or any home or history to my name because I honestly can not remember having any of it to begin with. I can't miss what I've never had I told her. Well it turns out you can eh Ron?"

The three of them reached the peak of Beachy Head without another word exchanged between them.

ooo

"Hello Samaritans, my name's Hermione and I'm here to listen."

"Hermione?"

"Yes, that's right."

"That's a nice name."

"Thank you. You don't have to tell me yours. You can make one up if you like."

"No I want to, my name's all I've got, it's Ron."

"Hello Ron."

"Hi."

There was a pause. Hermione knew she shouldn't push this caller but wait until he was ready to speak.

"Sorry, I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to be saying."

"You don't have to say anything in particular; we can just chat if you want."

"That's the thing y'see, I can't chat, I don't have any opinions as far as I know."

"You don't feel as if your opinions are worth anything?"

"No, I don't know what my opinions are. I...well I've lost my memory and I don't know what I think about stuff. I don't know what I like or don't like I don't know what kind of person I am or what kind of person I want to be. I'm just all...empty."

"Well let's start by giving you one opinion for now ok?"

"Alright, I'll have a go."

"Right, do you believe in fate?"

"I don't know."

"Well let me tell you something about myself and you can decide if you think that it's fate or coincidence."

"That sound's good."

"Ok, so here's something for you to think about. Today is my first day doing this. You are my first ever caller.

"Wow I'm honoured."

"You should be. So anyway, you are the first person to speak to me and tell me your problems. Well the thing is your problem is the same problem I have."

"Really?"

"Not nearly as bad though; I'm just a little fuzzy over the last six or seven years of my life; I still have my childhood memories, my favourite colour, I can remember every Christmas morning and every summer holiday with my family. There's just a big gaping blank where my life after eleven years old should be. It's not even empty, it's just vague."

"I know that feeling. This morning I woke up and smelled burning and about fifty different kinds of deja-vu happened to me at once. It was only the toast burning. So what am I supposed to take from that then? Did I used to be a fireman? Or maybe I was just a clumsy git who always burned the toast."

Hermione laughed at that.

"I know what you mean. I keep reaching into my coat for something when I'm startled or annoyed and I don't know what it is I'm looking for."

She heard a sound but she couldn't make out what it was, she hoped it was a laugh or at least that he was smiling, he was quiet now. She waited for twenty seconds or so before he spoke again.

"Did you know that there was a big sign for the Samaritans on top of Beachy Head?"

Hermione panicked, she knew why people went to Beachy Head,

"No, no I didn't know that."

Oh she couldn't hand this caller over, not after having made a connection like this with him, but she really wasn't sure she was prepared for the call to take this sudden turn without warning.

"Well there is. It's a big sign with the phone number on it and it's right above a telephone box; convenient that isn't it?"

"I suppose so."

"I don't even know why I called, I've never used a phone before...well I have but, y'know? I don't remember using a phone before."

"Ron, why are you at Beachy Head?" Hermione tried to keep her voice calm and even.

"Oh don't worry, I'm not here for that, I'm with friends...and not suicide-pact friends either. We're up here for the view."

Hermione let out a sigh that she hoped the caller hadn't been able to hear.

"How is it?"

"It was worth it, she's...my friend's really happy now, they're sitting on the grass looking out to sea. It's a good day for it."

"A good day for what?"

The caller didn't answer. Hermione waited nervously for another few seconds before he spoke again.

"I'm supposed to talk like this with my doctor but she has this speech impediment and I can't talk to her without it annoying me."

"So you're getting help then?"

"I wouldn't call it that. I'm in a clinic full of nutters and I'm king nut! It's funny really; it's easier to talk to the other patients than the doctors."

"Well you can always talk to me, as long as there's nothing annoying about my voice of course, I'm going to be here every day."

"No, your voice is nice, and at least you understand. We're the same, well no we aren't the same exactly but you know what it's like to feel like a stranger in your own life."

"That's exactly it. God, you're counselling _me_!"

"Sorry. There are other people I can talk to but they have their own burdens and I don't want to bog them down with all of mine as well."

"Don't apologise, just answer my earlier question, do you believe in fate?"

"I think I do."

"So do I."

"I have to go, they're looking for me, I'll call again."

"Do. Remember to ask for Hermione and they'll put you straight through."

"I will."

"It's been nice making a memory with you Ron."

"Thanks. You have no idea how much I needed one right now."

"Pick a favourite colour; tell me what it is next time you call, will you do that for me?"

"I will. I've really got to go."

"Ok then, Bye."

"Bye. Thanks."

ooo

_A/N I just need to say a BIG thank you to BookSmartBrilliance for one of the most positive reviews I've ever had for anything I've written before. Don't worry though, it won't go to my head as I have college today and my writing tutor has been treating my stuff as decidedly mediocre to that brings me back down to earth!_


	11. Seeing Red

**Chapter Ten - Seeing Red**

He had been lucky, he knew that now.

Harry was walking to work, the sun shone on his back, and he had had a good night's sleep in a safe place. He was wearing clean underwear, clean clothes, and he was clean and healthy. He had money to buy breakfast and he had a job with the nice people who gave him his first ever hangover. He had been _really_ bloody lucky.

He was passing by doorway after doorway, every one of which giving shelter to somebody not-so-lucky, and he felt a pang of guilt. He stopped beside a slumped figure with matted red hair in the doorway of a closed-down bagel store and crouched down. He tentatively held out his hand and gently shook the figure. There was a loud grunt and the person flinched and drew himself up to his full height , fists drawn.

"Fuck off!"

Harry jumped back and held his hands up,

"Sorry, I wasn't going to hurt you or rob you or anything, I just wanted to..."

"Rob me?" the man snorted, "Rob _me_? What have I got to take? Do you want my scummy blanket? I think there's stuff living in it besides me but go ahead mate, enjoy!"

Harry smiled at the man, he had obviously become used to being rudely awoken by some decidedly unfriendly characters, and he wanted to explain himself to the bewildered soul before him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you, I'm not having a go at you or anything."

The shabby red head stooped and began to gather-up his unpleasant looking blanket; it really did look hazardous now that Harry really looked at it, as he muttered under his breath.

"Sorry if I got in your way."

"No you didn't." Harry said, upset that the man felt he was being chased away from his resting place.

"So this is your place now is it? A word of warning, this is a shitty spot to start a business, there've been three restaurants and two cafe's before the bagel place and none of 'em last longer than four months. Punters don't want to eat while looking out on a street of starving people, it puts them off a bit." the man shrugged.

"No, I wanted to ask you..." Harry stalled in his speech and then swallowed before going on, "...I wanted to ask you if I could buy you something to eat."

The man stared at Harry.

"This your good deed for the day is it?"

"Something like that."

"Karma eh?"

Harry thought for a moment before nodding,

"I owe something to whoever's looking out for me; I could be where you are now if I hadn't been lucky."

The man was still observing Harry with caution; Harry honestly couldn't blame him, before he finally spoke.

"Luck eh? Luck has nothing to do with it mate."

Harry really didn't want to make this poor bloke any more uncomfortable than he already had.

"Sorry. I really would like to buy you something though. Do you want a bag of chips and a cup of tea or something?" Harry was looking at his feet as he spoke.

There was an agonising pause and Harry eventually couldn't take it any longer and looked up at the man who was smiling wearily at him.

"There's a place around the corner that pour curry sauce over them, I've seen the drunken clubbers eating them as they stagger home, and I've always thought that looked kinda good."

Harry grinned,

"Lead the way."

ooo

She was amazed that her hair was still even slightly red after what she'd seen in that awful memory. She leaned in close to the cloudy bathroom mirror at Grimmauld Place and combed through her hair with her fingers. There was a lot of grey mixed in with the strands of red, every one of them caused by worry for one member of her family or the other she had always said, but there didn't seem to be enough in her opinion.

If Molly Weasley gained a grey hair for every single worry over one of her children then her hair should be completely silver this morning.

There should be a least one hundred new grey hairs for the worry before they went into that pensive, one for every fear about what she was going to see there, and another thousand for what she had seen in that alleyway once they were inside. That pain she had felt when she had tried to touch her boy as he slumped, alone and bleeding, on the ground before her had surely cost her two or three hundred more. The colour should've been drained out of every hair on her head at the sight of those horrible lacerations on his arms. Her poor boy, he used to have freckles dotting his arms all the way up and now all he had was ugly scars upon ugly scars, she couldn't bare to remember the look on his face as he stared at his wounds without comprehension. And then there was the thing that had made her think that colour would leave her life forever; not just her hair, her skin, her eyes, but everything; and she couldn't shake it from her head from the moment she had found herself back in the living room of Grimmauld Place; her son's voice, almost unrecognisable, pleading with the stranger who had helped him...who had saved his life.

_"I don't want to die."_

She began to blub, her face buried in her hands, and she tried not to. She had to pull herself together for her family.

"Mum, are you alright in there?" she heard her daughter's voice calling through the locked door.

Frantically, Molly wiped her eyes and turned on the cold tap to splash some water on her puffy face, she called back to Ginny with her unsteady voice.

"I'll be out in a minute Ginny, I'm just straightening myself up, be a dear and make some tea would you?"

"Ok" she heard Ginny's small voice call back and then the sound of muffled footsteps as she tip-toed down the stairs so as not to disturb a certain portrait on the way.

Molly looked back at her reflection, oh Godric she looked bad, and she fanned her burning face with her hands and began to take deep breaths to calm herself down.

_"I don't want to die."_

Her face crumpled immediately and she cursed her own weakness. Why couldn't she be more like Arthur? Why couldn't she be strong for her boys and for Ginny? What sort of mother was she to just fall to pieces like this?

She heard a click and spun around to see the bathroom door swing open and Fred and George on their knees holding what looked like a hair pin where the key hole had been. They looked up at her, guilt in their eyes for having broken in the muggle way and George jumped up and embraced his mother before Fred slammed into his back and threw his arms around both of them.

"What are you two doing?" she tried to sound stern through her aching sobs.

"We know you well enough by now to know when you need a cuddle mum." George said, though very muffled as his face was buried into her shoulder.

"And besides," Fred added, "we need a cuddle too."

Molly stretched her arms as far as she could to try to reach all the way around bother the twins. There had once been a time when she had been able to do it. How fast everybody had grown she thought as they stood slowly swaying in each other's arms.

"Tea's ready." Ginny said quietly from the bathroom door and Fred reached out behind him and grabbed her. He yanked her into their hug and Ginny broke down. It was the release they all needed. Molly thanked the judgement of Bill and Charlie in her head, thanked them for not letting these three see what she had seen, and squeezed her children to her.

All she could see was bobbing heads of red hair, red hair everywhere she looked; she loved that colour so much. Maybe she wasn't losing the colour from her life after all.

ooo

Harry felt much better about his situation now. The homeless man, Andrew, had been right. It was all about Harry's karma. He needed to do something to put the world to rights again. The way he had landed on his feet after the way he had started out was extraordinary and he needed to even-out the score. He had done his little bit to do that now; he had fed Andrew for one day. He sighed; Andrew would be hungry again tomorrow. It wasn't really anything when you think of it like that but when he heard about the way most people had treated Andrew since he's come to live on the streets Harry knew that the gesture was the thing that would stay with him and now the chips.

Harry grinned inwardly, chips and curry sauce, he was glad he knew that existed. It was also cheap. He'd be back at that place in the future.

As he dashed across the street to avoid the sightseeing bus that was about to stop and empty its passengers directly into his path he passed a pretty young woman with curly red hair. She saw him looking at her and flashed him a bright smile before they passed each other and went on their ways. He felt unnaturally buoyant for someone who had woken up with the hangover from hell and had the evil Jimmy taunting him over breakfast. He was about to step into the pub to start work when he noticed two more people with red hair wandering around as if looking for something. He waved a greeting to Mario who seemed utterly disappointed that he wasn't a wreck and headed straight for the kitchen.

Funny really, he thought to himself, he was noticing red haired people everywhere these days. Were there more of them around than usual or was he subconsciously looking for them?

"I've made you a stew." the chef announced gruffly as Harry made his arrival known to him, "I heard you're stomach might be fragile today so I decided against the chilli."

Harry had just had chips with curry sauce, he felt assured that his stomach could take anything, but it was nice of chef to have shown some consideration so he gave humble thanks and sat down to eat his lunch. Breakfast, elevenses _and_ a lunch? He was getting by better than he had done at the Dursleys.

ooo

"Yes mum, I've made plenty of new friends." Hermione lied as she twirled the telephone chord in her fingers, "Yes Latin is fascinating and my classmates are...well we're all finding it very challenging."

Her mother wanted to hear that her life was better than it had been at home. She wanted to hear that Hermione wasn't just reading alone in her room all day long. Her mother wanted Hermione to have a social life and friends and to feel normal again. Hermione wanted that to.

The trouble was nobody seemed to want that with her.

"I'm learning a lot of interesting things about language and it's relation to every other language spoken in Europe." she said as she glanced at the clock, she had to get to the Samaritan offices soon.

Her mother was asking more questions and it was exhausting Hermione to keep up the chirpy act but she had to. After everything her parents had done for her she had to make it seem worth it to them. Her mother had waited for an answer to her latest question but Hermione had been too distracted to notice. After a long pause her mother asked again.

"Oh sorry, I was miles away, thinking about tonight's class. What did you say?"

"I was just asking about your new friends," her mother's voice said, "what are they like? Tell me something about them dear."

_Damn!_

"Well I'm not really very close to most of them yet, we're friendly more than we are friends." she muttered.

"Oh." her mother sounded so disappointed for her.

"But there is one person that I got on rather well with who I hope to speak to again soon." this was news to Hermione as she said it, thinking on her feet was getting her into a bit of trouble, lying didn't seem to be her thing.

"Oh," her mother said again, but brightly this time around, "well that's good, what's their name?"

Hermione felt close to slamming the phone down and unplugging it right then and there. She couldn't do that, not to her own mother, she didn't want to lie anymore though. Pick out somebody from night school or work, anybody, it's not as if her mother would ever know. Pick a name, any name, chose somebody you like talking to. When was the last conversation you really enjoyed having? Who is it you want to get to know better?

"His name's Ron." she blurted out without thinking twice.

The line sounded as if it had gone dead.

"Mum?"

"I'm here dear, I just...I dropped the phone. Ron you say? Ron who?"

"Oh well, we didn't get that far in the conversation."

_Oh great, now she's going to think that her daughter's some tart who gets people's name after..._

"We've only just met mum, that's what I mean, he doesn't know mine either."

"How do you know him." her mother was sounding quite frantic, it worried Hermione.

"Well, I met him on my first day at work, he's..."

_He's a mental patient mother; you'd be so pleased for me!_

"He's a doctor at a clinic, in his real job away from the Samaritans I mean."

What a hole she was digging herself.

"Oh," her mother seemed to be both relaxed and disappointed at the same time, "that's nice. Does he live in Leamington too then?"

Hermione sighed, she truly was pathetic, she'd made up an imaginary friend. She was an eighteen year old woman who had an imaginary friend called Ron who was a doctor in Leamington Spa!

"Yes mum, he lives in Cubbington."

"Oh that's nice."

"You already said that." Hermione said glumly.

She was about to wind-up the phone call to her mother and head out to man the phones at the Samaritans, counselling desperate people, and yet she found herself more desperate than anybody she'd spoken to so far. What had become of her recently she had asked herself?

_Pathetic._

ooo


	12. There Goes the Fear

**Chapter Eleven - There Goes the Fear**

"Can I ask you a question?"

"You just did."

Dee answered Jo's question without looking up from his newspaper.

"Can I ask you another one?" she said as she rolled her eyes.

"That was the second." Dee said with a smirk.

"Shut up and stop being so difficult!" she huffed.

Ron knew it was about half past nine in the morning, their timing was impeccable, it was always nine thirty on the dot that they started to bicker. He found their reliability comforting.

"Sorry, go ahead." Dee turned a page as he spoke.

"What does Dee stand for?" Jo leaned forward in anticipation.

Dee shrugged,

"Dog?"

"Oh I give up!" she huffed, "You're looking for a clout aren't you? What does your name Dee stand for? What is Dee short for?"

He didn't tear his eyes away from the article he was pretending to read and grinned,

"Sorry, not telling."

Ron was intrigued by his avoidance of the question and decided to join forces with Jo on this one.

"I think it stands for Dick, you look like a Dick to me."

Jo cackled and Ron and Dee looked at each other, all thoughts of Dee's name gone in a second, and said,

"Four."

Jo blinked at this cryptic statement,

"Four what?"

"Sorry, you had your one question already." Dee shrugged and went back to his paper.

She narrowed her gaze at Ron now and repeated the question. Ron smiled and explained.

"Four different laughs so far."

Jo's eyes moved rapidly as she tried to process what he had just said.

"Four laughs?"

"So far." Dee added, not looking up from the article about the bloodline of the noblemen of Britain.

Ron shuffled over to the incomprehensive Jo with his chair and let her in on the new game he and Dee had come up with to pass the time.

"Y'see you never laugh the same way twice."

"I don't?" she sat back in her seat as if this was news to her.

"Not since I met you no. Well anyway, Dee and me, we've been counting them to see exactly how many different ones there are." Ron explained as if it was a rational thing to begin to do.

"And there are four?" Jo confirmed, still quite surprised at this piece of information about herself.

"So far." Dee said again.

"And you started counting when?"

"At breakfast." Ron responded cheerily.

"At breakfast?" she was shocked, "I've had four different laughs since then?"

Ron nodded, still grinning at her, and she looked at the clock on the wall of the day room.

"But it's only a quarter to ten!"

"I know," Ron sniggered, "I've been trying to make you laugh for ages."

Jo stared at him and Dee finally put down his paper and looked at her.

"He wants you to do the silent one again."

"Excuse me?"

Ron had started to laugh himself as he explained,

"You did it last night, before we started counting, you looked like you were really laughing hard but you didn't make a sound. It was really mental to watch."

"I thought I'd gone deaf" Dee sniggered.

She shook her head with a kind of amused shock,

"No one's ever said anything before."

"Well no one's ever been as funny as us before." Dee shrugged.

Jo laughed through her nose at that comment.

"That's five." Ron and Dee said as they glanced mischievously at each other.

"Stop it!" she said, grinning as she tried not to laugh any more.

"You've just never been around two such entertaining people as us," Ron said, "you're laughing more often so we notice it more."

"Well that's true, you can't help but laugh when you associate with fools." she said, a sly grin directed at Dee as she spoke.

"Well it's nice to serve a purpose." Dee bowed, "Court jesters to our queen."

She rolled her eyes and shook her head before looking at Ron and nudging his thigh with her knee under the table.

"So how are your legs, still sore?"

Sore wasn't the word. Absent was the word. It was as if his own legs had wandered off in the night and he was wearing a pair of somebody else's. These foreign legs felt heavy and stiff and wouldn't move properly when he told them to. He felt like his muscles were all connected up backwards.

"My legs aren't speaking to me at the moment." he answered.

"Yeah, limbs tend to get mad at you when you make them walk up mountains for fun." Dee said as he massaged his own thigh.

She gave a tut at their complaints,

"And you call yourselves men?"

"I can think of a fair few things I could call you right now." Dee said with a raised eyebrow.

"Just stick with queen, I like that one." she grinned.

Ron slid the paper away from Dee and pulled it toward himself,

"You sure you wouldn't prefer Goddess?"

"You don't want to get on my bad side you two or you'll be calling me a witch," she smirked, "or another word that rhymes with it anyway."

It happened again, the rush of multiple deja-vu flying in and out of his mind before he could even realise what he was remembering, he heard a noise and blinked. The sound had been Dee's chair scraping on the floor and he was now jogging out of the day room. Jo was staring at Ron with concern.

"You alright Ron?"

"Yeah, I just had another deja-vu blitz that's all."

"Anything stick?"

"Nope." he shook his head with frustration, "where'd Dee go?"

"Said he needed the loo."

Ron nodded to show that he'd heard her and started to massage his temples.

"Headache?" Jo asked.

"Not really, just...head!"

Jo shook her own head at that comment and grinned,

"What does that mean?"

"I dunno," Ron smiled at her to let her know he was ok, "it's like sea-sickness without the sickness or the sea."

Jo sat back in her chair,

"I can see why _you're_ in here."

"What?" Ron chuckled.

"Mental; completely mental!"

ooo

George had managed the impossible. He had managed to coax his mother into taking a break from everything and go to her room for a quiet lie down. Even Fred had seemed impressed at that. He very rarely did anything that surprised his twin brother and he felt that, in itself, was an achievement to be proud of.

"Any news?" Charlie was asking Fred as George gently descended the stairs.

"Only old news," Fred huffed, "how is it _we_ didn't see Harry leaving the Leaky Caldron and yet half the wizarding world seems to have been there?"

George entered the living room in time to see Charlie sitting up on, what was now, his sofa.

"What?" Charlie frowned.

"Oh it's the latest thing haven't you heard?" George responded as he dropped himself into the armchair, "That doddery old wizard Bill got the memory from must have a really big mouth."

Ginny had been listening to this quietly, she had been very quiet indeed since everything had happened, and George and Fred had made a silent vow to watch out for her.

"How d'you mean?" she said as she pressed for more information.

"Every witch, wizard and their squib uncle is now claiming to have been the one to bump into Harry as he left the pub that day." George sighed as he shuffled over to allow Ginny to squish into the armchair beside him.

"Not even that day." Fred grumbled.

"Or even that pub." George huffed.

"I mean if you're gonna lie at least get the basic facts right." Fred folded his arms and narrowed his eyes.

"What are you two on about?" Charlie said as he leaned on the arm of the sofa and stared at them with tired eyes, "People are lying to you?"

"They're pretending to have seen him?" Ginny seemed pained by this news and George put an arm around her shoulder as she continued, "That's so cruel. Why would they do that?"

"For fame?" Fred shrugged.

"Fame by association at least." George nodded.

"So what are they saying?" Charlie asked.

"Well this couple, a young witch and wizard about...what three years older than us eh George?" Fred looked to his twin.

"At least five." George corrected.

"Well anyway, they said that Harry Potter bumped into them coming out of a pub _last night. _Not even the Leaky Caldron, just a random muggle pub, and that they spoke to him and hugged him and he declared his love for his loyal fans..."

Ginny cut Fred off as she choked on her own disbelief,

"Oh that sounds _so _like him!"

"So location, date and character all totally wrong then?" Charlie sneered.

"Pure fantasy." George sighed.

Fred looked a little more annoyed about the whole thing now he had relived it,

"They swore black's blue that it was him though."

"Got all offended at our scepticism." George nodded.

"Oh yeah and then they went on to say he was Harry Houdini instead."

"Harry who?" Ginny's eyebrows crinkled as she struggled to understand the logic of these time wasters.

"-dini, I don't know, they were obviously so desperate to convince us they started pulling names out of thin air." Fred began to pick at a loose thread that was hanging from his jumper.

The four of them sat and silently fumed at a wasted afternoon's searching until their mother popped her head around the door and told them she was going to make a start on lunch for them all.

"So how was it today?" she had asked them, trying to sound chipper, "Did you find any new leads?"

Fred and George looked at each other, then to Charlie and Ginny, before answering as one.

"Nothing mum."

ooo

"You know what I think?" Jo mused as they ambled along Eastbourne pier sharing a bag of chips between them.

Dee stopped dead in his tracks and grabbed at her elbow,

"My God...you _think_?"

Ron laughed until he almost choked on his mouthful of chips at the indignant look on Jo's face.

"You're a funny, funny man." she said coolly.

Dee held his arms aloft, accepting the comment as if it were genuine praise,

"It's both a gift and a curse."

Ignoring him she went on,

"I think that the chip is the greatest invention in the history of the world."

Dee laughed,

"What; better than the wheel?"

"Of course, do you see me on roller skates?"

"I'd love to see you on roller skates." Dee sniggered.

"Well you won't." she snapped.

"I won't even ask." Ron said as he shook his head.

"Ask what?" Jo said.

"What roller skates are." Ron cringed, knowing that his memory-loss was about to make him look foolish again.

Jo looked at him with a pitying smile before turning to Dee,

"You explain it."

Dee looked a little embarrassed now,

"Um sorry, I'm drawing a blank on that myself."

Jo's eyes were wide in disbelief, "But you just said...how do you know you'd want to see me on them if you don't know what they are?"

"It was the way you were talking about it, I knew it'd be something I'd like to see." he shrugged.

She shook her head,

"Y'know I'm going to have to reprogram my entire sense of humour just so you two can get my jokes."

"You think you're telling jokes?" Dee said as he raised both eyebrows in scepticism.

"Aw, she thinks she's funny." Ron teased, his tone similar to that of a parent watching a baby trying to walk for the first time.

Jo gave the pair of them a punch in the arm as they laughed at her.

"Don't laugh at me; I'm not the one with brain damage!"

"You do have a damaged brain though." Dee smirked.

"Shut it Dee. Bloody hell you made me lose my train of thought now."

Ron's eyes were watering; a frustrated Jo was almost as entertaining as an excitable Jo,

"You were about to tell us about chips."

"Chips! Oh yeah, the great British chip, causer of heart disease and morbid obesity. The national food of alcoholic patriots with the munchies." she had now become more excitable than ever and Ron couldn't stand the ache in his ribs he was suffering from because of the laughter.

"I feel there should be some rousing music swelling in the background while you speak." Dee said, wistfully.

"Feel free to hum." Jo beamed as she went on with her ode to deep fried thick cut, potato sticks, "The chip is the reason the potato exists. It is the reason vinegar exists. It is the reason I exist. There are no chips in heaven, only tofu, so I must stay down here on this glorious planet of ours and savour the chip for the chip is my saviour."

Ron had to restrain himself from breaking into applause.

"Is it just my imagination or did she just elevate a chip to the status of a God?" Ron asked Dee.

"I think she did mate."

"You're having a good day aren't you Jo?"

"Who wouldn't have a good day when they've got chips?" she held the bag aloft like an Olympic torch and struck a triumphant pose.

It felt as if his ribs were about to break with the exhausting laughter that was shaking his entire body. It was not just what she was saying or how she was saying it, it was the joy of seeing her so happy. He looked at Dee, through watery eyes, and saw him reach up and take a chip from the bag with ease. Even holding something as high as she could didn't make it inaccessible in any way for a person of average height. He popped the chip into his mouth and smiled at her. Then he hugged her and they carried on walking, though they didn't separate from each other, his arm was draped around her shoulder as they strolled. Ron smiled, he had seen this coming and was happy for them, but he hoped this didn't mean he would start to be excluded. His fear was immediately quashed when Jo turned back and held out the bag of chips to him.

"Another great thing about chips," Ron said as he reached in and pulled out a particularly long one, "is that they're one of the only meals that you can wrap in newspaper and eat on the move."

"Well I've tried it with soup but you wouldn't believe the mess." Jo grinned.

She handed Ron the bag and the remaining chips. Ron thought that had been a subtle hint from her to let him know she and Dee wanted some private time but instead she linked her now free arm with his and the three of them walked on.

This was too good to be true. A week ago he had nothing. Now he had everything he could ever have wanted. Jo was right, chips were brilliant.

ooo


	13. Your Name Escapes Me

_A/N Thanks again to Scrib (I'm going to have to call you that instead of constantly misspelling your name, sorry!), Greenpluff and BookSmartBrilliance for all the enthusiasm for this story and a thank you and hello to fantasticarla...welcome to my world. _

_Well it's Jo Rowling's world but the Meadows is ALL mine!_

**Chapter Twelve - Your Name Escapes Me**

She had almost fallen down when she heard his name like that. She was amazed that all that had hit the floor was the telephone. She hadn't been prepared for that, nothing could've prepared her for something like that; she knew it was just a cruel coincidence but the logical side of her brain was drowned out by the screaming of her emotional side.

Her daughter had befriended someone called Ron.

Her heart was beating faster just thinking about it. She had dialled her husband's surgery as soon as she got off the phone to Hermione and frantically demanded he come home. He had asked her what was going on and she blurted the basics to the conversation with their daughter out to him before repeating her request for him to come home. He had started to try to calm her nerves with his own brand of detached logic but she had interrupted him with the thought that had been playing on her mind for the last fifteen minutes.

"I think we should tell the Order about this."

David had been home within minutes after that.

"Helen you can't!"

"I'm going to, for crying out loud David I'm not going to get their hopes up, I know it's just a coincidence but I don't want to keep this from them."

The Grangers had been arguing like this ever since he had arrived home.

"Upsetting them for no reason helps nobody. It doesn't help them find him any faster does it?"

"If you'd just listen to me I could explain what I meant. I'm not talking about running to poor Molly and announcing 'Guess what? Amazing really, our little girl's found a replacement for your little boy'. I was suggesting we tell Remus or Tonks about it."

"And this will achieve what exactly? It isn't him Helen, you and I both know it, and Remus will say the same thing too."

"It could mean something David. It could mean there's a way to get Hermione's memories back. What if she connected with this new Ron simply because of the name? What if the old Hermione's memories are trying to break into the new Hermione's consciousness? When they find the boys the same may apply to them."

David took a deep breath before he spoke again,

"But we agreed dear, Hermione's better-off with her new life."

"I'm not debating that now. What I am thinking about is that poor boy out there with nothing to fall back on. No memory of his entire life at all. They track him down and they bring him home and then what David? What does he do with his life then?"

David Granger nodded. He was quiet and looked to the ground with shamed silence. Helen stroked his arm with tenderness and spoke softly to him.

"The old Hermione would've wanted us to do anything we could to help him. He's saved her life more than once and so has Harry, we owe them both."

"I know," David nodded, "that's why what I have to tell you now breaks my heart."

ooo

The Weasleys, Lupin, Tonks, Mad-eye Moody and even some members of the now disbanded DA were all gathered in the kitchen at Grimmauld Place for the meeting to catch everybody involved in the search for Harry and Ron up on all the information gathered so far. The Granger's had sent an owl to say they were coming and Neville Longbottom had kindly offered to escort them himself.

Lee Jordan was there to support Fred and George, Seamus Finnegan and Dean Thomas were there because wild horses couldn't have kept them away from looking from their old roommates the moment they found out they had gone missing. The Patil twins were sitting quietly in the corner, Parvati had softly spoken to Mrs Weasley and confessed that she didn't think they'd be of any use in the search but wanted to at least try anyway. Molly had embraced them both on hearing that. Then there were the two young women in the doorway; one blonde, one of Chinese origin, both very pretty; who were standing there as if daring somebody to ask them to leave. They felt as if they didn't belong but they wouldn't let that stop them from looking for the two missing DA members.

Cho Chang and Lavender Brown were feeling very self-conscious despite the fact that everybody had been quite pleasant to the two of them. They hadn't come to Grimmauld Place together. Lavender had tagged along with her best friend Parvati and her sister and Cho had arrived alone soon after. They had gravitated toward each other without realising it and were now standing together having not said a word other than hello since they'd arrived.

Cho had discovered about the meeting from Luna Lovegood who had bumped into her in Diagon Alley and bemoaned her own absence for personal reasons. Cho hadn't pushed for more information but she had noticed that The Quibbler had been edited by Luna rather than her father as of late and Cho suspected that Luna's father was ailing. She had asked Luna to enquire if she could go in her place and that was why she had been granted a portkey to Grimmauld Place and now stood in a strange kitchen with a bunch of old faces from school and the entire family of her ex-sort of-boyfriend's best friend. She glanced to Lavender who she thought must be feeling even more uncomfortable than she was. Lavender had been her ex-sort of-boyfriend's best friend's girlfriend and the whole Weasley family knew it.

Ginny had been kindly casting pained smiles in their direction whenever she could but she had weightier things on her mind then making them feel more comfortable. Parvati was gesturing to Lavender to come over and join them at the kitchen table, which had been enlarged with an engorgement charm to fit all the extra people around it, but Lavender had shaken her head and remained in the doorway. Cho understood, they didn't feel like they belonged there and wanted to keep out of the way while still being involved in the proceedings, she saw that Lavender had noticed her looking and the two outcasts shared a smile.

There was a knock at the door and Moody barged past them to determine that Neville and the Grangers were in fact Neville and the Grangers and not Death Eaters in hiding out to take out some revenge on the Order of the Phoenix once and for all. Neville looked quite flustered when he finally managed to get away from him and enter the kitchen. Dean conjured up a chair beside him for Neville to sit. Cho watched, as did several others, a heated conversation between the Grangers and Mad-Eye which ended with the Grangers nodding and Mad-Eye rubbing Mrs Granger on the arm. Cho didn't know what they had to be so frantic about; they had Hermione back didn't they?

Mrs Weasley waved the latecomers and Moody into the kitchen and everybody took their seats, everybody except Lavender and herself that is, and Mrs Weasley trotted over to them.

"Come on now girls, take a seat, I won't be able to relax if I see you on your feet all night." she fussed.

Lavender smiled but looked as if she were about to cry so Cho took on the speaking duties for both of them.

"Thank you Mrs Weasley, we'll sit out of the way..."

"You'll do no such thing; you'll join us at the table where Ron and Harry's friends belong." Mrs Weasley said firmly but with great kindness.

Cho nodded and Neville, Dean and Seamus shuffled their chairs along the table to make room for the two new chairs that had appeared. As Cho took her seat Mrs Weasley guided Lavender to the table while whispering something to her that made her smile and wipe her eyes as she sat down in the last empty chair.

Moody gruffly cleared his throat and got to his feet to address the gathering,

"Well we won't waste our time discussing the various red herrings, it's bad enough that these people are wasting our time in the first place without us wasting more by going over it all again here, we have also all heard all the necessary information we need to know from the pensive...so I'm told."

Moody had cast an annoyed glance toward Lupin and Tonks as he said that last bit. Cho was sure that there was a lot more that had been seen in that witnesses memory but all that Lupin and Tonks would share was 'what they deemed relevant to the investigation' and that infuriated Moody who hadn't been into the memory himself and didn't think he should have been excluded.

"So what _do_ we know?" Moody continued.

"We know Hermione ran out of the Leaky Caldron, was narrowly missed by a passing car, the driver of which took her to the hospital where the Grangers picked her up and took her home." Bill said, he seemed very calm and together Cho thought to herself, she then reminded herself not to stare at the nasty scars all over his face.

"And you say that Potter extricated himself from the star-struck wizard and ran north until you lost sight of him." Moody said.

"That's right." Charlie nodded.

Moody paused, knowing that he didn't really need to cloud these proceedings with emotion Cho suspected, before moving on to speak of Ron.

"And Weasley was followed into the alleyway beside the Leaky Caldron...apparently bleeding to death after a suicide attempt but we all know that he didn't die thanks to Molly's clock and the kind young muggle woman who assisted him at the time." Moody spoke so fast it was as if the words were just one big nonsensical collage of sound.

Cho saw that Ginny lowered her head and Percy put an arm around her shoulder. She didn't realise she had done it but she had grabbed Lavender's hand and was squeezing it gently. Lavender didn't look at her but she didn't pull her hand away either.

"Now I think we are all in agreement that Weasley isn't the sort to have stopped to slit his wrists in the middle of battle and it was probably an injury inflicted by Voldemort himself."

Every Weasley around the table nodded confidently, Cho noticed that Neville had done so as well, and Moody glanced at the Grangers before carrying on.

"So we have had no further luck with owls, Potter's owl is now also missing since we sent her off to find him, and we have had no luck in questioning both the wizarding Londoners and the muggle Londoners. I understand, however, that the Grangers have some news from their sources." Moody looked back to the Grangers and nodded at Hermione's father before sitting back down.

Every head turned to face Dr Granger as he got to his feet and pulled out a piece of paper with some scribbles on it.

"Well I have..." Hermione's dad seemed to be a little intimidated by all of the tension in the room now being directed at him, "...I have some news from some of my contacts in the medical profession. I er...I got a call this afternoon from a fellow I went to university with and he said that he had a visit from some police officers looking for a match for some dental records taken from a patient with severe memory loss. He told me they were trying to trace this person's family and as far as they could tell he had no dental records...anywhere."

Most of the people around the table had no idea what this news meant.

Hermione's mother explained from her seat beside her husband,

"In the muggle world everybody can be traced by their teeth...as long as they have them...the muggle police can find out who a person is and where they live by tracing their dental records. It's unimaginable that a person doesn't have dental records, in the muggle world at least, and they would have thought it extremely strange for somebody like Ron not to have them seeing as his teeth were very healthy."

Moody seemed to understand, some of the others were still trying to comprehend the idea that the muggles were clever enough to have worked out such a complicated trick, Cho thought she understood what was being said.

"So the police were looking for the family of a missing person at the Royal London Hospital who had acute memory loss and perfect teeth and no dental records." Dr Granger summarised, "That is unimaginable for somebody in our world so I can only conclude that it must be someone from your world; a wizard with memory loss in London around the same time that Ron and Harry went missing."

"Ron was taken to a hospital, we know that, it said so on mum's clock." Bill said he looked as if he was trying to stifle his excitement.

"Yes, it was him." Dr Granger nodded.

"Come now, let's not jump to conclusions," Moody said, "it was probably him but we can't say for definite."

"I can," Dr Granger said, his voice was stronger now, "I contacted the hospital myself, another friend of mine from medical school helped me to bend some rules and Ron Weasley was admitted to the Royal London Hospital following a suicide attempt involving slashed wrists."

Dr Granger was speaking quite quickly to keep anybody around the table from interrupting, Ron's mum had gasped and his dad was putting his arms around her as they listened.

"He was also found to have complete memory loss to a degree that none at the hospital had ever seen before. Efforts were made to trace his family but these were obviously restricted to the muggle world where he had no connections. The medical staff were concerned and the police were suspicious due to this fact and Ron must've picked up on that as he discharged himself soon after against medical advice. That was the last anyone at the hospital saw of him as far as I know."

Dr Granger stood in silence for a few seconds before sitting back down and taking his wife's hand under the table. Cho watched as Mrs Granger stroked the back of his hand soothingly.

Everybody tried to process the information they had been given. It was clear that they were no closer to finding Harry and Ron but at least the now knew for sure what hospital Ron had been taken to for treatment. Cho saw the same thought occur to Bill across the table from her.

"Right," Bill said, "so we need to send someone to the hospital and question as many people who had contact with Ron as possible, I'll do it."

Tonks chipped in before Mad-Eye Moody could protest the absence of an auror on the investigation,

"I'll come too Bill, I'm sure Mad-Eye will agree with me that an auror should accompany you with your investigation."

Moody seemed put out while Cho felt quite impressed at herself for having read the situation so well.

Bill smiled at Tonks,

"Good, well that can be what we do first thing tomorrow morning Tonks, thank you."

"You're welcome." Tonks smiled.

Moody got to his feet again,

"Well thank you to the doctors Granger for their help with the search, you're muggle connections are invaluable, now do we have any more news to share with each other?"

Cho looked around the table at the expectant faces. There were a few shrugs and mutterings about false alarms and red herrings but mostly just the silent shake of people's heads. The meeting was disbanded and Mrs Weasley set about making tea and sandwiches for everybody.

Cho noticed Lavender stand and rush up the stairs to the bathroom, glancing over her shoulder and seeing that Parvati hadn't noticed this Cho resolved to go after her instead.

At the top of the stairs she could see that the bathroom door was still open and Lavender sitting on the edge of the bath tub with her head in her hands, breathing slow deep breaths. Cho walked over and leaned on the doorframe.

"Are you going to be alright?"

Lavender's head snapped up and she straightened her posture and nodded,

"Yes, fine, thanks Cho."

Cho sat on the edge of the bathtub beside her and put an arm around her shoulders,

"It must feel really weird for you."

Lavender sighed and nodded,

"It's not like I'm still in love with him or anything it's that...I loved him once."

Cho smiled to herself,

"That makes all the difference doesn't it?"

"He was the first person I ever did love; my first real serious boyfriend, serious to me anyway; and you can't just switch that off when it's over."

"I can't imagine how uncomfortable it must be to sit down there with his entire family."

Lavender turned to look at her,

"You're lucky Harry doesn't have a family."

Cho shook her head, they weren't the same her and Lavender, not the way Lavender was talking about anyway,

"Harry and I were never in love, we were never really even a couple were we?"

"No I suppose not."

Cho brushed a strand of long blonde hair behind Lavender's ear as she spoke,

"It's still strange, it's still uncomfortable, but it's something I have to do. I have to help try to find him. After all I did love Cedric and Harry didn't just leave him did he?"

"You _did_ love Cedric?" Lavender asked, "So you don't anymore? You got over him?"

Cho sighed deeply,

"I say did because people look at me strangely if I say do, you're not supposed to love a dead man, and I still do. I always will. He was my first just like Ron was yours."

Lavender's eyes began to water Cho pulled her into a hug.

"Listen Lavender, he's not dead, you can do better than me at this whole dealing with your first love thing because you can watch him go on with his life and get on with your own. He won't be just a memory like...well, he won't and that's more than I've got."

Lavender let out a short laugh,

"Memory eh? Well that's a funny thing isn't it? It's all I've got of our time together and it's the one thing he's lost altogether. I don't even exist in his memory anymore."

Cho couldn't help but chuckle and this shocked Lavender,

"At least that erases how annoying you were with him towards then end of your relationship! You've got a clean slate girl, just like he has, think of it like that."

Lavender laughed at this.

"When you do see him again, and you will Lavender, he won't remember all that clinginess and jealousy and he'll think you're a really nice person." Cho was unable to stop herself laughing now.

Lavender slapped her on the arm as she laughed a little louder.

"Shhhh," Cho warned, "imagine what they'd all think if they heard the two spurned women laughing their heads off at a time like this."

The bathroom door creaked as Parvati and Padma pushed it wide to take in the sight of the two former loves of Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley's lives giggling like idiots on the edge of a grimy bathtub.

"Well we'd think we all needed a good laugh at a time like this." Parvati smiled down at the two of them.

"Mrs Weasley is asking for you both, she wants to know if you'd like a chocolate biscuit with your tea before they are all demolished by hungry Weasleys."

Lavender stood up and hauled Cho with her,

"Ah chocolate, the other great love of my life, c'mon let's go."

The four of them set off back down the stairs letting the smiles and laughter die down until Padma casually asked Lavender,

"How come when you went out with Ron you got all that hot action and all I got was a grouchy git?"

They descended the stairs, drowning out an abusive portrait hanging on the wall with the sounds of our laughter.

ooo

He let out a deep sigh as he waited for Dr Rayner to come back and start their one-on-one for that morning. Yet another waste of both of their time he thought as he idly picked up a pen from her desk and started to play around with it between his thumb and forefinger. He didn't need this. His therapy was his friends, to talk to them was like fifty worthless sessions with Rayner condensed into an easy to swallow pill, they also didn't irritate him half as much either.

He glanced at the telephone on Dr Rayner's desk. That girl he'd spoken to from the Samaritans, she had been good, and she hadn't seemed to be sitting in judgement of him. He smiled as he waggled the pen in his hand rapidly; she had asked him to decide upon a favourite colour. He glanced around the room, at all the colours he could see, to find a shade that jumped out at him. Nothing seemed to win him over particularly. He sat back in his chair and stifled a yawn. He got up early for _this_? To be stood up by the most annoying woman on the planet.

"So you're just as inactive even when I'm not in the room then? That's reassuring."

Dr Rayner's voice had startled Ron out of his lazy examination of the ceiling, causing him to leap out of his seat and spin around to face her. The doctor arched her eyebrows as she took in his new posture.

"Are you going to stick that thing up my nose or something?" she asked him.

Ron realised that he was brandishing the pen he had been playing with as if it were a weapon. He was also standing in a fencing pose. He tossed the pen back onto the desk, dropping his shoulders, and apologised. He noticed that Dr Rayner was analysing his behaviour and he didn't like it one bit.

"Well take a seat Ron, I'm sorry to have kept you waiting but it couldn't be helped I'm afraid, now tell me how your first week or so here has been for you."

She was moving around her desk to sit down herself but Ron was pushing in his own chair and walking to the door.

"Well it'll have to wait 'till next time won't it? I was here on time and now my time is up so I'll be off for my breakfast." Ron smiled, "See ya!"

He waved and opened the door, the Welsh girl from his group sessions...Harriet he thought she was called, was sitting outside waiting her turn.

"Dr Granger will see you now" he said with a sweeping arm gesture.

The girl frowned at him,

"But I'm supposed to see Dr Rayner."

Ron stared at her, wasn't that what he had just said?

"Yeah and she's inside waiting for you."

Harriet was about to say something else when Dr Rayner appeared at the door behind him.

"No Ron, I heard you, you called me Dr Granger. Do you know a Dr Granger Ron?"

What was she playing at, was she trying to mess with his head or something? That was just mean considering his problem.

"No I don't know a Dr Granger, I didn't say Dr Granger, I said Rayner."

"Um, maybe I miss-heard..." Harriet said as she nervously tried to help him out.

"You didn't hear him wrong Harriet, and neither did I; can you go inside and take a seat please?"

Harriet glanced at Ron, clearly trying to convey her apology with her eyes, as she passed and went inside the office. Dr Rayner took a step toward him and lowered her voice without losing any of the authority in her tone.

"Ok so I think some things are coming back to you Ron, first all the head rushes and deja-vu incidents and now this, I'm going to schedule a second one-on-one for us in the afternoons."

Ron's heart sank,

"No you don't need to do that, we're not getting anywhere with the morning ones. Twice a day; there's just no way I'm doing that."

"Ron I know what I'm doing, you have to trust me with your treatment."

Ron was about to scoff about her calling what she was doing 'treatment' when he realised something.

"Wait, how did you know about the deja-vu head rushes? I never told you that."

Dr Rayner looked apprehensive for a moment before giving him his answer,

"Jo told me."

He felt suddenly empty. He trusted Jo, she was his friend, she was his confident and co-founder of the Rayner is clueless an annoying club. She had betrayed him. Had she? What kind of mind games was Rayner playing with him?

"Ron don't take what I've said to mean Jo and I are discussing you behind your back."

"No it's fine," Ron said as he walked backwards away from Dr Rayner's office, "in fact why don't you get Jo to do my two meetings a day in order to 'heal' me and I'll just sit in the day room and watch the telly?"

Ron spun on his heel and stormed down the corridor, flinging the fire doors open and heading up to the third floor.

ooo


	14. I'll Let You Down

**Chapter Thirteen - I'll Let You Down**

The third floor corridor was the most deserted place in the whole clinic. Ron sat on the cold hard linoleum with his back against the wall. The phone was fixed into the wall just above his head and the receiver was in his hand. He listened to the ringing tone and ran his free hand through his shaggy red hair as he waited.

"Hello Samaritans, this is Susan and I'm here to listen."

"Hello, um Susan did you say?"

"Yes that's right." the friendly voice replied.

"I spoke to Hermione last time. Would I be able to...?"

"She's free at the moment. Let me transfer you over to her."

"Thanks." Ron let out a relieved sigh.

"Hello this is Hermione; you asked to speak with me."

"Hi it's me again; um you probably don't remember me."

"It's Ron isn't it?"

He was surprised,

"You _do_ remember me? Wow."

"Of course I do. I'm glad you called back Ron."

She sounded as if she genuinely meant it. Ron felt a lump build in his throat that prevented him from speaking. There was silence for what felt like an age before he heard Hermione's voice again.

"Ron is something wrong?"

He tried to speak but he could only force out a strangled sob.

"Please talk to me. It's ok I'm not going anywhere, take as much time as you want, but please do talk to me when you're ready."

"I just...for a few days...I didn't feel as if I was on my own."

"And you do now?"

"I don't know." his voice squeaked embarrassingly high.

"It's ok Ron, you're not alone, I'm here for you."

"But she sold me out!" Ron was loud now as he let the sob escape him, the knot in his throat finally loosening enough to let him speak, "I trusted her with all my shit, I thought we were gonna help each other, it was supposed to be us against them and she's one of them."

"Come on, take a breath, calm down for me."

"I'm sorry." his voice quivered, he felt so pathetic to be blubbing like this.

"Don't apologise Ron, you never have to apologise to me you hear?"

"It's just that it was so nice to have somebody y'know? I don't have anything but at least...I thought..." he didn't know what he felt other than lost.

"What about your friends? You said you were with people when you phoned last time didn't you?"

"That was her!" he rasped.

"Just her?"

"No," Ron sniffed and wiped his eyes roughly with the back of his hand, "there's Dee but now the two of them are together. That's not even the point though. Dee doesn't see the doctor any more, it was just me and Jo who were supposed to be..." he couldn't find the words anymore.

"This is about your treatment at the hospital?"

"Clinic, it's a clinic, and it's complicated."

"Well I'm not going anywhere y'know?"

Ron was quiet for a few seconds.

"I see this doctor every morning, the annoying one I told you about, and I can't talk to her like I can talk to my friends...like I used to talk to them," he corrected himself, he wouldn't be able to talk to them again like that, not after this, "and Jo, well she was having a really hard time with the sessions and the doctor seemed to be making her worse. So it was me and Dee who were, I don't know, _treating_ her and it was working. She was getting better."

"Go on."

Ron tried to clear his mind of all the hurt and just tell the story; he took a moment before going on,

"She was always with me whenever my head would...I get these things that confuse me and makes me think I'm remembering but then I don't, anyway she helped me with that. She was always with me during it and there cheering me up afterwards."

"So you were each other's therapy?"

"Yeah, in a way but..."

Ron was silent again. He held the receiver to his head and tried to understand what was causing him so much anger.

"What happened this morning Ron?"

"I was leaving the doctor's office after, well it wasn't really a session but that doesn't matter, and I got her name wrong and she made a big deal about it 'meaning' something and then she told me that she wanted to see me twice a day because Jo had told her about the head rushes."

"I see. Have you spoken to your friend about this yet?"

"No."

"Maybe you should. Maybe you should listen to her side of the story before you judge her, especially before you let yourself get hurt over all this."

Ron swallowed,

"What do I say?"

"Say exactly what you said to me."

Ron nodded. He took another deep breath and let it out before realising what he had just done.

"Oh I just nodded by the way, I know you can't see that over the phone but I keep forgetting obvious stuff like that."

"Hermione sounded as if she had a smile in her voice,

"That's ok."

"I'm sorry."

She sounded sterner now,

"I told you; never say you're sorry to me."

"Sorry." Ron said before he could stop himself, he laughed.

She was laughing too.

"Y'know Ron, the English are supposed to be the nationality that apologises the most frequently?"

"Well we are all brought up by domineering mothers aren't we?" he quipped before his eyes widened and he shivered as if a cold bucket of water had just been thrown over him, "I was! My mother was like that, I know she was, oh my God I almost remembered my mum." he whispered in shock.

"What?"

"Just then when I was describing the typical English mother I recognised the description, I was describing my own mother I know I was, I almost had her in my head for a second."

"Almost?"

"Yeah," he answered, the disappointment in his voice plain to hear, "that's the sort of thing that I was talking about happening with Jo."

"Well go and find her and tell her about it. Tell her about everything."

He nodded again.

"Are you nodding again or are you just thinking?"

Ron smiled,

"I was nodding."

"Good."

Ron pulled himself up from the floor,

"Ok, I'll go and find her now, thank you for...y'know, everything."

"You're always welcome. Call back and let me know how it went."

"I will." he smiled, about to say goodbye and go back downstairs in search of Jo, when a thought suddenly struck him, "Orange!"

"Excuse me?" Hermione seemed quite confused by his random outburst.

"My favourite colour, I'm choosing orange to be my favourite colour, you asked me to let you know."

"I did," she said, the sound of a smile back in her voice again, "so how did you come up with that?"

"I don't know really. I just realised it was the first colour I ever remember choosing. I arrived at the clinic with nothing, not even a toothbrush, and the doctor who admitted me had a bag full of them and told me to take my pick."

"And you chose an orange one."

"Yeah; it was the first colour I ever chose so I figure that makes it important right?"

"Every choice we make is important Ron."

"Yeah." Ron thought for a few seconds before winding the call up, "So I'm gonna go and find Jo, thanks again, Bye."

"Goodbye Ron, I hope I was of some help."

Ron smiled,

"You have no idea how much help you are."

"Good."

"Bye then."

"Bye."

Ron hung up the phone and rested his head on the wall, closing his eyes, and wondered what the hell he was going to do when he saw Jo.

ooo

"Derek...David...Daniel...Doug...Darren...Dominic?"

Jo was staring into Dee's unblinking eyes trying to catch a glimmer as she stumbled across the right name, he was playing it cool to the point of amusement though and she wasn't getting anywhere.

"Dudley?"

Dee finally laughed,

"Dudley? Do I look like a Dudley to you?"

Jo was laughing too,

"Well tell me what it is or I'm just going to keep on guessing."

"Keep on guessing, you'll never get it." Dee shrugged.

"Right; Dirk, Donnie, Dean, Dennis, Dimitri?"

"Oh you're getting exotic now aren't you?" Dee said with great amusement.

"Doris."

Dee could hardly chastise her through the laughter at that,

"Doris is a woman's name!"

"Well that would be something embarrassing enough for you to want to keep it quiet isn't it? I mean there are male Shirleys and that cowboy bloke was called Marian wasn't he?"

"What cowboy bloke?"

"John Wayne I think, one of those butch men from the fifties anyway. Are you a Dorothy?" she said with a wicked gleam flashing in her eyes.

"Let it go, you will never get it." Dee said each word slowly to make sure his point was understood.

"I'm sticking with Dick." the emotionless voice of Ron said from behind the two of them.

They turned around to greet him with warm smiles but his face told them that there was something very wrong.

"Hey mate," Dee said with concern, "I got you a tea but you've been quite a while and its gone cold now."

"That's fine." said Ron as he sat down at the spare chair next to Jo who was looking at him with more lines crinkling her forehead then he'd ever seen before.

"What is it?" Jo said as she tried to read the situation "Was it the session with Rayner? That fucking woman is such a..."

"Don't!" Ron snapped as he stared into her steel coloured eyes with barely suppressed anger, "Don't start that game with me."

Dee pulled his chair around the table towards him,

"Ron, come on mate, there's no need to..."

"This has got nothing to do with you." Ron said, his voice still eerily cold and calm.

Jo was catching up at last as the furrows in her brow began to iron themselves out,

"It's got something to do with me?"

Ron smiled a slight but icy smile at her,

"She told me."

"Who? What?" Jo shook her head and briefly glanced at Dee for clarification.

"Rayner told me about your little chat."

Jo suddenly looked hurt herself,

"She's telling you about my fucking sessions? I'm gonna kill her!"

Jo had been about to rise from the table and go in search of Dr Rayner when Ron let out a bitter laugh that kept her in her seat,

"Oh that's rich!"

Dee tried to mediate once more,

"Listen she doesn't know what you're talking about. Can you just..."

"Stay out of it. This is our business, mine and hers."

"What have I done that has pissed you off? Is she playing us against each other 'cause I thought you were too sharp for that?"

Ron's voice was rising now,

"Explain to me how in _your _session, to make _you_ better, you end up spilling your guts about _my_ head rushes to Rayner."

Dee turned and stared at Jo, waiting for her to clear up this obvious misunderstanding. Jo looked at Ron for a fraction of a second before her face dropped and her eyes widened. She looked down at the table and her face went pale.

"You're not denying it." Dee said his voice seemed to be hollow as he spoke.

Her head snapped up to Ron, her eyes fixed upon him with a determined focus and she spoke faster than anybody could really keep up with,

"I didn't know I'd done it, I realised what I'd done but she was in the middle of throwing all this other stuff at me, I was...I was...I was going to tell you as soon as I got out but she was just piling all this stuff on me and I was trying to fend that shite off and it just got buried and I didn't mean to tell her Ron, I didn't mean to but she slammed me with the stuff with my mum before I could even register what I'd said and I didn't say it thinking about it I was trying to deflect another barrage load of her crap and it just came out..."

Ron wasn't sure if he was angry with her anymore but he still felt great annoyance and he barked out at her, slamming his palm on the table,

"What _did_ you say?"

She looked back down at the table and took a few deep breaths, Ron could see her eyes rapidly moving and he knew she was skimming through her memory of that session to try to find out exactly what she'd done. After a while she looked up again, she looked ashamed of herself.

"I...I told her about; I didn't tell her to _tell_ her, I mentioned it..."

Ron nodded for her to continue.

"...I told her you were getting flashes. You were feeling familiarity with stuff and you couldn't place it."

Ron sat back in his chair and folded his arms across his chest without a word.

"I'm sorry." Jo whispered.

Dee leaned forward to meet Jo's eyes,

"When was this?"

"This was the bad day, the...er..." she said in almost a whisper.

"...the Beachy Head day?"

Jo nodded.

Ron unfolded his arms. He didn't know if he was forgiving her yet, but he wanted to understand what had gone on in that session, he remembered the state she had been in on that day. He remembered the things she had said about her sessions with Dr Rayner making her worse.

"You said something about your mother, something about her throwing a lot of stuff at you that distracted you, what was that all about?" Ron asked, the harshness leaving his voice as he spoke.

Jo lowered her head right down so her chin was resting on her chest and she started to play with her hands.

"Jo?" Ron pressed.

Looking up she took a calming breath and answered him,

"Nobody knows that I'm here. This is my latest disappearing act. I lied when I checked in and told them that my family knew where I was and that I was trying to get better and all that. I haven't been home for ten months and they've been looking for me and they tracked me down here."

Ron melted a little but he wanted to find out more so he just nodded as Dee moved his chair back around to her side of the table to put a hand in hers as she spoke.

"But this place has anonymity and I told them that they couldn't tell my family they'd found me. Rayner is trying to get me to call home. She was trying to get me to do it in the session, invite my mum to visit; she wanted me to explain why I did it...why I left again."

Ron leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table,"

"She backed you into a corner?"

"Mentally yeah, she was in the middle of all these different speeches about selfishness and parental stress and my problem becoming a greater problem that effects everyone around me and I was trying to deflect all her different angles at the same time and it just came out, I'm sorry Ron, I'm so sorry."

Ron shook his head and took her other hand,

"Forget that."

"I can't believe that I did forget it, I can't believe that I forgot to tell you I'd done it."

Ron let her have a smile with no malice behind it for the first time that morning,

"You had other stuff on your mind, its ok."

"It's not, I'm fucking..." she let go of both their hands and pounded the table with her fists as she raised her own voice from the low shame-filled tone she had been speaking in, "...I'm annoyed with myself now!"

"Well I'm not annoyed with you any more so...I forbid you to be annoyed at yourself." Ron said firmly.

She almost smiled; Ron felt a warm surge inside him because of that.

"You're _forbidding_ me?"

"Yeah." he smiled back.

The smile faded as he asked another question.

"So did she wear you down? Did you call home?"

Jo shook her head.

"Why _did _you leave?" Dee asked.

Jo sighed and shook her head,

"If I knew that I wouldn't have to be here. That's why I can't make that damn call, what's the first thing they're gonna ask me? Why did you go? I don't know. Where have you been? Places. When are you coming home? I don't want to. What did we do wrong? Nothing. What's wrong with you? Every-fucking-thing! All that phone call is going to produce is questions I don't have answers to and what good is a phone call like that going to do anyone?"

Ron smiled at her again,

"I was really pissed off with you."

"You bloody should be." Jo said.

"No, I shouldn't, I shoulda known, when she first said it my instinct told me she was lying. I knew I could trust you, I knew you wouldn't..." Ron shrugged and pulled her into a hug that released the last little bit of the negativity he was feeling towards her.

"But I did, and I tried to warn you guys about me, I did say to you both remember?"

Ron released her and looked her in the eyes, the grey was now surrounded by pink rather than white, she was about to turn on herself again and he'd set her off. He wanted to stop her before she got going.

"I will let you down. It's what I do, I disappoint people, I set a high standard for myself that I can't keep and..."

"Duncan." Ron said.

Jo blinked and shook her head as if an entire conversation had just been had without her knowledge,

"What?"

Ron grinned and turned to Dee,

"Dwight, Dylan, Dougal, Donald..."

Dee's face broke into a smile and he shook his head,

"Not even close."

Jo laughed and wiped away the tears that had just squeezed from her eyes as Ron continued.

"Denzil, Dermot, Desmond, Darryl, Damon..."

Dee just kept on shaking his head smugly.

Jo rejoined the speculation,

"Dale?"

"Damian, Drew?" Ron laughed

"Duane?"

ooo


	15. Green Eyes

**Chapter Fourteen - Green Eyes**

_"Green eyes, you're the one that I wanted to find..." - Coldplay_

Ginny had surprised everybody with her attitude since Harry and Ron's disappearance, she had even surprised herself to some extent, and the strength she was managing to muster as the days went by was nothing short of a miracle. She had got angry and upset, that's true, but compared to the extreme changes in some other members of her family she was holding herself together remarkable well. She still couldn't look at Bill without thinking of how he was when he reappeared from the pensive; she wondered if she'd still be as tough as she was now if she had seen what he had seen.

Ginny looked at the family clock, at Ron's hand still pointed at 'lost', and wished that Harry had a hand too. As soon as she thought that the familiar feeling of guilt crept up on her again. Of all the emotions she was seemingly able to control, guilt wasn't one of them. She felt it all the time because she thought about Harry all the time. She thought about him and she missed him and she was looking for him...more than she was her brother. She hated that. She hated that her mind had made her choose and she hated that she did choose. She loved Ron so much and she worried about him all the time, especially after hearing that he had been seriously hurt at the time of his disappearance, but she wasn't thinking of him constantly. She wasn't obsessing over him every minute of every day as she was Harry.

She felt like such an infatuated child. She felt like such a bitch. She felt like crying.

The previous night Charlie had let off steam with a frustrated rant about everything that had gone wrong with their search being the fault of Vernon Dursley. He had been quite irrational about it but nobody had bothered to correct him. It had set Ginny off thinking though. She wished that Harry had just gone home to the Dursleys. She wished he was with them right now, utterly miserable and with partial memory loss but at least she would know where he was, and she could let him leave her mind for a while so she could concentrate on her brother. Hermione had given her that opportunity, why couldn't Harry?

Oh yeah...Dursley, Charlie was right, it _was_ all his fault.

That idiot had a lot to answer for. She wanted to go around to his house in Privet Drive with a big skewer and burst his fat belly, making him fly around the room like a rapidly deflating balloon, Harry would've liked that.

The family clock clicked and whirred as two of the hands began to move. The twins were travelling. Bill's hand was still fixed on 'hospital' where he was investigating with Tonks, he wasn't sleeping much and Fleur was getting worried about him but he refused to slow down in his search for Ron. Her father and Percy's hands were pointed at 'work'. They hadn't been able to take any more time away from their jobs at the ministry and had to go back this morning with great reluctance.

She thought of Ron briefly before her thoughts returned to Harry. She wished the two of them were lost together instead of apart. She wished they would hurry up and be found. She wished that the thought of Harry meeting her and looking at her as if she was a stranger didn't make her feel worse than the same thought about Ron.

More than anything she wished she wasn't being so selfish.

ooo

He was so late.

It was Jimmy's fault; Jimmy and his long story that Harry had to wait and hear the end to, Jimmy and his idea to make a loaf of bread with peanut butter baked into it 'to save all the hassle of spreading it yourself', Jimmy and his laid back attitude to life that now lead to Harry having to practically run through the streets of London to work that afternoon.

"Jimmy you peanut butter eating prat..." he grumbled as he dodged in and out of the crowds of people who seemed to be deliberately getting in his way,"...I'm gonna _kill_ you!"

"Harry?" a voice said as he blundered through a crowd of bodies.

He kept going but glanced over his shoulder, he didn't see anybody looking at him or trying to catch his attention so he carried on going.

"Any spare change mate?" he heard one of the homeless people he had to hop over call out as he ran on.

Shit, he couldn't stop, he really didn't want to be one of those people who ignored people like Andrew but he was so late. He'd do something to make up for it on his way home tonight, he promised himself.

"Harry!" a voice called out urgently from behind him.

Oh no, it wasn't Andrew he'd jumped over back there was it? What must he think of him?

"Oh bollocks!" he growled as he hurried onwards without a backwards glance.

"Harry wait!" the voice called out louder.

Harry slowed a little and glanced over his shoulder, he couldn't see anybody trying to get his attention. He huffed and set off again. There's got to be a fair few Harrys in London today, he clearly wasn't the one that the person had wanted. He ran on.

"Harry, for Merlin's sake!"

Harry almost tripped on hearing that, was that a new expletive doing the rounds or something? It was certainly a new one on him anyway. He wished this other Harry bloke would let this person catch them up and stop letting the Harry in a hurry keep getting distracted like this.

Ah, he could see it now; he was almost at the pub. He really hoped it wasn't as late as he thought he was.

_Wham!_

A hand landed on his shoulder and spun him around.

"Gotcha!"

ooo

"I miss you y'know?"

"Then take me with you this time, I want to help you end this for good Harry, when you three go after this last horcrux I'll go with you."

"No you won't, your mum will kill me if I take you to face Voldemort and you know it."

"She didn't kill you when you took Ron with you. She's not stopping you now she knows she might never see him again. She'll understand."

"Ron won't."

"Sod Ron!"

Harry brushed Ginny's hair back behind her ear.

"You don't mean that Gin."

Ginny looked down at her feet. No she hadn't meant it, of course she hadn't, she knew what Ron going was likely to mean to their family. She knew that, even from the age of just eleven, Ron was a strategist first and the kid who was frightened of spiders second. She, and everybody else for that matter, knew that Ron was willing to play the expendable pawn in this game if it meant his king was protected from attack. She felt sure that Harry could defeat Voldemort, she wasn't so certain he could do it unharmed or even alive but the victory was in no doubt in her mind, but she held the same certainty that when she said goodbye to Ron later that day she would never be seeing him again.

There were three men in her life that Ginny felt she would never be able to live without. One was her father, one was Harry and one was Ron. That was a tough thing to admit when she considered how many brothers she had but it was the truth all the same.

"No I don't, I don't mean it, but I can't let you go without me Harry. I won't."

"You're going to." Harry said firmly.

Ginny opened her mouth to protest one final time but Harry silenced her with a kiss. Ginny's eyes leaked salty tears as she squeezed them shut, it was a goodbye kiss. She wasn't going with them. Harry pulled away and couldn't look at her; he sniffed and turned away, walking into the Burrow to bid farewell to the rest of the Weasleys who were going insane with worry about Ron as it was. As Harry got to the door Hermione stepped out, her face flushed and her eyes glistening. Ginny felt sure that her mother was causing quite a scene with Ron and she was glad she wasn't there to witness it. Harry seemed to take a deep breath and step inside. Ginny wiped another tear from her cheek as Ron stepped out of the house and found Hermione burrowing her head into his chest as soon as he had cleared the doorstep. As his arms wrapped around her he glanced up and locked eyes with Ginny. They stared at each other for almost a minute before Ron smiled at her and waved. Ginny tried to smile back, her own hand waving frantically, and Harry emerged from the house and Ron and Hermione broke apart.

Ron looked at Harry for a second and nodded before turning back to Ginny and mouthing the words, 'I'll bring him back'. Ginny let out a sob and hollered back to the three of them.

"I want all of you back!"

Her voice had echoed and it felt as if even the birds had stopped singing as the words faded into the deathly silence. Ron forced a smile and drew a cross over his heart with his finger. Hermione held up a hand and mouthed 'I swear'. Harry stared at her in shock before bellowing back.

"I want you back too!"

The words made Ginny shiver and, within a millisecond, Harry Potter, her closest brother and her best friend disapparated before her eyes.

ooo

Neville, Dean and Seamus had split up and arranged to meet at Piccadilly Circus as that was where all three of their adopted streets converged. He was getting disheartened and he thought that just wandering around the streets every day wasn't the most productive way to go about finding his friends. He still had hope though. The day he stopped looking would be the day he lost hope as well as his old friends and he wouldn't allow that to happen.

Unfortunately for Neville he had chosen to search one of the busiest streets in the West End that afternoon and the crowds of people milling around ahead of him were beginning to annoy him. Why can't these people just go where they're going a little faster? Is it really necessary to gaze at every little landmark and shop window along the way? Can't they all walk their slow walk on one side of the pavement, leaving the other side clear for people who walk with an actual purpose? Didn't that person who just pushed through the group of people just ahead of him look just like Harry Potter?

_What?_

"Harry?" he called out uncertainly.

The head of scruffy black hair turned and the familiar face glanced over his shoulder. Neville waved frantically but he didn't see him and turned away. No, he couldn't let this happen, he couldn't lose him. Roughly Neville pushed his way through the crowd without a word of apology to the disgruntled parties involved. He got a weird kick out of doing that actually, he felt a kind of exhilarated guilt, and then he reminded himself of the urgency of the situation and dashed onward.

He panicked that he had lost sight of Harry when he saw him jump up a little way ahead of him.

"Harry!" he called out, ploughing on toward the spot he had seen Harry's head bobbing out of the crowd.

Then his feet were taken from beneath him and he was falling with the momentum that he'd built up and the stone slabs were rushing toward his face with terrifying speed as he extended his arms to break his fall and...

Thump!

His palms burned and he felt his funny bone sending shock waves through every other bone in his body. His cheeks burned with embarrassment and his ego began to bruise as he hauled himself back up and scanned the various backs of heads retreating before him and couldn't make out the back of Harry's head anywhere.

"Harry wait!" he yelled desperately.

His eyes panned over the faces of the people who had turned around in response to his call and he felt his heart leap at the sight of a pair of bright green eyes framed by round glasses looking back in his direction. The expression on his face was one of annoyance and he turned away and set of again. Neville couldn't catch up with him, the crowd wouldn't allow it, and he was going to lose him. He was going to have to meet Dean and Seamus and tell them he almost had him but he lost him in the crowd. He was going to have to go and tell the aurors that he couldn't push his way past a crowd of muggles in time to catch up with him. He was going to have to tell Ginny that he had let him get away.

_Sod that!_

"Harry for Merlin's sake!" Neville bellowed ahead of him to the friend he had completely lost sight of now.

He pushed and shoved and ran as fast as he could, he tripped and stumbled too but that didn't stop him, he was going to catch up. He was going to catch him. He was in sight of him now. There he was, that was the back of Harry Potter's head, he had him at last. He was a fingertip away from him. Neville gave one final thrust forward and clasped his right hand onto his shoulder and pulled him around with a jubilant exclamation...

ooo

_Crash!_

Ginny dropped the tray carrying the teapot, teacups and saucers. The tray clattered to the floor and the china was obliterated into smithereens and the amount of noise was quite convenient as she had screamed out a word that her mother would definitely not approve of.

"Oh my, Ginny dear what a racket!" her mother said as she hurried into the kitchen and saw the debris that had been her tea set all over the kitchen floor.

Her mother looked up at her face and seemed stricken with concern, why that was Ginny couldn't fathom, it was only the grubby old tea set she'd smashed. What was the big deal?

"No sweetheart, don't worry, it's not important." her mother said as she pulled her into an embrace that almost suffocated her, "No use crying over spilt milk...or tea."

Crying, who was crying? She certainly wasn't crying.

"Shhhh...There there, it's alright, everything's going to be alright." her mother said as she began to run Ginny's back in a soothing circular motion.

Well it would be alright if you let me go so I could clean it up, Ginny thought grumpily, but then she felt the wet patch that was growing on her mother's flowery blouse. She _was_ crying. Over the tea set? No, of course not, she knew why. She was shocked though, this had come out of nowhere, why was she crying now? The other thing that disturbed her was the fact that, now that she recognised that she was crying, she started crying harder and couldn't stop.

"We'll find them Ginny. We'll find them and bring them back home. It'll all be over soon I promise."

Ginny tried to scoff at that but it came out as a choking sound. Her mother couldn't promise that, nobody could, and something inside her told her that it wasn't going to be a matter of simply finding them. There was more to this sudden breakdown she was having, it was more than just worry, and she had to let her mother know.

"I wish I had gone with them." she managed to force out, albeit muffled, in the strongest voice she could muster.

"I know dear, we all do." her mother said in a comforting tone.

"No," Ginny pushed away from her mother to look her in the eye, "you don't understand I wish I had been there with them that day. I wish I could've forgotten everything with them. I wish I was in the middle of this mess rather than on the outside."

Her mother looked alarmed,

"How could your suffering make this situation any better?"

Ginny sniffed and more tears pushed their way out onto her cheeks,

"Because I wouldn't know about any of it mum. I wouldn't miss them. It wouldn't hurt."

Her mother gripped her tightly and pulled her back into her arms,

"It won't hurt for much longer. Something's going to happen soon enough, you'll see."

ooo

"Gotcha!"

Harry almost went grey with shock as he found himself being spun around to face the familiar face that beamed at him with a triumphant smile.

"Tryin' to sneak in late are ya?"

"Blimey Natasha you scared the shit out of me!" Harry sighed.

Natasha chuckled as the two of them went into the pub,

"Don't fret pot boy, Mario's cool, as long as he sees that you actually give a toss that you're late he's ok with it. It's when people show up late and don't even pretend to feel bad about it that he gets all Italian about it."

"What does 'all Italian' mean?" Harry snorted.

Natasha pulled off her jacket and stepped behind the bar ready to start her shift,

"Y'know? All passionate and that."

Harry shook his head and made his way to the kitchen.

Just another unremarkable day really.

ooo

_A/N How much do you hate me for that? I know Greenpluff...I'm evil!_


	16. So This Is How It Feels To Be Lonely?

_A/N I LOVED writing this chapter so much (you wouldn't think it would be fun from the title or even the start of it but trust me, it gets SO much better!) I hope you find it as warm and fuzzy as I do._

**Chapter Fifteen - So This Is How It Feels To Be Lonely?**

Hermione had decided against going straight home tonight. She had a free evening and no homework to fill it, as always she had done it on the bus home the night it had been assigned, so she resolved to get to know Leamington Spa a little better.

She passed the regal statue of Queen Victoria who put the 'Royal' into Royal Leamington Spa, although nobody really used the town's full name unless they were quite snobby. As if to illustrate that point some local kids had scaled the statue and put a bright orange traffic cone upon the diminutive monarch's head as if it were a luminous witches hat. Hermione chuckled at that.

She crossed an old stone bridge and passed by a student bar. She paused; she was a student wasn't she? Why didn't she go in and mix with other students? She heard the sounds of a wannabee punk band from the room downstairs and smelt some illegal smells and found herself disapproving before she'd even stepped inside the place. Where was her sense of adventure?

What she should've asked was where was her sense? She had managed to get no less than five cigarette burns on her journey from the door to the bar and a very friendly, very pierced, barman with a jet black Mohican gave her an icy drink to hold against her burned arms and hand.

She glanced around her, she really didn't fit in here, and she felt like a maiden aunt in comparison to all these people. These people, her contemporaries, were cool and she most definitely was not. Her head turned to the left sharply on overhearing somebody talking about runes.

"...and this one is to symbolise my strength." said the pale girl who was showing off her tattoos.

The gothic-looking group were discussing the runic symbols that were all the way up both the girl's forearms.

"Bet your mum went spare when she saw them." one of the girl's companions sneered.

"Oh she still doesn't know I've got any yet. I've managed to keep 'em all well covered when I go back home."

The group laughed and a young man with green spiky hair grabbed the girl's right arm and pointed to one of the symbols,

"I thought this one was supposed to symbolise bravery? Send her for laser treatments, remove the lie!" he called out to nobody in particular as the others laughed at her.

Hermione tried to stifle her own chortle and look away before they noticed she had been watching them.

"I just wanted to avoid the confrontation and the melodrama that's all." she heard the girl protesting.

"I can just hear her now, 'look at your beautiful skin! You've scarred your arms for life', honestly the way she treats me it's as if she doesn't think I have any brains in my head."

Hermione felt dizzy all of a sudden. She gripped the edge of the bar and tried to clear her head. Brains...scarred for life...skin...that girl's arms? Why did all of this make her head feel light? Was this one of the side-effects of the head trauma that her parents had spoken of?

She waited for the unpleasant sensation to pass before leaving the bar for home and the early night she needed.

ooo

Hermione was sitting in the lunch room at the Samaritans, having just finished her sandwich, and was now engrossed in her Latin text book. She was reading-up on what she thought would be coming up in her next lesson and idly twirling a drinking straw between her fingers as she did. She never used to be a fidget but recently she hadn't been able to do anything that required any concentration without playing with something or other in her hands.

"Avis...bird." read Hermione aloud as she tossed the crumpled drinking straw over to the bin that sat beneath the open window.

Another volunteer; she thought it was Susan, the woman who was always kind enough to share her calls with her when her obnoxious 'buddie' refused to; entered the lunch room with a brown paper bag and a steaming hot coffee in her hands. Susan smiled at Hermione as she glanced up to nod a polite greeting before returning her attention to the book.

Then there was a scream. Hermione dropped the book onto the table and looked up at Susan as the woman threw her hands above her head and cowered. A small bird was flying around the room manically. Susan was squealing every time the bird circled back in her direction but Hermione was more concerned that the poor little thing would hurt itself and got to her feet. She reached out for a damp tea towel that rested by the sink, all the while keeping her eyes focused upon the bird as it whizzed around the flickering neon light fixture, and unfolded it slowly.

Susan had managed to calm herself down a little now but was still flinching and, Hermione thought, about to dive beneath the table for cover if the bird got any closer to her. The bird finally set itself down upon the back of a chair and Hermione swiftly leapt into action. She swooped down over it with the tea towel and closed it around the bird's fluttering form, trying not to injure it as she lifted the bundle up.

"What are you doing?" Susan gasped.

As she carried the bundle over to the open window she said,

"Well the poor thing's terrified isn't it? If I tried to pick it up with my bare hands it would scratch and peck them to pieces."

Susan nodded to let her know she'd understood and straightened up in her seat,

"We'll have to throw that tea towel away though, it'll be covered in diseases, they're vermin y'know?"

As Hermione released the bird and watched it flutter away she smiled,

"You're thinking of pigeons, but you're right, I'll have to toss this out and replace it."

Susan scoffed at that,

"Oh don't be silly, there's plenty in the cupboard under the sink, we may be a charity but we don't expect you to got out and buy us another tea towel. We get funding for a reason y'know?"

Hermione threw the tea towel into the bin and moved to the sink to wash her hands.

"Why do you think it came in here?" she wondered aloud, "It's kind of odd really, I was just reading about birds in my Latin book."

Susan shrugged and took a swig from her coffee cup,

"It's one of those things isn't it? I get it all the time. I can be thinking of a song that I haven't heard for years and it'll suddenly come on the radio or I'll pick up my mobile phone and think of a friend of mine and a second later it rings and it's her."

Hermione smiled at that,

"I know what you mean. Things like that didn't used to happen to me but there's been some really weird coincidences happening to me recently, well not coincidences but...something strange anyway."

"The universe has a sense of humour if you ask me." Susan grinned.

Hermione shook her head ruefully and picked up her book,

"Well I'm going to get back to my phone, have a nice lunch Susan."

"Thanks, I'll give you a call if I have another Hitchcock episode."

Hermione laughed and waved.

ooo

The phone was ringing that shrill ring it did whenever there was an internal call.

"Hello, this is Hermione's line."

"Hello Hermione, I've got a caller asking for you, do you want to take it or shall I..."

"No that's fine I'll take it."

"Good, he's on line six."

"Thank you."

Hermione hung up the phone before pushing the button for line six, she felt excited and knew that she really shouldn't be,

"Hello you're speaking to Hermione how can I help?"

"Hi."

She smiled,

"Hello Ron."

The voice sounded incredulous,

"You knew it was me just from hi?

"Of course I did."

He laughed. It was a genuine laugh. He seemed to be happy.

"You sound good today."

"I am. That's why I'm ringing really, to let you know. I figured that all you ever heard from people is complaints and despair and sob-stories and it must be really depressing for you so I thought I'd call and cheer you up."

He had a laugh in his voice that she was finding infectious.

"You're not really meant to call when you're happy y'know?"

"Why not? It's thanks to you that I am."

"So you spoke to your friend then?"

"Yeah. It was...well she was upset about some other stuff and she just, well I understand what happened now. You should've seen how guilty she was, I couldn't stay mad at her, she really was sorry."

"Good, I'm glad you got that all sorted out, friends are important." she said, feeling a little sad as she realised what she was saying didn't apply to her life.

"Don't I know it? Anyway I was passing the telephone and I thought of you and how you're always listening to everybody else's problems and being so helpful and how you're at it all day and I just felt bad for you. It must be kind of upsetting, speaking to sad people all day long, so I wanted to give you a positive phone call."

"That was a nice thought Ron but..."

"Besides, I didn't want you to think that I was a total misery-guts did I? That's all you ever hear from me isn't it? I can be quite fun when the mood takes me y'know?"

She couldn't stifle the laugh,

"Oh I can believe that."

"So I thought I'd share my good mood seeing as I'm not shy about sharing the bad ones."

"That was very kind of you."

"Plus there's a snogging session going on and I can't watch two people snogging in public, I mean...yeuch!"

She tried not to laugh too loudly; she didn't think it was really appropriate for a suicide hotline to have a volunteer in hysterics on one of the phone lines.

"This is your friend again yes?"

"Both of 'em: discovering each other: in front of me! Don't they have any shame?"

"Oh dear." she chuckled.

"Oh I couldn't do it; public displays of affection aren't for me."

"Ah maybe you just haven't found the right woman yet."

"Maybe I have and I've forgotten her!" he snorted.

"Oh don't say that."

"But it's true. I don't even know if I'm a virgin or not!"

Hermione lost her resolve and let out a howl of laughter that drew some disapproving stares in her direction.

"I knew you had a good laugh." Ron sounded satisfied.

"I'm not supposed to, not here!"

She heard him chuckle, he was a devious one she realised, when he was in a good mood it was infectious.

"I'm not supposed to laugh here either. I'm supposed to moan and wail and rock back and fourth wearing a jacket with no sleeves. I suppose I would be if they could find one that fit me."

She took a deep breath in an attempt to calm her giggles,

"You're not in an asylum."

"That's lucky for Dee and Jo, you can't snog in muzzles!"

Hermione's shoulders began to shake as she fought to hold in another howl of laughter.

"Please stop." she managed to plead through her convulsive laughter.

He was laughing hard as well,

"I'm having too much fun!"

"Good for you." she said in between more deep calming breaths.

"I have had enough of feeling bad, I am feeling good today and I am going to revel in it."

"Well go and pry your friends apart and go and revel with them." Hermione suggested, although she really didn't want him to go just yet.

"What's the point? We're not allowed out today."

"Why's that?"

"Well she's having an extra long session this afternoon, which she's not looking forward to, and I'm having my stitches out."

"Your stitches?"

"Yeah." he said in a blasé manner before his tone changed slightly, "My wrists are better now...kind of."

Hermione's stomach did a back flip. She hadn't known about that, hadn't known that he'd done that to himself, she realised that those calls she'd taken before were more important to him than she had really appreciated. She also realised why he was enjoying his good mood so much.

"So you're stuck inside then?"

"Yep."

"Do you play cards? That'd pass the time."

"I'd have to learn; I'd have to learn any game from scratch wouldn't I; what with my condition and everything."

She frowned,

"Well if you were going to learn anything you may as well learn something good, don't waste your time on snap, try chess or something challenging like that."

The was a long pause before he responded with a thoughtful tone,

"I think I've played that before. I can't picture the pieces...but I know the rules. Isn't that weird?"

"There you go, you know the rules, the pieces are inconsequential, find somebody to play chess with."

"Are you trying to get rid of me?"

"No!" she answered, far too eagerly to sound professional, "Not at all."

"Don't worry, I know what you mean, I'm going. I'll find a crow bar and start working on that prying Dee and Jo apart thing we talked about. Who'd have thought you could find love in a nut house eh?"

She smiled,

"Amantes sunt amentes: lovers are lunatics."

"You can say that again." he snorted, "What language was that?"

"That was Latin."

"Are you Latin?"

Hermione shook her head,

"Um no, Latin as in the dead language not the Latino culture."

"You say tomato..."

"And I say lycopersicon esculentum."

"Pfft...Freak!"

"Did you just call me a freak?" she asked with mock outrage.

She heard him laugh again, she liked that sound, she didn't want to end the call but she knew she was being unprofessional.

"Right, so Ill find the lunatic lovers and leave you be. I'll call again. I promise I'll be miserable next time."

"I don't want to hear from you too soon then."

"Ok, well bye."

"Goodbye Ron, and thank you for the nice phone call, it was really wonderful to hear from you."

She heard him make a noise that sounded like a smiled 'hmmm' and then he hung up.

She sighed deeply and exhaled. Her face dropped and she thought of her training.

_Rule number one; don't get emotionally attached._

ooo


	17. Primal Whisper

**Chapter Sixteen - Primal Whisper**

"Stop scratching them!" Dee snapped, "I swear, I'll put a pair of mittens on you if you don't."

Ron huffed as he folded his arms across his chest. His scars were irritating him now they were all exposed. He hadn't been able to stop looking at them at first, now he couldn't stop running the tips of his fingers along each of them individually until they began to itch, and now he was getting self-conscious about them and wanted them hidden from the rest of the world. He had been told the scarring would fade a little more in time but for the moment they were pretty raw-looking.

"Pink mittens," Dee warned, "with bunnies on them."

"I've stopped alright?" Ron tried not to smile but Dee had been doing too good of a job at keeping his mood light since he'd seen the doctor that afternoon to have the dressings removed from his arms. He had hidden the scars under long sleeves but Dee had noticed immediately that Ron was finding that it irritated his skin even more.

He glanced up at Dee's face to make a snide comment questioning how Dee would know where to get hold of pink bunny mittens when he noticed that he was staring over his shoulder, his eyes alive, and Ron turned to see that Jo had come back from her extended session with Dr Rayner. She was looking annoyed and uncomfortable but, thankfully, not as beaten as he had seen her before.

"Dreams," she huffed as she sat between the two of them, "we spent an hour interpreting dreams. Is she a doctor or a hippy?"

Dee found this amusing,

"Her dreams or yours?"

Jo's eyes widened,

"Oh can you imagine what someone like her dreams about at night?"

Ron grinned,

"People with solvable problems who tell her she's right about everything and beg her to spend more time talking to them."

"Well unfortunately we'll never know because she was picking my subconscious for hidden meanings and desires." she gave a derisive snort.

"Since when did you hide your desires?" Dee gave her a wicked grin across the table and raised an eyebrow suggestively.

Jo took in the sight of smug Dee for a second or two before turning to Ron and smiling amiably,

"I'm just going to ignore him when he does stuff like that from now on, I feel its worse to encourage him, so Ron...how are you?"

Ron was about to respond but Dee, not willing to be ignored, chimed-in.

"He's licking his wounds."

Jo's eyes darted down to Ron's covered wrists and back up to his face,

"I forgot that was today. Are you picking at them already? We're not going to have to put one of those plastic cones around your head to stop you gnawing at them are we?"

Ron tugged at his sleeve and lowered his head. Jo lowered hers as well, forcing him to meet her eyes again.

"Show me." she said.

Ron hesitated before rolling up his sleeves and turning the underside of his arms upwards and he rested them on the table. Jo felt one of the ugliest of the scars, the one that had been the deepest cut, and gave him a soft smile.

"They'll go down y'know? They'll flatten-out and the redness will fade as well. You won't have them as bad as this for the rest of your life."

"No?" he asked, raising his head a little higher with hope.

"They're just like mine were and you've seen mine haven't you?" Ron nodded and she went on, "Nothing like as bad as that."

To illustrate her point she copied his pose and exposed her own scars to the harsh artificial light of the day room. Ron looked at the scars on her arms and then back at his own.

"There'll still be a little bit of a bump but nowhere near as bad." she said, moving her arm closer to him and nodding for him to feel.

Ron ran his middle finger down the length of on of Jo's longer scars. She was right, it was only a slight bump, and the pigmentation of the scar tissue was only slightly paler than her own fair tone. He looked at his own arms again and at the other, older, scars that criss-crossed around them all the way up to his shoulders. They weren't raised at all but they were a silvery-white colour that seemed to stand out in certain lights...like the one he was under now.

"I feel left out." Dee said

"I'll give you some scars if you want." Jo teased before turning her attention back to Ron for a moment, "Mine itched for weeks afterwards but you really shouldn't y'know?"

Ron nodded,

"I think it's the sleeves that are making them worse."

Jo shrugged,

"Keep them rolled up then."

He glared at her; surely she would understand his need to hide them more than anyone else.

"If anybody stares at you just look them in the eye. They'll get embarrassed, go bright pink in the face, and never look at you again. That is a fact." Jo said bluntly.

Ron wondered who in Jo's life had disowned her for what she had tried to do to herself. Then he wondered if he had been disowned himself. Could that be why his family couldn't be found? Jo was frowning and stroking one of the scars that had formed over the top of one of the older scars.

"Scars over scars, I can't tell you how they'll heal. How d'you think you did get those ones?"

Ron shrugged.

"I mean do you think it was an accident or...not?" she explained.

Ron found himself taking a really good look at the old scars for the first time since they'd been pointed out to him and he wondered how such intricate patterns had been made.

"It looks like something wound around them and burnt into the flesh." he said.

"Maybe you were scalded." Dee suggested.

Jo looked up at him doubtfully,

"By water that turns corners?"

Ron was tracing the patterns around his elbow and up to where his sleeves were rolled up,

"Maybe there was a fire and something molten fell on me."

Jo shook her head,

"You've lead a hell of a life."

"Apparently." was all Ron could say to that.

They all looked at each other and then away before Dee decided to return to a more comfortable topic.

"So what dreams did you tell Rayner then?"

Jo blinked and let out a breath,

"Um, well I just gave her general ones really, it seemed to quite frustrate her actually." she said, breaking into a smile.

"General ones?" Ron asked, stopping himself from pulling his sleeves back down as he spoke.

"Y'know, stuff like being chased by dogs and falling and being naked in public places."

Dee smirked,

"I have that dream about you as well."

Jo fought to hide her smile and carried on,

"I told her one eventually, she threatened me with another hour tomorrow if I didn't, and she got all deep and meaningful about it."

Ron sat forward,

"What was it?"

"Well I'd wake up and go about my daily business but after a while I'd notice that there was nobody else around. It's like there'd been an overnight evacuation that nobody had told me about. In the dream I just walk around the town, down the centre of the usually busy road, and realise that there isn't anybody else anywhere."

Jo looked away from them for a second, she seemed guilty.

"I enjoyed it." she said quietly.

Dee was going to say something but she was already speaking again.

"I've heard of plenty of other people having that dream, it was even used in a couple of movies, but it seems to be an anxiety dream for them. I really liked it; the peacefulness of it, the freedom; it's one of the nicer dreams I've had."

Ron thought about that for a moment before saying,

"It's you and that love of solitude thing again isn't it? That's why you keep leaving places before you get too familiar, you crave the anonymity."

Jo turned and stared at him aghast,

"Were you listening outside the door?"

Ron's eyes widened and he shook his head frantically.

"That's exactly what Rayner said."

"Shit Ron, you'd better watch out if you're starting to talk like her." Dee said as he sat back in his chair.

Ron suddenly felt a rush of joy come over him,

"Either that of she's starting to talk like us."

"Oh don't. Any similarity with her I'm against."

Dee began to laugh,

"Don't you mean againssssstht?" he over-emphasised the whistling sound on the letter 's'.

The three of them chuckled and Jo make a weird honking sound as she inhaled. Ron and Dee made eye contact; there was another laugh to add to the list.

ooo

Hermione was looking through a book she had found at the night school's limited library before class. Something had been playing on her mind since her 'happy' call from Ron and the discovery that his depression wasn't just a warning that he _might_ do something but a serious risk to his physical wellbeing. She needed to know more in order to prepare for his next call. She also needed to be able to distance their relationship to a more professional level for both of their sakes.

_Suicidal depression indicators include:_

_Depression that seems to quickly disappear for no apparent reason is cause for concern._

_Feelings of worthlessness or the 'no-one cares attitude'._

_The person in question becomes prone to angry outbursts._

_Inappropriately saying goodbye._

_Watch out for innocuous statements such as, "You won't have to worry about that anymore" or "That's not an issue anymore"._

_Be on the look out for inappropriate joking._

Hermione was worried about how many of those statements applied to Ron. The happiness out of nowhere was something she should be concerned about, she hated being right about things at times like these, and she was sure that the feelings of worthlessness weren't just self-deprecation on his part either. She re-read the statement about inappropriate joking, she did that as much as he did she thought, she decided to stop and see if he did as well. She frowned and thought back. How did he say goodbye to her when he called? Wasn't it just an ordinary 'bye'? She was sure it was nothing to worry about but she'd have to start watching out for that and the other tell-tale signs from now on as well.

She sighed and closed the book, her lesson was going to start in a few minutes and she needed to get to class. She knew she wouldn't be able to keep her mind on the phrases as she usually did though, not with this to worry about. She almost smiled as she shook her head and slid the book back onto the shelf; her imaginary friend was possibly suicidal, it could only happen to her she thought.

"Cogito, ergo doleo." she said to herself as she picked up her book bag and left the student library.

I think, therefore I am depressed.

ooo

"I wanna go dancing!" Jo suddenly suggested to a thoroughly bored looking Dee and Ron.

"Off you go then love." Dee waved with a bemused grin.

"_We're_ going dancing tonight." she reaffirmed.

Ron wasted no time shaking his head,

"I can't dance."

She had been ready for that response,

"How do you know?"

"Can _you_ dance?" Dee questioned her, Ron thought he was trying to deflect the pre-prepared persuasion she had been rehearsing in her head beforehand.

"I can't _not _dance if that makes any sense."

"It doesn't." Dee said as he sat back in his armchair and folded his arms as if the debate was over.

Ron saw that he was trying and failing to restrain the smile that was fighting its way onto his face and decided to step in and cover for him.

"Listen, even if we could dance, we don't remember how so just let it go and watch telly with us."

"The telly will be there tomorrow, tonight is only fleeting!" she announced dramatically and Ron couldn't help but smile, "I will only believe you two can't dance when I see you physically not being able to dance on a dance floor."

"Ah so this is a humiliation thing?" Dee said with amusement.

"Of course, and it's a distraction from our hum-drum lives of therapy, self contemplation and giddy manic periods. So go and put on your dancing shoes my boys, the night awaits."

Ron snorted,

"Dancing shoes? I didn't even have pants when I arrived here!"

Dee laughed at that but Jo was having none of it.

"No excuses, we're going into town and we're going to boogie."

Dee sat rigid in his chair,

"We're going to what?"

Jo bent over and stared into Dee's eyes, practically nose-to-nose and she growled,

"You heard."

ooo

The three of them were walking along the promenade, on the look-out for somewhere to 'boogie' and Dee wasn't letting up on his complaints.

"Did you ever think that maybe Wednesday night isn't boogie night Jo?"

"Every night is boogie night!" she exclaimed.

Ron really didn't think he danced. He didn't remember of course but his instincts told him her couldn't, that and the fact that when he had made his excuses and gone to the loo before they left he'd had a bit of a go in front of the mirror and thought he looked like a total prat.

He had rolled his sleeves back down as soon as they left the Meadows, and not because he was cold either, but Jo hadn't said anything as she had done the same. He figured it was one thing to show them off to prove a point but it was another to have a night out spoiled by strange looks and uncomfortable questions.

"Except for Wednesday, on Wednesday people stay at home and take it easy." Dee pleaded.

"All you do it take it easy!" Jo snapped, "Don't you want to take it some other way?"

Dee's eyebrow arched and he pulled Jo towards him by her hips,

"I'll take it any way you want treacle."

Jo was playing it cool,

"Treacle doesn't not come off well in your accent I'm afraid...you have to be from my neck of the woods to pull that one off."

"I like your neck of the woods." Dee muttered as he began to nuzzle into the side of her neck.

Ron rolled his eyes, huffed and turned around to walk back the way they had come.

"Hey, where are you going?"

Ron spun around with a barely concealed smirk on his face,

"I'm not hanging around to watch _that_!"

Jo pulled out of Dee's embrace, much to his frustration, and reached out to grab Ron's hand. He allowed himself to be pulled along behind her as she grabbed Dee and did likewise with him. Dee glanced over to Ron with some resignation.

"Nice try mate."

"Yeah, you too."

ooo

"Right so operation Harry Houdini will begin at ten to twelve tomorrow morning." Moody barked to the assembled crowd in the living room of Grimmauld place.

They had realised that the witnesses to the Houdini incident last week had been telling the truth and the muggle-borns had explained who Houdini was. Moody had spoken briefly but kindly to Fred and George who were kicking themselves for dismissing the young couple as attention seekers. Nobody blamed them, their story had sounded preposterous, but now that the couple were needed they couldn't be found and nobody knew exactly what pub Harry was supposed to have fallen out of that night.

Moody was pacing up and down, which was a miracle seeing as everybody who had even the mildest interest in helping to find the missing heroes of Diagon Alley were crammed into the one room for the briefing.

"We all have our positions and we all know in what direction we will be walking in order to cover every possible inch of that street at that time of day?"

Bill and Charlie silently nodded, Fleur was scanning the muggle street map of London that Bill had handed her to work out exactly where she was supposed to be and where she was supposed to end up, Percy was even more agitated than usual and Neville had never looked more focused in his life.

He had been terribly hard on himself for losing Harry in the crowd that day and had been working closely with Moody and Tonks to coordinate the Order and the rapidly reforming DA into an inescapable net to catch Harry once and for all. Ron would've been proud of such a strategy everyone had agreed when Luna had casually commented on it.

She didn't want to leave the Quibbler offices to that literal sub-editor who always insisted upon evidence and facts rather than suspicions and speculation and she didn't want to be spending her evening away from her father who was unsettlingly frail these days but she refused to miss this opportunity to help out.

She had missed too many of these meetings before and now that they needed as many bodies on the street as possible she knew she had to be there for them. She was going to make sure Harry was brought back home safely. Then they only had one to go.

Ernie Macmillan and Hannah Abbot were discussing the possibility of criss-crossing each other as they walked their parallel route so they could pass information as they did while Lavender Brown and Susan Bones were talking about their duties as static operatives. Moody had given most of the slightly built girls this position as they wouldn't be able to push and shove their way through a hoard of muggles as well as the likes of the Weasely twins and Lee Jordan would do. Luna was a static operative too. She would be waiting with Ginny Weasley for Tonks to complete her route from the traffic lights to the underground station, checking that Harry hadn't ducked into any nearby café's or shops along the way.

The Creevy brothers were muggle-born and had been full of little tips about how easily a muggle could vanish from a busy street unnoticed. Moody had been incensed to hear that he'd missed covering something called subways. He had been reading an American muggle guide to London and took his coverage of the underground rail system to mean he had thought of everything but Colin had pointed out that in England a subway was an underground walkway to enable a person to cross a particularly hazardous road or junction and emerge on the other side.

Unfortunately for Colin and Dennis, they were now the subterranean operatives and wouldn't be seeing any of the action unless it came underground to them.

"Now he was walking with a purpose, with some familiarity of his surroundings Longbottom said, and we know roughly where in the street he was lost." Moody gruffly surmised, "So myself, Lupin, Arthur and Kingsley will be in that area with Bill, Charlie, Percy and Molly next out and Tonks cutting through everybody's groups at regular intervals. Communication with one another is key. Communication and coordination at all times."

"We will be constantly vigilant!" Fred said with a salute that made everyone who had been taught by the false Moody all those years ago lighten-up again, although his mother didn't seem to appreciate the levity.

"So sleep, meet back here at eleven sharp for the final briefing and then we're bringing our little escapologist in."

ooo


	18. Everything's Not Lost

**Chapter Seventeen - Everything's Not Lost**

Ron had been doing what he had been informed was the foxtrot with Elsie, his sixty-eight year old dance partner for the evening, she had been very gracious early on and not complained about him clumsily stepping on her toes. Elsie had grabbed him immediately when he arrived at the Twilight Ballroom with Jo and Dee, she almost struck the frail looking lady who had started making her way over to him, and declared that she had a thing for red heads and didn't care if this one could dance or not.

Dee had found the whole scene thoroughly amusing until a four foot seven woman with wispy facial hair made a bee-line for him and he practically ran into the arms of Mavis, quite a burly old woman but very friendly all the same, Elsie kept pointing them out to Ron as they passed by one another and saying something about Mavis leading when she shouldn't be doing so.

"She'll be dipping him next." Elsie muttered, causing Ron to chuckle at the mental image now in his head.

Jo was delighted to be dancing with a sweet little old man called Alf. They were the same height and both seemed to be quite pleased to be at eye-level with another person for a change. Alf was quite keen on twirling Jo around which was ok in the beginning but the drinks had been flowing for some time now and Jo was in serious danger of falling over and neither her partner nor anybody else for that matter was in any fit state to attempt to catch her.

"Ow!" Elsie winced as Ron turned his attention back to not kicking his partner in the shins, he was kind of concerned that she might have brittle bones and if he didn't concentrate enough he would snap her in half.

The old folk decided they needed to rest and top-up their alcohol content for a few minutes when the music eventually stopped and Ron fell into the nearest chair, soon joined by Jo who was laughing tiredly as she watched Dee trying to extricate himself from his domineering partner.

"You've got yourself some feisty competition there Jo." Ron chortled as Elsie pushed a can into his hand.

She laughed like one of the bad guys in the black and white film he'd been watching earlier that afternoon as she shrugged,

"What can I say? He's attracted to strong women."

Alf presented Jo with a glass of white wine which she sipped with as much reluctance as if it were a glass of vinegar.

"Why don't you just pour it away while he's not looking?" Ron asked with a grin.

"You don't waste booze where I come from Ron, even if it does taste like piss!"

Ron laughed and felt thankful that Elsie was an ale drinker, therefore so was he. Mavis released Dee and steamrolled another poor bloke into fetching her a drink while he scampered over to the two of them as they raised their drinks to him.

"To the happy couple." Ron proposed and he and Jo clinked the glass and can together before crumpling into giggles.

Dee looked exhausted as he complained to them about the turn their night out had taken,

"Brilliant idea of yours Jo. Let's go out dancing. Let's go and boogie with the hip young things of Eastbourne. The only thing around here that's hip is the hip replacements."

Ron was finding Dee's rant far to amusing for his own good. His sides were very close to bursting open and he could see that Jo wasn't faring much better beside him either. Dee was not to be deterred from his complaints however.

"Take that little one over there with the hairy face," Dee pointed most indiscreetly to the minuscule frail old lady with the unfortunate face fuzz, "I'm surprised she can even stand up let alone dance!"

Jo's body was shaking so hard from the building laugh she was losing control over that she almost juddered off her chair. The laugh was escaping through her nose as a high whine before she opened her mouth to take a breath and the laugh grew into a throaty machine-gun kind of sound. Ron couldn't contain himself any longer and he let his laughter rip. This caused Jo to throw her head back and laugh an almost operatic bray that turned most of the heads of the old folks. Ron assumed the ones that didn't turn around were a little deaf. Dee was trying to maintain his displeasure at the way his night was turning out but just couldn't do it.

"Gimme Elsie, please Ron, she seems a lot less of a challenge." Dee begged as he pulled Jo up and took her seat before pulling her back down to sit on his lap.

"Elsie has a thing for the hair, I'm sorry mate, you either got it or you ain't." Ron shrugged with absolutely no sympathy whatsoever.

Jo smiled and stroked her hand across Dee's shaven head,

"And you ain't got any."

Dee tried to look offended and grabbed Jo's glass of wine, taking a large swig from it before looking horrified at the foul liquid he now had in his mouth Jo wagged a warning finger at him.

"Don't you dare spit that back into my glass, you drank it, and you've got to swallow it."

Dee forced the sour wine down his throat and gasped hoarsely,

"You've been drinking this all night?"

Jo crinkled her nose,

"Not if I can help it, I don't think Alf has any working taste buds so this is the only wine he can actually get any kind of sensation from drinking. He did bring me and Ron over some rum a little while ago that was nice."

Ron nodded,

"Yeah, I've just got my vision back."

Dee laughed and wriggled out from under Jo again.

"Will you make up your mind Dee? Are you sitting or not?" Jo huffed.

"I'll be back; I just want to get something to take this taste out of my mouth."

"Bleach?" Ron suggested helpfully.

Dee rolled his eyes and shook his head as he wandered over to where the various drinks were being kept. Jo settled back down onto her seat and forced a little more of Alf's wine down. He was grinning at her and she noticed and beamed back.

"I'm drunk Ron."

"Me too!" Ron nodded with a childish kind of glee in his voice.

"No but I'm _proper _drunk." Jo said, sounding even more of a Londoner then ever before.

"But you're happy." Ron shrugged.

"Yeah but it took alcohol to make me happy. Does that make me an alcoholic?"

"No. That makes you somebody who thinks about things too much. Everything doesn't have to have a meaning y'know?" Ron pondered before failing to suppress a burp.

"Nice," she nodded, "that's entirely my problem, I think too bloody much."

"Me too." Ron said gesturing with the hand holding the can and causing some brown ale to slop out onto the floor.

"You're like the male equivalent of me." Jo said, seemingly part complimentary and part pityingly.

Ron swivelled around on his seat to face her,

"You know what? If you and Dee were put together to make one person you'd make me."

Jo's brow creased like corrugated iron as she rested her head against her hand,

"Why does that make me feel bad for you?"

"Because you don't think enough of yourself." he pounded his own chest, "You're worth ten of me."

Her steely grey corneas were almost swallowed up by her dilating pupils and Ron found himself unable to tear his gaze away from the deep black wells they seemed to form into Jo's hidden depths.

"You have no idea how much you're worth. If someone like you didn't think I was worth spending time with I'd think myself totally insignificant."

"Listen to the way you talk. You're drunk and you're almost articulate. Be proud of that." Ron said sincerely.

"Remember when I said I'd let you down? It's true. You'll hate me in the end." she warned.

"Never," Ron shook his head so hard he felt as if he had dislodged his brain slightly, "I could never hate you."

Jo wagged a finger,

"Just you wait."

Dee returned with an empty glass in his hand and a dazed look on his face,

"That rum really is powerful isn't it? How long before you can see properly did you say Ron?"

Ron smiled up at Dee, who was swaying a little and staring at the glass in his hand as if it had just posed a particularly taxing question,

"These old guys...they've got some good stuff."

Dee shook his head as the music returned and stared down at his amused girlfriend,

"Dance with me," he demanded suddenly, "I want you to dance with me until I fall down."

Jo gave a slow contented laugh as Dee pulled her up to her feet and Ron took her almost empty wine glass from her.

"That moment's not very far away Dee." he called out to the departing couple before Elsie dragged him back to his feet for another circuit around the dance floor.

ooo

Fleur sat on the bed and watched her husband meditate, cross-legged in front of the window, the light from the full moon bathing him in a silver pool on the floor. He really didn't need a full moon right now and neither did Lupin. The Wolfsbane potion had allowed him to settle down in Buckbeak's old room so he was happy enough but Bill needed to find a release for the once a month aggression that threatened to overwhelm him right now. Stressful times did nothing to help his meditation either. When Fleur had forgotten about the time of the month and hurried home when news had reached her that Percy had taken Ron to Hogwarts and saved his life Bill had been worked up and wouldn't let her touch him. She hadn't understood at first, Ron's safety should be happy news, but when she had began to ask him about Ron's internal bleeding and Bill seemed aroused she understood straight away.

She lit as many candles as she could find and opened the window wide before gently talking him into sitting on the floor and taking some deep breaths. He fell into his usual meditation a few minutes after that and then crawled silently to bed.

The following morning he felt disgusted with himself and said he wouldn't be able to face Ron in the hospital wing after his animal reaction to the thought of his brother bleeding. Fleur had spent almost an hour running her fingers through his hair and singing sweet French songs her grandmother once taught her until he snapped out of it and apologised for feeling sorry for himself. By the time they had showed up at Ron's bedside Bill was his normal self and so amiable he had forgotten the feud with Percy had even existed and embraced him on sight.

Tonight he was worried again. Worry for Ron and worry for the following day's plan to finally bring Harry back safely. These distractions weren't doing a lot for his concentration, she knew that much, and she knew he needed her not to interrupt or distract him in any way.

Fleur watched this tableaux for almost twenty minutes until her husband exhaled deeply and his eyes slowly opened again.

"You can go to sleep now flower, I'm going to be ok." he said in a soft calming voice.

Fleur sighed and crawled under the covers, she knew he wouldn't be joining her for at least another hour but she could sleep without him until then. The bedroom door creaked and he was gone. It was a silent agreement between brothers that only Bill, Charlie and Fleur knew about. At any other time Charlie would tell his older brother to leave him in peace but on the night of the full moon he didn't care if the discomfort of Bills eyes boring into him kept him awake for a short while. After meditation, if the night was a particularly tough one, Bill would floo or apparate or tonight, simply walk down the stairs to Charlie and sit in silence watching him sleep until he himself felt entirely relaxed.

Some people might think it an odd relationship between the siblings but Fleur understood. She had Gabrielle after all and loved her as if she was her own daughter, older brothers and sisters have it hard sometimes but they also have something built into them that allows them to draw strength from their younger sibling's contentment and safety. For a time it had been just Charlie and Bill, it had been Charlie before all the others came along. Charlie was special and sometimes, only Bill knew it.

Fleur knew it too. She hoped they would find Harry tomorrow. She hoped they could find a way to get her own baby brother back soon as well. For once you marry a Weasley, Bill had told her, you never feel complete unless you are surrounded by the full set.

ooo

"Hold me closer tiny dancer..." Jo sang to the stars as she danced along ahead of he and Dee who were walking back to the clinic via the beach.

Sand felt strange to Ron when it was cold. It was a good kind of strange but it wasn't how your brain allowed you to think of it. His expectations of sand were of it being warm and moist or silky and light. His bare feet sank into the sand and the coolness of it was like an icy caress. It looked black in the moonlight. He looked up at the full moon and smiled as Jo spun around and threw her arms up as if saluting the moon herself with her song. She was drunk, she was happy and she was singing.

"Hold me closer tiny dancer, count the headlights on the highway, lay me down in sheets of linen, you had a busy day today..."

Dee looked so tired as he watched her pirouette and almost fall over, tired but happier than he'd ever seen him before, and Ron realised that scars on his arms didn't matter at all. Not being able to dance didn't matter at all to him, not anymore. Memories? Who needs memories to dwell upon when you could be living this life right now and thinking about tomorrow? Today was another good day in what was to be a long line of good days. He was with his friends, dancing and singing their way along a beach in the moonlight, and on his way home. He smiled to himself, he actually thought of that place as home now, he'd find that quite sad if he really thought about it later but he wouldn't as he and Jo had promised each other to stop thinking from now on. Who needs thoughts really anyway?

Dee yawned and Ron immediately followed suit.

"Right you two, time to get back to the Burrow, I can hear my bed calling me." Ron sighed.

Jo stopped her floaty dance and blinked back at Ron, her arms still aloft as if she had been frozen on the spot,

"The Burrow?"

Ron stared back at her, what was she on about now?

"The Meadows, y'know? It's that building full of nutters; we live there."

Jo's arms dropped down to her sides and she took a step toward him,

"You didn't say that. You said the burrow."

Ron gave a tut and shook his head,

"You misheard, what with the being drunk and singing and everything."

"No mate, I heard it too," Dee said as he took Jo's hand and pulled her into a one armed hug as he spoke, "you've been doing that a lot. You slip-up on words and don't realise you've done it."

Ron frowned,

"I really said burrow?"

Dee and Jo both nodded.

Ron thought for a second before shrugging,

"Burrow: meadow; same difference."

Jo snorted as the three of them set off again,

"Yeah, one's a hole in the ground full of hairy vermin that civilised society wants rid of and the other's a place rabbits live!"

"Well aren't you a ray of sunshine tiny dancer?" Dee smiled.

She nodded with sincerity,

"I bring light into many lives."

Ron laughed as he carried on strolling through the cool dark sand.

ooo

It was ten past twelve now and their plan had failed.

Everybody had been exactly where they should have been and at exactly the right time. They couldn't have missed him if he had been there that day. Neville's chance encounter had been just that, their only chance. Harry didn't walk that route every day at that time. Harry wasn't there. Their luck hadn't changed at all.

"Bugger!"

Lupin had insisted on walking up and down the street for three hours after even Ginny Weasley had given up the ghost of a chance and gone back to Grimmauld Place, thoroughly disappointed. Tonks had tried to talk him into coming back for the briefing but he had scoffed at that idea. Did they really need a briefing to tell them all that they didn't find Harry Potter? Was a meeting really necessary to officially say what Lupin himself had been saying to himself all afternoon?

"Bugger!"

He was so annoyed. He wanted to grab a random passer by and shake them just to release some of the tension he had built up inside himself since it had become clear that this was not their day after all. Shaking muggles wouldn't do much good though would it? No; drinking seemed to be his best bet. There was no longer brandy at Grimmauld Place, the pensive adventure had seen to that, so he stopped at the first pub he came across and thudded his tired bones down upon a vacant bar stool.

He had failed Sirius. He had failed James. He had failed his best friends again, he had lost Harry and seemingly for good.

"Bugger!" he muttered.

"Sorry, we don't serve bugger here sir, can I get you something else?" the amused barmaid asked him.

"Brandy." Lupin said.

"Please?" the barmaid really wasn't going to let him get away with taking his bad mood out on her was she?

"Please...and sorry, it's been an especially bad day." Lupin said, looking at his hands.

"That's ok, you look like you need a double." she smiled.

Lupin looked up with a weary smile and said,

"I need a bottle."

ooo

It was late in the afternoon when the hangover left Ron for good. He had been spoken to with much disapproval by Dr Rayner earlier that morning, oh yes that was what she was so annoyed about; he had missed his session with her before breakfast. He chuckled lazily into his pillow on remembering that. She wasn't impressed at him at all. She kept using the phrase 'self-medicating' in-between whistles that his hung-over ears really didn't appreciate having to listen to.

He was hungry now though. He had been a little delicate when somebody had come in and offered him some lunch, he thought it was that guy from his group therapy sessions with the black spiky hair whose name he could never remember, but now it was past dinner time and he was starving. He heaved himself out of bed and realised that he was still in the clothes he had worn last night. He shrugged to himself, he didn't care if he was seen in his crumpled smelly state, as long as he wasn't nude he didn't mind what he looked like.

He padded out of his room unable to find his shoes, his feet were still sandy from the beach, and crossed the corridor to knock on Jo's door and see if she had risen from her pit yet. No answer. He opened the door a crack and peered in, her bed was empty and had clearly not been slept in, not unless she had got out and made it which didn't sound like her at all. Then he smiled, oh yeah, he remembered now, he had said goodbye to both Jo and Dee at Dee's door. He let out a long yawn and an enormous stretch as he made his way further along to Dee's room and knocked. He heard movement behind the door and then Dee cautiously opened the door before looking greatly relieved to see Ron's smirking face rather than Rayners horrified one.

Dee swung the door wide and Ron saw Jo hopping up and down on one leg as she tried to wrestle her trousers back on.

"Still dancing Jo?" Ron mocked.

"Shut up you." she grinned.

"So I got a bollocking from Rayner first thing this morning for being drunk and missing therapy, how come you didn't get a visit?" Ron asked Dee.

"We did." he shrugged.

"I heard no explosion of rage, I was listening for one."

"Oh he's a sharp one when he's covering his own arse," Jo said nodding to Dee with a disbelieving look on her face, "he heard her calling through the door just before she came in and he shoved me off the side of the bed and threw a pile of clothes over me!"

Ron laughed and nodded to Dee,

"Nice save mate." he complemented.

"I thought so." Dee shrugged.

Jo shook her head,

"Oh just shove the woman on the floor, don't worry about chivalry or anything."

Ron and Dee found her feigned outrage very amusing and she straightened herself out, also dressed in last night's clothing and met Ron's eyes.

"So I take it we're eating at some point today then?" she asked.

"That's where I'm going." Ron nodded.

Dee held out his arm to Jo and spoke in his most formal voice,

"Well come fair maiden, let us sojourn to the refectory and confirm all of those nasty rumours last night's activities have created."

She took his arm with a dirty cackle; that was number twenty, four Ron made a mental note of it; and they left Dee's room in search of nourishment.

"Oh and could one of you please tell me what happened to my bloody shoes?"

ooo

He looked like a man who had once been very happy but had since been hollowed-out. Hollow and tired, that was how the figure who sat at the bar looked as he sipped his drink as if he didn't really want it at all. He seemed to be fading away before his eyes. If you'd reached out to touch him he would've wafted away like smoke. This poor man looked as if he really needed to see a smile.

So Harry smiled at him and he stared back as if he'd just seen a ghost. The shades of grey dropped out of him and he was like a white shadow of a man. His suit, crumpled like brown paper, seemed to be all that was holding him together as he almost fell off his stool and rushed toward him.

"Harry?" the man asked, eyes wide.

Harry frowned,

"Why does everybody seem to know my name?"

ooo


	19. The First Day of My Life

_A/N So you finally got your moment Greenpluff, sorry I couldn't give the moment to Neville but I really thought it should be Lupin's. Oh and yes I was inspired to write this fic while taking a break from re-reading Half Blood Prince to sit and watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I do hope I've managed to keep this quite original though, I've tried to._

_Hello and welcome to bleedingmascara, DiTS, Regulus and Dansgirl34, glad you're all enjoying it but don't think the angst stops now that they're being found...I have some more devastation planned!_

**Chapter Eighteen - The First Day of My Life**

No he was not going with this strange man, of course he wasn't, and he didn't care how many oddly personal facts he seemed to know about him.

Harry was terrified as the frantic-looking man from the bar held on to his arms with a vice grip and babbled like a lunatic at his face until Mario pulled him off him. He'd been using some very strange words as well; it was like he was speaking a different language, and desperately pleading with him not to disappear again.

"Please Harry, I'm sorry about how I look and how I am right now but we've been looking for you for so long now and we were all so worried, trust me I'm a friend of your family."

"The Dursleys?" Harry snorted, yeah right; the Dursleys were frantically looking for him.

"No the Potters Harry! Lily and James, I went to school with them, they were my friends. I was a good friend of your godfather Sirius too."

"I don't have a godfather, my mum and dad are both dead so you can't tell me that they're looking for me."

Mario was feeling the same way Harry was about this man, he was off his head.

"Right, I think you've had too much, out you go." Mario said as he lifted the man with ease to the double doors.

"Harry please, talk to me, I'll stay calm and I'll sit quietly but please let me explain."

Harry didn't want to talk to this person. Mario had paused to see if Harry was going to nod or not. He _really _didn't want to talk to this maniac who looked like a family of wild animals had been sleeping in his clothing.

"Ok, I'll listen to you but no grabbing alright?" he said, feeling as if a massive mistake had just been made.

The man nodded with some degree of relief and Mario put him down.

"I'll be watching you." he warned as he joined Natasha behind the bar.

The man attempted to straighten himself up and regain some dignity before gesturing over to a pair of empty chairs and a small round table in the corner of the pub. Harry moved to the seat slowly and sat, putting as much distance between him and the madman as he could.

"Harry," the man began before pausing and seeming to plan out what he was going to say in his head, "my name is Remus Lupin and I went to school with your parents Lilly and James."

Harry nodded.

"I met you about five years ago when I became your teacher at Hogwarts, that is the name of the school you attended since the age of eleven, and this summer something happened to you and two friends of yours who all went missing and we've...That is myself and your friends and the family of one of your missing friends, we have been looking for you ever since."

Harry wasn't buying this load of crap for one second. Since when did he have friends? This man was clearly making this up; anybody who knew him would know that he didn't have one friend let alone multiple ones.

"Right." Harry said slowly, encouraging the man to keep going with his story until Harry had figured out what to do about this Remus Loopy bloke.

"You're scepticism is a sign of your intelligence Harry, I don't blame you for questioning my motives, but you are like family to me. You are like family to your friend Ronald, he is missing too and it is his family who have been spending today trying to find you, the two of you are like brothers. You have lost your memory, or at least part of it, the part of it that remembers everything you learnt at school and everything involved with that including myself."

Harry didn't want to let the man know that he was getting close to the bone with this now and avoided his eyes nervously.

"Do you remember how you came to be in London Harry? I am right aren't I? There are blanks in your memory and we want to try to help you fill them in."

Harry had questions now, he had more questions then he had time left in his life to ask, and he couldn't even begin to speak. His lips parted and he looked at the man's hopeful face.

"I'm going to show you something alright Harry? You may think it's a trick or an illusion but it's a real photograph, it's a moving image that will show you that I'm telling you the truth, and I'm asking you to keep a clear head and not panic ok?"

Harry nodded. The man reached into his pocket and pulled out a photograph and handed it to him. Harry took it and dropped it onto the table in shock. He saw himself and two other people in the photograph waving. They were moving. He looked up at the man.

"What's...?"

"You've seen this now, and you know that I'm not mad and you're not mad, so I'm going to tell you something that you may not believe but look at the photo Harry. If what I'm going to tell you isn't true then how is this photograph possible?"

Harry looked back down at the photograph and turned it over in his hand. Then he bent it back and fourth between his hands and returned his eyes to the man and nodded for him to go on.

"The people in the photo can move because it is a magical photograph. There is a magical world. There are magical people Harry called witches and wizards..."

Harry began to shake his head and say something to question the man's sanity when he grabbed the photograph out of Harry's hands and held it up in front of him.

"How is this possible then Harry? Tell me that." he slammed the photograph back down onto the table and pointed at the waving girl with the bushy brown hair, "this is your friend, one of your best friend's Hermione Granger and she is a witch Harry."

Harry looked at the figure in the photo to the left of his own image and blinked.

"This," the man pointed to the other figure, a tall red-haired boy who kept glancing at the image of Harry with a mischievous grin, "is Ronald Weasley, your other best friend, and he is a wizard."

Harry had nothing to say, he couldn't believe this but he had no idea how to go about refuting it either.

"And this," the man said firmly as he pointed to the image of Harry in the centre of the waving group, "is Harry Potter and he is also a wizard."

Harry's eyes widened and knew that he had to get as far away from this nutter as possible.

The man seemed to have read his expression,

"I can prove it, I can show you but not here, I can't demonstrate that I'm telling you the truth in front of mu...in front of normal people."

The man leaned toward him over the table and spoke in a calm low voice.

"Something happened to the three of you, something magical that wiped all your magical memories clean away, and this girl..."

He pointed to the girl in the photograph again.

"...she went home to her parents. She's just like you are Harry. She lived a normal life with normal people and didn't know that magic existed or that she had magical powers until she was eleven years old and went to school, where she met you, and so when the magic was wiped away she still had a place to go and people there for her. She's safe Harry. You also had a place to go but when you telephoned the Dursleys Mr Dursley told you that you didn't live there anymore am I right?"

Harry was feeling torn, he really didn't want to engage this man in conversation but he seemed to be so sincere.

"Something like that." Harry nodded slowly.

"So you looked after yourself, most admirably I must say," the man seemed to be proud of him, Harry felt warm inside at that and tried to shake it off, "and we were searching for you until today."

"How did you find me?" Harry asked in a small voice.

"Another friend of yours, Neville, saw you on this very street yesterday. You were rushing along and he called for you several times but couldn't catch up with you."

Harry remembered, his eyes were wide and he found that this story wasn't turning out to be quite as far fetched as he had originally thought,

"I heard somebody calling; I thought it was for somebody else."

The man nodded and seemed to relax now that Harry was talking and listening to him rather than humouring his until he could make his escape.

"Now your friend Ron," the man turned his attention back to the photograph and pointed to the red-head who was looking even cockier than he had when Harry had last glanced down at his image, "he was born into a magical family. He grew up with magic all around him. Magic and witches and wizards were everything he knew."

Harry frowned,

"But then if he..."

The man nodded sadly,

"That's right Harry, if the magical memories were wiped away from him then that would leave him with nothing. He had nobody to call and no home to go to and...Well, nothing of himself at all."

Harry lowered his head and found that he couldn't look at the boy's picture anymore,

"That must be awful."

"We can only imagine." Lupin sighed.

Harry suddenly realised that he had been picking out people with red hair on the crowded street since he had found himself in London. Andrew had been a red-head, had he stopped and spoken to him that day because his brain was telling him to look for his missing friend?

"You don't recognise him then?" Lupin asked, "From your very first memory of being in London. You don't remember seeing him?"

Harry looked again and shook his head, he really didn't.

The man looked as if that news wasn't a surprise to him.

"Do you remember a strange old man who seemed to know who you were, outside the pub you left that day?"

Harry was stunned,

"How did you know about that?"

"We've been looking for you and he saw you, we were able to go into his memory and see it ourselves, and that's just given me the most marvellous idea." the man said as the colour that had been missing from his face seemed to flood back into him.

"What kind of idea?"

"We can show you some of what you've forgotten. I'm not talking about us all standing around and demonstrating spells to convince you, I'm talking about getting your classmates, or maybe just the Weasleys at first, to put some memories of you into a pensive and letting you see some of the life you've lost."

The man seemed overjoyed at his idea but Harry was more than a little confused.

"A p...a what?"

"Don't worry about that, you'll understand how it works when we do it for you, and...we'll do it wherever you want to do it, wherever you feel comfortable and safe."

Harry realised what the man was saying.

"I thought you were going to ask me to go with you?"

The ma looked unhappy,

"I want more than anything to take you back to your adoptive family this very second but I know that isn't what you need and it certainly won't help you accept this any better. So I will go. I will leave you and I won't watch you or follow you to your lodgings. I am expecting you to trust me so I will demonstrate that I trust you."

"Thank you." Harry said, the gratitude and the relief poured out of him as he finally allowed himself to fully relax.

"I am going to go and tomorrow afternoon, if that is convenient for you, we will meet in the location of your choice and we will try to give you some of your life back."

The man smiled at him. Harry smiled back.

"What did you say your name was again?" Harry asked.

"Remus, Remus Lupin, it is the greatest pleasure of my life to meet you again." he held out his hand and Harry shook it.

"It's nice to meet you again too."

ooo

The door to Grimmauld Place burst open, the portrait on the wall began to scream, and Lupin ran inside and slammed the door behind him a little harder than was really necessary.

"Is the briefing finished? Are any of them still here?" he shouted with excitement as he ran down the hallway toward the kitchen where Tonks stood looking at him as if he'd turned green.

"Remus what the hell? Are you drunk?" she said as she formed her features into a cross expression.

"Yes but that doesn't matter!" he beamed as he threw his arms around her, lifted her off her feet and spun her around.

Tonks feared that he would drop her and clung onto him for dear life as Molly Weasley's voice pierced her eardrums.

"Remus what on earth are you doing? I understand you being disappointed, we all are, but this behaviour..."

Remus dropped Tonks back on her feet lightly and flung his arms around Molly who looked utterly bewildered and fearful that he was going to attempt to lift her up as well. Tonks saw that he looked happy. It wasn't a drunken kind of happy either, it was something else.

"Has something happened?"

The twins were stomping down the stairs to punch the screaming portrait that had woken them and realised that the screaming was no longer coming from Sirius' crazy mother but from their own. As their jaws dropped at the sight of their old defence against the dark arts teacher dancing around the kitchen with their mother Ginny and Percy appeared, bleary-eyed at the top of the stairs, Charlie stumbled out of the living room brandishing his wand the wrong way round and Bill and Fleur were sitting at the kitchen table with Arthur simply dumbstruck.

"Remus Lupin control yourself!" Molly demanded, trying to retain her last scrap of dignity as he planted a kiss on her flushed cheek.

He looked Molly in the eyes, her face held in both his hands, and he said in a barely contained whisper,

"I found him."

"What?" eight different voices all gasped at the same time as Tonks had done herself.

Lupin began to bob up and down on the balls of his feet, almost as if he was unable to stand still due to some bewitchment and his tremulous voice spoke again a little louder as his excitement refused to be contained any more.

"I talked to him. I met him where he works Molly, he works in a pub!" he let out a laugh that was almost a giggle, "Harry works in a pub."

Arthur stood up and Ginny pushed past her brothers and ran into the kitchen.

"You found him?" Arthur asked.

"Where is he? You didn't bring him back?" Ginny said incredulously.

Remus grinned at Ginny, who looked more livid than Tonks had ever seen her before, as she punched him hard in the arm and he threw his arms around her and repeated the lift and spin that he had performed on Tonks minutes earlier.

"We're meeting him tomorrow Ginny. We're all going to see him tomorrow."

Ginny wriggled out of his arms and seemed to explode with rage at the dancing fool before her,

"Tomorrow! Why not now? Why aren't we meeting him here and now?" she was punctuating each syllable with more punches to Remus' arm, "You found him, after all this time, had a nice little chat and got bloody drunk together and then what? You said 'see ya tomorrow' and buggered off?"

Remus was starting to flinch at Ginny's rage now, not to mention her fists, but his smile remained. He couldn't shake it off, nothing could, and Tonks let herself understand that something good was happening at last and smiled herself.

"He doesn't know who I am Ginny, I'm a complete stranger who accosted him in a pub as far as he's concerned, there's no way he would've come with me. Think about it Ginny."

Ginny was now simmering rather than boiling inside and she gave a short nod while still looking stern.

"I earned his trust. The fact I didn't try to drag him away or force him to come and be confronted by a bunch or strange people claiming to know him made him agree to meet with me tomorrow and I really believe he'll be there Ginny I really do."

Ginny was softening towards the still twitchy man who was trembling all over now from the restraint he was having to show as he explained the situation to her.

"He...he was alright?" she asked her voice much smaller than previously.

Remus' joy was beginning to bubble up inside him again,

"He was...fantastic!"

And with that statement the entire room seemed to relax as one. Arthur and Molly reached for each other and hugged, Bill and Fleur jumped up from their seats as if they'd just seen the greatest goal in the history of Quiddich being scored and began their own embrace cum victory dance all in one, and the twins whooped from their spot on the staircase which set off the portrait again. Percy then received a hug from both Fred and George that knocked him off his feet and the three of them almost rolled down the remaining stairs.

"Be careful!" Molly called to them through a tearful smile as Ginny ran into her arms; the girl seemed suddenly weak after her display of indignant strength and her mother had to practically hold her up.

Remus looked at Tonks with so much life and hope in his eyes that she began to lose sight of him as the tears blurred her vision and she began to laugh with the same giddiness that he had shown when he had first showed up at the house. He took two strides toward her and they wrapped their arms around each other and Remus began to spin her again, spin and dance and laugh like they hadn't done since Bill and Fleur's wedding reception, and suddenly he couldn't stop talking.

"It was amazing Tonks, he was doing so well for himself, he looked so good. He had got himself a job and a place to stay and he had good people looking out for him. This one man was going to beat me into a pulp for him; oh you'd have been so happy if you'd have been there."

Tonks couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of that last statement.

"And he doesn't remember anything Tonks but we're all going to put some memories of him into that pensive, we've still got it haven't we?"

Tonks nodded.

"Good. Then we're going to meet him and show his some of his life, the life he's forgotten and then we might be able to bring him back or at least begin to work on getting him comfortable with this world again and..."

"Calm down Remus!" Tonks laughed, "Take a breath man, you'll choke on all those words your trying to get out all at once."

He kissed her and spun her around again.

"You're absolutely right, you are absolutely beautiful and absolutely right as ever my dear, we must all get some sleep and be up bright and early to fill the pensive and go and meet him."

"Sandwiches!" Molly exclaimed, "I have to make something for him to eat when we see him."

Arthur chuckled and began to pull his wife out of the kitchen much to her annoyance.

"But Arthur, I should bake something, the poor boy will need feeding-up..." she protested as she was now being pushed from the kitchen by a smiling Ginny and Bill.

Remus and Tonks followed the enforced retreat of Mrs Weasley from the kitchen and towards the staircase.

"He works in a kitchen Molly," Remus laughed, "he's been well fed I promise you, he looks better than I do."

Fred snorted,

"Have you looked at you lately?"

George nodded,

"It's not that hard."

Molly glared at her twin boys as she passed them and Percy guided her up the stairs to her room. The portrait was still wailing its displeasure at all the merriment the blood traitors were having in her house when Tonks and Remus drew level with Charlie who had been strangely silent throughout all of this. Tonks looked at him. He was still standing in the doorway of the living room, wearing a t shirt and some threadbare jogging bottoms that he had been using as pyjamas since he had arrived at Grimmauld Place, holding his wand the wrong way round and looking stunned.

"You'll do yourself an injury with that thing Charlie." Tonks chuckled.

He blinked and looked down at his wand, pointing at his own chest, and lowered it. He still looked as if he'd been slapped with a wet fish. Remus took a step forward and grabbed Charlie's face in his hands.

"Dear me Charlie, you've been so long without good news you seem to have forgotten how to be happy." and with the he planted a kiss on Charlie, full on the lips. That registered every voice in Grimmauld Place mute, every voice except the abusive portrait of course.

Charlie blinked again and then looked as if a cold bucket of water had just been thrown over him. He snapped out of his shock and said to Remus,

"Brandy huh?"

Lupin almost glowed as he nodded,

"Harry only serves the finest."

Charlie chuckled at that and turned to Tonks,

"You're a lucky woman."

"I know." she said as she squeezed Remus around the waist and they bid one another goodnight as they headed upstairs and Charlie went back into the living room in a grinning daze.

"Filthy half breed and the blood traitors causing havoc in the house of my fathers..." the portrait said with venom as Remus and Tonks passed it.

Tonks gasped as Remus flung back the curtain that covered the portrait and barked,

"Oh shut up you old bat!" and planted a big wet kiss on the screeching canvas.

Mrs Black looked absolutely mortified as the curtains were drawn back across her image and he and Tonks made their way upstairs to get some sleep before the next wonderful day.

ooo


	20. Scenes From a Life Less Ordinary

_A/N Thanks is owed once again to BookSmartBrilliance for yet another life-affirming review! I am getting so much out of all of your encouragement and kind words and some of you are almost writing chapter-length analysis of my work witch makes me almost as happy as when I'm writing a Ron/Hermione phone call!_

_Hello to rupertlovesme and I'm with you on once a month chapter updates...when I really get into a story a long delay can sometimes ruin it. I'm quite a fast worker and knowing you're waiting for more only makes it easier for me to get to work._

**Chapter Nineteen - Scenes from a Life Less Ordinary**

He sat on his bench in the park where he had watched the little red haired girl feeding the ducks what felt like a lifetime ago and waited nervously for the blast from his forgotten past to show up and try to remind him who he was supposed to be. He frowned, he liked who he was, why did he need to change?

Mario had been against Harry meeting the head-case from the night before alone and had only given him the afternoon off with a great deal of reluctance. Natasha had even given him her old mobile phone and told him she could run to the park from the pub within eight and a half minutes to help him out. He believed that and then wondered how she could've been so accurate with the time it would take her. She had shrugged and said something about the London Marathon but that she was now a little out of shape.

He looked at the phone before forcing it back into his pocket just as another pretty red head caught his eye. It was almost nice to have an explanation for that now, why he was always seeing them everywhere and feeling warmly towards them, he looked down at his feet and let out a sigh. He remembered that photograph that Lupin had showed him and the story he had been told about the red haired boy who was supposed to have been his best friend. He wondered what it had been like for him, worse than Harry had it obviously, and looked back up at the pond again. She was still there, the red haired girl, and she was looking at him with a sad smile.

"You have no idea how hard it is for her to stay over there until I signal that you're ready Harry."

The voice of Remus Lupin startled him as the man sat beside him on the bench and followed his eyes to the pretty girl who was now looking quite sad.

"I know her?" Harry's voice managed to say.

"Her name is Ginny and she's...was your girlfriend. You were going to get back together as soon as you completed your task and came back home."

"My...?" Harry was shocked, he had a girlfriend? He had a _pretty_ girlfriend? "Hold on what task?"

"There is a lot of ground to cover and I'd rather keep it simple to begin with alright?" Lupin said warmly.

Harry nodded and then looked back over at the girl called Ginny who he wished he could remember she looked so upset that he didn't.

"Do we have somewhere we can go Harry?"

He tore his eyes away from the girl and tried to keep up with everything that was going on right now,

"Um, my room at...it's small but..."

"Well I'll be able to do something about that, don't worry, we'll have plenty of room. Can you lead the way?"

Lupin got to his feet and Harry glanced back over to the girl and saw she was now being joined by some other people with red hair who were also looking at him with sad eyes.

"Those people, they're his family aren't they?" Harry said his voice cracking as he did.

Lupin sighed,

"Yes, they're Ron's family and they're your family too Harry, we didn't want to overwhelm you but I couldn't keep them away."

Harry nodded to let the man know that he understood before he realised something,

"So the girl, Ginny is his sister?"

Lupin smiled,

"Yes, his only sister, which just goes to show you how much he thinks of you to allow that don't you think?"

Harry snorted,

"I wouldn't let someone like me touch her."

Lupin laughed at that comment and Harry began to relax.

"If you allow me I'll signal for them to join us and follow you to the location but they won't start fussing over you or asking you questions, we've all agreed not to get carried away and unsettle you."

"All of those people in my room? I mean it Mr Lupin, it's really small." Harry's eyes were wide.

"And I told you Harry, I can fix that when we get there, and please call me Remus or Lupin if you prefer not to be overly familiar."

"What did I used to call you?" he asked.

"Well you used to have a hard time letting go of the idea of calling me professor before..."

"Oh," Harry smiled, "well ok then Mr...Lupin."

They laughed and Lupin seemed to take that as a good time to signal the waiting group to follow them as they left the park.

ooo

The sound was like nothing he'd ever heard before; it sounded something like the roar of the crowd at an England match but this definitely not football. Lupin smiled at him as he flinched, two of the players whizzing past his head.

"They can't hit you Harry, you're not really here."

"I know, you said but it's hard not to duck when..." a ball almost hit him and his eyes were wide, "...I can't believe this is real. People can fly? _I _can fly?"

Lupin chuckled,

"The brooms can fly Harry; you are just particularly good at riding them."

"Oh silly me, that's...perfectly logical." he said as he shook his head with disbelief.

They watched the flying Harry grab a small metallic thing and the game seemed to be over, Harry's team seemed to have won, and Lupin pulled back on his shoulder and they spilled back out of the small bowl thingy. Harry felt as if he was going to be sick, it was like motion sickness despite the fact that he wasn't going anywhere, and he needed to sit down. A red haired figure was sitting on his bed beside him, what was he thinking? Everybody was red-haired except for him and Lupin. The person, who had an identical twin just to make matters more confusing for Harry, put an arm around his shoulder and beamed.

"Did you see yourself catch the snitch? Did you see how good you are at quiddich? Did you..."

"Fred, please, the poor boy doesn't know what half of those words mean."

"Oh sorry." the young man said, his arm leaving Harry's shoulders and disappointment registering upon his face.

Harry didn't know what these people expected from him and hated to let them see how unsettling he was finding all these memories of himself that were supposed to be his happiest moments according to them. The red haired young man with slightly curly hair and horn rimmed glasses stepped forward and handed Lupin a small glass bottle.

"Here try one of mine." he said as Lupin drained the liquid from the last memory and handed it back to the dejected twin.

"Can somebody come in with me? Apart from you Mr...Apart from Lupin I mean." Harry felt like he needed some kind of commentary and the only decent understanding he had of any of the memories so far had been when Lupin was narrating his own.

The family, the Weasleys, looked at one another before Harry decided to take some control of this bizarre situation.

"You," he said to the Weasley who had just offered his memory, "this is your memory of me right?"

He nodded.

"Well can you come in with me and tell me why you think it's important?"

Lupin seemed to swell,

"That is a marvellous idea Harry, why on earth didn't I think of it?"

"Hung-over maybe?" the other of the twins speculated with the same mischievous grin Harry had seen on the red head in the photo.

"Would you?" Harry asked again.

"Percy?" Lupin pressed.

Harry looked at the young man, Percy, who seemed to be quite reluctant to go along with this plan for some reason.

"Percy what's wrong with you? Go in with him." Ginny said, with a determined pout that made Harry wonder if she bossed him around like that.

"It's just..." Percy looked quite upset.

"Don't worry, maybe the next person won't mind coming in with me." Harry said.

"No, I'll come with you; I just need to prepare myself. I didn't expect to have to see it myself."

The Weasley mother took a step forward,

"Percy we were supposed to pick a happy memory for him."

"It is mother, it's the way I remember them..." Percy tailed off and looked to the floor.

"Them?" Mr Weasley said and one of the oldest brothers with a badly scarred face put a hand on his shoulder.

Percy forced a smile onto his face and took a step toward Harry,

"Come on then Harry, I'll show you how you and my brother spent most of your evenings at school."

They joined Lupin and plunged forward into the new memory.

The room Harry's feet thumped down into was warm and dark, lit by candlelight and the roaring fire in the fireplace, he felt very comfortable here. Percy took his arm and guided him over to a pair of sofas in front of the fireplace.

"Over here." he muttered.

Harry approached and saw the back of his own scruffy head, his fingers tousling his hair as he stared intensely at the pieces set out on a chess board in front of him. He looked across the table to his opponent. It was his friend from the photograph, Ron, Percy's brother. The boy was staring at the memory Harry's expression with more amusement than he saw in Jimmy when he told one of his long winded stories over breakfast.

"Smug bastard." the memory of Harry grumbled.

"What?" Ron said, unable or unwilling to wipe the grin off his face.

"There's not a piece I can move that wouldn't result in you ending the game in the next move is there?"

Ron shook his head as a face appeared from behind a huge book, bushy brown hair and a thoroughly infuriated expression, he recognised her as the girl from the photograph.

"Oh just make a move and get it over with Harry, he's on form this evening." she huffed.

"When is he not?" the other Harry grumbled.

Ron sat back in his seat and let out a huff himself,

"Draw it out if you want, there's no way to get out of this one mate."

"I bet you could if the roles were reversed." the other Harry said with hope in his voice.

Ron grinned and yawned,

"Nice try, you're going down I'm afraid."

The girl was looking over the top of her book at Ron as he yawned and was trying not to smile. The memory Harry didn't notice that but Percy obviously had as he leaned in behind Harry to whisper to him.

"They're always looking at each other when the other one isn't."

Harry turned to Percy,

"Are they...?"

"No," Percy shook his head, "it was on the cards but they wanted to get this horcrux thing out of the way first."

Harry frowned,

"What's a horcrux thing?"

"Never mind that for now Harry," Lupin said as he directed his attention back to the group in front of the fire, "watch this."

"How do you know what's going to happen?" Percy asked with surprise.

"It's what always happened." Lupin chuckled and Percy smiled at him before turning his attention back to the memory as well.

The memory of Harry made his move and Ron sat forward and lazily moved one of his pieces and said,

"Checkmate."

Memory Harry yawned and shook his head,

"I don't understand how your mind works I really don't Ron."

"Welcome to the club." the girl mumbled.

Ron's head had snapped around to frown at her for a second before looking back at the chess set and putting away the pieces.

"What do you mean?" he asked the memory Harry.

"Well you're oblivious to so much stuff that's right there under your nose and yet you're about eight moves ahead of any move I can make in chess. How is that even possible?"

"Maybe I'm just pretending to be oblivious so nobody expects my move when it comes." Ron answered as he closed the lid on the box containing the chess pieces and looked up at the memory Harry.

The memory Harry looked greatly amused at this and Ron hadn't seemed to realise that he'd said anything particularly interesting.

"What?" Ron asked.

"Nothing." the other Harry smiled as he glanced over to the girl who had lowered the book a little to stare at Ron.

"What are you smiling about?" Ron said.

"I think he's trying to work out if you're being oblivious right now or just..." the girl hesitated as Ron turned to face her.

"...planning your next move." Harry completed her sentence.

Ron looked from her to the other Harry and back again before voicing his apparent confusion,

"The game's over, my next move is bed."

The other Harry's eyebrows shot up so high they disappeared into his untidy black fringe. Percy sounded as if he was laughing behind Harry and he turned to see him and Lupin exchange a wistful glance.

"So now she blushes and he gets all flustered because he hasn't followed what he himself has been saying and thinks they're laughing at him." Percy smiled and nodded over to the three at the table.

Harry turned back to see Ron getting to his feet, looking annoyed, and picking up the chess board and putting it under his arm.

"Are you playing the game now Ron or are you just being oblivious?" the other Harry asked with undeniable amusement.

Ron shook his head as if he thought he'd misheard,

"The game's over Harry."

The girl dropped the book in her lap and looked to the other Harry with resignation,

"It's nice to know he doesn't listen to himself just as much as he doesn't listen to me."

Both Harry's laughed at the bewildered expression on Ron's face at this statement,

"Did I doze off and miss a conversation here?"

The other Harry shook his head with mock shame and sighed,

"And to think I can't beat you at chess."

The girl smiled a tired smile,

"Welcome to my world."

Ron looked cross now,

"Are we talking about chess or what?"

The girl closed her book and heaved herself out of her seat,

"We're talking about your extraordinary gift Ronald."

Ron's ears turned slightly pink at that and the girl bid the two boys a goodnight and disappeared up some stairs, leaving them alone in front of the fireplace.

Percy put his hand on Harry's shoulder again and whispered,

"He can never see what's right in front of him but he can see things nobody else even thinks about. Watching him infuriate her and her trying not to get frustrated was always the way you enjoyed passing time of an evening Harry."

Ron was moving toward the other staircase now and he looked over his shoulder, looking right at the visitors into the memory, and called out to them.

"Night Perce."

Percy froze and the smile fell from his face, Harry wondered how the memories had managed to see them, hadn't Lupin told him they weren't really there and couldn't be seen or touched by anyone?

"Percy," Ron said with some annoyance now, "I'm talking to you."

Harry looked at Percy who was very pale, Lupin pulled them out of Ron's eye line and Harry saw that he wasn't looking at that Percy but the Percy in the memory who had been sitting behind them.

"What?" the memory of Percy said as he shook his head, apparently snapping out of a daydream.

"I said goodnight cloth ears!" Ron snapped.

The memory of Percy looked annoyed,

"Oh yes, goodnight Ron. Hold on isn't it a bit late? You have transfiguration first thing in the morning don't you?"

"We wanted to finish our game!" Ron huffed.

"Third years have no business being up so late."

"Well don't let me keep you from your beauty sleep; you look like you need a week's worth!"

"I'm head boy! I have to patrol the corridors before bed, you have no such responsibility so stop antagonising me and go to bed please." the other Percy snapped.

Harry looked to the real Percy, who was shaking his head,

"I was such a prat."

Harry laughed as Ron stormed up the stairs and the memory of Percy marched over to the Harry who was still sitting in front of the fire.

"That applies to you too Harry, it's getting late y'know?"

"Yeah, I'm going in a minute."

"Well see that you do." Percy said as he straightened the badge on his chest that had the letters HB on it.

The memory of Harry watched as the disgruntled Percy pulled a door in the wall open and began to climb through it. He called out after him.

"Percy!"

He paused and looked back into the cosy but darkened room, almost a silhouette against the brightly lit corridor he was stepping into. The memory of Harry looked at him for a moment before shaking his head.

"Nothing." he shrugged.

The memory of Percy almost smiled and said,

"Y'know Harry just because you don't have red hair and freckles doesn't mean I can't boss you around or get you into a fair bit of trouble with a certain tyrannical mother of mine."

"Um..." the memory of Harry stammered, "...Wha...What does that mean?"

The memory of Percy smiled as he closed the door and vanished,

"It means I'm not going to shirk the responsibility of dealing with one more troublesome little brother, get to bed."

The door closed quietly and the memory faded. Lupin, Harry and Percy fell backwards and landed in Harry's room once again. He turned to face the real Percy who was smiling in the same way as the much younger one he had just been watching had. He leaned in to whisper something in Harry's ear, something that only Harry could hear.

"We're not just somebody else's family y'know Harry? We're your family too."

Percy moved back and rejoined his parents who gave him a curious but loving grin as Harry felt something good about his old life for the first time so far. He swallowed and the scarred man and the other brother, who Harry felt sure was called Charlie, moved forwards with their bottles.

"Um we both thought of the same thing so we're going to put them both in together so you don't miss a thing." the scarred man said as the bottles were handed to Lupin.

"Ok," Harry nodded, "will you both come with me?"

"We will if you want us there." Charlie nodded.

"I do."

The men smiled as Lupin poured the memories into the pensive, was that what they kept calling it, and Harry wondered what he was about to see next.

"So what is this memory of?" he asked.

The scarred man's smile broke into an uncontrollable grin and his scars twisted into zigzags, Harry tried not to stare,

"My wedding day."

The three sets of feet thudded down onto overgrown grass, Lupin had said he could stay out of this trip as he trusted Bill and Charlie could handle being his guides between the two of them, and Harry blinked in the brilliant sunlight. As his eyes grew accustomed to the light he heard music and laughter behind him and turned around to see what was obviously a party.

"You see that beautiful woman over there?" the scarred man pointed to a stunning woman with long blonde hair who seemed to be glowing, and not just metaphorically, and dancing with the very same scarred man several feet away from them.

Harry nodded,

"Yeah...wow!"

Charlie laughed at his reaction,

"Rein it in there Harry, that's Bill's lovely wife."

Harry looked up to Bill, standing beside him and looking happier as a visitor in the memory that the memory Bill seemed to be,

"You're a lucky man."

"You don't have to tell me." he said as he shook his head, almost unable to believe his own good fortune.

Charlie eagerly pointed to the two figures Harry had just watched as thirteen year olds,

"And there they are, doing the very thing that gets them both teased to high heaven for the next year for doing by the twins."

Bill and Charlie shared a chuckle at that comment as Harry saw a much taller Ron dancing happily but nervously with a considerably more womanly Hermione. Harry noticed that she was standing on Ron's feet as if wearing them like a pair of shoes and he was guiding her around the lawn, lifting her feet whenever he lifted his own.

"Aw isn't it sweet?" Charlie joked, "They had to compromise because he kept crushing her toes when they tried to dance normally."

Bill nodded as Harry laughed with them,

"He's got some big feet for a little brother."

Charlie clapped his hand on Harry's back and began to guide him forward, towards the crooked looking house that was decorated with white and silver ribbons.

"Come on let's find you."

"Well I don't see him out here so he's got to be inside somewhere with Ginny getting all...I love you, I miss you, we can't, we must, I have to, don't..." Bill was waving his hands around dramatically as he performed his little show, much to Charlie's amusement.

"What?" Harry said, concerned that he was about to witness himself doing something either embarrassing or mushy or both.

"Don't worry mate, it's just that you and Ginny spent a lot of time being together while telling each other you weren't together anymore, I caught you necking at least twice at this thing." Charlie reassured him.

"I saw you both once but Fleur said she walked in on you no less that five times that afternoon." Bill waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"We're not looking for you to show you that though, don't worry Harry; we just want to show you how happy you were when you were at home."

Harry blinked and looked up at the strange house once again,

"This is my home?"

Bill nodded,

"Ever since you left Hogwarts it has been."

Harry knew that name but didn't really register why, it had come up a few times but he was having a hard time keeping track of all this new information, he also realised that another unfamiliar name had just passed him by.

"Who's Fleur?"

Bill swelled with pride,

"That's the missus."

Harry nodded and the three of them wove their way through the various dancers, sometimes having a couple waltz right through them as Mr and Mrs Weasley had just done, it was an odd sensation to say the least. As they drew level with Ron and Hermione they saw that another seemingly glowingly beautiful woman, this much older than Fleur though so Harry assumed she must have been her mother, interrupted them. Hermione hopped off of Ron's feet but they didn't let go of each other as the woman spoke with a very strong French accent to the two of them.

"Ou est le...erm...room of bath?" she struggled.

Ron smiled and pointed into the house,

"C'est dans la maison, tournez a gauche, ascendez et c'est la port deuxieme doight."

The woman looked grateful and smiled,

"Ah merci."

Ron shrugged and beamed,

"C'est daccord."

He and Hermione resumed their dancing, Hermione apparently dumbstruck at Ron having just spoken French, as he and Bill followed the French woman on her way into the house. They turned to see why Charlie wasn't keeping up with them and saw that he was staring, mouth open, after his youngest brother as he waltzed away in his own haphazard manner.

"Since when could he do that?" Charlie gasped as he jogged to catch up with them.

Bill chuckled,

"Fleur taught him."

"How come I never knew he could speak French?" Charlie said as they reached the door of the house.

Bill shrugged,

"I never knew you were left-handed until three weeks ago."

Charlie turned to Harry and shook his head,

"We're an observant bloody family aren't we?"

Harry laughed at this, God this was all so weird, it felt so familiar and so comfortable and so right. But he still didn't feel as if he belonged there. That other Harry, the one from the memories, he's the one who was a part of this family. This Harry, the one who was being shown around his own life like a visitor, belonged in another reality now. He had made another life and he wasn't sure that he could just leave it behind and jump into this one with both feet just because he was told that was where he belonged.

"Ah, look who we caught smooching!" Charlie said as they entered the kitchen.

Harry's stomach clenched, oh no, he wasn't going to see himself snogging his one time girlfriend was he? No, he was seeing Lupin snogging a woman with emerald green hair.

Bill snorted,

"So this is the famous moment that Remus and Tonks went public eh? I always was miffed to have missed it. I should go on strolls down pensive lane more often."

Harry looked at Charlie,

"So if Bill didn't see this originally that means..."

Charlie nodded.

"So where are you?" Harry asked as he looked around the kitchen.

Charlie looked a little bashful as his eyes darted over to the pantry, the door of which burst open and the memory of Charlie and a flustered but satisfied looking blonde woman came falling out. Lupin and Tonks jumped apart and stared as the woman, another glowing French goddess Harry noticed, smiled and waved at Charlie as she made her way back outside. The other Charlie was grinning guiltily as was the real one who was being stared at by Bill and Harry now.

"Is that Fleur's cousin Monique?" Bill asked in amazement.

Charlie nodded and looked quite smug.

"You kept that quiet didn't you?"

Charlie shrugged.

"Why?" Harry found himself asking, looking at Charlie as if he was an idiot for not boasting about something like that.

Charlie straightened himself up to his full height and straightened his face as well,

"I'm a gentleman."

Bill snorted,

"Bollocks!"

Charlie slumped a little,

"Well I may have had to keep it quiet because mum blamed a certain brother of ours and Angelina Johnson for the mess in her pantry."

Bill grinned,

"Now _that's_ more like it."

The group passed through the kitchen and into the living room where they found the other Harry. He was sitting with Ginny and they were talking comfortably.

"So some wedding reception this is huh?" Ginny said, rolling her eyes, "We've spent most of it in various rooms of this house having the same conversation in as many different ways we can think of."

"Well we haven't sung it to each other yet." the other Harry said, testing the ground with a slight teasing tone.

Ginny had smiled and given him a gentle punch in the arm at his attempt at levity and they both seemed completely relaxed around the other.

"Come on," the other Harry said as he stood and held out his hand to her, "just for today let's be us and I want 'us' to dance."

Ginny grinned and took his hand; he began to lead her out of the room when she hesitated.

"What is it?" he asked.

"When this is over, when you win and I know you will, will you come back to me?"

"Of course I will."

"I'm not making you promise Harry, things may change, you might or I might for that matter and I want to know that no matter what happens I'd still want to in my life in some way."

"Just you try and keep me out of it." the other Harry smiled with confidence.

The confidence wasn't shared by Ginny apparently,

"But y'know, people change and we might be strangers when we can see each other again, I just want you to remember that we knew each other inside and out once. I don't want this time away from you to mean we drift apart."

Both the Harry in the memory and the Harry who was watching the memory looked sadly at her. The other Harry took a step forward and hugged her tightly.

"There is nothing in the world that even compares to my life since I met you and your family. There is no distance, no amount of time and no mad dark wizard I will allow to keep me away from getting back here and picking up at exactly this point."

At that the memory of Harry softly kissed Ginny. The real Harry squirmed uncomfortably but realised that Bill and Charlie had stepped out of the room and were in the kitchen. Harry, feeling like he was intruding upon a private moment despite it being his own private moment, left to join them. They were looking out of the kitchen window and watching themselves and their family having a wonderful time together. Then the other Harry, pulling Ginny behind him, went outside to join them. It looked like perfection. It was perfection. It was exactly how it should be and Harry was a part of it, he could see that now. He was going to have to give this a try, he owed it to the old him, but he wasn't going to abandon his new life completely.

He would have to set his 'family' some rules.

ooo


	21. Once More With Feeling

**Chapter Twenty - Once More with Feeling**

Ron had left his session with Rayner and her marvellous musical molars when he saw Dee sitting on the floor, leaning against the closed bathroom door.

"Hey," Ron frowned down at his friend quizzically, "are you worried about BO because you really don't smell that bad you know? Only a little ripe."

Dee smiled up at him with sarcasm,

"Jo's in the bath." he explained.

Ron still wasn't following this logic.

"So you feel the need to guard the door do you? Dee the thing has a lock on it y'know? Your girlfriend's modesty is quite safe."

"Shut it smart boy, I'm not sitting out here on guard, I'm just...talking to her." Dee lowered his head and looked embarrassed.

Ron was about to begin the merciless teasing when he heard the voice of his other good friend echoing in the bathroom.

"Hi Ron!"

"Hey there Jo," Ron called back through the door, "he can't leave you alone to have a bath in peace huh?"

Dee was having trouble repressing the wide smile on his face but his embarrassment at his current circumstances was still plain to see.

"I'm kind of addicted to her company." he cringed, the smile widening into a grin.

Jo's wicked cackle echoed through the door as she called out,

"I'm dreading the day I can't even take a piss without him listening outside the door!"

Ron laughed,

"You've got him hooked; it's your own fault."

He heard a splashing sound and she called back through the door,

"Who needs dating agencies when you can meet your perfect partner at the nut house eh?"

Dee was burying his reddening face in his hands as the two of them laughed at his new identity of hopeless romantic.

"Take him to the day room would you Ron? I'm getting out now; I'll be there in five minutes or so."

"Will do." Ron chuckled as he extended his hand to Dee on the floor.

He hoisted his flushed friend to his feet and off they went, Dee being teased mercilessly all the way.

ooo

Hermione was a professional, she was detached, she was clinical and unemotional, she had read all the right books and she knew how to handle this situation with Ron.

This was what she kept repeating to herself as she waited for the caller who had asked for her to be transferred over to her line. She glanced down at her notes and took a deep breath, she could do this, no emotional attachments, and don't let him make you laugh she nodded to herself.

"Hello?" the familiar voice said tentatively.

"Oh hello Ron, sorry, I didn't realise you'd been put through yet. How are you today?"

"I'm doing well, I've just seen my doctor and refused to participate in her conversations and then I had breakfast with my friends and I thought I should give you a call."

"Why did you think you needed to call me today?"

"Um..." Ron seemed to have noticed that her voice wasn't so warm and welcoming this time, she winced and reminded herself that she wasn't supposed to have quit such an unfriendly voice.

"I mean last time you said you'd call back when you were miserable. You aren't are you?"

"No," there he was, back to his old self, "I'm still in a really good mood for me. It's just that I'm supposed to participate in the therapy sessions and I don't because I don't trust my doctor, or maybe it's just that I don't like her, I don't know. Anyway she seems to think that I need to talk everything over with somebody who isn't Jo or Dee and I think I need to talk to somebody who isn't her. You're the only other person I could think of who meets both those criteria."

She smiled but tried to shake it off,

"Right so what did your doctor want you to talk about this morning?"

"Um, trivial shit really. At first she was having a go about my behaviour the other night..."

"What behaviour was that?"

"Oh we went out drinking and spent the rest of the following day in bed; not in bed with each other, not me anyway. She said we were avoiding...well, avoiding confronting something or other, I wasn't really paying attention." he laughed.

_Don't laugh._

She wasn't sure if this was what her book called inappropriate joking but she was not going to laugh at it anyway. She intended to get him to drop the act and get to the root of his problem.

"Um, are you still there?" he asked uneasily.

"Yes I'm still here. So why do you think you did go out drinking Ron?"

"We didn't, we went out dancing and the drink was just there."

"What else would you have done if it was just there?" she said, with rather more bluntness than she had intended.

"What?" God she hated being so cold with him like this, he sounded so confused.

She didn't want to put ideas in his head. She didn't want to ask him what he would do if he had access to a large quantity of pills. Would he sample them simply because they were there?

"What I mean is a lot of people drink to wash away their problems. Were you doing that?"

He was quiet for a few seconds and she thought she heard him muttering to himself,

"You sound just like bloody Rayner."

"What did you say?" Hermione said.

"It's just...It's not like that. People drink socially as well y'know?" he said defensively.

Oh crap, she was losing him, what was she doing wrong?

She glanced back down at her neatly handwritten notes and couldn't find anything to get her out of this situation. She had alienated him in the same way his doctor had been doing and that wasn't what she had wanted.

"Forget that, I didn't mean...I'm sorry."

_Stop sounding so flustered!_

"Let's go back to your session with the doctor this morning, after the conversation about the drinking, what did the doctor want to discuss with you?"

He paused for an uncomfortably long time before answering,

"She just asked this stupid question. She just wanted to analyse my answer and dig out hidden meanings that weren't really there and twist it around. She's just playing the usual mind games with me that's all."

Is that what he thought Hermione was doing with him now? Was that what she was doing now? Was she doing this all wrong? She seemed to be doing everything the way the doctor was doing things, which must mean she was doing it right. She was doing it by the book. She was doing it right, she told herself, and she should trust her head over her heart on this one.

"Ok Ron, what was this question?"

"Well she was talking about my memory loss and saying that all my experiences were new ones and everything I was doing I was doing for the first time. I was drunk for the first time, I saw the sea for the first time, I danced for the first time and she asked me what first I would like to get back."

"What, how do you mean?"

"Y'know like, I'm in the position where I can do something again for the first time so she wanted to know what experience I'd want to have as if I'd never had it before."

Hermione understood.

"So I've never ridden before, but I have because I'm pretty sure I know how to do it, but I don't remember doing it."

"So what she's saying is that if you were to ride a bike today you'd be riding a bike for the very first time as far as you were concerned?"

"That's it." he said, "She wanted me to pick something so she could interpret it and decide what that meant to my subconscious blah, blah, blah..."

Hermione pressed her lips together; well the doctor surely knew what she was doing didn't she?

"So what did you tell her?"

"I pretended that I didn't understand what she wanted from me and just frustrated her until she asked me to leave." he sounded almost proud of himself she thought.

"Well can you tell me what your answer would've been?"

He was quiet again, it was as if he was getting suspicious of her change in attitude, she had to try and sound the same as before without letting him manipulate her and deflect her away from her goal with his humour.

"I'm not following you." he said.

She let herself laugh, though not as heartily as she had with him on previous calls,

"Come on, you just told me that you understand, I'm not the whistling doctor y'know?"

She felt him warm to her again and bit her lip to remind her to keep her emotions in check.

"Well," he said a thoughtful tone in his voice, "I'd want to have my first kiss I suppose."

She couldn't help but smile at that,

"That's a good first to have back."

"Yeah I think so."

Hermione's mind drew a blank; she had wavered from her original plan and needed to get back on track.

"Have you played chess with anyone yet?" she managed to pull out of her hat of desperation.

"I haven't actually. It totally slipped my mind, along with a lot of other stuff, but I still don't even know if there's a board here."

"Well ask around, I'm sure they must have one somewhere, then when you call back you can tell me how you did."

"Don't get your hopes up," he scoffed, "it's supposed to be a game of intelligence isn't it?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Hermione snapped, her eyes darting to her checklist and the thing about feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness.

"Well it was only a couple of weeks ago that I didn't know how to turn on a light. I don't think that I'm a hidden genius do you?"

Hermione was not about to let him go down this road,

"I think you have the potential to be anybody you want to be and I don't want to hear you put yourself down like that anymore ok?"

"Whoa, sorry!" he said, sounding shocked.

Oh what was she doing? She was messing this all up.

"No I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be hard on you, it's just that I just don't like to hear somebody putting limits on themselves. Just because you don't remember any of your talents or gifts doesn't mean you never had any to begin with."

She heard him sigh deeply and waited for him to say something, eventually he did.

"You're being really weird with me today, have I done something to...?"

_Shit!_

"No, no of course you haven't done anything Ron, it's me. I've been reading...forget it."

"It's just..." he sounded so wary of her now and it was like a kick in the stomach, "...I feel like I've pissed you off somehow."

"You have done nothing wrong, I promise you, and I'm really sorry that you don't feel as if I've been here for you today."

"No I didn't say that I just..."

"I was worrying after your last call, you were so happy out of nowhere, and I was concerned that you were having mood swings or something." she sputtered.

"Wait, my being happy _scared_ you?"

_Oh no, no, no!_

"No! Oh God you're not...I've not made myself clear, this is all my own fault for not being articulate enough to say what I mean."

His voice sounded so small when he spoke that it broke her heart,

"I'm sorry if I got you into trouble last time, y'know making you laugh?"

"No Ron, let me explain..."

"Um, listen I've got to go now." he said, his voice now sounding distant.

What the hell had she done?

"Please don't leave it like this."

"No it's fine, we're fine, I've just got to...I'm gonna go."

He didn't sound like himself anymore, he couldn't wait to get off the phone, she was such an idiot.

"Will you call back soon? Tomorrow maybe?"

"Maybe." he said.

"No Ron, I can't let you say goodbye like that, promise me you'll call me back again tomorrow." she demanded, the fear in her voice breaking through with every word.

"Promise you?" he sounded as if he was talking to a total stranger who was making unreasonable demands upon him.

Well he was wasn't he?

"I'm sorry, I'm out of sorts today and I want to make it up to you, please call again. Please?" she was almost begging him, that wasn't in her bloody useless knots.

"I...you know I have my own worries to deal with," he sounded angry with her now, "and if I want somebody to test their psychological theories on me I've got my doctor for that."

Hermione looked down at the scribbled sentence on her stupid list, look out for angry outbursts, and screwed the paper up in her hand.

"I know, it's this stupid book I read, I feel like I've lost your trust and I want to make it up to you."

"Don't worry about it. You don't have to worry about me anymore."

Hermione nearly choked on the gasp of air she let out as she spoke with more desperation that she knew she had in her,

"No _please_ don't say that, please don't leave it like that..."

"I really do have to go now." he mumbled.

"Don't let that be how you say goodbye." she was almost crying and she couldn't stop herself.

"You've been...Thanks for everything."

The phone clicked, he had hung up.

"NO!"

That was it. He'd just made a big deal about saying goodbye to her, after using one of the phrases to watch out for, and she had driven him to it.

She hated that fucking book.

ooo

"Blimey you look tense!" Jo said her eyes wide.

Ron sat down with them in the day room,

"What?"

"You said you were just popping to the loo and you've come back looking as if you had something shoved up your arse instead." she explained in her typical Jo-like way.

Dee cast a disapproving glance in her direction,

"You're such a lady."

He looked back at Ron with some concern.

"What's wrong mate? You were fine just now."

Ron chewed on the inside of his lip and shook his head, he felt so tightly wound right now and he didn't want them to think it was their fault.

"I'm just not going to talk to anybody but the two of you from now on; from now and for the rest of my life."

"Blimey!" Jo said, with an involuntary laugh.

"Seriously, other people just..." he let out a frustrated grunt, "...I just don't need 'em."

Dee frowned at him,

"Rayner?"

Ron looked up at his two concerned friends, they didn't know about his calls to the Samaritans; he didn't feel like getting into that right now.

"Yeah."

Jo nodded,

"We need to make some kind of voodoo doll."

Ron let himself smile and he felt some of the tension leave him on doing so.

She seemed pleased with herself,

"See there you are again, you're more like yourself when you let yourself relax like that, when you go all..." she clenched both fists and scrunched up her face, making a growling sound,"...you're more like me and that can't be good."

Dee smiled,

"Make that face again."

Ron laughed at the look she gave Dee on hearing that.

"What?" Dee held up his hands, "I thought it was cute!"

Ron played with his hands thoughtfully for a few seconds, knowing that his friends were both looking at him, before raising his head again.

"Can I ask you guys a question?" he said.

Dee smirked,

"You just did."

Ron smiled wearily,

"Don't start that again Dee."

"Please don't." Jo said warningly, "So what's up Ron?"

"It's nothing it's just...if you could do something again for the very first time ever what would you do?"

Jo raised her eyebrows,

"That sounds like a Rayner question."

"I know but answer it anyway." Ron shrugged.

"I'm not sure, I don't happen to remember any of my own firsts so everything feels pretty new to me."

Ron knew that he and Dee would have the exact same problem with this theoretical quandary as he did.

"Yeah but you must know you've done stuff even if you don't remember doing it. Of all the firsts that your memory loss has given back the opportunity to experience which one would you want back most?"

"Well I've already done the number one." Dee turned and smiled at Jo.

"What about you, what would you like to do afresh as if you'd never done it before?" Ron quizzed Jo.

"Nothing really, all of my firsts were either dull or disappointing and I wouldn't want to revisit any of them. There is something I've never done before though, a first I've still got to experience if you like."

Dee's eyebrows arched,

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Come on then, share with us."

Jo looked from Dee to Ron and back again before grinning,

"I want to go skinny dipping."

Ron's face crumpled,

"Is that what I think it is?"

Dee had never looked more delighted in his entire life,

"Oh I _really_ hope so."

"Well we are close to the sea and we know from experience how deserted the beach is in the early hours of the morning."

"We also know that I lost my shoes at the beach..." Ron said as he sat back in his chair and folded his arms across his chest, "...I refuse to walk home naked!"

"If you lose your clothes, well that'd make you very careless for one thing, I'll weave you a suit out of seaweed."

"Well that's a talent rarely called upon these days," Dee snorted, "the ability to weave fabric from seaweed."

Jo sat upright,

"Well I'm going to do it, the skinny dipping I mean; now that I've said it I really want to do it."

Dee looked over to Ron and nodded his head in Jo's direction,

"She's a spontaneous little thing isn't she?"

She beamed at Dee,

"That's why you love me."

Dee's face flushed as he turned back to her and planted a quick peck on her lips,

"I'm in." he smiled.

Ron uncrossed his arms and sat forward again,

"Yeah why not? It's not as if I have that many amusing anecdotes to my name is it? At least with you two around I'm earning myself a colourful past."

ooo

The sun had just begun to creep into view over the horizon as the three friends splashed about in the freezing but eerily still sea.

"So I finally got to see tits then!" Ron sputtered as he floated on his back.

"Oi you, those are for my eyes only." Dee pulled an amused Jo into his arms and covered her chest up.

"Says who?" she said incredulously, "I don't mind sharing the joyful sight of my knockers."

"Joyful?" Dee said, loosening his grip on her enough for her to wriggle out of his arms and begin doing the backstroke further out to sea so she could no longer put her feet on the sea bed.

Ron began to tread water was he watched her,

"Too right mate, Jo they're magnificent."

"Thank you Ron, I'd take a bow if I weren't up to my neck in water."

Dee dove in her direction,

"Oh take one anyway babe..."

He dunked her head under the water when he reached her and she bobbed back up sputtering and splashing water into his face in retaliation.

"What are you so sensitive about Dee; it's not as if I'm proposing a threesome or anything." Ron chuckled as he swam out of his depth; witch was quite far considering his height.

Jo looked at Dee with a straight face and said,

"Well y'know he's got a point Dee, we do everything else together..."

Ron laughed as Dee lunged at her but she managed to splash out of his reach and swim closer to the shore again.

"There will be no more talk like that." Dee said firmly but keeping the smile on his face.

"Whatcha gonna do to shut me up eh?" Jo teased him, "I'm all the way over here."

"I can reach you in two strokes," Dee boasted, ignoring Ron's snort.

"You can't keep hold of me though, I'm all slippery!" she cackled as she dove under the water and resurfaced a few feet beside Ron.

Ron looked at her and turned a little coy,

"You didn't see anything under there did you?"

She rolled her eyes,

"Ron I couldn't see my hand in front of my face down there, we're on the English coastline remember? It's more sewage than water out here."

Ron looked revolted,

"Oh you didn't think to remind us of that before we all jumped in?"

"We're English, we're immune! That's why we get sunburn in weather that gives people from exotic countries frostbite."

Ron laughed while resolving not to dive under the water all the same. Jo seemed to have read his mind as Dee slowly swam over to the two of them.

"I could always have another look...to see if the water's cleared." she took a deep breath and was about to sink under the water when Ron grabbed her by the arm and pulled her up.

"No you don't!"

"I've seen it already!" she said with great mirth.

"Still..." Ron sputtered, "...stay up here where I can see you."

"That's an order." Dee barked as he reached them, he was quite amused by the look that appeared on her face as soon as he said that.

"Order? You don't own me."

"I beg to differ." Dee said as he wrapped a leg around her waist and pulled her toward him.

She looked over to Ron for back up,

"Tell him he can't own me."

Ron suddenly had a wicked idea,

"Well he could but there's a funny thing about ownership, like a requirement that he's not fulfilling, so until he clears that business up you're anybody's."

"My reputation precedes me." Jo chortled much to Ron's amusement and Dee's horror.

"Alright then Weasley, what's the mysterious requirement that I need to stake my claim then?"

Ron had never felt so smug in his life,

"Your name, simple as that."

Dee huffed,

"You _know_ my name, it's Dee..."

"It's not though is it?" Ron interrupted, "That's an abbreviation just like Ron is short for Ronald and Jo is short for Joanne."

A delighted Jo squirmed away from Dee and joined Ron's side, the two of them ganging up on him,

"You want ownership, I have to know who it is that owns me, simple as that." she said with glee.

Dee shook his head, they'd got him at last and he knew it, he looked up at them both sheepishly,

"Ok You want to know what Dee stands for?"

They both nodded eagerly.

"Draco."

ooo

_A/N First and foremost a big well done to DiTS and Snowflake Ginny who had Dee sussed from the very beginning._

_Now I've never asked for reviews so far, I've just been very appreciative of them when they came, but I really want to know how many of you lot I managed to surprise with that one. I've been building up to it from the very beginning. _

_This story really gets going now!_


	22. Names, Places and Dates

_A/N I have been working weird hours this week so haven't been able to spell check and post so thanks for your patience…can you believe that it's a long delay to go 4 days without a new chapter?_

_Thank you for all your feedback, I write these chapters while I'm waiting for feedback on chapters posted about three days ago so that's why I'm sometimes a bit late responding to you in these notes._

_I hope you got a good night's sleep Magnolia Lane, sorry for keeping you up! _

_Anyway I just wanted to say hello and thank you to all the people who have commented saying that they've stumbled upon this fic by accident and have now become addicted to it. I'm glad I can give you all your fix while you wait for the movie to come out._

**Chapter Twenty One - Names, Places and Dates**

"What the bloody hell kind of name is that?" Ron exclaimed before almost sinking under the water, weakened by the paralysing laughter.

Dee looked thoroughly embarrassed,

"It's the kind of name you change to Dee as soon as possible."

Jo swam over to him, filled with mirth but attempting to convey pity for his situation,

"Oh you poor thing babe, your parents must have really hated you when they came up with that one."

Ron was still howling with laughter,

"Draco!" he repeated weakly.

"Well now you know why I'm not particularly keen to be re-united with the sadists." Dee was managing to see the funny side of things himself now.

Jo had her arms around his neck as they both tried to tread water to stay afloat as she let her amusement rise to Ron's level,

"It sounds like some kind of cleaning product." she sniggered.

Ron imitated one of the voices he had heard in the television commercials for toilet detergent,

"Draco...kills germs DEAD!"

Jo let out a laugh so high that only dogs could hear it and Ron lost the ability to be able to laugh and tread water at the same time as he finally sank under the surface. A second later he emerged coughing but still managing to grin.

"Sorry mate, we have to get back to the beach so I can mock you further." Ron managed to choke as the three of them set off back toward the shore.

ooo

This was his house apparently. He had inherited it from a dead relative, was that what he'd been told? Somebody died and gave it to him, he knew that much. Did this person actually _like_ him? This house was pretty grotty and unwelcoming, or maybe he just got that impression because of the offensive things a living portrait screamed at him every time he walked from one room to the other. This was where he was expected to live?

_No way!_

He had his room at the YMCA. He had Jimmy and a job and his friends Natasha and Mario. He didn't need a freakishly large man with a beard that rivalled a small forest embracing him and force-feeding him what he insisted were cakes but Harry felt sure were house bricks.

His job! Oh hell, he'd forgotten to phone Natasha and let her know he was ok. He had a shift tomorrow afternoon too, how would he get to the pub from this house anyway?

"Are you alright Harry?" Lupin asked him; at least he seemed to appreciate that Harry wasn't ready to just drop everything to pick up where he had apparently left off.

Harry shrugged,

"I need to make a phone call." he mumbled.

Lupin frowned,

"Ah well we don't really have..."

Harry reached into his pocket and pulled out Natasha's old mobile,

"I have one, I just can't get a signal in here, I need to stand outside."

Lupin nodded and they stepped towards the front door, which he unlocked in a magical way, and they wandered out onto the green outside the house.

As he dialled the number for the pub he looked back at the house, at Lupin and the concerned family of red-heads who seemed to be constantly watching him wherever he went, and looked away again. They were never going to understand that he couldn't stay there with them. He was never going to understand why it pained him so much to not belong with them either.

ooo

"Did you ever think that maybe they can't find you because you're using the wrong name?" Jo said through chattering teeth.

Dee pulled off the jacket he'd only just put on and draped it around her shoulders as he answered.

"They who? The same 'they' who are looking for Ron?"

Ron snorted as he shook his head to shake out some of the water from his hair like a wet dog,

"I think we've already established there is no 'they' for me."

The teasing had stopped halfway through getting dressed and now they were wet, cold and discussing how they all came to be in that very absurd position at this point in their lives.

"Well my situation is pretty similar to Ron's, well apart from him being mental and me being perfectly sane of course..."

Ron looked incredulous at that comment but Dee wasn't about to pause to let him deliver a witty comeback.

"...I was stumbling around, I had no clue where I was and the next thing I knew BANG!"

"You got shot?" Jo's eyes were wide.

Dee looked at her in disbelief for three very long seconds before her face finally broke into a grin. Dee tutted and rolled his eyes.

"I _knew_ you weren't serious, I wish you'd stop doing that."

Ron absent-mindedly began to scratch his wrists as he spoke,

"So what was this bang then?"

Dee slapped Ron's hand away from his arm,

"Stop it; I've warned you, I'll buy you those mittens."

Ron looked a little embarrassed and grabbed his long-sleeved sweatshirt, pulling it over his head as Dee continued.

"Well anyway, I was hit by a car. No I wasn't actually, I was hit by a cyclist who had been hit by a car, the rider fell on me and I cracked my head on the road and passed out."

Jo sucked air in through her teeth,

"Ouch."

"It could have been worse," Dee shrugged, "the cyclist broke his leg and his arm, I couldn't have been a soft enough landing."

A breeze made them all shudder, the sun hadn't risen high enough to warm them up yet, and Dee began to rub Jo's arms rapidly to warm her up some more.

"So I woke up in hospital and they'd had to shave a chunk of my hair off to treat the head wound and they gave me scans and tests and took what details I could give them before referring me to the Meadows."

"And they couldn't find your family?" Ron asked.

"Somebody came apparently, they were informed about the memory loss and they seemed relieved and left."

"They left you there?" Jo said with a frown.

"They said they weren't my next of kin and they had no way to contact them so there wasn't much they could do so she just left."

"She?" Jo blinked.

Dee sighed,

"That's what they said. She gave them some of the details I couldn't remember, stuff like allergies and my date of birth and my parents' names..."

"You know their names?" Ron asked eyes wide.

"I know what she said they were and I know that she said they were both dead."

Ron's face dropped,

"Oh God Dee, I'm sorry."

Jo gave him a cuddle and he hugged her back with a resigned smile,

"Well, like I said that's just what some girl who wouldn't give her name or stick around told a receptionist. It might not be true, it might be, and I really don't care."

Jo didn't seem to believe that,

"Really?"

Dee smiled and looked back down at her, pushing her damp hair back off of her face,

"I'm sorry; is the woman who refuses to telephone her mother and let her know she's ok accusing me of having parental issues?"

Jo smiled and gave a guilty pout.

Ron was thinking over the story carefully and Dee noticed his look of concentration,

"What's the matter mate?"

Ron began chewing on the inside of his bottom lip again, he seemed to do that a lot these days when in deep thought,

"So you lost your memory _before_ being hit by the car...well, the cyclist?"

Dee nodded.

"So it wasn't the head injury that did it then?"

"No," Dee said with some annoyance, "I kept trying to tell the doctors that but they wouldn't hear of it."

Jo was looking at Ron, trying to read his expression as he nodded to himself,

"What is it Ron?"

"It's just really similar..." he said quietly.

"Well we already knew that." Dee snorted.

"No I mean, I think my memory loss had nothing to do with my..." he stalled, not wanting to say suicide attempt out loud.

"Call it an accident." Jo smiled.

"Well _that..._and yours had nothing to do with your accident. Isn't that weird how we both just lost our memories for no apparent reason around the same time?"

Dee was thinking now,

"You lost yours just before you came in yeah?"

"Five days." Ron nodded.

"And I'd already been here for three, I don't know exactly how long I was in the hospital, and my time lines are a little fuzzy because of the concussion. They had to wait until they thought I was stable before they sent me from London down here."

Ron's eyes widened again,

"You were in London?"

Dee nodded,

"Did I never say that?"

Jo looked from Dee to Ron and asked him,

"Were you in London too Ron?"

Ron nodded, he shivered again and this time it had nothing to do with being cold and wet,

"I was in a pub. I was in a pub and I opened the door and I ran out and...and I was bleeding."

"A pub?" Dee repeated; his voice uneasy for the first time since Ron had began this trip down memory erasing lane.

"And I fell down and crawled. There was a car, a car hit a girl I think and she screamed, and I got up and tried to run again. I ran into an alley and fell down and I was really bleeding."

"You came out of a pub and a girl was hit by a car?" Dee repeated, the colour draining from his face.

Ron needed to get all of this out, it was the most vivid it had ever been to him and he didn't want to lose it,

"Then this woman showed up and she helped me. She was shouting and screaming something about London people and then calling somebody on her mobile phone and them holding my arms above my head and smiling at me."

Dee's voice was almost unrecognisable now,

"London people; she was shouting about London people?"

Ron finally shook his head and snapped out of his mini flashback and looked at Dee who was staring at him in horror.

"London people don't stop when you fall down." he babbled.

Ron gasped,

"That's what she said."

"I heard her, she was shouting for somebody to help and the girl was on the floor in front of the car and this crazy old guy was calling after somebody running down the street and I ran back into the pub and there were people coming in from every direction, out of the walls it looked like and they were all holding sticks and the man behind the bar grinned at me like he hated me and wanted me to get a good beating and he looked at me, this toothless guy, he looked at me and laughed and said 'Your time's up my boy' and I just ran back out of the pub. I ran until I got hit."

Jo sat up and stiffened,

"What the fuck is going on?"

Ron felt sick,

"We were in the same pub, at the same time?"

Dee was clinging onto to Jo for dear life now,

"What happened to you happened to me? We lost our memories at the same time?"

Ron's voice caught in the back of his throat,

"We were together."

"We..." Dee looked as if he was about to pass out, "...We probably _knew_ each other."

Ron scrambled to his feet, urgency had taken over his entire body and he desperately needed to do something, anything,

"We need to do something about this; we need to tell somebody, nobody knows about this...me and you..."

"We need to tell Rayner." Dee nodded frantically as Jo helped him to his feet, "We need to find out if she knew..." suddenly Dee's eyes were livid, "...what if she _did_ know?"

"Then I will personally kill her." Jo said firmly.

She took them both by the hand and led them off the beach and back to the clinic. Ron was in a state of shock, he still wasn't remembering anything new but now he had something from his past, something concrete. Well not concrete but flesh and blood and that could be the key to them both finding out who they were and what the hell had happened to them.

ooo

The Weasleys were gathered around the kitchen table at Grimmauld Place, Tonks and Lupin were standing in the corner of the room with Fleur and Neville was trying to see between Hagrid and Moody, as they waited for Harry to say what he had to say. Charlie felt nervous, he thought he knew what was about to happen and he was dreading it.

Harry cleared his throat,

"So um, I just wanted to tell you that I...I'm not going to be able to live here."

His mother had gasped and Ginny's knuckles had turned white where she had gripped the table, yes it had been what he expected; Harry didn't feel comfortable with them.

"It's not any of you, you've all been...well it not, it's just that I have a place that I like and I want to stay there for a while until I feel like I fit in here better." Charlie tried to give him a nod of understanding but was distracted by Hagrid's whimper behind him.

Harry seemed astonished that such a big man could be so emotional,

"Um I'm sorry, and I'll come here every day to try and remember things I really will, but I have friends and I have a sort of home and I have a job."

"That's alright Harry, I'm sure everybody here understands." Lupin said with a calm smile.

Charlie heard Bill let out a deep sigh, he knew he was disappointed at this news.

"And I'm going to go now," Harry continued warily, "to work, because my shift starts at twelve and I need to evaporate with Lupin."

Charlie couldn't stop himself from letting out a quick laugh at that. His mother scowled at him and he looked down at the table and bit his lip.

"It's apparate Harry but they knew what you meant." Tonks smiled.

He looked embarrassed but soldiered on,

"I'll come back, I finish at eight, and I'll come here for dinner if...if you'll have me."

"Of course we'll have you Harry!" Charlie saw his mother leap from her chair and throw her arms around a totally uncomfortable Harry.

Fred and George let themselves smile at his awkwardness and Percy seemed relieved that Harry was willing to come back to them at all. Ginny was still tense though.

"You've..." she began in a small voice before starting again with a little more confidence, "...You've got money y'know? You've got a vault full of galleons at Gringotts, you don't have to work."

Harry blinked at her,

"I've been told about that but I want to, I just want to keep feeling a little bit normal for now Ginny. Do you understand?" he asked with a nervous smile.

Ginny tried to smile back,

"Of course I do. Have a good day."

"Thanks." he smiled and nodded to the group as Lupin crossed the room and led his out of the house to get him to work safely.

The crack of Lupin taking Harry side-along apparating made everybody who remained slump in their seats with deep sighs.

"Merlin this is horrible." Neville muttered to himself.

"It'll get better don't worry." Tonks gave him a wink and a smile.

"But have you seen the way he is around this place, around us?" Ginny blurted out quickly, "he feels like he's in somebody else's house surrounded by somebody else's family and friends and they're trying to keep him from everything he loves and needs."

"It's everything he _knows_ right now Ginny." their father said, "We have to let him hold on to something, the poor lad hasn't got much right now apart from a lot of second hand memories. We've got to be patient and understanding."

"I know." she nodded and lowered her head. Charlie was about to pull her into a hug when Percy beat him to it.

Their mother began to busy herself with clearing away the tea things and the kitchen slowly emptied out. After all, Ron still needed to be found. That was the one worry they all had but that remained unspoken. If this was how Harry reacted to them all what would Ron be like when they found him? As if reading his brother's mind Bill put his head in his hands and groaned.

"I won't be able to take it if Ron looks at me the way Harry just did."

"I know." Charlie said in barely a whisper.

"What if we find him and...he doesn't want us?" Bill's voice cracked as he finished the sentence.

Their mother spun around and threw the tea cup she was holding across the kitchen where it smashed against the back wall.

"That is enough! I will not hear talk like that I will not give up on Harry and Ron just because they've changed and I won't hear of any of you doing the same!"

"Mum, no I didn't mean..." Bill sputtered.

"I don't care what you meant," she barked, her cheeks crimson, "I want my boy back even if he looks at me like I'm a total stranger and only comes to the Burrow once a month for dinner, I want him back any way that makes him happy."

She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly before turning back to the tea things and continuing to wash up.

Bill got up from his seat and crossed the kitchen to curl his arms around his mother from behind,

"He'll love you mum, how could anyone not?"

He kissed the top of her head and gestured to Fleur to go with him.

"You 'ave more people to see at ze 'ospital?" she asked as he led her out.

"_We_ have a lot more people to question flower."

Charlie rubbed his hand over his face, he wondered if he should sleep or not.

"Charlie dear," his mother said without turning around, "clear up that little mess I made and get some sleep."

He smiled,

"Ok mum."

ooo


	23. Where Is My Mind?

_A/N Things are all happening now aren't they? In response to unknownspecies question...they will soon, but not the way you'd want them to (I truly AM evil y'know?)_

_Thanks again for all the reviews, they're great motivation._

**Chapter Twenty Two - Where Is My Mind?**

She had been crying uncontrollably ever since she'd got home that day. Crying until her sides ached and her head pounded. She was hurting all over. What had she done?

_RINNNG!_

The sound of the telephone startled her out of her self-pitying state and she hastily tried to clear the tremor from her voice before she answered.

"H-Hello?"

"Hello pickle."

It was her father's voice, she sighed and a silent tear rolled down her cheek and caught in the corner of her mouth,

"Hello daddy."

And that was it for her, she couldn't hold it together long enough to get past it, she let out a sob and clamped her free hand to her mouth to try to stifle it but it had been too late.

"Hermione? What is it sweetheart? What's wrong?"

"It's...I..."

_Oh God what could she say? How could she explain to him?_

"Did mum tell you about the...friend I'd made?" she sniffed.

Her father was silent for a moment,

"You mean Ron?" he sounded strange to her but she was probably imagining it.

"Yes. Well we...I...Oh Daddy I messed everything up, I'm such an idiot!"

"Shhhhh..." she heard her father trying to soothe her from all those miles away, "...come on now, I'm sure it can't be that bad."

"It is!" she blurted out, with more volume then she had meant to, "I said all the wrong things, I really upset him and...he...he...I've driven him away I know it!"

She heard more soothing sounds and comforting words from her father but they were almost totally drowned out by a second wave of tears that had begun to pour out of her.

"Listen, are you listening to me pickle?"

She wiped her puffy eyes with her sleeve and made a noise to let him know she was listening to him.

"You've only just met this person, why are you letting him get you so upset?"

"But it's my fault!" she screamed into the receiver, "He's the one who's been upset not me, I was so...so cold with him and he needed me. He needed me to be kind and he needed me to listen and be supportive and I just talked at him as if he was a...as if he was a problem to be solved."

She dissolved into more tears at that. She had, she knew she had and it made her feel so heartless that she couldn't stand it. What if he needed her in the future? What if he went through a crisis and was feeling desperate, as desperate as he obviously had been before when he had tried to hurt himself, and he couldn't call her and ask her for help? What if he couldn't depend on her anymore?

"He can't trust me dad, I ruined it, why do I always ruin things?"

"What? What have you ruined Hermione?" her father said sternly.

This shocked her out of tearfulness briefly and she sniffled as he went on.

"Are you supposed to be faultless? You are only human my girl and you are an extraordinary human at that."

"Oh daddy..." she smiled as went on.

"How many people in your situation would've been as selfless as you've been?"

She sniffed again.

"You donate your time to help other people for free and you go to night school because you know you _don't_ know everything and want to broaden your mind. You are wonderful and you are noble and you are selfless and I am proud of you my beautiful girl."

She laughed and wiped a tear from her eye.

"Now I'm not going to tell you that this Ron of yours isn't worth all this fuss over because I know you too well and I trust your excellent judgement so I know he must be worth your attentions but I will not let you tear yourself up and make yourself feel this way over some silly misunderstanding. He's lucky to have you, you do know that don't you?"

She felt her cheeks burn and more tears squeeze out of her bloodshot eyes,

"But that's the thing dad, he doesn't have me now and I think he really needs me, he was so...he's so unhappy daddy."

There was a long pause as Hermione listened for her father's voice; the voice that always knew how to make everything better, and finally it came.

"Would you like to come home pickle? If not I can come to you, we'll come for a visit, how about that?"

"No, no I'll be fine, don't be silly. You have work, you both do." she was coming back to herself now.

Obviously her father thought so too as he was chuckling,

"Well people's teeth won't fall out because I go and visit my little girl for the weekend."

She smiled,

"I'm fine. Stay there please."

"Well if you insist, but I do want to see you soon y'know? Maybe you could come home for a day or two and..."

She frowned, why had he gone quiet all of a sudden?

"Daddy?"

"It's just that, there's someone you could talk to, somebody who knows exactly what you're going through and your mother and I were discussing...maybe you might come home and talk to him. Maybe it would help the both of you."

"Him? Who is he?"

"Never mind that now; you've got enough men on your mind right now don't you?"

She rolled her eyes and let out a tut,

"Dad!"

He chuckled again and they said their goodbyes. As she put down the receiver she felt grateful that she had somebody she could always talk to when she really needed them.

She hoped Ron had that too...even if it wasn't going to be her anymore.

ooo

Dr Rayner hung up the telephone and let out an exasperated sigh.

"So..." she began, not noticing Ron wince at the whistling sound she had made through her teeth.

"What did they say?" Dee said eagerly.

"I'm about to tell you." she said, looking a little overwhelmed by all this drama so early in the morning.

Ron, Dee and Jo had tackled her as soon as she stepped out of her car when she arrived for work that day, which concerned her for a start as they were usually very reluctant to get out of bed in time for their late morning sessions let alone at this early hour. The two young men had seemed particularly overwrought but Jo had been doing an impressive job of keeping them in control enough to let her understand what had happened. They had opened up to each other about their first memories and discovered that the circumstances and locations were identical. She had been on the telephone to Dee's hospital in London, St Mary's, and spoken to the specialist who had dealt with his head injury and then she had tried to track down somebody to talk to at the Royal London where Ron had come from.

Ron wasn't a direct referral though, he had told her that a psychiatric nurse had chased him when he discharged himself and given him the address, she had asked him the nurse's name but he didn't know it. She had left a message with the psychiatric department and asked Jo if she would be so kind as to go and get them all some tea as the three of them seemed to be noticeably shivering.

"Well you were both admitted to your respective hospitals on the same date."

Dee and Ron glanced at each other and then looked back at her.

"Ron, your ambulance was called just after three o'clock in the afternoon and you were picked up only a quarter of a mile away from where _you_..." Dr Rayner looked at Dee, "...were knocked down at a quarter past three on Charring Cross Road. You and the cyclist were picked up by another ambulance shortly after that time."

They were unnervingly silent, she thought, as they nodded and looked to her for more information. It was most unlike both of them.

"Mr Malfoy, you were unconscious for a brief period and then were found to be suffering from concussion so you spent the night being woken every hour until you were transferred here by ambulance the following morning after an anonymous young woman with personal artefacts and information of yours told us you had no next of kin."

"Personal artefacts?" Dee frowned.

"Yes, nothing of much use, we haven't been able to trace the company by the name on the card but she gave us something called a 'Muggle identity card' which had your name, date of birth and post office box number to contact your next of kin but this had been cancelled when the admin people at the hospital tried to use it, the holders of that PO box number both being recently deceased."

She paused and looked up at Dee on saying that.

"I'm so sorry."

Dee found himself shrugging and she went on.

"There was information of the card about allergies, one of which nobody on the medical staff had even heard of, some kind of exotic root by the sounds of it, and that's pretty much it I'm afraid."

Dee nodded.

"Now Ron, I understand you checked yourself out because people were getting suspicious of you. Nobody knew where you had come from or where you belonged..."

"I don't that's the point." Ron muttered and looked at his feet.

"Now let's not go there again alright Ron?" Dr Rayner said, firmly but with quite a warm tone in her voice, he hadn't even winced when the 's' at the end of ' let's ' was whistled at him, "You, they couldn't find anything for, you had no identification. You didn't even have a wallet. No dental records..."

"Do I have dental records?" Dee suddenly asked.

Dr Rayner blinked and looked back down at her pile of hastily scribbled notes,

"Well they had an address for you and your parents names so I doubt they looked into it Dee."

Dee nodded and looked at Ron who was now focused on Rayner.

"You were with your hospital two or three days longer than Dee was with his. You were working with the police, trying to find somebody to inform about your whereabouts and then simply trying to find anybody associated with you at all, before the fact that nothing turned up made the officers involved think that maybe Ron Weasley was some kind of alias and it was then that you absconded let's say."

Ron shook his head as if trying to straighten out all this new information.

"Wait, so my name isn't Ron? I don't even have my _name_!"

She leaned over her desk towards him and tapped her fingers together,

"This is only my non-professional opinion here Ron but I'm pretty sure that it is your real name. I don't think for a second that somebody with your degree of memory loss would still remember to give a false name to the police. I don't think you'd be able to remember a false name if you even had one."

He snorted,

"But still how do I know? How do any of us know anything about me? For all I know I could really be...Roonil Wazlib?"

Dee let himself laugh at that and Dr Rayner found herself relaxing as well.

"Where did you come up with that one?" Dee shook his head.

"Oh I dunno..._Draco_!" Ron managed to smile but only for a second.

The door swung open and Jo appeared with a tray carrying four mugs and a sugar bowl.

"Tea," she said in a fairly subdued voice for her, she looked at the three faces that had turned to face her, "why are we happy? Have good things happened?"

She almost smiled herself until Dr Rayner shook her head.

"No I'm afraid not just yet Jo."

"Nah, we were just name calling again." Dee patted the empty seat beside him and she carried the tray over and set it on the desk before sitting down.

"We were just confirming what the two of these fellows suspected Jo, they may not have been injured in the same place but they appear to have lost their memories in the same place at the same time, I still can't come up with any way to work out if the two of you knew each other beforehand though."

"Wait," Jo interrupted, "Ron didn't you say you were getting one of your deja vu thingies just from sitting down and talking to Dee like he was your friend?"

Ron thought back for a second but Dee shook his head immediately,

"No he said that he didn't get them just with me it was when you were around too."

"Oh yeah." she frowned.

"But y'know there is something..." Dee said looking a little guilty now, "...I um, I sort of get them too."

"What?" Ron exclaimed.

"The deja vu flashes, I don't think they're as bad as yours, or maybe I just get them for entirely different reasons I don't know, but there's been a couple of times that we've had them simultaneously."

"When was this?" Jo asked in the same moment that Ron asked a similar question.

"Well one time was when Jo was saying something about the names we could call her and that she could be a witch or a bitch or something like that...you went all, well the way you do and Jo was paying you attention so I made an excuse and ran to the toilet to clear my head."

Jo's eyes lit up,

"You were really thinking hard about what that three is the magic number thing meant as well."

Dee nodded,

"Yep, it sorta caught me off guard that one, it was my first one and I wasn't sure what it was but then he started freaking out about it and I just shook it off and tried to work out what about the phrase could've been significant. I still don't know why that triggered either of us off though."

Dr Rayner was resting her chin in her hand and rubbing thoughtfully,

"So you both find the same things familiar, this is looking as if you did know each other before."

She took her cup of tea and had a sip before a thought occurred to her and she narrowed her eyes at the three of them.

"Have you lot slept?"

They all looked guiltily at one another.

"By slept you mean have we been to bed?" Jo asked.

Dr Rayner sighed and put down her mug,

"You three will be the death of me you really will. Go to bed all of you, forget about your morning sessions, we'll count this as today's. Take your tea, wrap yourselves up warm and get some sleep ok?"

They nodded, not one of them letting her see their irritation at the four whistles she'd let go in quick succession, and picked up their mugs before turning to leave the office.

"Oh and Jo; Dee?" Dr Rayner called after them.

They turned around.

"I just wanted to make it clear that I meant your _own_ beds."

She gave them a sly grin that Jo returned and they left, closing the door behind them.

ooo


	24. There Is A Light That Never Goes Out

_A/N gcjessica1989 you joined the story at just the right time didn't you? As for Whimsy007, UNISOL, fantasticarla, EruditeWitch, Leo Wyatt and the ever present Scrib I get such a kick out of having blindsided you with Dee...tee hee, I'm all smug now!_

**Chapter Twenty Three - There is a Light That Never Goes Out**

It was Sunday.

Harry didn't have to work today and he had agreed to floo to Grimmauld Place. He couldn't believe it the first time he'd done it, it was such an odd thing, but he guessed that it was convenient if you had a fireplace in your home.

Harry didn't have a fireplace in his room at the YMCA. No room at the YMCA had a fireplace. In fact not many places did these days. Lupin had found somebody called a squib that was more than happy to let them use theirs the first time around. Now Harry was walking to the old Victorian terrace house in Soho to knock on the door and ask if he could use it again. He'd brought a pot of dehydrated noodles to offer as a thank you. It was funny really; all the things non magical folk used for convenience were viewed as comic novelties by the magical members of society.

Harry shook his head in disbelief. He was going to knock on a relative stranger's door to give them a dehydrated snack food before climbing into their fireplace on the other side of London. And that wasn't even the strangest thing that had happened to him that week.

Coughing and fanning the soot away with his hands Harry stepped out of the fireplace and into the living room of Grimmauld Place. He straightened his wonky glasses on his nose and saw the reclining figure of Charlie Weasley sprawled out on the sofa. Harry grimaced, he hoped he hadn't woken him, Mrs Weasley leaned in at the open door and gave him a warm smile.

"Oh don't worry about him Harry dear, he'd sleep through anything as long as nobody looked at him. Come on through and tell us about your shift yesterday."

He followed her to the kitchen. What kind of interesting life did she think he was leading? Yesterday was exactly the same as the day before and every other day before that one. Harry suddenly realised something. If every day was the same dull routine then why was he clinging to that routine so desperately?

Because it was all he knew. Maybe he should do something about changing that he thought.

He entered the kitchen and smiled at the twins, he'd asked them if he used to be able to tell them apart and they'd told him that even they sometimes couldn't tell themselves apart in photographs.

"Or in front of the mirror!"

He thought they were joking, they seemed to do that a lot he noticed, and he took a seat next to the one he was calling George and not being corrected. Percy was sitting across from them reading the paper, he glanced over the top of it a nodded a greeting to Harry, and Mr Weasley was looking through an electrical appliance catalogue as if it was the stuff dreams were made of.

"Have you used one of these microwaves Harry?" he asked his eyes twinkling and alive.

"Yeah loads of times."

Mr Weasley shook his head and looked back at his catalogue,

"Amazing!"

Harry was about to laugh at this when a bird flew into the back of his head.

"Errol!" Mrs Weasley's voice called out as Harry tried to shake the spots from his eyes.

"Blimey Harry are you alright?" George asked.

He turned to face him and saw his twin looking over his shoulder at him,

"I dunno," he said, "I'm seeing two of you."

Percy laughed out loud at that and the twins looked pleasantly surprised. Harry had made a joke with them; he'd never done that before.

Mrs Weasley was examining the back of his head,

"Oh I'm so sorry Harry; I shouldn't have left the window open."

"What d'you mean mother? Errol would've slammed into that instead." Fred said.

"Well better that then poor Harry's head." she said as she continued fussing over him.

"I'm fine Mrs Weasley, really." he said as he watched Mr Weasley untying a note from the foot of a dazed looking owl.

Harry's eyes widened and he suddenly understood,

"Oh that explains the owl!"

"What owl is that dear?" Mrs Weasley stopped fussing over him and cocked her head to see his face more clearly.

"I had a big white owl show up at my window a while back and it had something tied to it's foot just like that and I thought some nasty kids had done it to be cruel."

Mr Weasley forgot all about the note in his own hands and stared at him,

"You mean you did get one of our letters?"

Harry gasped,

"That was a letter from _you_?" he couldn't believe it, "I threw it away. I'm really sorry."

"Oh never mind that now." Mrs Weasley gave him a quick hug.

"So do you have Hedwig then? We were worried about her." Percy enquired, his newspaper long forgotten now.

"Who's Hedwig?"

George, or was it Fred, they'd started moving around and Harry couldn't keep track of them, leaned forward to explain.

"Hedwig's the name of your owl Harry. That big white owl was yours." he laughed.

Harry's face dropped.

"What is it?" Percy frowned.

"What's wrong?" Mr Weasley said almost immediately afterwards.

"I thought it had escaped from the zoo, I took it back." he said, his face blank.

"To the zoo?" the other twin said in disbelief.

Harry threw his arms up,

"Well I didn't know did I? Who has an owl as a pet?"

Percy raised his hand, so did the twins, then Mr Weasley held up the limp form of Errol.

"Oh right." Harry said.

"Don't worry," Mr Weasley smiled, "we'll get her back for you after dinner."

"You see," Mrs Weasley said to her family, "we're tracking everything we've lost down, it'll only be a matter of time before we're having Sunday dinner with Ron as well."

Harry smiled at her and looked to the others around the table, his smile faded, they didn't look so optimistic.

"I'm sure it'll be no time at all." Harry said to Mrs Weasley.

He hadn't wanted to commit himself to 'family' life before he was ready but this, he thought, this could be something he'd enjoy.

"I know I wouldn't miss next Sunday for anything."

He looked at all the Weasleys around him, they looked as if they were about to burst open with sheer joy.

ooo

Ron blinked and his eyes tried to become accustomed to the midday sunlight that bathed his face. He squinted and pulled the covers over his head. He was warm and tired and safe and...not alone anymore.

His eyes opened again. He remembered why he was sleeping so late, he remembered how he had spent the night before and the early morning afterwards, and he tried to identify the emotion he was feeling about the whole thing.

This hadn't only happened to him. He wasn't alone, he hadn't been alone back then either, and he felt good about that. He had a connection with Dee that went deeper than the two of them just being nuts in the same nuthouse. They were two nuts from the same shell and he liked how that felt. It was like having a family at last. Maybe that was why Ron couldn't find his family; his family could be dead like Dee's were, so that made Dee his family now. Dee and Jo and him.

Family.

He smiled into his pillow and closed his eyes and dreamt he was flying. He dreamt that a lot. This time he wasn't flying alone. This time he was part of a formation. This time he was flying towards something.

Maybe Rayner was right about that dream thing after all.

ooo

Alter ipse amicus - A friend is another self.

She had alienated her other self. What was she thinking, she huffed, Ron wasn't her other half or anything, he wasn't even a real friend at all. He was a real person who she had wanted to help, whose identity she had stolen and applied to her fictional friend who had been made up purely to convince her parents that she was normal.

Humph, normal, who was she kidding?

She wished that she had taken that cat with her when she moved to Leamington now. Her parents had told her it was her cat and his name was Crookshanks, why on earth she had forgotten the ownership of a large ginger cat with a permanently grumpy expression on its face she would never understand, and they had asked her if she wanted to take him to her new home for companionship and familiarity. What familiarity? It was a strange cat that she had never seen before according to her battered brain. The companionship though, she had been deluded enough to think that company would be something she wouldn't end up craving as badly as she did right now and the thought of petting a strange cat was better than nothing.

All she could think of to do was read but she felt that she had been betrayed by books. She had certainly betrayed poor Ron because of a book. She closed her eyes and silently prayed that he was alright. It made her feel as if her insides were being stirred up whenever she thought about the fact that he was almost certainly never going to call her again. She would never know if he got through his tough time alright. She would never know if he was to need stitches again. She would never know if she had caused him to...to...

_Stop thinking about it!_

Think about something else. Animal rights, that's a good subject, she could get passionate about that, she could get all moral and principled about it. Or the controversial ban on fox hunting and what her opinion was. Maybe she could find some put upon section of society and bee their champion? Then she could campaign for their rights and become a spokesperson for their cause and make a real difference with her life. Then she could feel good about herself. Yes that was what she would do.

Until of course she was overthrown by the very people she was trying to support for her tyrannical behaviour and for being an unbearable control freak who got a God complex and became evil and had to be destroyed before she went on an egotistical rampage!

Ok well that was unlikely to happen but, now she thought about it, something was sure to go wrong with her little fantasy wasn't it? No, she'd just stick to her little routine and try to learn from her big mistake with Ron.

_Oh God, please let him be strong enough to get over that damn phone call._

ooo

Harry stood in the garish orange room and tried to take it in. This was his room, his and Ron's, and it didn't ring a single bell in his head. He and Mr Weasley had liberated his owl from the zoo earlier and then it had been suggested that Harry stop off at the Burrow before they went back to Grimmauld Place so he could say his goodbyes to the family and Lupin could take him back to the YMCA. Mr Weasley had shown him up to the room before stepping out and leaving him alone for a moment.

The place was quite untidy, Mrs Weasley had obviously tried to tidy up many times before but hadn't touched anything since he and Ron had last slept there, Harry smiled sadly at that observation, he felt that he could understand Ron much better for seeing the room like this. It was as if he had just popped downstairs for a cup of tea and would be back any second. It was how Harry felt a room should be. It was nothing like Dudley's room. Harry realised that he was growing to like Ron. This worked better than all the trips into the pensive as far as getting him to feel affectionate to his best friend, his brother, and he sat down on the bed to take it all in.

There was a light dusting of feathers in one corner of the room, Harry had been told that Ron had an owl too, a hyperactive little thing called pig who was going crazy without his owner. The Weasley's hadn't let him out for fear of him setting off to find Ron and going missing like Hedwig had when they sent her out to find Harry.

There was a smell in the air that he couldn't place and as he sat back and as he gazed up at the poster for something called Chudley Cannons he caught a whiff of chocolate from somewhere. The floorboards were creaky even without anybody standing on them but it was comforting in a way. He listened to them groaning as he felt the warm sun shining through the window. Everything about this room felt lived in. The life still seemed to be a part of it, the messy bundle of parchment stacked on a cluttered bedside table almost obscuring a moving photograph of the three figures Harry had first seen when Lupin had shown him a similar photograph of himself and his two friends, a broom was leaning against the wall with several robes draped over the handle as if it was a makeshift coat stand.

A large trunk was against the wall and Harry got up and crossed the room to see if it was unlocked. He lifted the lid with ease and looked inside. There was a broken watch on a chain and several empty glass bottles with the same faded handwritten label on the side. The label was for some kind of potion that promised dreamless sleep. Harry's hand brushed against a pink stringy thing that looked as if it were made of flesh and he flinched. Then he pushed aside a pair of battered leather gloves that looked like they were used in football or cricket and found a tin can in a translucent bag with a note tied around it. Harry frowned as he examined this curiosity and squinted at the messily scribbled note.

_Emergency portkey, Cedo malori._

He didn't know why he did it but he stuffed the can and the note into his jacket pocket as he heard Mr Weasley turning the door handle. The man's friendly face peered around the door and Harry closed the trunk and smiled back at him.

"Anything come back to you?" he asked with hope.

Harry gave an apologetic shrug,

"Not really, but it felt good to be in here, I felt like I was welcome if you know what I mean?"

Mr Weasley beamed at that and held the door wide for Harry,

"Come on then, let's get back to the others."

"Mr Wealsey..." he began to ask before he could think better of it, "...do you know what cedo malori means?"

He looked blank and then bewildered,

"No idea Harry, why do you ask?"

"It's just something I read; I thought maybe it was a spell."

Mr Weasley shrugged,

"Well it's not any spell that I know of, you might want to ask Tonks about it what with her auror knowledge, mind you Percy is very well read so he might be able to work it out for you as well. I don't think you should start experimenting with magic just yet though Harry, not while you're still...muddled."

"No of course not I was just curious. Come on, Mrs Weasley will be getting worried about us."

Mr Weasley smiled,

"Ah you may not remember her but you've got her pegged alright Harry."

He laughed and felt the object concealed in his pocket through the fabric of his coat. He'd keep it until he could work out what kind of emergency his best friend had kept this magical object for. After all, he told himself, it may be a way to track him down and he wanted to find him for the sake of the Weasleys...as well as himself. He needed to talk to somebody who knew what it was like and not just someone who could 'imagine' how he felt.

That had been his room, his and his best friend's, and it felt like it was too. He was going to let his guard down with this family from now on. For now, he could say finally, he knew that he belonged somewhere.

ooo


	25. Driven To Distraction

**Chapter Twenty Four - Driven to Distraction**

Ron had been rummaging in every cupboard he could find at the Meadows and was currently on his knees, head deep in the bottom of one in the day room.

"What are you looking for?" Dee's voice asked from behind him somewhere.

"Something." he muttered without looking up.

Dee snorted,

"Oh come on, you can be vaguer than that can't you?"

Ron let himself smile as he sighed and withdrew from the cupboard,

"Sorry I'm looking for a chess set and all I've found so far is three Monopoly games and a two thousand piece jigsaw puzzle with only five hundred or so pieces in it."

Dee and Jo chuckled at that.

"All that stuff's donated by the generous people of Eastbourne who want rid of all their own crap that clutters up random cupboards. Monopoly can't be that popular in this town. We did get an operation game but the staff withdrew that pretty damn sharpish when they saw the looks on certain patient's faces."

Ron hadn't known what that last part was about but shook his head disapprovingly anyway; he found that saved time,

"But _three_ Monopoly boards, is it really that popular a game around here? I've never seen anybody playing it."

"So you play chess then?" Dee said, returning to the subject in hand.

Ron got up off the floor with a small groan, he'd been on his knees for ages and they were aching now,

"I think so, that's why I want to try, I'm pretty sure I can do it. Do you play?"

Ron knew immediately that asking Dee was stupid as they were both in the exact same boat these days and looked to Jo for a response.

She shook her head,

"Nah; too complicated for me."

Ron kicked the cupboard door closed with his foot and slumped down into one of the armchairs,

"Well I may as well not bother trying to find a board then eh? I wouldn't have an opponent if I found one."

"We're not the only people in this place y'know?" Jo pointed out.

Ron sat upright and adopted a falsely optimistic attitude, much to Jo and Dee's amusement.

"No, you're right there Jo, I'll ask someone else...now who to pick, who to pick..."

His friends laughed at his little performance.

"I know!" Ron's eyes widened with hyped-up enthusiasm, "How about Geoffrey, the man who eats random toxins? Or maybe that man who shouts obscenities when he's tired. No, I know, I'll challenge Brian the bloke who punches people if he doesn't think they're blinking enough to be human, _he's_ always good for a laugh isn't he?"

Ron felt strangely satisfied with himself at the sight of his friends doubling up with laughter and allowed himself to join them. Well he didn't have much but at least he was funny.

ooo

Harry had joined the Weasleys for breakfast, he had already spent an hour being entertained by Jimmy in the communal kitchen at the YMCA and they had experimented with the infamous peanut butter and jelly that American television shows and movies always talked about. Of course jelly wasn't available in England, not the kind that the Americans were talking about anyway, for the British jelly was a fruity gelatine dessert that wobbled when you shook it so Jimmy had suggested that they make do with the closest thing they had. This explained why, after not being able to find any jam in the shared cupboards, they found themselves eating peanut butter with thick cut silver shred marmalade. They had both subsequently been violently sick. Something about Lemon rind and peanut butter didn't sit well on the stomach.

They had written an IOU to the marmalade's owner apologising for the 'borrowing' of some of their property and assured them that they would buy a jar to make amends.

"A jar of blackcurrant jam I'll say, something nice and sweet and normal for the palate." Jimmy grumbled as he scribbled the note on the back of a take away pizza menu.

Harry had been amused at Jimmy's declaration that all marmalades were evil and sent to us from Satan himself to destroy our taste buds.

"Marmalade isn't that bad when you have it on its own Jimmy, the orange one can be quite nice y'know?"

He had spun around on hearing that and proceeded with one of his long speeches about nothing that made Harry laugh until he forgot that he had just been puking.

"It's not right I tell ya. If I were to give you an orange right now what would you do with it?"

"Juggle?"

"You'd _peel_ the bastard thing and eat the sweet juiciness within. You wouldn't peel it, throw away the sweet juiciness within and start gnawing on the rind would yer? What's next in the name of breakfast condiments I ask you, crumpets sprinkled with banana skin? Or how about my peanut butter, how about we start sticking in some shell as well as the nuts...oh to hell with the nuts, just put in all shell! Shell butter!"

As amusing as Harry had found the rant that eventually ended with Jimmy declaring the creator of the carrot cake 'a warped and unstable fascist' he was still very hungry and hoped that the Weasley's would be ok with him showing up there for something to eat late that morning.

"Of course it is you prat, it's your bloody house!" Fred and blurted right in front of his mother who gave him a cuff around the ear for his language.

Charlie had forced himself to crawl off his sofa to join them, he explained that he was sick of missing Harry's visits because he was sleeping off his night duty, something he was now doing alone since Percy had been forced back to work apparently, and Ginny also joined them. He hadn't seen that much of her really. He assumed that it must be quite painful for her to spend time with somebody you knew so well who looks at you as if you are a stranger. He gave her the odd smile or two whenever he could but she just looked even more unhappy so he stopped and concentrated on his eggs.

Tonks was out with the aurors and the twins had left soon after Harry had arrived, the search for the missing Weasley had picked up pace and Lupin assured him it was because of the hope finding Harry had given them all that instigated this, and Fleur had hugged him until his insides felt all warm inside and his head seemed foggy before she apparated from the kitchen to join Bill at the hospital where he had been banned for harassing the staff. She was to go inside instead and use 'her charms' to see if she fared any better with gaining information about Ron's treatment and where he could have gone afterwards.

Percy stumbled out of the fireplace in a flash of green flames as Mrs Weasley cleared away Harry's empty plate a little later on and, brushing the soot from his hair, mumbled something about having left his notes behind for a meeting at the ministry.

"Oh hello Harry, I didn't expect to see you here." he had smiled while his mother rummaged around for Percy's notes.

"Your mum's won me over with her cooking." he grinned and Percy seemed happy to hear that.

Then Harry remember there was something he wanted to ask Percy, he hoped he was remembering the words correctly,

"Hey Percy?"

"Yes." he enquired, not expecting this change of tone from him it seemed.

"Your dad said that you might be able to tell me what a couple of words mean, I...read them somewhere in the magical world and I'm just curious 'cause your dad had never heard of them."

Percy sat down opposite Harry at the table; Ginny seemed to be paying attention to this conversation too and leaned forwards to listen.

"Fire away."

"Well its deco malori. Does that ring any bells? Is it a spell or something?"

Percy eyes looked upwards as he began to think, then they looked down at the wooden table top before shaking his head,

"It's not a spell that I know of and it doesn't really ring true as an incantation does it?"

Harry looked back at him blankly and Percy shook his head rapidly to remind himself that Harry wasn't the person to help him work this out. He turned to Ginny who was also thinking hard.

"Where did you say you had seen this Harry?" she asked, "Is this a memory from the battle or the memory erasing?"

"Oh no, I only saw it very recently, I just...forget it, I'm just trying to understand a bit more about this world that's all."

Ginny seemed alarmed that she had stifled his enthusiasm to ingratiate himself into the wizarding world a little further,

"No that's great Harry, sorry, I was just trying to understand where you would have seen this written down if none of us have seen or heard of it."

Harry bit his lip, so this was something Ron knew about and not a family secret or something between siblings that was hidden from their parents then.

"Cedo malori..." Percy repeated aloud as he thought some more, "…It's definitely not a potion."

"Doesn't sound like a hex either." Ginny added.

Percy shrugged apologetically to Harry as his mother's voice carried through from the other room where she had found Percy's notes.

"Sorry Harry, I'll think on it though, where did you say you saw it? It might help me to narrow it down."

He hadn't wanted to tell them he had stolen it from their brother's private possessions, he thought fast,

"Um...I noticed it written somewhere the first time I used a portkey with Lupin. I think it was something about portkeys."

Well that was a good story; he congratulated himself and remembered Natasha's nickname for him, Harry Houdini; he even managed to get them to look into the association with the portkey as well. Percy kissed his mother goodbye as he took his notes and headed back to the fireplace.

"I'll let you know if I work it out Harry, I'm quite intrigued myself now." he smiled and flooed off to work again.

Ginny had finally smiled back at Harry this time, he felt good about putting her at ease with him, maybe all she wanted from him was to see him making a bit of an effort and meeting the magical world half way. She looked over to Charlie who was slumped over the table, fast asleep, she shook her head and sniggered.

"So much for him not missing your visit this time eh?" she said.

Harry shrugged,

"It was the thought that counted."

ooo

Ron was slumped in front of the TV looking utterly bored. Jo stepped in front of him, blocking his view, and he blinked up at her without changing his expression. She was grinning at him.

"What's so great?" he asked her.

"Finding a bargain is pretty fantastic I think." she was bobbing from foot to foot with excitement.

"So you've been shopping then?" he sighed.

She nodded, still looking irritatingly delighted with herself. The two of them looked at each other in their opposing behavioural states before Dee finally grew impatient and snapped at them.

"Oh will you just bloody give it to him?"

Ron's face was interested now as Jo revealed a plastic bag from behind her back, it had the words 'Pound Land' printed on it, she held it out to him.

"What's this?" he asked.

"It's a present."

Ron let himself smile,

"What for?"

She rolled her eyes,

"You!"

He leaned forward in his seat,

"But why?"

Dee lost his patience again,

"For crying out loud Ron just take it!"

"All right," Ron hissed as he took the bag from Jo, "who lit a fire under you this afternoon?"

Jo shrugged and eagerly waited for him to look at his gift. Ron didn't want to keep her waiting any longer than he had already so he plunged his hand inside the bag and pulled out a box. He looked at the writing on the packaging and blinked. It was a mini chess set. He looked up at Jo who was looking enormously pleased with herself.

"You went out shopping for a chess set for me?"

She nodded, a little bashful now,

"Uh-huh, d'you like it?"

He grinned at her,

"It's brilliant! Thanks Jo, you shouldn't have."

She shrugged and waved her arm dismissively,

"It was only a quid, it's no big deal, and it's pretty crappy actually."

Ron began to open the box,

"No it's not, it's great, thank you so much."

Dee was smiling now,

"You should've seen her when she found it, she made such a scene I was almost embarrassed to be seen with her."

Ron laughed,

"Come on Jo, I'll teach you how to play."

She waved both her hands in front of her face and shook her head,

"No don't waste your time, I'll be useless at it, I can never learn games properly."

Ron rolled his eyes,

"Well who am I supposed to play?"

Dee shrugged,

"I'll have a go if you like."

"Cool." Ron smiled.

As he and Dee set up the tiny board Jo began to rummage in a second bag and pulled out something that resembled a reddy-orange onion.

"What's that supposed to be?" Ron asked.

"Apparently," Dee replied before Jo had the chance to, "it's a pomegranate. They've just come into season and she insisted I have to try it."

"You too!" she nodded to Ron.

"What's it taste like?"

She frowned,

"Well not all that much actually but that's not the point."

They both laughed at her.

"Then what _is_ the point?" Dee chuckled.

"The ritual, you buy one and cut it into quarters and then you spend ages picking all the juicy seeds away from the yucky yellowy pithy bit into a bowl and then you eat it. It's a tradition."

Dee scoffed at this statement,

"A tradition amongst whom?"

"A tradition amongst _whomever _I happen to be around at the time." she said with nonchalance.

Ron and Dee shook their heads and laughed at her again as they finished setting up the board for their game while Jo set about trying to persuade one of the kitchen staff at the Meadows to lend her a knife that wasn't made out of plastic.

"She's got no chance." Dee mumbled as Ron made his first move.

ooo


	26. Fear and Pomegranates

**Chapter Twenty Five - Fear and Pomegranates**

It had all come back to him so easily.

Every possible move seemed to animate itself inside his head and he found himself able to predict what Dee was going to do before Dee himself could even tear his eyes away from Jo to look at the state of the board. Jo had eventually got the kitchen staff to compromise and cut her pomegranate into quarters for her, the knife never once being in the unstable maniac's possession seemed to reassure them somewhat, and she had settled on the floor at their feet.

Ron watched Dee frown and try to work out his next move. Ron had a counter move for the three most obvious ones he thought Dee would be considering right now, he also had a counter attack planned for the move he would've made had he been in Dee's position, and he stared at the concentration showing on his face and smiled. Dee caught the look and huffed.

"What? I'm taking my time, we're not all prodigies like you y'know?"

Dee only took a couple more seconds before very rashly exposing his bishop. Ron had that down as the move he was going to make if flustered. Wow he was really good at this, not just the game but the reading of his opponent's thoughts and strategies as well; he made his move and sat back in his chair. He knew that Dee would be taking another five or six minutes to consider his next dramatic mistake. He glanced down at Jo and watched her set about the pomegranate, Ron thought it looked more trouble than it was worth, she had quite a set up going on in front of her.

She was sitting with her legs wide open and a dish with the quarters of the pomegranate between them, alongside another dish for the peel and the pith when she had removed it, and then she had a bowl for collecting the bright pink seeds as she picked them out. It looked very messy. Her hands were sticky and she seemed to be suffering from an itchy nose that she couldn't scratch without spreading the mess to her face. Ron chuckled at her obvious discomfort.

"You could pass me a tissue or something rather than just laughing at me y'know?" she grumbled, "I'm doing this for your benefit, not my own enjoyment."

Ron grabbed a box of tissues and handed one to Jo who tried to wipe the pink juice from her fingers but it had already got quite tacky and all that happened was the tissue clung to her fingers and tore in her hands.

"Shit!" she cursed as more of the shredded tissue came away and stuck to her hands.

Dee huffed and muttered,

"Excuse me love, I'm trying to concentrate here..."

"If you're thinking of going to square E four I wouldn't if I was you, look where my knight is positioned." Ron smiled without even taking a second glance at the board Dee was now re examining.

"What? How did you know...? Oh crap!" he said before rubbing his hand over his face and trying to find another move that Ron wouldn't be expecting.

Jo was amused at this and, now, also her own state.

"Right so now I can't do anything, I can't go on peeling without getting tissue in the pomegranate and I can't wipe the juice off because it's partially dried into the most powerful natural glue known to man and I _still _have an itchy nose!"

She laughed at her own situation as she tried to pick miniscule specks of tissue from her now fluffy hands and Ron finally took pity on her and extended a finger to relieve her frustration.

"Oh thank you." she sighed as he began to scratch the tip of her nose gently.

"I'll thank you to stop pleasuring my girlfriend and get your head back in the game." Dee said, quite relieved at his turn being over for the time being.

Ron glanced up and moved his queen faster than Dee could blink and turned his attention back to Jo and her exotic fruit version of being tarred and feathered.

"Wait, you moved? Just like that? You didn't even take in my new strategy." Dee scowled.

"What strategy is that Dee?" Ron teased.

A smile broke across Dee's face,

"The strategy I'm trying to fool you into thinking I've got."

He turned his attention back to the board, as if his own pieces were turning against him, while Jo struggled to her feet without laying her sticky palms on the floor.

"It's no good," she sighed, "I'm going to have to wash my hands and then have another go."

"So you're going to wash your hands, come back, and dive back in to the sticky mess you're created?" Ron summarised as she left.

"Of course, its pomegranate logic." she grinned.

Ron turned back to Dee, who was almost straining with the effort to outwit him,

"I tell you what mate, this had better be the most divine fruit I've ever tasted after all this fuss."

"Well it's very..." Dee cast a glance down at the oddly shaped seeds in the bowl.

"...pink?"

Dee snorted,

"Well there's that. They look a bit plastic though don't they, as if they're pebbles or crystals, not really like something you'd eat?"

Dee turned back to the board and Ron watched his face for a moment before speaking again.

"So how are you doing with all this shared memory loss stuff?" he asked.

Dee sighed and met Ron's eyes,

"I really don't know what to think about it so I'm trying not to. What about you? How are you dealing with the knowledge that your...well the scars, I had something to do with them?"

Ron blinked and shook his head to try and clear it,

"What? I hadn't even..._that's _what you've been thinking?"

Dee couldn't look at him at all now,

"Oh come on Ron, it's got to be my fault somehow hasn't it?"

Ron sat back in his chair and folded his arms, he was quite annoyed,

"How did you work that one out?"

Dee made a clumsy move with his knight that neither of them really paid attention to and he finally made eye contact with Ron again.

"Well isn't it obvious?"

Ron was getting very aggressive now; this wasn't like Dee at all,

"Nope."

Dee rolled his eyes,

"Blimey Ron we were both in the same place when we lost our memories. We were both there when you got cut. There was a room full of angry weirdoes who all seemed to want me hurt pretty badly and apparently you don't exist and my family are all dead. We were involved in something dodgy and you got hurt because of it, or you hurt yourself, and either way I was there so why didn't I stop it?"

Ron felt his aggression give way to concern for his friend now,

"Dee look..."

"No Ron, you'll hear this and then maybe you'll realise that I might not be somebody you used to like back when you knew me, you were nearly fatally wounded and I wasn't. You either cut yourself or got cut by somebody who was after me and I didn't try to stop it. Why wouldn't I have tried to help you if we were friends Ron? Why?"

"We don't know what went on," Ron said firmly, "you're beating yourself up over fiction. You're following what little facts we know to a stupid conclusion."

"What we do know is you nearly died and I didn't. While you were nearly dying what was I doing?"

Ron let out a deep sigh, he and Jo had agreed to let these self loathing spirals into despair just go without dwelling on them, the last thing they needed now was for Dee to go down that road with them, he was supposed to be the sane one. He hadn't known what to say and hadn't said anything for some time. The pause was killing him but there was nothing either of them could come up with to break the tension.

"Or maybe I did it." Dee said in a small voice as he lowered his head.

"Dee no..." Ron began to protest.

"What if that's why all those blokes in the pub were so angry with me? They were all going to get revenge for you."

Ron was almost livid now,

"If they were so bloody protective of me where the hell were they when I was in that alleyway huh? If they were supposed to be my loyal supporters where the hell are they now Dee? Get a grip man; I can't believe you thought I'd think that about you."

Dee shook his head and smiled a bitter smile,

"You don't even know me."

"You're my best fucking friend!" Ron yelled, knocking the chess board off the table and scattering the pieces.

The two of them stared at each other in a tense stand off before Dee dropped to his knees and began gathering the fallen pieces from the floor. Ron bent down to do the same.

"If that was who I was..." Dee said in a whisper, "...it isn't who I am now."

"I know." Ron said, in the same low voice.

"You're my best friend too y'know?"

"I know that too." Ron dropped a handful of pieces onto the table.

Dee cupped the last of the pieces in his hands and they both sat back at the table, the pieces tipped into their little box.

"Can we not tell Jo about this please? She's...well she worries enough doesn't she?"

"Tell her about what? I beat you at chess that's all."

Dee smiled at Ron just as Jo came back into the day room.

"Right, I'm clean and fresh and about to get all dirty and sticky again." she smiled.

"That's life isn't it?" Ron said with a smile that he shared with Dee.

She sat back on the floor and picked up the last quarter of the pomegranate,

"Wouldn't it be a dull world if nobody ever got messy or dirty or ever made a mistake? We'd be clean and perfect but my God we'd be bored wouldn't we?"

Dee pulled her up from the floor and into a big hug which took her completely by surprise.

"What's this in aid of?" she asked, trying not to get the piece of pomegranate she was holding on his shirt.

"I'm shit at chess." he said with contentment.

Ron and Jo began to giggle at this. Dee released her and watched her bewildered face as she set about dropping the last of the seeds into the bowl.

"Right, take a few and see what you think of the world's most complicated fruit to eat." she held up the bowl to the two of them.

They each took some of the seeds between their fingers, they felt surprisingly firm Ron thought, he had expected them to be squishy. He dropped them into his open mouth and chewed. Dee was doing the same. Their faces must've been a picture as Jo was beginning to giggle a breathy whisper as she watched them try to work out if they liked this experience or not.

"It's like watching a baby trying to lick a lollypop through the wrapper and wondering why it can't taste anything." she smiled.

"No it does taste of something," Ron frowned, "I'm just not exactly sure what."

Dee was picking at his teeth,

"I think the word you're looking for is wood."

Jo slapped him on the arm,

"They do not taste of wood."

"That hard seed bit in the middle of the soft pink juicy bit is like wood. It's like biting into a grape and finding it full of sawdust. You know it should be sweet and you can kind of taste that it is but you can't appreciate it because you've got a mouth full of splinters!"

He'd hit the nail on the head there, Ron thought,

"It is a bit...odd Jo."

She looked at them as if they were missing the point,

"That's why you only eat them once a year. One: because they're such a bloody pain to peel and two: because they're not as great as you remember them. I guarantee you both though, this time next year you'll go out and buy one and go through all this crap again just to remind yourself what it was like."

Ron sighed and shook his head, all the while reaching into the bowl for another handful of the fleshy pink seeds,

"Y'know the scary thing is I believe her."

Dee grinned,

"The even scarier thing is I believe_ everything _she tells me."

They laughed and nibbled the seeds, Ron packed away the mini chess set and Dee was about to haul Jo up from the floor when she let out a squeal and he dropped her back down with the shock of her sudden girlish outburst.

"What's the matter?" he said as he looked around himself for some grisly spectre or other.

She scrambled up to her feet and then onto Ron's vacant chair, pointing at the floor,

"There's a bloody spider crawling right toward me and you just dropped me down in its path!" she hissed.

Dee looked relieved and then laughed at his girlfriend who was scowling at him from her vantage point on the chair,

"Dropped you in its path? It's not a locomotive!"

Dee shook his head and moved over to the spider as it made its way across the carpet and lifted his foot.

"Don't stamp on it!" Ron said incredulously, "What's it ever done to you?"

"Well it got me into trouble with my girlfriend for one thing." Dee shrugged.

Ron tutted and crouched down. He gathered the spider up in his hands and stood up again, turning to face them which seemed to freak Jo out even more than she already was.

"Don't throw it at me!" she screamed, ducking behind Dee.

Ron let out a body shaking laugh at this,

"Why would I throw it at you?"

"Why would you pick it up?" she growled as she peered over Dee's shoulder.

He looked into his cupped hands at the spider,

"It's more afraid of you y'know?"

"How d'you know," Dee said, breaking into laughter himself now, "is it standing on a chair screaming?"

She slapped him on the back,

"It's not funny! I have a thing about creepy crawlies, it's one of my childhood traumas, don't mock my psychological problems."

She wasn't angry with either of them but she wasn't exactly joking either. Ron decided to put both her and the spider out of their misery and her carried the spider over to the window and set it on the ledge outside.

"Now close the window so it can't come back in!" Jo called over to him.

He rolled his eyes and closed the window, muttering to himself,

"What harm can a little thing like that do, really?"

She was getting down from the chair but she had heard him,

"Spiders beetles and moths are a bit of an issue with me. Moths are the worst though; I'm really bad when one of them is in a room."

Dee sputtered on his disbelief,

"Wait, that wasn't you being really bad just then?"

She was smiling now,

"It took me by surprise, it was an ambush."

Ron laughed as he picked up the chess set and led them out of the day room,

"Lucky we don't remember any childhood trauma's isn't it Dee?"

"Yeah," Dee smirked, "although I would love to see you perched on top of a chair screaming."

Ron looked over his shoulder and gave Dee a wicked grin,

"I do that every morning when Rayner comes into the room for our session!"

ooo


	27. Serva Me, Servabo Te

_A/N Wow! So many new readers are joining my little band of addicts, welcome to you all._

_One particular thank you is owed to Katmarajade who rivals BookSmartBrilliance for giving me an ego boost of epic proportions with your review. In answer to your question I've never studied Latin, I guess I'm just getting lucky with my phrases, but I do have a GCSE in French (that's like having an O.W.L.) and I used to have a French boyfriend so I can converse in French but nowhere near grammatically correct! I am always quite pleased with myself when I can use com ci com ca and malheurassment in conversation though...French people always seem to be quite impressed with me when I do that!_

**Chapter Twenty Six - Serva Me, Servabo Te**

"You're not still tying yourself in knots over that caller are you?"

Susan was leaning over her as she sat in the break room at the Samaritans picking at her salad and sighing deeply every so often. They hadn't become bosom buddies or trusted confidents but after Hermione had saved from the terrifying bird attack, as she called it, Susan had always gone out of her way to chat with her whenever she was working the same shift. It was Susan who had been there to comfort her after Ron had hung up on her and she had collapsed in tears at her phone.

"You're still new to this and don't let anybody make you feel bad for making your first mistake. We all do. You know why we all make mistakes? We all make mistakes because we are human beings and not automated answering services. This place recruits people and people are flawed."

Hermione had smiled at this speech, she was grateful for volunteers like Susan who came and told her not to torture herself over her big disaster before sharing a multitude of their own screw-ups with her. Some, like her obnoxious former 'buddie' had given her patronising words of no comfort whatsoever and smug little looks at the silly girl who thought she knew better than they did and ended up talking some poor soul into killing himself. She really wanted to punch that man on the nose the condescending little...

"Thanks Susan." was how she chose to let out all her thoughts on that subject in the end.

"So how are your reading and your night school and everything going?" Susan asked as she sat down beside Hermione and sipped her mug of tea.

"Serva me!" she said and rolled her eyes to the ceiling.

"Well I understood the me part." Susan gave a bemused smile.

"That was Latin for save me."

"Ah, not so good then?"

On the contrary, Hermione thought, as far as her studies were going she was top of the class and the tutor's pet. That didn't make for a happy educational experience, she knew that much from her school days...well the ones she remembered anyway, and she was still feeling painfully lonely. She thought about what her father had said to her. He had found out about somebody who knew exactly what she was going through. Was that just a figure of speech or did somebody else have the exact same memory loss and life crisis as she did? If they did would she really want to meet them at all? She shivered at the thought of meeting herself in another human form; she wouldn't be able to stand herself if somebody else had all her qualities and eccentricities.

"Classes are fine, I'm just not mixing with the other student that's all."

Susan shrugged at that as if other people's opinions were inconsequential as far as she was concerned,

"Well I always say to my callers you've just got to keep a high opinion of yourself and realise that people don't dislike somebody for no reason, the dislike others for the simple reason that they are unable to like themselves."

"You tell callers that?" Hermione arched one of her eyebrows.

"Yeah well, I did tell you some of my horror stories didn't I? We all make mistakes with how we deliver our pep talks. I don't say it that way when I'm on the phone. I bolster their confidence a bit and get them to realise it themselves."

"You have a rare gift." Hermione said with a chuckle.

"I do indeed, it's called arrogance." Susan smiled and sipped her tea again.

Hermione ran her hand over her bushy hair and saw Susan watching her closely. She wanted to know what was on Hermione's mind besides the obvious.

"I think my dad's trying to set me up with somebody."

Susan laughed loudly,

"Blind date arranged by a parent is a bad bad bad idea!"

Hermione laughed too,

"I don't think it's that kind of set up but it definitely feels like something more than 'I met somebody you'd really like, I'll introduce you if you both happen to be around at the same time'. This sounded more like and entire discussion had gone on between my parents about my meeting this person I _really_ have to talk to who _really_ understands me."

Susan shook her head ruefully,

"Well you know how it is, when your parents are enthusiastic about getting you together with a fella you can be pretty certain they're not the man for you."

Hermione laughed,

"So you've had a parental set up in the past have you?"

"Unfortunately yes, although I don't call it a parental set up I call it how I met my ex-husband!"

Susan shrugged and smiled as she got up from her seat and picked up her half drunken mug of tea.

"Well I'm going back to my impersonal little cubicle now; don't let the bastards get you down alright?"

Hermione smiled and waved as the woman left. She sighed to herself and decided to put away all her guilty thoughts about Ron. She would never forget him, even if he did just become her first big mistake as a Samaritan, but she needed to help other people. Thinking about learning from her mistakes and being a better listener for every body else who would call her today and tomorrow and forever after made her swell with a new enthusiasm. She would be a better person for this experience, she'd be more useful to her callers because of it, and she finally pulled herself together and got up to get back to her phone.

She would be there for everybody else who called to make up for not being able to be there for Ron.

ooo

Harry had found that he couldn't stay away from Grimmauld Place these days. It was unbelievable really, seeing as how uncomfortable the house had made him feel when he was first brought there, now he was popping in after breakfast and before work nearly every day and then again after work and on his way home. Mrs Weasley had even tentatively suggested to him that he sleep in his old room the previous night to save him all that travelling but he had refused politely. He still needed his own space to go back to, his place that belonged to him and him alone, his place away from magic and memories that he didn't posses. He still needed to chat with Jimmy every morning. What he thought was really happening was that he really wanted to cling to the one place he called home. He didn't even call the Dursely's home and something told him that home is a place you have to have whether you are there most of the time or not. Home was safe and he wanted to return there to top up his feeling of security. He didn't think it would make any sense if he tried to explain it to the Weasleys but it made perfect sense to him.

Grimmauld Place was quiet. Charlie wasn't even snoozing in the living room. Harry tip-toed through to the hallway, trying to keep quiet and not alert the screaming portrait to his arrival, and crept up the stairs. He climbed slowly until he reached the room that was Fred and George's right now but Mrs Weasley had informed him had been his and Ron's room back in their summer at Grimmauld Place between school years and later it had been where Ron would sleep when they were using it as their meeting place in the event of the three of them getting separated while looking for these horcrux things that nobody would explain to him about yet.

"What are you doing up here?" a voice said behind him just as his hand was about to twist the door knob.

He spun around and saw Ginny Weasley, looking perplexed but not angry with him for sneaking around the house when it appeared nobody was home.

"Ginny I...I...Um just wanted to..." he stammered.

She smiled and moved towards him,

"It's alright Harry, this is your house remember, I was just wondering what you were looking for? Are you remembering something?"

She looked so hopeful; he hated to dampen her spirits,

"No, sorry, nothing at all."

"Oh."

He looked back at the door and saw that his hand was still clutching the door knob tightly,

"This was our room wasn't it? Mine and Ron's, this was where we stayed when we were here?"

Ginny frowned and nodded,

"Yes, well it's more just Ron's now; it's full of his stuff."

That was what Harry wanted to hear.

"Are Fred and George inside sleeping or...?"

"They're out looking for him with the others."

Harry stared at Ginny,

"Why aren't you?"

She looked down at her feet,

"It's my turn to wait back here in case he shows up." she let out a bitter laugh, "As if that will ever happen."

"Hey," Harry released the door knob and rubbed Ginny's arm comfortingly, "don't say that, he'll be back. You lot tracked me down didn't you?"

Ginny seemed to be electrically charged by his touch and he pulled away as discreetly as he could. He turned back to look at the closed door and try to stop the blush he felt creeping up into his face.

"You can go in if you want." Ginny's voice seemed smaller as she spoke, "I go in all the time to make sure the twins haven't been disturbing his stuff."

Harry turned and looked back at her; Ron had a lot of stuff at Grimmauld Place, which was exactly what he wanted to hear.

"They don't have a hell of a lot of respect for people's privacy, especially younger siblings' privacy in particular, so I made sure that his stuff was all sealed with charms only I can break."

Harry's heart fell at this news but he tried not to let Ginny see his disappointment. She obviously had though.

"Do you want to have a look through it?" she asked.

He didn't know how to explain his need to go rummaging through the personal belongings of somebody he never remembered having met and his lips parted a little but no sound came out. Ginny let herself smile a little.

"It's alright y'know? I've already looked through it for clues when he first went missing. I knew he'd trust me to keep secrets that needed to be kept so I did it and sealed everything before the twins and mum could go into places they were never meant to be."

Harry smiled at her, she was a really good person and he understood why they had been close...not just because she was so pretty either,

"That was a really thoughtful thing to have done; for him and for them."

She looked down at her feet and smiled a little wider,

"I did it with yours and Hermione's things as well. I hope you don't feel as if I've invaded your privacy or anything."

"No of course not, I'm kind of invading my own privacy at the moment aren't I? At least you know me, that's more than I do." he laughed.

Ginny's smile began to fade. Harry had to distract her.

"So you wouldn't mind?"

Ginny's head lifted back up and her eyes locked with his own.

He nodded towards the closed door,

"Letting me take a look."

"Oh no, of course not, he trusted you with everything. I'm sure he wouldn't mind."

Ginny leaned over and grabbed the door knob and pushed the door wide. She allowed him to go inside and followed afterwards, drawing her wand, and she crossed the room to a small chest of drawers in the corner. She tapped it with her wand and mumbled something under her breath and the draws all groaned open. She glanced over her shoulder to Harry and smiled before stepping aside. He joined her and peered into the top draw.

"This one's just papers, nothing revealing really, and it's mostly letter's he received from us checking up on him." she smiled sadly as she closed the top draw.

She pointed down into the second draw without a word and Harry looked down at a familiar sight. More of the same empty potion bottles he had seen in the trunk at the Burrow were scattered around, there was one full bottle too, and a large jar of some kind of ointment that was almost empty.

"That was for his chest, he had an accident a few weeks before and he had to use it every day to soothe the pain while it healed. I don't think he was still using it," she shrugged, "I think it was just one of those things he didn't think to throw away."

Harry looked at the empty bottles; there were a lot more here than had been at the Burrow,

"Were the potions from his accident too?"

Ginny shook her head and looked pained,

"No, I didn't know about those, he never said..."

Harry saw that she was struggling to compose herself and tore his eyes away from her for long enough to read one of the labels, it was exactly the same as the bottles in his trunk at the Burrow, dreamless sleep potion.

Ginny had steeled herself and seemed determined to continue,

"I haven't told the rest of them about this, I'm still not sure if that was the right thing to do but I just couldn't see how it could've helped us find him any sooner, and I'm not really sure what he was using them for in the first place. He was..._is_ a very heavy sleeper."

Ginny had nearly broken down then, she seemed mortified that she'd referred to her brother in the past tense.

She pushed the draw closed as if looking at its contents was making her feel ill. She pointed down into the third draw down,

"All this stuff is from Fred and George's shop, it's all useful stuff but not anything particularly hush-hush."

Harry nodded to let her know she could close that draw and move on to the fourth and final draw. They squatted down to look inside. Harry scanned the draw for anything that could explain what the emergency portkey was for when Ginny picked up a box that looked as if it had been delivered by owl in severe weather.

"This is interesting but it's empty." Ginny said as she handed the box to him.

"How is an empty box interesting?" Harry frowned.

She turned it over in his hands and a note fell out of it. Harry unfolded the note and read.

_Servabo te - Don't take it out of the bag, it'll activate the second you touch it. Hermione_

The handwriting was much neater than that of the scrawl on the note in the trunk. Harry could only piece together half of the note's meaning. He had travelled by portkeys and had asked a few questions of Lupin the very first time he did. He knew it was an ignorable object, like a tin can, and he knew that you were transported to wherever the creator of the portkey had designated as soon as you touched it but he didn't know what this new phrase was supposed to mean. What was it with his two best friends and all this cryptic stuff anyway?

"I don't suppose you know what Servabo Te means do you?" Harry asked without much hope.

Ginny nodded,

"I asked Percy, it's Latin, he's good with stuff like that." she said this while examining his face for a change of expression, it was almost as if she knew that he would come looking through Ron's stuff after she head heard him asking Percy for a translation of something similar when he had stopped by for breakfast the other day.

"Really? So what does it mean then?" he tried to sound nonchalant.

"Servabo te?" she said, obviously playing the same game with him as he was playing with her and neither of them being fooled for a second, "It means 'I will save you'."

Harry felt a rush go through him. He tried to add this up in his head. Hermione had sent Ron an owl carrying a box and a note telling him she would save him and instructions on how to use the emergency portkey that Harry was sure had been contained within the box. Ron had hidden the emergency portkey at the Burrow and written his own note which he had attached to it which read 'cedo malori'. He looked up and saw Ginny watching him thinking.

"Does it mean anything to you?" she asked.

"No I was just trying to work it out and I can't. Does it mean anything to _you_?"

She shrugged,

"Well the note seems to suggest that the box contained a portkey but it's not inside so I assume that it was used and the box was never thrown away."

Harry nodded, he knew that the portkey still existed, unused, and he felt the urge to confide his discovery in Ginny but something stopped him. He knew that the first thing she would want to do was use the portkey to find out where it would have taken her brother if he had ever used it but Harry couldn't be sure that this was wise. Not until he knew what the second note meant. But Percy had translated the first note for Ginny so he had faith that he could do the same with the second note for Harry. He looked back down at the note in his hands. Hermione had vowed to save Ron. Why did she think Ron needed saving in particular? What the hell was all that potion for? What the hell had they all been doing before they got their memories wiped clean?

Harry put the box back into the draw and looked for anything else of interest. As his hand passed over an unopened letter he felt Ginny go rigid beside him. He picked it up and read the name on the envelope.

_Fred. _

Harry looked at Ginny who was setting her jaw and fighting to stay strong in front of him.

"What...?" Harry began.

"It's for Fred. I didn't open it because it's none of my business."

"So why don't you give it to him?" Harry asked confusion and concern battling with curiosity inside him all at once.

"Because Ron didn't give it to him. He didn't send it by owl of leave it out in the open for him to find. If we find Ron...if he's..." Ginny was struggling to keep her composure, "...It becomes my business to pass it on if I know for sure that Ron's never coming back and until that happens I'm keeping it safe for Ron to decide to give it to him or not."

She had spoken so quickly that Harry was taking a while to take it all in. She was saying that she would only take responsibility for the letter if she knew that Ron had died. Harry felt hollow.

"You think this is a death letter?" he said.

Ginny nodded sadly,

"I think he wrote this for Fred to read in the event of his death yes. I think this is about something that occurred between the two of them the last time they spoke to each other and he wrote this to...so Fred wouldn't blame himself."

Harry looked at the envelope and placed it back inside the draw silently. Ginny closed the draw and tapped it chest of drawers with her wand sealing it again.

"I can show you where you left your stuff if you like." she said, her voice sounding distant.

"Is it anything like this?" he asked her.

"No, quite ordinary really, just letters and broken horc...stuff of no use anymore. There's food for Hedwig, I took that out when we got her back from the zoo though, she was very moody and I wanted to try to appease her."

Harry got up from his squatting position,

"I think she's still angry with me for taking her to the zoo."

Ginny laughed.

"Come on, let's make some tea and talk about stuff I'd want to remember." he smiled.

Ginny nodded and the two of them left the room.

Servabo te, Harry thought; the only one of them still missing was the one who needed saving the most. Harry would find him. Harry would help to bring him home.

ooo


	28. Gravity

**Chapter Twenty Seven - Gravity**

Ron was laying flat on his back, staring at the cloud formations as they passed across the sky, with Jo beside him and Dee beside her. They had been having a lazy afternoon and the aimless conversation had petered out so they were sharing a long comfortable silence now. Until Jo suddenly snapped out of the deep thought she'd been lost in.

"Y'know I used to try to throw myself off the planet when I was a kid?"

Ron felt sure he hadn't heard her correctly,

"What?"

Dee was laughing as she began to explain herself.

"Well you know there's that time when you're little and you first realise the earth is round?"

"Yeah." Ron chuckled at her wistful tone, knowing this was going to end up with Jo trying to hurl herself into space and not being able to suppress his amusement and anticipation.

"Well when I thought about that I figured that I was ok 'cause England was on the top but I wondered why all the people on the lower half didn't just slip off and fall into space. So then somebody tried to explain gravity to me and I didn't really understand it but I accepted it as an explanation."

Dee was quietly sniggering,

"That was good of you not to challenge Mr Newton's theory. He worked so hard on it after all."

"So then," she soldiered on, ignoring both sets of chortles either side of her now, "I wondered if it was possible to launch myself off the planet if I really went for it. I was thinking that I could maybe push myself off with enough momentum to go hurtling off into the sky, I mean, gravity can only pull so hard right?"

Dee had no response to that, he just laughed, and Ron maintained his focus into the clear blue depths of the sky as he tried not to picture a six year old Jo zooming off into the clouds in triumph.

"Right." he sniggered.

"So I would lie on the lawn and try to throw myself off the Earth and into the great beyond."

"How did you hope to do that?" Dee managed to ask.

"Well I'd throw my arms and legs up and hoped I did it with enough force so that my body would follow."

Ron howled with laughter at that.

"May we have a demonstration of this theory in action?" Dee sighed as he recovered from his fit of hysterics.

"Ok." Jo said, still speaking with nonchalance, "It was like this."

Ron and Dee sat up on their elbows to watch as Jo counted to three and, on three, threw her arms in front of her and her legs out at a right angle to her body so her palms and her feet were all pointing at the sky. The two young men looked from this sight to each other and then back again before collapsing onto their backs again in fits of laughter.

"Did I lift off even a little bit?" she asked them with hope.

"Sorry Jo." Ron shook his head.

He heard her sigh deeply,

"I'll leave this planet one day, you'll see, I'll orbit a few times and then I'll be off and away."

"You're insane!" Ron heard Dee gasp through his laughter.

She finally broke into a laugh,

"Well I'm in good company."

They sat up and looked around the beach, it was quite a quiet afternoon and they had been thoroughly enjoying themselves doing nothing but talking absolute rubbish. Ron saw a little boy and girl walking past them eating candy floss.

"I haven't had candy floss since...Well I haven't had candy floss. D'you want to share some with me?" he asked Jo and Dee.

Jo shook her head,

"I don't eat anything pink."

"Really?" Dee said with a raised eyebrow, "So what was that pomegranate then, blue?"

"Not including fruit. I'm talking about stuff unnaturally coloured pink. I don't like the taste of pink things."

Ron frowned at her logic,

"Pink isn't a flavour, it's a colour. You can't taste a colour."

"Oh you can," Dee nodded, "I can taste the blue M&Ms with my eyes closed."

"No you can't." Ron scoffed.

"I can, I swear." Dee said holding up his right hand.

Ron wasn't buying this,

"The M&Ms all taste the same; they just have different food colourings on them. Food colouring doesn't have a flavour; flavourings have flavour, that's why they call them flavourings."

Dee wasn't backing down with his claim though,

"I can taste the difference between the blue M&Ms and all the others and she can taste pink, that's two against one, we win."

Jo didn't see it his way however.

"I can't _taste _pink; I just don't like the taste of things that _are_ pink."

"It's the same thing." Dee shrugged.

"No it's not."

Ron turned onto his side and rested his weight on his elbow as he tried to clarify both of his friends' stupid points,

"Do you like strawberry ice cream?"

She shook her head,

"Nothing strawberry flavoured at all."

"I've seen you eat strawberries." Dee said as he sat up and spun around to face Jo as well.

"Strawberries are red, I'll eat strawberries, I won't eat anything strawberry flavoured."

This intrigued Ron and, even thought she was backing up his argument in this conversation, he wanted to know more about this irrational hatred of the taste of all things pink.

"Raspberries?" he asked.

"Nothing raspberry flavoured, I told you, fruit can be as pink as it wants to be, so real raspberries are fine."

"Pink marshmallows?" Dee threw out as another pink food she couldn't possibly discriminate against.

"I don't like marshmallows in general." she grimaced.

"You're a freak!" Ron snorted.

That made her laugh,

"I'm not a freak, I'm consistent. Whenever food manufacturers concoct an artificial flavour and designate it the pink food colouring I know it'll be a flavour I won't like."

Ron finally felt he understood and what he understood was that she agreed with him. He now had a reliable ally against Dee and his crazy M&M claim.

"See she's talking about the taste of something and you're talking about different coloured things that taste exactly the same."

"And?" Dee shrugged.

Ron laughed at his friend's pig headedness,

"And you're full of shit!"

"Alright then, Jo do you eat..." Dee thought for a second before coming up with a winning argument, so he thought, "Oh I've got it, y'know those chocolate mini eggs covered in colourful sugar shells, well do you eat the pink ones?"

"No." she shook her head.

Dee raised his arms in celebration.

"They have cochineal in them." she added.

Dee's face and arms dropped,

"What?"

"It's a pink food colouring made from beetles. As I'm creeped out by beetles I can't eat a pink mini egg.

Ron was utterly revolted by this news and vowed to start reading the ingredients of everything he ate from now on. Then he had a thought.

"What if we found out that the pink food colouring had been changed to an organic food colouring, would you eat a pink mini egg then?"

After a moment's thought she answered,

"I would."

"Whose side are you on?" Dee said, in annoyance.

"The side of good."

Ron laughed,

"In other words Dee, not yours." he looked over to Jo, "So that's a no on the candy floss then is it?"

She frowned,

"No thanks; in fact I think I'm going to start going on a diet."

Dee stared at her as if she'd just proposed flaying herself alive,

"Why?"

"To lose weight." she said.

Dee blinked and kept the horrified expression on his face,

"Why?"

Jo gave a tut,

"To get into shape."

"Do you really need me to say 'why' again?"

Ron laughed at their refusal to understand each other's points.

"Look at me," she said poking her stomach with her finger, "some of this has to go."

"You don't have an ounce of fat on you." Dee said, after looking at her as if he was missing something she felt was an obvious problem.

"Oh come on, look at this." she said as she grabbed a handful of flesh around her waist, "I can pinch more than an inch here, and here, and here."

Dee finally let out a laugh,

"Yeah babe, you're supposed to be able to do that, if you couldn't you'd rip in half every time you bent over!"

"Hmmmm." Jo seemed unconvinced.

Ron decided to join forces with Dee this time, he found that it was turning out to be quite a lot of fun siding with one friend against the other,

"You don't need to lose weight. I've seen people who need to lose weight on TV. You've seen the same people, actual fat people, people who have to be winched out of their flat with a crane after they've died of a heart-attack aged thirty-two. _Those_ people are fat."

"But what about my arse?" she turned over onto her front, exposing her rear.

Dee looked hurt,

"I love your arse; you can't take your arse away from me!"

Ron roared with laughter at that.

"Besides, you need it to balance out those." Dee pointed to her chest.

"My tits aren't that big."

Ron finally recovered from his laughing fit and chipped in his opinion,

"If you lose your bum you'll be out of proportion and fall over."

"I suppose." she frowned as she turned over onto her back again, "I can see a sheep poking its tongue out at me."

"Where?" Dee said as he looked up at the clouds.

Jo pointed up and Ron and Dee both leaned in and followed the trail from her finger into the sky.

"It's mocking me with its sheep face." she smiled.

Ron squinted,

"I think it looks more like a slipper."

They settled down again and watched the people pass them by without a word until Ron saw a boy with a bright red ice lolly skipping past.

"See that red ice lolly Dee?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"How does it taste?" he smirked.

Dee tutted,

"What are you on about now?"

"Well you reckon you can taste colour and I reckon you can only see colour so I just wanted to find out which one of us was right."

"Oh very funny." Dee said, shaking his head.

Jo laughed as Ron went on with his teasing.

"Well I can _see_ the colour red so surely you should be able to _taste_ it shouldn't you?"

"You'd be a genius if you weren't such an idiot y'know?" Dee smiled.

They relaxed again, flat on their backs, staring at the sky and listening to the waves. Ron wished he could spend the rest of his life like this; laying in the sunshine by the ocean listening to the gulls and talking about everything and nothing with his two best friends in the world. If every day was like this one he would never be unhappy again. He let out an audible sigh.

"Hear hear." Dee mumbled.

Ron grinned and closed his eyes. The waves lapped against the shore and an ice cream van chimed its merry song somewhere in the distance. It must've been ten minutes before anybody spoke.

"Isn't it funny how, when you blow into a dog's face it goes berserk but as soon as you put a dog in a car it sticks its head out of the window?" Jo pondered aloud.

Ron's eyes opened and he squinted in the sunlight,

"Are you telling us you've blown into a dog's face?"

"Well it should, by that logic, have enjoyed it." she explained.

Dee's voice had a suppressed laugh in it as he asked the next probing question,

"Was this dog yours or just some random dog on the street?"

Ron didn't bother holding in his chuckle at that.

"It was a neighbour's. It was a good job the fence was between us actually otherwise it would've bitten my face off. It really didn't like it."

They fell silent again but it was only for a couple of minutes this time.

"Do you think that this is going to be it for us forever now?" Ron said out of nowhere.

"How do you mean mate?" Dee's voice asked.

"Well do you think we're destined to be three nutters for the rest of our lives or are we eventually going to go out into the real world and get jobs and homes and lives?"

There was no answer for some time until Dee finally spoke.

"Opportunity knocks on everybody's door."

Jo sighed,

"Yeah but whenever it's knocked on mine I've always been in the pub."

They were laughing again. It didn't take much to set them off this afternoon really.

"Blimey Jo," Dee shook his head, "you're getting worse."

"But downward spirals are fun, nobody's miserable going down a helter skelter are they? No, they go 'weeeeeeeeee'!"

Dee glanced over to Ron, a look of disbelief on his happy face,

"I love this woman."

"She had you sussed from the very beginning mate," Ron said, recalling their first ever conversation with Jo, "you're a masochist."

"Y'know I think all my mental problems are the fault of my mother." Jo said, "She kept trying to feed me cabbage."

"Cabbage?" Dee frowned.

"Yeah, every time I went round there for Sunday dinner she'd pile my plate high with bloody cabbage and I never ate it, I haven't eaten cabbage for the last twenty years of my life and yet she keeps giving it to me."

"What a bitch!" Ron said with mock horror.

"I know. Surely she'd have noticed something like that after a year or so. 'Oh Jo doesn't like cabbage. I won't give it to her anymore' but _no_!"

Ron couldn't cope with this and lay back and closed his eyes. The peace didn't last too long though.

"Why is it that French mustard is brown and English mustard is yellow?" Dee put to the group as the next topic of discussion, "What exactly is it the French do to their mustard to make it brown?"

"Hmmm..." Jo agreed, "You're right, there's something suspicious about that."

"Why can't they just change it?" Ron wondered, "Everybody else's mustard is yellow."

"A leopard can not change its spots." Dee mused.

Jo added,

"And we'll never know if a zebra is a white horse with black stripes or a black stripe with a white...horse. Hold on I think I've got that wrong."

"Y'know Dee I think your girlfriend's losing it."

"You think?" Dee scoffed.

Jo made a disparaging sound with her lips,

"He's lucky to have me. What we really need to do is find you a woman Ron."

He heard Dee laughing,

"Oh yeah, why do _we_ need to do that?" Ron asked.

"We're an odd number, I don't like odd numbers.

"Well there's logic for you Ron."

Jo ignored Dee's comment,

"You do need somebody though. Some days I feel as if I'm your proxy woman."

Ron sat up,

"I never called you a poxy woman!"

"Fun-nie! I'm serious, I don't want you to be lonely, let's fix you up right now."

Ron felt a wave of panic rush over him,

"No let's not."

Dee was laughing really hard now,

"I'd intervene but I've got the feeling this is going to be really funny so I'm not going to."

"Oh you're a real mate you are." Ron grumbled.

Jo pointed to a pretty black girl with braids in her hair,

"Hey Ron, over there, she's alright."

Ron shook his head,

"No way, she's so far above me I'd get altitude sickness just talking to her."

Jo sighed and scanned the street for another suitable female. She spotted an older woman in what looked like a white lab coat.

"What about that one? She's definitely within your range."

Ron was outraged,

"She's about fifty!"

Dee was enjoying this too much Ron thought, "Fifty-five at least, get in there mate!"

The laughter eventually died down and the three of them resumed their focus on the white fluffy clouds above. They were more relaxed and content than they'd ever been. Ron closed his eyes again, he wished he could sleep out here under the stars, he couldn't imagine ever living away from the coast after this. Whatever life had to offer him, wherever he ended up, he knew he would need to be able to feel the sand between his toes and hear the waves crashing and be surrounded by the calming blue of the early autumn sky.

He could hear Jo breathing beside him, he thought about the earlier image he had in his mind of her floating off into the clouds just through force of will and smiled. He must have actually laughed aloud a little as Dee let out a soft chuckle as well. They didn't speak until Jo let out a deep sigh and a chuckle herself. Eventually Jo's voice, a hidden tone of amusement breaking through as she spoke, interrupted the peace once more.

"You want to try it don't you?" she said.

"It's the only thing I've been able to think about." Ron said eagerly.

"Oh that's good I thought it was just me." Dee said with happy relief.

"Right let's go for it." Jo said with determination, "On three, are you ready?"

"Yup." Ron nodded and Dee grunted in the affirmative as well.

And then, as one, they began the countdown.

"One...two...three!"

And with that they all threw their arms and legs skywards with as much force as they could muster. After three or four seconds their limbs dropped back down.

"Did we move?" Jo asked with her usual optimism.

"Yeah babe," Dee said, a contented tone in his voice, "we're flying."

"I thought so." she smiled.

Ron sighed with great satisfaction,

"We just took the Earth with us that's all."

ooo


	29. No Alarms and No Surprises

_A/N Wow rayray13, thanks for going to such effort just to review my story, glad you like it that much. Female Nerd I'm afraid I can't even begin to answer any of your questions without ruining the story for you, just stick with me...you may hate me but it'll be worth it I hope._

_As for Scrib, you'll see the point of the last chapter in these next two._

_Appologies for the wait...I had trouble with this site and this is the first chance I've had to post the new chapters._

**Chapter Twenty-Eight - No Surprises**

_'This is my final fit. My final bellyache. With no alarms and no surprises, no alarms and no surprises, no alarms and no surprises please.' - Radiohead_

"Hello this is Hermione I'm here to listen."

She had been doing really well since the Ron fiasco the other week, all of her calls had gone pretty well and she hadn't grown inappropriately close to any of the cases or become overly cold due to her determination to remain professional with them. Susan had been right, these people wanted to talk to a human being who's made their own mistakes not a perfect flawless super-human who they can't relate to. She wasn't there to diagnose anybody, that's what doctors were for; she was there to listen and to answer whenever they called. Like the woman who had just called her for example, she just wanted to know that she wasn't alone.

"Sometimes I wonder about that though." the woman who had given the name Beth sighed.

"About not being alone?" Hermione asked.

"About loneliness in general. About how I'm made to feel whenever I don't have another person in my life. It's like my existence is vindicated according to society if I have a man in my bed. So what if there's a man in my bed? If that man makes me miserable then shouldn't I be without him?"

"Nobody should be defined by his or her relationship." Hermione reassured her.

"But I've been trying to find somebody who doesn't end up dominating me and it always turns out the same way. I just keep attracting the same man over and over again. Is it me? Am I doing something wrong here?"

"No of course you're not. You could have just shut yourself away and decided to stop trying but you didn't, you go out there and have another go."

"But I don't feel I can go through that all over again, I just want to let that false hope go and resign myself to solitude forevermore."

"So, in your quest for absolute solitude, you called me?"

The woman laughed, Hermione felt good about that.

"Well that's the thing about solitude, it's gets a bit lonely."

"So maybe you're not ready to throw in the towel just yet then?"

"Maybe not."

"You know there are good people out there, you know there is a good person out there for you, but you should also know that you don't need to stress yourself out searching for it. Don't worry about what people think if you don't have a date for Valentines Day. Don't worry about not kissing anybody at midnight on New Year. You had people for those things before didn't you?"

"Some years, yes."

"And what happened to those relationships?"

"I see what you're saying."

"You know what Beth? I think that the greatest people in the world are the ones you meet on an uneventful Tuesday morning who give you a smile even though they're cold and windswept and their bus is twenty minutes late. Those people exist all year round but we only go looking for them just before one of these 'you've got to have a partner' seasons and that's when every other woman is on the prowl."

The woman had giggled at that little speech.

"What is it?" Hermione asked.

"It's just that description of my perfect man, I've seen him around, I only ever see him just as I'm vowing to abstain from men for the rest of my life."

"Right well next time you see him smile back at him. The next time you see anybody who looks like they need a smile then just smile, it won't ruin anybody's day and nine times out of ten it won't lead to anything but at least you can be that friendly woman at the bus stop who always has a smile no matter what kind of a day she's having. Then you and that man at the bus stop will have something in common."

She had no idea where all this insightful relationship advice was coming from, as if she had any clue how to get a man, but Beth seemed to find her words comforting and her personality seemed a lot more buoyant when the call was over.

Hermione stretched her arms out as she sat back in her chair. Susan waved at her from across the large cubicle filled room. Hermione waved back and yawned.

"Are we keeping you up?" her ex-buddie commented in a way he seemed to believe was charming.

"I was at night school yesterday evening." she explained coolly before pushing the button on her phone that closed her line down.

She still had another three hours to go but she needed to stretch her legs and have a coffee.

"Over-working yourself doesn't help the callers y'know?" he said in his smarmy know-it-all way.

"Did I say I was over-worked?" she looked back at him as she passed by.

"Well you're always here every day and then you stay up all night learning a language nobody speaks. You've already lost focus once here and now we'll never know what happened to that poor bloke you turned all Freud on will we?"

What a bastard, she thought; how spiteful do you have to be to bring that up?

"I wasn't aware the Samaritans ran a selflessness competition." Hermione hissed.

"Excuse me?" the idiot said, an idiotic look on his face just to illustrate how much of an idiot he was she thought to herself.

"I thought you and I both came here to do some good and be a friendly voice for people who needed one. You seem to think that we're competing to see which of us is better at caring. Is there some kind of scoreboard I've not been made aware of? What exactly do you win when you don't get hung up on for the thousandth time?"

She was really shocking herself at how tough she was being, she'd never been confrontational before, this little rant was giving her something of an adrenaline rush.

"Wait, no I'm sorry you thought I was...I'm not picking on you because you made a mistake Hem...Hemer-nie."

"It's Hermione and I'll thank you to stop bringing my _one_ mistake up as if you enjoy the fact I made it in the first place."

The idiot's cheeks were flushing bright red now and he looked as if an egg could be fried on his face in seconds.

"What's the matter 'buddie', never been put in your place before? Well get used to it because I'm not going to take your smarmy little digs anymore. Oh for goodness sake, splash some water on your face before your head bursts into flames!"

And it was that very second that the sprinkler system activated and the fire alarm went off. The telephone operatives leapt up from their seats, some people yelled out their displeasure at being soaked to the skin, other people ran for the emergency exits. A surprising number of the volunteers who were taking calls at the time the sprinklers went off remained at their phones, talking to their callers, Susan being one of them. The idiot stared at her in absolute shock.

"Did you do that?" he exclaimed.

"Don't be ridiculous." she scowled as she held a folder above her head to get some shelter from the water as it fell on the both of them.

"That is the weirdest coincidence of my life." the idiot gasped as he looked around the sodden office.

Hermione looked around too, she couldn't hold in the smile that pushed its way onto her lips at the sight of so many people sitting in wet chairs, in wet clothes, and talking without indicating the chaos around them to their respective callers for one second. She was proud to be associated with these people. Hell even the idiot, he did just as many hours for the Samaritans as she did and for no payment, and he was pretty good at his job when he concentrated on building people up rather than knocking them down.

"Well maybe you can talk to me about this rather than that other thing now, we have an amusing story to tell people rather than one that hurts my feelings."

He nodded and a big drop of water fell from the tip of his nose,

"Sorry I've been an arse."

"That's ok." she smiled and the sprinklers and the piercing alarm bells finally stopped.

ooo

"You're in a remarkably good mood Ron." Dr Rayner said as he sat down in the chair opposite her.

He nodded,

"I've been having a good week."

She smiled at him,

"How so?"

He suppressed the grimace he felt twitching his face at the whistle that had pushed its way through Dr Rayners front teeth and began to swivel from side to side on his chair.

"I don't even know, we've not even been doing anything and yet it's been _the_ most fun ever."

"We, I assume is you, Dee and Jo?"

"Who else?" Ron grinned.

"Do you find that their company really helps you day to day then?"

Ron stopped swinging back and forth in his chair and sat forward,

"I know you don't like that I don't get very deep when answering your questions and I know you know that I go straight outside and discuss the very same questions in depth with the two of them but I'm not deliberately trying to be disruptive to my own treatment...well not anymore." he shrugged and gave a guilty smile.

"I know that Ron, things have been better between all of us since you came to me that morning with your revelation hasn't it?"

"Yeah," Ron said honestly, "I don't know why we still shrug off all your questions and then go away and discuss them privately for an hour before giggling like imbeciles about our answers for another hour, it's just the way we work and I don't think we can help that."

Dr Rayner smiled and sat back in her chair, this was the most relaxed Ron had ever seen her,

"Well it's perfectly obvious to me now why it was so hard to break through with the three of you, now that I know you and Dee were already familiar with each other before the amnesia, of course you were going to be able to confide in each other before confiding in me. Instinct can be stronger than memory you know?"

Ron nodded, so many things had been going on with him that his memory had nothing to do with, he could speak French and play chess without remembering how. He could swim too, he really should've thought about that before diving into the sea that time they went skinny-dipping but his instinct took over and he just knew there was nothing to worry about.

"As for Jo," Dr Rayner continued, "well for all the trouble she gives me she's always been the most charismatic person I've ever had a conversation with, it isn't any wonder you feel that you can talk to her. She has something of an addictive personality."

Ron laughed and remembered Dee saying a similar thing to him once before.

"But for all the positives that have come out of this connection the three of you have you still need to be treated as individuals. You and Dee are very different people and I'd hate for you to let this bond become a wall to anybody else trying to communicate with either of you. The connection you now know you have with each other and to your forgotten lives is wonderful but you are also Ron Weasley. Just Ron Weasley. And he's very unique you know?"

Ron smiled and wondered if Dr Rayner had stopped whistling through her teeth or if he had simply stopped noticing it anymore.

"The same applies to Dee."

Ron understood what she was getting at, she didn't want them to shut her out again and become the impenetrable trio again.

After his session was over he couldn't stop thinking about Dr Rayners words. He and Dee had begun to cling to each other as if they were all they had of their past. They were still friends but something was deeper now. He thought about how much easier it was to talk to Dr Rayner these days and smiled. All this had come out of Jo demanding they all go skinny-dipping. He must remember to thank her for that particular bout of spontaneous craziness he thought. Speaking of which she hadn't been waiting outside Dr Rayner's office for her session immediately after his.

Rayner had asked him to pop his head in at her door and send her along, then she'd mentioned maybe he should look in Dee's room beforehand but only under her breath, and he was going to do just that before heading to the refectory for some breakfast. He wondered what he would have today. He stopped and knocked on Jo's door. No answer, what a surprise he thought with a roll of the eyes, he opened the door and looked in just in case she'd overslept.

His stomach seemed to force every one of his internal organs into his throat and he found that he couldn't breathe, he couldn't move, he couldn't speak. Of all the things he couldn't do the fact that he couldn't look away crippled him the most. His knees almost buckled underneath him but he had to stay upright, he had to move, he had to breathe again and call out for someone to help but his body had gone into shock. Shock at what his unblinking eyes wouldn't tear away from the sight of.

Skin as pale as porcelain, vivid dark purple hair covering her face like a veil in the morning sunlight, limbs limp and unmoving, hanging by the neck from the light fixture...was Jo.


	30. Where I Begin and Where You End

**Chapter Twenty-Nine - Where I Begin and Where You End**

_I loved you, and I probably still do,_

_And for a while the feeling may remain..._

_But let my love no longer trouble you,_

_I do not want to cause you any pain._

_I loved you; and the happiness I knew,_

_The jealousy, the shyness - though in vain-_

_Made up a love so tender and so true_

_As may God grant you to be loved again._

_Alexander Sergeyevich Pushkin_

A sudden surge of energy went through his body, he could move, he could breathe, he could scream.

"Dee!"

As soon as his friend's name left his lips he regretted it. Dee shouldn't see this, he couldn't let him see her like this, and he ran to her and wrapped his arms around her thighs. He tried to lift her, to take her weight off the wire around her neck and allow her to breathe again; he couldn't believe how heavy she was. Heavy and limp.

He was about to turn and call out for somebody else to help him when Dee appeared at the open door. Ron saw that he had frozen in the exact same way he had when he first saw her hanging there. Ron couldn't bare it

"Dee," he called out to him, his voice cracking, "help me get her down."

Without a word Dee had grabbed the chair that was lying on its side on the floor and set it upright. He climbed up onto it and began to struggle with the knot in the insulated electrical wire. Ron could hear his voice repeating over and over again with every shallow breath he took.

"What did you do? What did you do? What did you...?"

Jo's weight fell onto his shoulders and he collapsed beneath her.

"Somebody..." he bellowed to the open door, "...Somebody help us!"

Dee hauled Jo's body off of him and cradled her in his lap, tapping her cheek firmly,

"Come on, wake up babe, wake up Jo Jo."

_"Of all the empty tables in this place you came and sat with me. That is making a hell of a subconscious statement."_

Ron scrambled to his feet and ran to the door,

"Harry I need you!" he yelled.

One of the doors along the hallway opened and Harriet poked her head out,

"Did you just call me?"

"Harriet get one of the doctors quickly."

She nodded and ran off down the hallway toward Rayner's office. Ron ran back over to Jo who, he could now see, had blue lips and didn't seem to be breathing. Dee was crying and he looked up at Ron with red eyes.

"What has she done?"

_"It's not when I'm quiet that you have to worry about me it's when I seem fine that's the problem."_

"She'll be fine," Ron heard himself say, "she's gonna be fine."

He dropped to his knees and bent over her chest, pressing an ear to her ribcage. He listened. He could hear Dee's helpless whimpering. He could hear his own rugged breath. He could hear Rayner yelling to someone to call an ambulance and the sound of her footsteps thudding closer and closer. He could hear other patient's doors clicking open and murmurs of concern and confusion. One thing Ron couldn't hear was a heartbeat.

"Ron what happened, what did she do?" Dr Rayner said as she dropped to her knees and lowered an ear to Jo's mouth.

"She hung herself." Ron said, his voice sounded as if it was coming from another room somewhere far away.

"Can you help her?" Dee choked, "You can help her right?"

The desperation in Dee's voice was too much for Ron to bear; his hands were on Jo's cold skin as he met Dr Rayner's fearful eyes.

"Tell me what to do." he said calmly.

Rayner sat upright with her back as straight as if she'd had it fixed to a board and she laid one hand on top of the other over Jo's chest and began to push.

"One, two, three, four, five..." she counted the compressions, "You see what I'm doing Ron?"

He nodded and felt a wave of nausea hit him all of a sudden.

"I need you to do this while I breathe for her do you understand?"

"Yeah." he whispered as Rayner tilted back Jo's head, pinched her nose, and blew into her mouth.

She nodded to Ron who began to push down on Jo's chest the way Rayner had shown him as he counted aloud. He would count, Rayner would breathe, he would count, Rayner would breathe...

"Am I doing it right?" Ron asked frantically.

"You're doing fine Ron, just keep going."

Dee had taken one of Jo's cold hands in his and was whispering to her, things Ron couldn't make out, and he was trembling.

"One, two, three, four, five..." he counted.

_"There are no chips in heaven, only tofu, so I must stay down here on this glorious planet of ours and savour the chip for the chip is my saviour!"_

"Harriet..." Rayner called up to the girl still standing at the door, "go and see if the ambulance is here yet. Wait for them and show them the way will you?"

Harriet nodded as Rayner bent over to breathe again.

"Is it working?" Dee's unrecognisable voice asked.

"Keep going Ron." she said, not making eye contact with Dee.

"One, two, three, four, five...I am doing this right aren't I?" he asked her as she breathed air into Jo's still lungs again.

"You're doing really well Ron, just a little longer now." she smiled at him.

He nodded and resumed pumping on Jo's chest again.

"So it's working?" Dee asked Rayner again.

Ron glanced up at him. He looked so hollow inside; it was as if his life force was draining away with every passing second. Why was nothing happening? He couldn't have been doing his part properly. He looked down at Jo as Rayner breathed for her again before he counted another five compressions. How did this happen? She was so happy. They were all so happy. Yesterday had been so much fun. What had gone wrong? Where was he when this had happened? Why didn't he notice anything different about her?

_"I will let you down. It's what I do, I disappoint people..."_

"Come on!" he found himself shouting down at her through a sob, "You can't leave us."

Dee shuffled closer to her on his knees and bent over her head, kissing her on the forehead and stroking her smooth purple hair,

"She's not going anywhere, she's just being stupid, she's going to be alright. This was a mistake."

"Dee I need some space," Rayner said in between breaths, "I think you should wait outside."

"I'm not leaving her." he hissed.

Ron's eyes were welling up with the tears he couldn't let himself cry. His chest ached as if he was pumping on it rather than Jo's. His arms were feeling weak, they were numb, and he began to worry that he didn't have the strength to do this properly.

"I don't think I'm doing this hard enough." he panted.

"You're doing exactly what I showed you, you're doing really well Ron, not long now," she said as the sound of pounding footsteps distracted them both.

"So it's working?" Dee pressed again.

The ambulance crew and Harriet piled into Jo's room.

"Ron you can let the paramedics take over now." Rayner sighed with exhaustion.

"One, two, three, four, five..." Ron counted, his dead arms locked in position over Jo's chest.

"Why won't you answer me?" Dee bellowed, "Did it work?"

"Ron please, you did everything you could, now let the paramedics try."

"One, two, three, four, five..." he counted.

Rayner grabbed his shoulders and whispered into his ear,

"Dee needs you too."

Ron's strength crumbled and his arms turned to jelly as he allowed himself to be pulled back and sat clumsily on the floor. The paramedics began to work on Jo while Rayner helped Ron to his feet.

"Harriet could you take Dee and Ron outside and keep them company?" Rayner asked Harriet who was getting more and more agitated over by the open door.

"No," Dee pleaded before staring right into Dr Rayner, "I'm not leaving her."

"You're not helping her much by getting in the way are you?" Harriet's calming Welsh voice said as she began to guide Ron toward the hallway.

"He's right," Ron croaked, "we should stay."

Harriet almost had him out the door now.

"I want to be here when she wakes up." Dee said with as much confidence as he could.

Ron suddenly shivered and his shaky voice said,

"Come and wait with me outside Dee, please, I don't want to wait out there by myself."

Dee found himself being helped to his feet by Rayner who steered him to the door and Harriet nudged them both out before Rayner closed the door behind them.

"I want to see her," Dee gasped, suddenly short of breath, "can't they leave the door open?"

"They need to concentrate Dee, calm down, take a deep breath for me."

As Harriet began to talk Dee out of his anxiety attack Ron's legs gave way and he slid down the wall and sat on the floor, staring at Jo's now closed door.

"She was getting better. She was doing so much better." he mumbled to himself.

"She's going to be fine," Dee barked, "she's going to get better and then I'm gonna _kill_ her."

_"You'll hate me in the end...Just you wait."_

Ron's eyes misted over,

"I don't understand." he breathed.

Harriet let out a deep sigh,

"Oh not you too Ron please, I need you to hold it together for Dee alright?"

"I'm fine!" Dee snapped as he tried to shrug Harriet off him.

"How long had she been there?" Ron whimpered as his chest felt as if it had been put into a vice, "How long was she like that before I found her?"

"It couldn't have been long," Dee said as he shook his head manically, "I only saw her fifteen minutes ago..." his voice seemed to disintegrate from its falsely confident tone of denial into a gagging sound, "...she _knew_, she knew when she saw me that she was going to do it."

Dee seemed to turn green and Ron found himself shaking uncontrollably.

The minutes felt like a lifetime until the door finally opened and the paramedics carried their stretcher out. There was something on it covered with a blanket. Ron's eyes opened so wide he felt as if he'd never be able to blink again and he was now shaking violently. Dee let the paramedics and their load pass him by before charging into Jo's room and staring at the spot on the floor where Jo had been.

"Where is she?" he asked Dr Rayner.

She had bloodshot eyes and a scarlet face as she reached out to the incomprehensive Dee.

"Where's she gone?" he asked again as he took a step away from Rayner's extended arm.

"Dee I'm so sorry..." Rayner began.

Dee's head began to shake rapidly as he refused to believe what was being said to him,

"No," he said as if he was flippantly disregarding the opinion of an idiot, "no," he said again, moving back out into the hallway, "no, no, no..."

He ran past Ron and Harriet and after the paramedics.

"Wait, where are you taking her? Why did you stop? Why did you stop?" his voice was screaming now.

Some burly orderlies appeared but Dee didn't notice them.

"You can't take her away from me!" he sobbed and screamed at the same time, "Leave her here, leave her with me."

The orderlies moved in on Dee, showing immovability but a great deal of compassion for him, as Rayner called out to them.

"We need to get him sedated."

As the two giant men grabbed Dee firmly by the upper arms he struggled and bellowed at anybody who would listen,

"Get off me! What's wrong with you people? Why are you letting her die? You can't just let her be dead. Bring her back! Bring her back!"

Ron felt Dee's agonised voice rattling his bones and he threw himself forward onto his hands and knees and dry wretched, arching his back and unable to stop his body convulsing as it tried to make him vomit despite the fact he had not yet eaten, and he felt Harriet rubbing his back. Her hand was moving in a circular motion as Dee was dragged screaming into a side room followed by Rayner and Jo's body was carried out of the Meadows and Ron felt the only thing he had inside him rise up to the back of his throat.

_"I'll leave this planet one day, you'll see, I'll orbit a few times and then I'll be off and away."_

The revolting feeling of bile and stomach acid passing over his tongue and hitting the sterile linoleum made Ron force his eyes closed as Harriet's voice fearfully ordered somebody to go and get some help. Ron breathed with deep but shuddering breaths as the awful smell wafted up to his nose and Harriet continued to rub small circles on his back. He didn't think he'd ever be able to move from this spot. All he could hear now was the sound of his own ragged breathing until a door squeaked open and the click click of a woman's shoes grew louder and faster until another hand gently set itself on the side of his face and pushed his hair away.

"Ron, Ron are you still feeling unsteady or do you think you could sit up for me?" Rayner's concerned but kindly voice asked.

He let his eyes open before spitting the remnants of his vile stomach contents onto the floor in front of him.

"Sorry." he said via his raw vocal chords.

"Don't worry about that." Rayner said, still resting her cool hand on the side of his face.

He turned his head to look at her but his eyes passed by her pained smile and over her shoulder where the slumped form of Dee was being wheeled in a chair to his room.

"Dee?" he whispered.

"Don't worry about him for the moment Ron, he's resting for now, let's concentrate on you shall we?" Rayner said as she tried to ease him back.

It was only then that Ron realised he was still on his hands and knees and he awkwardly began to struggle to his feet,

"I'm fine."

"Take it easy," she said as she tried to support him on one side while Harriet did the same on the other, "you're about as far from fine as I've seen you in a long time, now let me give you something to..."

"No," Ron said as he tried to shake them off and take a step toward his own room, "I don't want anything, I don't need it. I'll be ok."

He saw that Harriet had such an intense frown on her face that a crease had formed on her forehead that Ron doubted she'd ever be able to lose.

"Thank you for helping Harriet, I'm sorry if I shouted at you."

"You didn't." she smiled at him but the crease was still there.

Rayner gave Harriet a warm smile and nodded for her to leave them alone before taking a step towards Ron.

"Ron I can't let you shut yourself away in your room, you have to talk to me, come into my office and we'll have some herbal tea with honey. I bet your throat's pretty sore, honey'll help I promise."

"We've had our session." Ron said, remembering that it had only been forty minutes ago and feeling as if he had aged ten years since he and Rayner had last talked.

"I'm not talking about a session Ron I'm talking about just talking. The two of us having a drink and talking about anything. I just can't leave you alone to stew on this and I know you will, I know you well enough by now..."

Ron huffed half-heartedly,

"You don't know me."

Rayner moved her head forward and looked up into his eyes, which he immediately averted,

"I know that when you can't talk to me and you didn't want to burden your friends you used to go up to the third floor public telephone and talk for ages."

Ron's eyes darted back to meet Rayner's,

"What? How?" he stammered meekly.

"We get itemised telephone bills Ron, I know who you've been calling and I'm very pleased you've been talking to somebody even if it isn't me."

He had too much going on in his head right now to take this in. Thoughts were mutating and multiplying and pounding on the inside of his skull trying to get his attention. His head hurt and he couldn't think anymore and he just wanted to curl up in the dark somewhere, crawl into bed surrounded by thick red curtains, and just hide from it all. His thoughts would break him...just like Jo's had done with her. He felt a sob bubbling up from inside of him and tried his best to swallow it back down.

"I can't let you go into your room Ron, not unless you're sedated, we have medicines that will let you sleep. You can rest and escape your thoughts for a short while. You need to give your poor head a rest Ron. Have some sweet dreams and let this morning go even if it's just for an hour."

"I don't want to have sweet dreams." he hissed, "Why would I want to bloody dream? Do you think that's comforting? Do you think sleeping is comforting to me?"

Ron felt his eyes sting with the pain of all the dreams he wouldn't confide in their sessions; all the nights he couldn't sleep at all; and the idea that she wanted to send him to the one place he hated the most made him feel dizzy. All he'd do would be to go further inside his own head and that was the worst place he could be right now.

Rayner's eyes looked as if they were glistening with tears too,

"Oh Ron I'm so sorry, I wish you'd have said something before."

She pulled him into a hug that he half-heartedly fought against before submitting his exhausted body to it.

"She really died didn't she?" his voice seemed to be coming from somewhere else again.

Rayner released him and nodded with more sadness than he could ever have imagined her showing,

"Yes she did."

Ron let a tear escape, but only one,

"I don't know what to do now."

Rayner took a deep breath and pressed her lips together firmly before speaking,

"Go up to the third floor and make a phone call Ron. I don't know why you stopped doing it but go and do it now, there's nobody up there at this time of day...but then you already know that don't you?"

He nodded once and looked down at his feet.

"When you're done please go and get something to drink, I don't doubt that you can't face eating anything any time soon, but you really should have a cup of tea or fruit juice or something ok?"

Again, Ron nodded only once.

"I mean it Ron, promise me."

He looked back up at her and muttered,

"I promise I'll have a cup of tea when I come back down."

She smiled at him and rubbed his arm before he set off for the stairs up to the third floor.

_"If someone like you didn't think I was worth spending time with I'd think myself totally insignificant."_

She really didn't have a clue how wonderful she was.

ooo

_A/N Please review this chapter if you can. I need to know if you all hate me._


	31. A Greater Person

_A/N I think something's still up with because I'm not getting confirmation that my chapters are going up or that you are reviewing so I only know that the chapters are up by seeing your chapter reviews...thank you to those who reviewed "Where I Begin and Where You End", If you haven't read it please don't read on as a MAJOR plot point with be spoiled for you!_

_KaiserMonkey - WOW! That's one hell of a compliment, thank you very much. I'm glad the majority of you don't hate me for what I've done...sorry to have ruined your plans to those who do. In many ways I'm a lot like Jo, I'll always dissapoint you in ways you would never expect me to._

_So, on with the story..._

**Chapter Thirty - A Greater Person**

Dinner at Grimmauld place that evening was going to be pretty grim.

Bill and Fleur had managed to find out that a young man, fitting Ron's description, had been found dead in a north London back street. Mr. Weasley, Bill and Lupin had gone to identify the body. Mrs. Weasley had been distraught but insistent that it wouldn't be him.

"Not my Ronnie," she said firmly, "it can't be him I would know, my clock never lies."

Indeed the clock was the only thing that had reassured the family, Ron's hand securely pointing at 'Lost', and nobody thought for a second that it would be him. That confidence didn't stop Ginny from throwing herself into Harry's arms when he arrived via the fireplace and wept into his shoulder.

"I know he's not dead," she sniffled as her fingers gripped his jumper in two fistfuls of fabric, "I _know_ it, but I can't stand that we're looking for him in those places as well."

Harry felt a little uncomfortable but had tried to support her as she let her emotions flow out of her. He stroked her long red hair and 'shushed' a few times, he'd seen people doing that on TV when women were upset, before she pulled back and tried to regain her composure.

"This...body they're going to see, he died of hypothermia, he froze to death on his own in the street. Harry we have to find Ron soon, we can't let something like that happen to him."

"We'll find him Ginny," Harry said confidently, "I swear."

She forced a watery smile onto her face as Percy stepped out from the fireplace in a mass of green flames and stumbled into the two of them.

"Oh sorry you two." he said before noticing the tears in Ginny's eyes.

Percy paled so quickly that Harry thought he must have lost a pint of blood.

"It wasn't him." Percy said in a way that could have been taken to be a question but Harry and Ginny knew it had been a statement.

Ginny shook her head,

"They're not back yet but you're right, it isn't going to be him."

Harry's heart broke as he saw the brother and sister flash painful smiles at each other.

"Well come on then," Percy said bracingly, "Let's get the kettle on."

The kettle had already been on, Harry noticed that it was rarely ever off in the Weasley's presence.

"So how's the search been going?" Percy asked them.

"Same old, same old..." Ginny shrugged, "...Bill and Fleur keep getting their hopes up and then nothing. The twins have been tweaking a locator spell that Lee's grandmother taught him but all that happens with their updated version so far is a few sparks and a puff of white chalk on the floor."

"Neville came by the other night for dinner," Harry added, "you were working late, and he said he'd found the woman who'd saved Ron's life in the alley."

"The muggle with the communicator thingy?" Percy asked.

Harry nodded, he'd never yet heard the magical folk he'd met call a phone a phone yet,

"Yeah, it didn't really help much though. She pretty much repeated what you all saw in that memory."

Percy seemed to flinch at the thought of that memory. Ginny set his cup of tea before him on the table and rubbed his shoulder.

"Mum's taking her mind off of this whole body identification thing by going to the poor woman's house to thank her personally."

Percy looked alarmed,

"Mum's visiting a muggle? By herself?"

Ginny laughed,

"No, Tonks went with her to make sure she doesn't slip up or anything."

Percy looked greatly relieved at this news,

"Oh don't say things like that Ginny, you aged me by about a decade just then."

The three of them chuckled before Percy's eyes met Harry's and he suddenly became very business-like.

"Ah yes, I almost forgot, I've got something for you."

Harry blinked,

"What?"

"A translation." Percy said, matter-of-factly, "At first I thought it was some kind of incantation, cedo malori I'm talking about of course, but it's not."

"What is it?"

"It's a phrase in Latin. It's funny really, only a little while ago Ginny asked me to translate..."

"Keep to the point Percy." Ginny snapped impatiently.

Percy looked briefly affronted before carrying on with his original subject of conversation.

"Right well it means 'I yield to a greater person'."

Harry wondered if he looked as confused as he felt,

"Oh."

"What do you think it could mean?" Ginny asked Percy.

He looked thoughtful for a moment,

"Well, for example, I may think I know a lot of things but there are certain people I am aware of who know more than I do so I defer to their judgement on important matters."

"I got that," Harry frowned, "but what would it mean in reference to a portkey?"

"For example...?" Ginny sneered at him before turning her focus to Percy.

"Well if you had a portkey and somebody mentioned cedo malori with regards to it I'd have to speculate that it meant that the portkey was designed to take whoever touched it to a greater person than themselves."

Harry felt his stomach clench,

"Greater how?"

Percy thought again before smiling,

"Well let's say Fred and George had this cedo malori portkey..."

Harry and Ginny nodded.

"When they touched it they would be brought straight to the person they always defer to, the one person who can dominate them. They would be transported to the person they would yield to who was 'greater' than the two of them combined." Percy's grin widened.

"Mum!" Ginny gasped.

"Spot on." Percy nodded.

"So in the hands of a Weasley, any Weasley, this would not be a portkey to your mum?" Harry sought confirmation.

Percy shrugged,

"Not necessarily. Bill would probably go to Fleur and Merlin knows where Ginny'd end up. I haven't seen her dominated in a long time."

Ginny scowled.

"See?" Percy smiled.

"What about you?" Harry pressed on with his line of questioning.

"Probably mum for me too...or the minister of magic."

Ginny rolled her eyes at this statement. Harry tried to sound as theoretical as he could.

"What if Ron was to lay his hands on a portkey like that?"

Percy stopped smiling and tried to read Harry's facial expression, this made him very uncomfortable, and Ginny wasn't helping either. She seemed to be supporting her brother in his examination of Harry's motives.

"There is no such thing as a portkey like that." Percy said coolly, "The only wizard I know of who could've created something like that is Albus Dumbledore and he's dead."

"And the only witch I know of who could do it is Hermione Granger and she's lost her memory." Ginny said with a knowing look at Harry, defying him to keep up his ignorant act with her.

"It's just a theoretical conversation because...I saw two words I didn't understand...somewhere."

Ginny wasn't buying it and Percy looked as if he'd just been asked to trust Fred and George with a humiliating personal secret.

"So Perce," Ginny said, still reluctant to break her scrutiny of Harry's face, "do you reckon the greater person for Ron would be mum?"

Percy shrugged,

"Well he definitely yields to her."

"Except when she's forbidding him to give up school and go off searching for horcruxes, he wasn't much of a yielder then was he?" she said with an elegantly arched eyebrow.

Harry wasn't sure about this. He liked the idea his mind was brewing but he couldn't be sure of the end result. If he could get the portkey to Ron, wherever he was, through Hedwig or Ron's own owl Pig then Ron would touch it and be brought back to his family...or would he? What if Ginny was right and he didn't yield to Mrs Weasly anymore? Who was the greater person that Ron would yield to? Where would that portkey take him?

He'd need to do a lot of work if he was going to chance testing this theory out anyway. He would have to train whichever owl he chose to carry the portkey inside the translucent bag to wherever Ron was, _if_ the owl was even able to find him, and then train the owl to get the portkey out of the bag without touching it and_ then_ get the owl to trick him into picking up what would appear to him to be an old tin can. Harry wondered what the Latin for long shot was.

The front door burst open and the portrait on the wall began to screech its vile hateful words to the returning Mrs Weasley and Tonks.

"Shameful blood-traitors invading my family home! Why are you still here when your boy is long cold and laid out for the worms to feast upon? I hear he starved, starved and froze they say behind your back, serves you right you treacherous whoare! Taking in the mudbloods and half breeds and letting your own flesh and blood rot and _die!_"

The spiteful voice sounded jubilant as she said her last few words and it chilled Harry to the bone how anybody could find amusement in upsetting Mrs Weasley. Ginny ran to her with a warm greeting as all feigned deafness to the portrait's abuse and began to chat merrily. Harry could see that Mrs Weasley had been wounded by the words but he wasn't going to let her take any notice at all.

"Hello Mrs Weasley!" he said, trying to sound as if today was the happiest day of his life now that she was here again, "How was your visit to the mungo world?"

Ginny laughed as Tonks corrected him,

"It's muggle Harry, Mungo's is the name of the hospital...I must call somebody that some time soon though just to see how they take it."

As Mrs Weasley shuffled off her huge coat Percy slammed his palm into the portrait, the woman had ducked and then re-appeared with even more abuse directed at him, Tonks pulled the curtains closed and nodded her head toward the kitchen.

"Let's leave the old bat be for now, I fancy a cuppa."

"We've just made a brew." Ginny said happily as she went on ahead to pour her mother and Tonks some tea from the pot on the table.

"So how was it?" Harry asked again, "Ginny said you went to see the woman who helped Ron when he was hurt."

Mrs Weasley's face looked both warm and sad at the same time as she spoke of her meeting,

"Oh she was lovely, I thanked her for showing Ron such kindness and we talked about him, Tonks told her that he was lost and she didn't really have a lot more to tell us than we already know."

Mrs Weasley sighed and the smile left her face briefly before she pushed it back on again and continued.

"She said she went with him in the Nambulence..."

"Ambulance mum." Ginny corrected.

"That's what I said," Mrs Weasley looked at her daughter with annoyance, "so that was nice wasn't it? He wasn't alone. She said...she said he woke up and she talked to him while they were on their way to the hospital and then he...went back to sleep again so they hurried him away and she told the police officers everything she knew and went back to work. Oh she missed her lunch break to go with him. Wasn't that nice of her? She was lovely wasn't she Tonks?"

Tonks looked as if this was the fiftieth time she had answered this question,

"Lovely Molly, she was very nice indeed."

"She was." Mrs Weasley nodded as she lifted her teacup to her lips, "Although she couldn't make a decent cup of tea for anything."

Ginny laughed at that, Harry did too, then Mrs Weasley killed the mood of uncomfortable levity with one more question.

"Did Arthur and Bill come back yet?"

ooo


	32. If You'd Stayed

_A/N Wow! I can't believe the response to the last few chapters and I really can't believe I made some of you cry...and over an original character too. I want you to know that I wrote this chapter before the responses came flooding in and I am now aware of exactly how many of you I'm going to make very angry. Please don't hurt me, what you want will happen in the eventually but not the way you want and not when you expect it. That's how I work I'm afraid!_

_Oh and Beth, if only! I am actually trying to become a professional writer, I get a script a month rejected by the BBC but they keep asking me to send them more so keep your fingers crossed for me, I have won a prize for a play of mine a few years back and write for a local theatre company but no joy yet. I write for them for free as they are a charity too so I subsadise my glamourous life as a failing writer by (don't laugh) doing window displays for the Gap!_

**Chapter Thirty-One - If You'd Stayed**

Ron picked up the receiver and held it to the side of his head. He heard the dial tone and he stared at the numbers in front of him. He rested his forehead on the telephone, hanging it up with the pressure of it and closed his eyes.

What could he say? What could anyone say?

_My friend died today._

_My friend killed herself today._

_I found my friend hanging from the electrical chord of her light fitting this morning, how are you?_

_In saw my friend carried past me in a bag like she was a piece of rubbish._

_My other friend had to be sedated to stop him going crazy._

_I let my friend die today._

Ron let out the sob he had swallowed two floors down when talking to Rayner and found that there was more when it had come from, much much more, as he crumpled into a heap on the floor, letting the telephone receiver hang beside him. The dial tone was humming to him again and he was holding his head in his hands and sobbing so loudly and unashamedly that he feared that he'd never be able to stop. He'd never be able to stop the tears that flowed freely down his cheeks and he'd never be able to stop the ache inside of him. His cries were from so deep within that they sounded almost animal, from the bottom of the gut, and he felt as if a huge snake had coiled its way around his torso and was beginning to squeeze everything out of him. Every emotion and every last breath of air until he was a soggy, wheezing mess on the floor.

And still the dial tone purred away.

_That bitch! That stupid selfish bitch! How could she do this to him? How could she be so fucking heartless?_

Anger gave way to guilt at feeling angry almost immediately and then indignance. Why should he tear himself apart feeling guilty? He had done nothing wrong. Why should he be held accountable for her idiocy?

_Because I knew she was going to do it. She told me. She kept telling me. She warned me and I ignored her. I killed her. I let her die._

She told them from the very beginning that they should worry if she became overly happy. She had told them that her healthy state was alone and subdued. She kept telling him that she was losing the fight, kept making those little comments that he never really took seriously, even yesterday on their wonderful lazy day on the beach what had she been saying to them? She told them that it was her time to go. She told them that she wanted to leave the planet for good. She had said goodbye to them, in her typical way, with a day full of laughter and smiles and contented sighs. She had been the happiest she had ever been and that was what he should have paid attention to.

_Shit no, this wasn't his fault!_

How is it she was making him take the blame for this? She was dead and she was still squirming out of any accountability for her actions. She wouldn't even phone her own mother to let her know she was still alive...

...but now she wasn't.

And her poor mother. Oh God this was too much, he couldn't think but all he could do was think. He thought and cried and banged the back of his head against the wall until his vision blurred and he heard the dial tone stop suddenly and be replaced with a harsh beeping and a haughty voice telling him to replace the handset and try again.

Try again. If only he could. If only they all could start all over again from scratch. He, Dee and Jo could start talking to Rayner from the very beginning and get themselves healthy. He and Jo would never make that vow to stop thinking anymore. The three of them wouldn't become so dependant on each other the second time around. Next time when she did it it wouldn't hurt like it did this time. He wished he never knew her. He wished he'd sat at a different table that first day at the Meadows. He wished the pain would stop. He just wanted it all to stop.

He reached out for the receiver as it swung back and forth beside his head and pulled himself back up to his feet. He wiped his flooded eyes and rested his hand beside the keypad. He stared at the numbers again. He lifted his hand and clicked down on the disconnect button to clear the recorded message and bring back the dial tone. There it was again, the soothing electronic sigh in his ear, and he took a deep breath. He began to dial.

0

This wouldn't help him.

8

Nothing would help him.

0

And who would he ask for anyway?

0

He couldn't ask for Hermione, she thought he was just a project to test her theories on, and he couldn't speak to any body else.

His finger hovered over the keypad and he exhaled and deflated. The receiver clicked as he set it back down and tried to take another deep breath but his constricted ribs wouldn't let him. That invisible python was still wrapped around him and it wasn't going to let him go any time soon.

He walked away from the phone, down to the stairs, and he left the third floor corridor behind him. He wouldn't go back there again.

ooo

_I wish I didn't feel so ashamed of my depression. I always go through it alone. I wait until nobody's around and then I break down until my head hurts._

_I've lost it in front of Dee and Ron but I felt guilty afterwards. I wish I didn't force myself to feel this way alone but it's the only way I can live with myself. I give myself a hard enough time without bringing other people down with me as well. I know how much of a burden friendship with me can be. I don't want to be a burden any more._

_I wonder what it is that's wrong with me. _

_I wonder when it was in my life that I became this mess._

_I wonder why Dee and Ron waste their time with me._

_Every day I need them more and more and that can't happen. I can't become dependant on them because when they get sick of me and drop me like a hot brick I won't be able to take it. I'll drive them away, I'll ruin things with Dee and he'll hate me. I couldn't stand it if he hated me. He'll hate me after this though won't he? He'd be right to._

_Tell them I'm sorry. Tell them I love them. Tell them I said thank you._

_More than anything else tell them to go ahead and hate me for what I've done. It'll be easier on them if they do. I've always found myself easier to hate than to love._

_I just do so much damage, I need to stop myself before my problems become other peoples, and I'm so bloody tired. The performance is exhausting and I can't keep it up. I'm pretending to be the person they all love and it's killing me._

_If only that was who I really was._

_If I could be that person all the time everything would be ok._

_It's just too hard._

_Tell my family I'm sorry and that I really did try._

_I feel like a hamster in a wheel. I only kept running because I liked the scenery. I can't run forever though._

_It's time to stop._

ooo

The room was still and quiet. A slither of sunlight cut through the centre of it and rested upon a pair of shoes that had been idly kicked off the night before. The cover was pulled back away from the bed and the pillow still had a head shaped indentation on it.

Ron sat on the corner of the unmade bed and looked around Jo's room. His eyes fell upon her hairbrush, strands of deep purple glinting in the bristles, and felt himself shiver. There was a cold cup of tea sitting on the bedside table, not a single drop of it had been drunk, and Ron fingered the now twice read note that he had found beside it.

"The last time I saw her," Dee's rough voice came from the open door where he was standing and watching Ron, "she came into my room with a cup of tea for me."

Ron hadn't known how long Dee had been awake or how long he had been watching him. He said nothing. There was nothing he could say.

"I was just waking up and she came in and smiled at me and she set it down by the side of the bed. I just smiled back at her and she waved a little wave and left again without a word."

Ron watched as Dee stepped into the room and hugged his arms to himself.

"I didn't even say thank you. I didn't say 'good morning' or 'I love you' or 'stay for a while', I just curled up and went back to sleep. I didn't notice that anything was wrong."

"Neither did I." Ron whispered.

Dee edged further into the room and looked down at the note in Ron's hands.

"What does it say?"

Ron shook his head, he couldn't speak...not even for Dee, and handed the note to his friend who reacted to the piece of paper as if it was red hot. He could barely keep a hold of it as he read. Once in a while a small whimpering sound came from his direction and a couple of times he sounded as if he was giving an angry sigh.

"Did I know her?" Ron said out of nowhere, "Did I even really know her?"

Dee looked angry and sick as he began to pace the room.

"Do you know what the last conversation we had was? Do you know what we talked about Ron? What deep and meaningful subject we covered?"

Ron watched his best friend and felt the now familiar pain in his chest, but this time for him, and he shook his head.

"We talked about sesame seeds."

Ron blinked back at Dee; he didn't know what he was supposed to say to that.

"Fucking sesame seeds!" Dee yelled, "We spent fifteen minutes talking about what the point of sesame seeds were. I didn't ask her how she was doing, we didn't talk about problems or things being on our minds or anything worthwhile...we discussed why burger buns have sesame seeds on them. The last conversation I ever had with my girlfriend was completely pointless."

Dee kicked the wall and Ron flinched, it looked as if he'd hurt himself, but he didn't seem to care.

"Why didn't she talk to me? Why didn't she come to me? Didn't she trust me Ron? What's wrong with me?"

"There's nothing wrong with you Dee, she was sick remember? She wasn't well. It wasn't our fault."

Ron's voice had wavered and disappeared into nothing as he spoke.

Dee walked over to the bed and sat down beside Ron. Neither of them said anything more. Ron folded the note and put it back on the bedside table and Dee reached out and grabbed Jo's pillow. He pulled it into his arms and buried his face into it, inhaling deeply, and Ron couldn't take it in the room anymore. He was feeling claustrophobic. The feeling of death was heavy in the air and it was suffocating him. He jumped to his feet and hissed as more tears pushed their way out of his eyes.

"I'll never forgive her for this."

He rushed out of the room and across the hallway into his own. Both rooms' doors were open wide and Ron could see Dee laying down on Jo's bed and curling up into the foetal position, still clutching the pillow to himself, and he closed his eyes. He was so tired but he couldn't sleep.

He'd never sleep again.

ooo


	33. Lost Cause

_A/N In response to Kami1, no I wasn't distracted when I put this as an angst romance fic, to me it's got plenty of romance. I guess I'm just a bit skew-wiff (how English was THAT, I can't even begin to explain what I mean to my overseas readers by that, sorry!) with my idea of what is romantic. For one thing you have Dee and Jo's love story, albeit tragic it was a love story, and for another I am more proud of the way I've been writing Ron and Hermione that anything I've ever done in Romance before. The need for each other despite not knowing each other, the fact that they were fated to still find each other despite all the circumstances that have befallen them, and the way I am going to wind this story up is my idea of a great love story._

_I think that's the kind of writer I am, I like the idea of the two great lovers being apart for so long, and I don't believe that Romance is defined by the two people actually being together...it's that they have to be._

_Thanks again to all who review, I never expected to get any interest for this fic after it got rejected by Checkmated twice before I came here. Either you guys all have bad taste or they're just stupid!_

**Chapter Thirty-Two - Lost Cause**

The tapping at the window had awaked Harry at around six thirty in the morning. He groped around for his glasses and blinked the sleep out of his eyes as he put them on. His owl, Hedwig, was at the window.

Harry heaved a sigh of weary resignation as he rolled out of bed and plodded over to the window.

"Don't think I don't know what this is for," he grumbled as he opened the window and let the large white owl flutter into his room and land with grace on his bed post, "I know you're smart enough to understand me when I said come around in the morning but not too early."

Hedwig blinked her huge amber eyes and hooted.

"You're a comedian you are. The crack of dawn and there you are with an innocent look on your face."

Harry continued his grumpy monologue while he closed the window and crossed the tiny room to his dresser.

"I'm sorry about the zoo ok? How many more times do I have to say it? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

Hedwig pulled out her chest and turned her back on him.

"Haven't owls ever heard of mitigating circumstances?" Harry smiled, he realised that despite her haughty facade she had still come to his room like he'd asked her to the night before.

He pulled the top draw of his dresser open and lifted out a clear plastic bag containing a small dead brown mouse.

"Mmmm…Tasty." Harry grinned as he lifted the mouse by its tail and dangled it before his owl's mesmerised eyes.

She snapped at the mouse and Harry chuckled, releasing it for her to devour in a quite revolting way.

"So d'you forgive me?" he asked as he extended his index finger to stroke her head.

She nipped at his finger quite forcefully but didn't draw blood. Harry thought that was as close as forgiven he was going to get right now and turned his attention back to the clear plastic bag in his hand. He shook it out and glanced around the room. His eyes passed over a toothbrush, a pen and a box of teabags before settling upon a can of Coke.

"Ah, perfect!"

He dropped the can into the bag and tied a loose knot in the top of it. Hedwig was watching him with curiosity and caution.

"Right, we need to start practicing something," he said to his owl; who somehow looked sceptical, an expression Harry didn't think an owl's face was able to form but there it was, "this is a very important job Hedwig. This is something I can only rely on you to pull off."

She hooted and shuffled a little on the bedpost.

"I'm going to ask you to do some very silly and pointless things at first but it's all leading toward the most important delivery you'll ever make. Do you understand?"

She jerked her head and hooted. Now she was looking inquisitive, what an emotional range this owl of his had Harry thought.

"I'm going to give you this can in this bag and ask you to fly around the block with it and then bring it back to me without damaging the bag."

Hedwig puffed out all of her feathers; he took that to mean she wasn't impressed.

"I need to know that you can carry a fragile bag without putting any tears in it. A bag protects this delivery because you can't touch whatever's inside. We just need to practice at being careful not to touch the can while you deliver it ok?"

Harry looked at his owl for a few seconds until she flapped her wings with impatience. He couldn't believe that he had just been waiting for her to roll her eyes at him.

ooo

Arthur hadn't slept well that night.

All he could see in his head was a white sheet being pulled back and Ron's dead eyes looking blankly up at him. He would wake up shivering despite the warmth of Molly snuggled into his chest. He hadn't seen his missing son dead on that man size metal tray that the muggle in a white coat had pulled out of a wall as if he was lost property. He had seen a young man with a similar hair colour, slightly stockier that Ron, and at least five years older than his boy. He hadn't thought it would be Ron. He never thought it for one minute. But for a split second when the blur of the pale skin and red hair had passed before his eyes it had been him.

He had grabbed Remus' arm for support and left it to poor Bill to tell the man in the white coat that this wasn't the person they were looking for. He couldn't believe it had come to this. When they had been searching for Harry there were plenty of sightings, not many genuine but they had somewhere to look all the same, since Ron had gone all they had was vague recollections from hospital staff who had seen about fifty other people that day and couldn't help them at all.

Ron had walked out of a hospital in London and vanished from both the wizarding and muggle worlds. He always was good at disappearing.

Thirteen years ago

"Get that off his head immediately!" Molly bellowed at her ever-mischievous twins as she caught them trying to force a beehive over Percy's ears.

"Aw mum, there are no bees in it." George whined.

"Yet." Fred had added with a wicked grin that Molly didn't miss for one second.

"Get inside now!" his wife barked, her face almost purple, "Ginny where's your brother?"

Ginny had been giggling at Fred and George's game, seconds before she had been crying over a grazed knee and the twins had been victimising their very favourite victim to distract her while Arthur had cleaned up the tiny scrape, and now she was beaming one of her wide smiles with no front teeth that Arthur completely adored. Ginny had pointed to Percy and Molly had warmed slightly before turning to scowl at the twins, a reminder that she was still livid on the inside.

"No Ginny dear, your other brother, where's he?"

Ginny's grin remained as she pointed to Fred who couldn't stop himself chuckling at his baby sister being deliberately difficult.

"No Ginny, come now you know who I mean, where's Ron?"

Ginny's eyes widened as if she'd just seen the most amazing of things and she threw her arms wide,

"Gone!"

"Gone?" Molly had repeated, her curiosity overriding her need to throw another scowl in the twins direction.

Ginny nodded with delight,

"Gone like magic!"

"Maybe he disaparateded." George sniggered.

Molly turned on him and said, in a low voice,

"You I don't want to hear a word from," Fred began to open his mouth when she rounded on him, "you too."

"It's alright dear," Arthur said from his spot, sitting beneath the Bramley apple tree that had provided them with so much delicious apple crumble over the years, "he'll turn up."

Molly had known that Arthur knew exactly where their youngest son was hiding and not to fret about him.

"Well you're probably right," she said, her mind at rest as she extended a hand to little Ginny, "come inside with us so I can clean up you poor knee."

Ginny bounded into her mothers arms and tried to throw her own tiny arms around her,

"Is all better, skidaddle fixed it."

Molly smiled at this, Ginny's pet name for her father was so adorable, and picked her little girl up and shooed the others back toward the Burrow.

Arthur sat and listened to the birdsong for a minute before calling up into the branches of the tree.

"You can come down now if you want."

There was a moment of silence before a voice from within the rustling leaves responded,

"I'm not up here."

Arthur tried not to laugh out loud,

"Up where?"

"In the tree."

"Oh well that's good, I'd be worried if you were up in the tree."

"Why?" the little voice sounded worried.

"Well it's nothing really I just wouldn't want you to be caught up in that spider web."

"What spider?" the panicked voice said as the sound of shoes scraping down the bark of the tree trunk let him know Ron was on his way down.

"I saw a huge one, its web was so big I saw a crow caught in it."

Ron thudded down onto the ground before his father and gasped,

"Really?"

Arthur nodded sincerely,

"There was nothing I could do for it, it was a goner."

Ron suddenly took devastated and Arthur realised he'd gone a little too far, Ron was a lot more empathetic that the twins and he sometimes forgot to be a little gentler with him as far as scare tactics were concerned.

"Fortunately this flying pig looking thing with crooked antlers swooped down and saved it just in time."

Ron looked impressed,

"You saw a crumple-horned snorkack? Wow!"

Arthur laughed,

"A crumpled what?"

"They exist," Ron protested indignantly, "Fred and George saw one and tried to shoot it down but I stopped them."

"You did?"

His son nodded proudly,

"I threw a rock at the back of Fred's head."

Arthur narrowed his eyes, enjoying playing this little game with his boy,

"I thought you said you didn't do that?"

Ron suddenly looked panicked again and his eyes darted around looking for somebody to take the blame for him,

"I didn't."

"You did or you didn't?"

"I didn't." Ron said firmly.

"Who do you think did then?"

In a very theatrical way Ron whispered behind his hand,

"I think it was George."

"Why do you think he would do that?"

Ron was again speechless, not used to delivering convincing lies yet and Arthur decided to let him off the hook.

"So why were you hiding?"

"Ginny." was Ron's one word answer.

His two youngest were inseparable all their lives to date but Ron was beginning to tire of her constant companionship and was now trying to become one of the older boys.

"Oh well that's not nice, she was looking for you."

"She's always looking for me!" Ron said as he sat beneath the tree next to his father, "She's always following me and copying me, she won't leave me alone."

He smiled and ruffled his son's scruffy hair,

"That's because she thinks you're brilliant."

Ron looked as if this was the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard,

"If she thinks I'm so brilliant why is she annoying me?"

"She's not following you around to annoy you Ron, she follows you because she wants to be wherever you are. You're her favourite brother."

Ron grumbled, this was one of the hardest things in the world for Arthur not to laugh at, Ron had the most amusing disgruntled expression and it only made it worse to laugh at him.

"I wish she could choose someone else to be her favourite for a change."

"No you wouldn't, you'd be jealous if she turned her attentions to one of the others."

"I wouldn't."

"Wouldn't you?"

"No." Ron folded his arms in a way that reminded Arthur of Molly's look of resolve when they were having an argument.

"So you don't mind that Fred and George were just making her laugh and forget about her bad knee?"

"No." his voice seemed less certain this time.

Arthur smiled and put his arm around the small shoulders and pulled Ron into him. They sat and watched a caterpillar crawling up a branch of the tree for a minute or two.

"Watch out for the spider." Ron called out to it, his empathy on his sleeve once more, he hated to see anything get hurt.

"I follow you everywhere as well you know?" Arthur said softly.

Ron looked up at him and frowned,

"No you don't."

He nodded,

"Oh yes I do, I follow you wherever you go," he lifted his arm from Ron's shoulders momentarily to point to his face, "with my eyes."

"Why, am I your favourite too?"

"I don't have favourites Ron. I just watch you for the same reason Ginny wants to spend all her time with you. You're interesting."

His bewildered face broke into a smile,

"I am?"

"Very interesting, I would watch you all day if I didn't have to go to work, Ginny's lucky enough to spend all day with you and see all the interesting things you do."

Ron almost forgot to be grumpy...almost.

"But she always gets her way 'cause she's the baby and the girl." he said the words baby and girl as if they were both associated with unpleasant odours.

"She doesn't always get her way surely?"

"She does!" Ron said adamantly, "When we only have one bramble lollypop left and lots of all the other flavours she gets to choose first and she always picks it so I have to have loganberry."

"Did you never think that she picks it because she knows it's your favourite and she wants to be just like you?"

"But she's not being just like me. If she was just like me she'd always get the second choice of everything."

"Ron," Arthur said seriously, "you have five older brothers. Are you telling me you get second choice?"

Ron chuckled at this and Arthur felt very pleased with himself. They fell silent again for a while until Ron suddenly sat bolt upright.

"The caterpillar's gone!"

"Oh him, I saw him turn around and head back home, he heard your warning about the spider."

Ron looked very proud of himself,

"Good."

Fred and George had just been chased out into the garden by their mother and ordered to start de-gnomeing and Ginny skipped out soon afterwards and headed back to where she'd last seen Ron. Ron groaned on seeing her approach.

"See," Arthur smiled, "she missed you. She was only away from you long enough to get her knee fixed."

Ron frowned,

"Was it alright?"

"Was what alright?"

"Her knee." Ron said as he tried to sink low out of view the closer his sister got to them, "I was going to come down when I saw her fall but then Fred and George came and looked after her."

Arthur smiled at his boy, who was now almost laying flat on his back to avoid getting in his sister's line of sight, and marvelled at how wonderful all of his children were. No matter how they were getting along at the time they were always going to be looking out for each other.

"Her knee wasn't that bad, just a scratch."

Ginny had seen that her father was talking to somebody and ran the last few feet over to them, Ron's shoulders slumped at being discovered.

"You found him!" she squealed.

"I was here all the time." Ron said, once again choosing to lie in the most refutable way possible.

Ginny was awestruck though,

"Invisible!" she gasped.

Ron shook his head wearily and cast a sideways glance at his father who was finding this all greatly entertaining.

"What have you got there Ginny?" Arthur asked as he saw her chubby hands each clutching a purple and a lilac lollypop.

"I got a lolly for being brave and I got one for Ron for being invisible."

Arthur understood why she drove his youngest son so crazy but at times like these he just couldn't get enough of his little girls enthusiasm for him.

"I wasn't invisible," Ron sighed, "what flavours have you got anyway?"

"I got bamble..." she said as she held out the purple lollypop.

"Bramble!" Ron corrected her with annoyance.

"...And loganbee." she beamed as she held out the lilac coloured lollypop in her other hand.

Ron gave a tut and didn't even bother to correct her this time. He just held out his hand half-heartedly and mumbled,

"Thanks."

Ginny put one of the lollypops into Ron's hand and he began to open it with resignation before realising he had the bramble flavoured one. He looked up at his sister as if she had made a mistake in giving it to him.

"I thought you liked these ones."

She was clumsily struggling with the wrapping around her own lollypop as she nodded and shrugged,

"It's your turn to have it, you had the yucky one last time."

Ron frowned at her,

"It's not yucky it's just not as good."

Ginny was still tugging at her stubborn wrapper and Arthur watched his son's internal thoughts play across his face as clearly as if he were reading them in a book.

"Do you think Loganberry is yucky?" Ron asked his sister.

"Is too..." Ginny pulled her mouth tight in a way that reminded Arthur of the time she had decided to eat a lemon as if it were an orange.

Ron laughed at her funny face and took the lollypop from her and unwrapped it. She held out her hand to take it back but Ron handed her back the purple lollypop instead.

"This your one." she said as she tried to give it back to him.

"I like this one, I want to swap with you, besides it's my favourite." Ron said, telling the first convincing lie Arthur had ever seen him deliver.

Oh dear, Arthur smiled to himself; it would all be downhill from here.

Arthur snapped out of his trip down memory lane when he heard Molly's voice beside him,

"Come back to sleep Arthur."

He snuggled into his wife's warm body and sighed his response to her despite her already having gone back to sleep herself.

"Yes dear."

As he closed his eyes he wondered exactly when it had been that he had let Ron out of his sight for good.

ooo

"No…Listen to me I didn't get you to keep it in the bag all the way just to take it out and pick it up when you land you stupid bird!"

Hedwig took that to mean that practice was over and dropped the can down onto the floor and flapped her wings to glide her over to the window ledge. She began tapping at the glass.

"Oh sorry, I am sorry, I know this is hard to understand the point of. Please don't go."

Harry's owl hooted with impatience and tapped the glass again.

"I'll let you go back home in a minute I promise."

He approached the owl and gently stroked her back, which she kept facing him.

"You remember my friend Ron don't you?"

Hedwig turned her head and her large eyes stared into his own and blinked once.

"I don't, nothing at all, but I'm told he was my best friend so I want to meet him. Then there's the Weasleys Hedwig, you like them don't you?"

She gave a soft hoot.

"So do I. They miss him. Even if he was going to be nothing but a casual acquaintance to me I'd still want him back for them. They're scared he might die y'know?"

Hedwig turned around fully and clicked her beak.

"Think of your little friend Pig, I know he annoys you but you wouldn't want him to be without his master would you?"

She was trying to fathom out what Harry wanted from her.

"I have a way to bring him back but you have to find him and give him...a key, a key back home, and when he touches it we'll get him back. But if you touch it you'll come back instead." Harry closed his eyes and let out a deep sigh, "I hope you can understand all this."

He opened his eyes as he felt Hedwig gently nip his finger. He smiled at her and stroked the feathers around her neck.

"We'll take a break until tomorrow shall we? Try to let me sleep in if you can. Go back to Grimmauld Place and have some breakfast and I'll see you at dinner. I'll bring you a treat for your patience."

Hedwig hooted with contentment at this idea and swooped down to the can in its bag on the floor. She picked it up and carried it to Harry's dresser where she set it down. Then she tore open the bag and flew back to Harry with it, letting the can topple out and settle, untouched, on the dresser. She landed back on the window ledge and dropped the empty bag on Harry's lap.

"Wow you did it!" he smiled, impressed, "Well done girl."

He slid the window up and let her hop out and give one last hoot before flying away. Harry watched her until she merged into a flock of birds in the distance and was gone.

All they needed to do now was work out how of earth an owl could convince a specific person to pick up, what was essentially, a piece of rubbish on the street.

"Easy" Harry smiled.

ooo


	34. Nice Dream

**Chapter Thirty-Three - Nice Dream**

The door swung open before him and he seemed to glide into the room where the figure of his dead friend hung before him. She swayed slightly from side to side. He tried to run to her but his feet didn't seem to be on the ground, he wasn't really there at all it seemed, and he tried to shout for help but he had no voice. All he could do was watch her swing back and forth in time to the ticking of an unseen clock. She was like a human pendulum.

He couldn't look away, he was trapped with death and there was no escape. The ticking grew louder until it echoed inside his head, pounding within his skull and he felt cold fingers crawling up his back but couldn't turn around to see who it was.

Then the ticking stopped. The silence wasn't welcome, it was terrifying, and then the chime of a bell tolling shook him to the bones as the head of purple hair that had been lolling on the hanging figure's chest snapped up and the face of his friend grinned a wickedly mischievous grin and whispered,

"Boo!"

He jumped as the word came from her blue lips, her steel grey eyes were now a frosty white, and she winked at him.

"Time's up." she smiled.

He looked down at his arms as the scars ripped themselves open and the ugly gashes began to pour with his fresh blood. His eyes darted back up to his friend who was no longer smiling; she was looking at him as if she had a very important message that he had to understand.

"Un-clean" she said as she and the room around her rushed away from him in a blur and his eyes snapped open.

He was awake.

Ron was breathless as he tried to regain his composure. He was sitting on the floor in the hallway with his back resting against Dee's closed door. After Rayner had coaxed him out of Jo's room he had gone back to his own, still clutching her pillow, and refused to come out. He didn't even come out to eat. The more painful thing was that he wouldn't let Ron in.

Ron had sat at his door and read the newspaper to him and then tried to make conversation but that was a tough thing for him to do seeing as the one person he couldn't mention to Dee was present in every memory and life experience they'd ever had. It was as if they had their memories wiped all over again, all they knew was the last thing they could talk about.

Ron had obviously dozed off during this prolonged period of silence and been plagued by another one of his nightmares. Jo was in this one though. He rubbed his face roughly with both hands. He couldn't stand the nightmares before but now she was in them too...and she had said what his subconscious had people saying to him in every dream he ever remembered having.

"Un-clean"

He would bleed all over again and a face, familiar or otherwise, would tell him he was unclean. He didn't understand what he was supposed to make of that. Did he think he was soiled in some way? Was he dirty? Death seemed to be pointing out that he was a blemish on life and now Jo _was_ death.

He was so tired. He wished he could sleep. He wished he could just shut down and be blank, no dreams...no nightmares...just rest.

He didn't want the sedative that Rayner kept offering him though. He was worried that he wouldn't be able to wake up from his nightmares if he took that stuff, he would be trapped in them until it wore off.

Death would win.

No, that wasn't really true was it?

Death was winning.

ooo

Obiit.

Hermione saw the word written on a brick wall in front of her, but the wall wasn't in front of her anymore, the bricks were rearranging themselves to form an opening and she stepped through and found herself facing another brick wall. This wall was daubed with the word Obiit too, in blood red letters, blood red or blood? As she leaned in closer the wall opened up like the one before and the word disappeared with the movement of the shuffling bricks.

She saw it again and again, the wall with that word on it every time. She knew what the word meant but she didn't know what it _meant_. Why had somebody written over and over again on the wall that somebody had died? Who had died? Was this their blood? The walls just kept on appearing and opening on and on until she shouted out with frustration.

"Stop!"

The wall ahead of her opened up and she could see another wall beyond it with Obiit dripping down the brickwork as if it had been freshly written. She wasn't going to do this forever, she was going to turn back the way she had come, and she refused to be curious about the identity of the dead person.

She turned around and saw that the wall had sealed itself once she had passed through it. She also saw that there was more crimson writing daubed on this side of the wall too.

Aeternum vale.

"Farewell forever?" she translated aloud to herself, her face forming a frown.

"Is this a memorial?" she found herself calling out to nobody in particular.

The wall began to open, both of them, the one behind her and the one ahead. Then all the walls she had passed through whirled open and she turned around to see all the ones that had been ahead of her were also parting one by one. Figures were walking through the archways soon enough and gradually approaching her. They all seemed to be wearing robes of some sort. She looked around for an exit but every way out was blocked by more oncoming figures.

The closest, a woman with deep wrinkles, seemed to be cowering before Hermione in awe.

"He's really dead is he?"

"Who?" Hermione asked as she backed away from the woman as she held out a bony hand and began to curl her long fingers around her wrist.

"He died." the woman smiled, her eyes wide with hope.

Figures who were almost upon them now heard this and began to gasp

"It's true."

"He died!" the woman said again, her voice almost giddy with joy now, "You killed him!"

Hermione pulled her arm away from the woman and began to panic,

"I didn't kill anybody."

"Helluo librorum, you did your part." the woman smiled.

She was both terrified and annoyed at the woman now,

"Who are you calling a bookworm? You don't even know me."

"I do" said a familiar voice from behind her.

Her breath caught in her throat as she spun around to see him, he had come back, the voice that had annoyed her so much and teased her. The person who had hidden her book from her and then laughed when she found it's pages blank. She'd been looking for him in her dreams; she wanted to argue with him, she needed to put him in his place.

There was nobody there. Nobody anywhere. Even the woman who had been right in front of her was gone without making a sound. She didn't care about the robed figures, she wanted to know who that voice belonged to she wanted to see him. Why was he always hiding from her?

"Show yourself." She yelled, her voice echoed back at her.

For a very long time she could see and hear nothing but the open walls and her own breathing until she felt a hand resting on her shoulder and the warm breath of a whisper in her ear.

"Why did you leave me?"

Hermione spun around. There was nobody there. Then she woke up.

She pushed her hair back from her face and blinked away her confusion. The last words she had heard in her dream were still ringing in her ears.

"I'm sorry Ron." she sighed.

Then she flinched. Ron? It was, it was Ron's voice in her head, and he had needed her. What had she done?

"Oh my God," she gasped as she remembered the first part of her dream again.

Obiit - He died.

ooo

"Dee can you please say something to me?" Ron called through his friend's still closed door.

As was the way since he had hidden away in his room there was no answer. Ron let out a silent sigh as he set the plates he was carrying down on the floor. He knocked and listened for any response.

"I bought you some dinner. You don't have to come out or anything, I'll just hand it to you if you open the door a crack."

He bit his lip and listened for a grunt or any sign of movement.

"I'm not trying to trick you or anything, there's no one out here with me I swear, it's just me and a really tempting curry. I'll waft it under the crack in the door if you like."

Ron knelt down and fanned the plate with his hands.

"Smell that mate? Nice ain't it?"

He listened, still nothing.

"I hope you don't think I was just saying that to make you laugh, I really did do it y'know?"

"Go away Ron." a rough but low voice answered at last.

"No."

He listened again but Dee was definitely not going to engage him in conversation.

"I promise you there's nobody else out here, there isn't anybody hiding around the corner ready to pounce as soon as you open the door, I just want you to eat something."

"You haven't." the muffled voice replied with defiance.

Ron looked down at his own full plate,

"No and I won't unless you do."

There was a long pause before Dee's voice spoke again, sounding a lot closer than it had before.

"I don't want to see anyone."

Ron lowered his head.

"Am I just anyone?"

Dee was right against the door now, his voice loud and clear,

"You know you're not, don't start down that road...not you too."

"Sorry Dee, I just want..."

"Stop worrying about how I am and take care of yourself ok?"

Ron began to gnaw on the inside of his lip again, he had done it so often now that he thought he might actually be getting a scar, and he thought about what to do next. He knew he wasn't going to leave Dee to stew and he knew that he couldn't trust himself to be alone right now either; eventually an idea came to him.

"Right Dee, my arse is getting numb sitting on this hard floor all day so I'm going to go down to the day room and get myself a chair. I'll leave our plates here ok?"

He listened, still nothing.

"So while I'm gone this hallway will be completely deserted and you can open the door a few inches and take your dinner inside. How's that?"

There was still no answer. Ron took a step away from Dee's door.

"So I'm going now, don't let anybody steal my food."

Ron walked with the heaviest footsteps he could manage so Dee would be able to hear that he really was going. He turned the corner and broke into a run. He ran all the way to the day room and skidded to a halt at the first chair he saw, a brown plastic one, and picked it up. He headed back to the hallway he had just left and approached as noisily as he could. As he neared Dee's door he saw that there was only one plate outside now. He smiled and set down his chair.

"Bon appetit." he called through the door to the predictably non-responsive Dee with a relieved smile.

He bent down and picked up his plate and set it on his lap. He ate for the first time since that horrible morning and hoped that Dee was doing the same. He took a mouthful and swallowed it down.

"Oh marvellous, it's gone bloody cold now!" he grumbled.

Very briefly he could have sworn he heard Dee chuckle at that.

ooo


	35. Head Above Water

_A/N No offence was taken Kami1, I just wanted to explain that I'm not the kind of writer who is able to write 30-odd chapters about Ron and Hermione being together and happy, I'd find that so boring!_

_Welcome to all the new names and all the others who have been suffering technical problems with this site...touchwood my alerts have sorted themselves out now._

**Chapter Thirty-Four - Head Above Water**

Harriet had set up a nice little camp for Ron outside Dee's door over the last couple of days. She brought him an upholstered armchair to replace the hard plastic one he had taken from the day room. She had also brought his pillow and duvet for him so he could sleep there at night. Rayner had not really approved of his vigil but she couldn't persuade him to give up and let her try to coax Dee back out into the real world so she had backed down enough to tell him she would leave them to work through their grief in their own way as long as hygiene, nourishment and sleep weren't neglected while they did.

Well Ron had seen to the nourishment side of things, He would go to the refectory to pick up their meals and Dee would go to the bathroom while he was gone. Then Ron would return and set Dee's food outside the door and go for a short walk, giving Dee enough time to open his door and take in the plate. Ron assumed that Dee was sleeping, as there wasn't much else he could be doing in a room with nothing but a bed in it and he never heard any sounds through the door after about eleven o'clock at night.

Ron would close his eyes but he tried not to drift off as he was seeing Jo more and more now. Jo and his wrists ripping open and being told he was unclean over and over again...sometimes he couldn't fight the sleep anymore and he would find himself back in that nightmare until he forced himself to wake up again and found himself trembling and sweating, his knees pulled up beneath his chin as he was curled up in the chair.

He had been woken by the sound of a girl screaming his name inside his head at around five thirty and decided that it was as good a time as any to go and run himself a bath. Dee was asleep, nobody else was around to look at him with sad eyes and ask him how he was holding up, he liked it when he was the only person awake. It felt like he had nobody to bother or worry him, he could go where he pleased and never have to justify anything to anyone. He liked it when there was nobody else but him.

As he lay back in the warm bath he suddenly remembered the dream that Jo had confided in them that time after her session with Rayner. She was alone and wandering around, not passing by another living soul, and thoroughly enjoying the feeling. He understood that now. It worried and comforted him at the same time. He was worried that his mind and hers were on the same page most of the time and it comforted him that he really did understand her after all...she hadn't been a total stranger.

He reached for the bottle of non-generic shampoo; he shook his head at the idea of a clinic like this bulk buying Latvian liquid soap to save money, and worked it into a lava in his hair. His hair was getting really shaggy now, he thought about getting it all cut off like Dee's but then realised how odd it would look to see them both walking down the street with skinheads. Old women would attack them with their umbrellas. Skinheads had a very bad reputation as thugs and Ron had seen the way some people felt intimidated when Dee had made eye contact with them as he passed by. Maybe he'd just stay scruffy he thought. It felt in keeping with his character after all.

He dunked his head under the water and shook the suds out of his hair when he thought he heard something, a muffled echo that sounded just like his name. He broke the surface of the warm water again and rubbed his eyes. He looked around the bathroom and saw nothing, and then he listened again.

"Ron?" the voice echoed through the door again and this time Ron could make out who it belonged to.

"Dee?"

"Are you ok?" Dee's voice sounded worried.

"Yeah I'm just, y'know, taking a bath. What are you doing up at this time?"

"What are you doing taking a bath at this time?" Dee _was_ worried about something and he sounded kind of angry too.

"Well I thought you were asleep so I'd be ok to leave you for a little while. I asked you first though, what are you doing up Dee? Bad dream?"

"Something and nothing..." Dee seemed to mumble.

"Ok." Ron said warily before deciding to point out that something big had just happened as far as Dee's recovery was concerned, "Um Dee?"

"Yeah?"

"You're out of your room."

"Yeah." the voice said through the door.

Ron frowned, would they only be able to talk through doors from now on or was this just a coincidence?

Ron had been sitting in the bathtub painfully still and really needed to fidget a little but he didn't want to make any splashing noises and break the spell of Dee actually conversing with him at last. He couldn't take it anymore and sat up straight, the sound of the shifting water echoing around the walls of the bathroom.

"Ron?" Dee asked, sounding very nervous.

"What is it?"

"Nothing, I was just checking."

The frown lines ironed out of his face as he began to understand what was going on in his friend's head.

"Dee did you think I was..." Ron began but Dee suddenly let out a tidal wave of words, interrupting him before he could even begin.

"It's pathetic really. I just woke up and I called through the door for you and you didn't answer so I opened it a bit to see if you were sleeping, you sleep sometimes don't you? Anyway I looked and you weren't there and you're always there so I didn't know what had happened to you and I had a bit of a panic attack. I know; how sad is that? I'm so needy its not even funny. I'm just so messed up that I can't hold myself together unless I know that my best friend's sleeping in a chair outside my door. That's just mental isn't it? That's not right. I'm clearly going insane."

"Dee," Ron tried to interrupt the flow, "take a breath, and calm down mate."

It was as if Ron hadn't even spoken,

"I can't believe that I'm such a wreck now that I expect that of you all the time, I expect you to live outside my door despite the fact I won't even talk to you or look at you and I'm just such a nut-job right now I can't think why you haven't just opened the door and dragged me out. I mean it's not as if the doors in this place lock do they?"

"Dee?" Ron called over the verbal diarrhoea.

"How disturbing is that though Ron? That I felt sick because I didn't know where you were and wandered the halls looking for you. Something's not right about that. Something's not right about me."

"Dee!" Ron called again, much firmer than the last time.

"Sorry."

"Did you think...?" Ron couldn't bring himself to say it, "When you used to sit outside the bathroom talking to Jo, was it just that you couldn't get enough of her company or was there something else as well?"

There was no response.

"Did you do it to keep her talking Dee?" Ron pressed on, determined to get to the bottom of this.

"I just wanted to be sure that...you were really just having a bath." his voice sounded so ashamed at the admission.

Ron felt himself shiver despite the bath water still being comfortingly warm around his body,

"Dee I'm not going to drown myself. I swear I won't."

"I...I didn't mean to..."

"I promise." Ron said, his eyes boring into the closed door, willing his friend to believe him.

"It's just that you two were so similar." Dee said, a quiver in his voice as he spoke now.

"I am not going to drown myself in the bath and I am not going to hang myself from the light fitting, I am not going to do that Dee."

Ron listened carefully and thought he heard a small sound on the other side of the door, something that sounded like sniffing; he strained his ears and heard a soft whimpering.

"They've changed all the light fixtures anyway." Ron found himself saying with the most inappropriate and uncontrollable flippancy that he surprised even himself.

"That's not funny!" Dee hissed, his voice uneven but clearly angry.

"I'm sorry, I don't know why I said...I'm sorry Dee."

There was a louder sound coming through the door now, Dee was weeping and Ron was naked and in a bath, there wasn't a hell of a lot he could really do to help his friend right now.

"Dee why don't you go back to your room, or the day room? That's a better idea, go to the day room and set up the chess set..."

_Damn! _

There was nothing they could do that didn't remind them of Jo. She had bought the bloody chess set. Dee had been with her when she bought the bloody chess set. There was nothing either of them could think of to do that wouldn't remind them of their happy times with Jo.

"I'm crap at chess." Dee's broken voice sighed.

"Well practice makes perfect." Ron struggled to keep control of this situation.

"You never practiced and you're already perfect."

"Well fate has to give me something doesn't it? Have you forgotten the time I tried to change channels on the TV with Rayner's mobile phone?"

Dee almost laughed.

There was another long uncomfortable silence and Ron struggled not to freak Dee out by making another splashing sound. Eventually Dee spoke again. His voice sounded as if he had been attempting to pull himself together, though he still sounded clearly upset.

"Her pillow lost its smell."

"Huh?" Ron blinked as he tried to keep up with his best friend's state of mind.

"Jo's pillow. It just smells of me now. She's completely gone for good."

"Yeah she has."

"I know you tried to distract me while they were doing it by playing the radio that time but I heard the orderlies clearing out her room. It's empty now isn't it?"

Ron's heart contracted in his chest,

"Yeah. They even took her bed away; there are just empty walls in there now. I think Rayner did it for us. To make us let go of her."

Another long pause followed.

"Thank you for keeping me company all this time." Dee said quietly.

"You're welcome."

"Listen you're probably...shrivelling-up so I'm gonna...I'll go and wait in the day room for you. I'll see you in a little while yeah?"

"Yeah cool. Oh and Dee?"

"What is it?"

"Make us a cup of tea on your way would ya?" Ron waited for a response, biting his bottom lip between his teeth.

"I'll see if I can nick some biscuits as well." came his response.

Ron smiled and allowed himself to move in the water again, knowing that the sounds wouldn't worry Dee anymore. As Dee's footsteps grew fainter Ron lay back in the tub again and thought to himself.

_Was he really just like Jo?_

ooo


	36. Play Dead

**Chapter Thirty Five - Play Dead**

Hermione had got to night school early to use their sparse library. Not for the books, however, but to gain access to the Internet. She had to find out if anything had happened to Ron.

Beachy Head. That was where he was when he had called. The nearest town was Eastbourne and she thought that there must be a few local news websites for the area that she could look through to find out if anybody had died recently. Maybe she would find something at the department of Births Deaths and Marriages she thought as she tapped away on the keyboard. She didn't have a last name for him, she hoped he had meant it when he told her that Ron was his real name, and found herself accessing is list of names that she found alarmingly long.

What date had she last spoken to him? She had to remember and then look through every death from that date until now. God this was morbid. She was frantically searching for a name on a list that she really didn't want to find there. Would it be a good sign if she didn't find any Rons had died recently? What would she do if several Rons had died? Why was she so shaken up by a stupid dream for heaven's sake?

She searched the list for the first week she hadn't heard anything from him, nothing; then the second week; again nothing. She searched every single death up until the previous night and still no Rons. Well there was one actually but he was in his seventies so she was pretty confident that it wasn't her Ron.

_Her Ron? _

That was right. He was her responsibility and she would track him down if it killed her. She had tried to push the thought of him aside but that had only worked for so long. Mistakes can be corrected couldn't they? How far away was Eastbourne from Leamington Spa anyway?

She left the morbid web pages and went to the British Rail journey planner site. There she found out that she could get a train into Paddington and then get the tube to Victoria station where she could get a direct train to Eastbourne. She thought for a moment. If she was going to have to get off the train in London anyway she might as well go and visit her parents for the day before setting out on the second half of her journey. That would be nice. She missed them both and she was still quite curious about this person her father had mentioned on the telephone that she just _had_ to meet.

She looked up the ticket prices and made a note on the back page of her Latin workbook before gathering her things and setting off to class.

She would have to work out a time in between classes and her shifts at the Samaritans that she would be able to go on her ill-advised little journey. She'd need to call her father and arrange for him to pick her up from Paddington station too. She knew that this wasn't professional behaviour but she also felt a thrill at the idea of having change of routine at last. She passed a couple of older students who were discussing their plans for the half term break and realised that she had a week before her own class broke up for a week on Friday. That would be perfect. She could go to her parents' house for Saturday and Sunday and then leave for the coast on Monday morning to go and search for Ron's hospital.

_"It's not a hospital, it's a clinic." _

She remembered what Ron had said to her that time. Right, she needed to find a clinic in the Eastbourne area for head trauma or psychological evaluation, some kind of treatment facility for Ron's problems. That shouldn't be too hard should it? So by Monday afternoon she would be meeting Ron face to face and she would be able to apologise for her mistake personally and maybe get to know the voice she had missed so much; the voice that had managed to penetrate her subconscious as well as her conscious thoughts. She would meet Ron. Her Ron.

It was Monday evening now. By this time next week she would known what had happened to him. She would have found him and everything would be better for both of them. He wasn't dead. That was just a silly dream about graffiti on walls.

As she pushed the door to her Latin class open and stepped inside she felt an unfamiliar buzz of excitement inside. She had something to look forward to. It was a good feeling.

ooo

Ginny watched Harry. He didn't know she was watching him or that she had been watching him for over an hour now, and he carried on with his strange behaviour completely oblivious to her scrutiny.

He was up to something. She already knew that. In fact she had already worked out most of what was going on in her ex-boyfriend's head recently, that was one of the bonuses of knowing him better than he knew himself, she could tell when a plan was brewing.

He had found a portkey and was trying to re create Hermione's cedo malori charm so that he could be taken to Ron, that's what she thought anyway, but this odd little scene with Hedwig on the green in Grimmauld Place was puzzling. Why on earth were the two of them concentrating so hard on an empty butterbeer bottle in a brown paper bag for Merlin's sake?

The routine seemed to be as follows; Harry would give the bag containing the empty bottle to Hedwig who would fly over the nearby park, turn and fly back and land at the feet of a Weasley, any Weasley it seemed, and pull at the bag with her beak until the bottle rolled out onto the ground in front of them. Then she would flutter up to their face and start acting in a very un-Hedwig like manner.

With Charlie she had beaten him around the sides of the face with her wings until he had grabbed her out of the air and examined her for some kind of injury. Being Charlie he seemed to have thought that any animal must be in some distress to be acting so out of character like that. He had been worried enough to try to take her into the house for closer examination before Harry had rushed over and claimed his owl back with some pathetically fake explanation for her little performance. The two of them had waited for him to go inside the house before Harry reached into his pocket to give Hedwig a treat for being roughed up by a concerned Charlie and then they began all over again.

Percy had his glasses plucked off of his face and dropped on top of the bottle but all that achieved was Percy stumbling around until he walked into a lamp post. Ginny had to laugh at that although Harry had seemed very annoyed that Percy hadn't done what was expected of him.

Her mother had come out of the house to help a dazed and confused Percy into the house while summoning the glasses to her with a quick summoning charm. This annoyed Harry further.

What on earth was he trying to get them to do?

Next up were the twins. Fred had yelped with the shock of Hedwig landing on his head and digging her claws into his scalp while George simply doubled up with laughter as the owl tried in vain to retain her balance on her thrashing perch and empty the bottle out of her bag. The bag tore and the bottle fell out and knocked the owl off of Fred's head, causing considerably more amusement to George in the process, while Harry dropped his head into his hands and looked thoroughly disappointed though slightly amused himself now.

Their mother had bounded out of the house and started to bemoan the behaviour of Harry's normally dignified owl while examining Fred's bloodied scalp.

"She's off her bloody rocker!" Fred had exclaimed when his mother had asked what he thought was troubling the owl enough to begin attacking the family in such a way.

"Language Fred!" she said as she shoved him toward the house, "Get inside and let me clean that up."

She had turned around to try and capture Hedwig but the snowy owl had taken off with the bottle in her claws and flown back to Harry's point of observation behind a hedge on the far side of the green.

"What are you up to Potter?" Ginny muttered as she watched Him reaching into his back pocket and withdrawing a plastic bag and placing the bottle inside before sending Hedwig out after a brief set of instructions and causing havoc all over again.

The targets seemed to have changed from just the Weasley family members now. Hedwig had next emptied the bottle from the bag at the feet of a milkman before pecking him in the ankle until he aimed a kick at her and she flew away looking quite offended.

Then a small child was presented with the bottle at her feet but all she had eyes for was the beautiful white birdie and Hedwig had to abort that attempt.

Finally Lupin came walking along the road with Mad Eye Moody and a silver haired Tonks and Hedwig simply dive bombed the three of them, hitting Lupin on the side of the head with the bottle, still inside the bag, before it fell to the pavement and smashed.

"Wasn't that Potter's owl?" Moody asked, his magical eye swivelling around every inch of the sky while the real one focused upon Lupin's bewildered face.

"I believe it was." he replied as he rubbed the side of his head.

Tonks was shocked,

"Did Hedwig just bottle you in the face Remus?"

"I believe she did." Lupin said as he stared at her, still somewhat shocked at the airborne attack.

"I didn't think owls went through phases of teenage hooliganism," she said as she struggled not to chuckle.

"Oh go ahead Nymphadora, laugh at my persecution by the animal kingdom, I don't mind." he smiled back at her.

"You are the animal kingdom that's why." she said as she pulled his hand away to examine the side of his face, "There's not even a mark yer big baby!"

"Come on," Moody grunted, "our awareness of our surroundings are becoming lax. Even I didn't see that owl coming. We shouldn't let our guard down just because we live in a better world now. There's still plenty to threaten us."

"Like big white owls drunk on butterbeer?" Tonks asked with a great deal of sarcasm.

"Get inside while I patrol the area." Moody ordered.

Tonks was about to say something else before Lupin grabbed her arm and pulled her inside the house, leaving Moody to set off around the green.

Ginny glanced over to Harry's hiding place and realised that he and Hedwig had gone. They couldn't continue their practice now that they had attacked tow aurors so it looked as it they had thrown in the towel for the day. Ginny still didn't quite understand what the point of all this bottle in a bag and assaulting passers by routine was in aid of but she was going to watch Harry very closely from now on.

Not that she didn't watch him already of course.

ooo

_Billposters will be prosecuted_

Hermione read the official looking sign that had been plastered onto a wall that was papered with all sorts of flyers for underground clubs and local bands tour dates. Her eyes glanced down at the spray painted graffiti that somebody had scrawled beneath this sign.

_Bill Posters is innocent!_

She found herself laughing out loud at this. What a simpleton she must look, she thought without really caring all that much, standing alone at a bus stop and howling with laughter at a wall.

"Oh my God!" she suddenly exclaimed as a thought occurred to her.

This was just like her dream, only with something funny written on the wall rather than something horrid, maybe this was what her dream was about. Maybe it was a premonition dream that didn't really mean anything at all. She felt a little disappointed with her own subconscious. Other people had premonition dreams about major catastrophes and she gets a premonition dream about localised vandalism. She rolled her eyes and shook her head at this realisation.

_How typical of her life so far eh?_

Then she felt a little ripped-off. She had just made some very wild and spontaneous plans to go off in search of Ron based on that dream and now she finds out that the dream was utterly meaningless? Well what did that mean for the plans she had just made? The plans she was so excited about?

She set her jaw with determination and told herself that it made no difference at all, she was still going through with her ill-conceived idea and that was that.

She stared at the graffiti before her and remembered the blood red words she had read on the walls in her dream.

_Obiit_

Her eyebrows shot up so high that they almost disappeared into her hair.

"Maybe somebody called Bill Posters died!" she said with wonder at another possible interpretation of her bizarre dream.

"Excuse me?" a middle aged woman asked as she leaned around the corner of the bus shelter to see who Hermione had been talking to.

"Oh sorry," Hermione stammered, "I was just thinking aloud. Sorry."

Oh great, she thought, laughing at walls and now talking to walls...no wonder she didn't have any friends!

ooo

_A/N Unfortunately the Bill Posters gag isn't mine but I do love it so much credit goes to whoever it was who wrote that particular piece of genius wordplay in London. I bow before a greater talent than my own!_


	37. Smile Like You Mean It

**Chapter Thirty-Six - Smile Like You Mean It**

"I was thinking that, as so many of us were affected by what happened last week with Joanne, we should have a special group session to talk out our feelings." the mediator said, sounding like such a wet blanket that Ron wanted to smother her.

He and Dee were sitting in a circle with Harriet, the black spiky haired guy from their usual group, some attention seeker who had just happened by Jo's room while Ron and Rayner had been trying to resuscitate her and claimed to be suffering from post traumatic stress disorder and Rayner who was looking at the mediator as if she thought that this group session was one of the worst ideas she had ever heard of in her entire career.

"So Tony do you want to start?" the mediator prompted with a sickly smile.

Tony, yes that was his name, slumped and replied,

"Ok I'll start by asking why I am always the one used to get the ball rolling in these sessions and once I do nobody even looks at me until it's over. I wonder if you're even listening to me now." he looked at the mediator's simpering smile, "you're not are you?"

"Tony," Rayner leant forward, "don't worry about getting a response from her, if you want to talk to the group the group will listen."

The mediator's smile faltered as she cast her eyes over to Rayner and said,

"Mediator Rayner, I believe that _I'm_ running this particular session."

Rayner's gaze narrowed as she replied harshly,

"I think you'll find that I'm a doctor not a mediator, you see I graduated."

Ron sniggered and both Rayner and the mediator turned on his as if expecting him to be beating himself on the chest and wailing rather than laughing at their ridiculous territorial battle.

"Sorry." he mumbled.

"No why should you be sorry?" Dee said defiantly, "These people are supposed to be responsible for our sanity? Look at the fucking pair of them."

"Dee, there's no need for that kind of..." Rayner began before the mediator cut across her.

"I don't appreciate censorship in my groups Sarah-Jane, oh sorry..._Doctor_ Rayner, Mr Malfoy can say whatever he wants to in whichever way he chooses." the mediator smiled a smile of enforced politeness.

"I can?" Dee asked.

Ron cringed in his seat this couldn't be good.

"Of course you can." she smiled almost smugly from his face to Rayner's.

"I think you're full of shit you ugly stupid troll. You have no idea what or even who you're talking about and if you think that your letting me swear is going to endear me to you you are very much mistaken."

Ron tried not to laugh.

"Well..." the mediator began.

"Did I say I had finished speaking?" Dee spat back with more authority that Ron had ever heard him use before.

"Oh no, but..."

"Are you trying to _censor_ me?"

Ron was having a really hard time holding in the laugh that was fighting its way up from deep inside him.

"No but let's stay on track if we can."

"I am on track, I am on the road to recovery. I am dealing with my grief and my memory loss and my accident and then finding out that him and me," Dee had nodded over to Ron, "have a shared past that neither of us can recall and I am doing that perfectly well enough thank you without having to talk out my issues with...Who the hell are you by they way?"

Ron couldn't keep it in, he had to let the laugh go or he would burst a vital blood vessel in his head, the worrying thing was he didn't even find anything all that funny. The laugh escaped him in a very inappropriately loud boom., Rayner stared at him and Dee was examining him closely to try to work out if he should worry about this little outburst or not.

"Sorry," he gasped in between waves of laughter that made his sides ache, "I'll be fine in a minute, just ignore me and carry on." he giggled.

He had laughed like this once before, ages ago with Jo and Dee during quite a heavy conversation, and for no real reason at all. He couldn't make sense of it and he couldn't stop either.

"Ron," Rayner leaned forward and put her hand on his knee, "if you want to step out and calm down for a moment that's fine."

As she finished speaking she threw a glance at the mediator as if daring the wishy-washy wimp of a woman to say anything, which, wisely, she didn't. Ron, still speechless with the waves of energy sapping laughter which were washing over him, nodded and scraped his chair back and found an even louder laugh force itself out from the back of his throat as he jogged out of the room and into the corridor.

What on earth had come over him? Maybe it was sleep depravation, maybe he was going insane, and maybe it was relief at seeing Dee so strong and wilful again and towards such a worthy target. He didn't know and right now he didn't care. He was walking back to his room laughing like a loon instead of trapped in a group session talking about his dead friend.

As he rounded the corner he saw that Jo's door was open. His laughter died down, though he still felt the odd chuckle bubble up his throat and past his lips like comical hiccups that he had no control over, as he neared the open door that was across from his own room, he peered inside at the bare room. It was as he had last seen it, completely empty of everything but the curtains and the white walls, except now there was a woman standing inside. She was looking up at the hole in the ceiling where the light fitting had been. The laughter inside Ron's body was all used up now as he opened his mouth to speak to the woman.

"Are you with the police?" he asked her.

The woman turned around, she had fair skin with deep crows feet at the corner of each eye and short dark blonde hair that was dusted with grey around the roots, and shook her head.

"Oh 'cause I was going to say that the investigating team took a lot of stuff away and then the clinic staff took out all the stuff for her family..." Ron suddenly stopped with his explanation for the gutted room when he saw the woman's tear filled eyes.

They were bloodshot but there was one unmistakeable thing about them that chilled Ron as he stared into them. They were grey. They were dark steely grey eyes. They were Jo's eyes.

"Mrs..." Ron began before freezing and feeling suddenly sick.

_Oh God I don't know what her last name was!_

How could he never have asked Jo what her last name was? How could he not know that about his best friend in the world? He knew what Dee's was; it was Malfoy, why had he never asked Jo what her last name was? What kind of friend was he?

"Sykes, call me Christine." the woman said as she extended her hand to him with a pained smile.

"Hello Christine, I'm Ron."

The woman's face fell as she let go of his hand,

"The same Ron who...you were the one who...you're her friend? _Were_ her friend?" she stammered.

Ron lowered his head and nodded, this woman must hate him. He couldn't save her daughter. He hadn't done anything to encourage her to call home and at the very least say goodbye to her mother.

"I'm sorry." he whispered.

"You're sorry you were her friend?"

Ron's head snapped up now,

"No! Not for a minute, well maybe for a minute I was, I hated her for a while for...for what she did but, I'll never be sorry I met her."

Mrs Sykes smiled again and reached out for him. She pulled him into her and they hugged uncomfortably.

"She talked about you in her note." she said.

"I know I was the one who found it." Ron said, feeling sick again.

"You found her too didn't you? The doctor told me."

Ron couldn't speak anymore; he nodded into her shoulder and felt her squeeze him a little harder.

"Thank you so much for trying to help her. I don't just mean with the CPR but before that too. Doctor Rayner told me that she thought Joanne lasted much longer without...trying again let's say, because of you and your friend Dee."

Ron's head wasn't working correctly, he was unable to process his thoughts fast enough to respond to this poor woman. All he could think of was "_What's CPR?"_

Mrs Sykes released him and looked up into his eyes,

"I never knew how to make her happy. I could never get her to stay in one place for long enough to get through to her but she never left you did she?"

Ron looked down at the woman with incomprehensive eyes. God she was small, she was almost as short as Jo had been, and he shook his head as if trying to shake his thoughts into some order. Why couldn't he think straight? Lack of sleep most likely he told himself before opening his mouth and blurting out the first word that came to his befuddled brain.

"Pomegranates!"

Mrs Sykes looked almost as confused as Ron felt.

"I'm sorry?"

"She bought us one," he said almost as if the words were as much of a surprise to him as they were to her, "she made us try it. She said that it wasn't that special to eat and it was a lot of effort to get into but she still went to all that trouble every year anyway. I didn't understand at the time but now..."

"She wasn't as deep and meaningful as you give her credit for y'know Ron?"

He looked at Mrs Sykes in disbelief.

"Not every little clue to what she did in the end that you now feel that you should've picked up on was really a cry for help. It's just her way. I used to buy her fruit instead of sweets when she was a child to keep her teeth healthy. To her fruit was always a special treat and, well, the pomegranate was a fruit that she'd only get once a year because I simply hated peeling the damn things for her."

Ron tried to smile.

"When she got older and saw that the pomegranates were back in season she'd go straight out and buy one because that's what we did in our family. We made pancakes on Pancake Day and had chocolate eggs at Easter and more satsumas than was medically advisable to eat every winter and as soon as we saw the first pomegranate at the market we would grab one. There's not logic behind everything, just habit."

Ron lowered his head,

"Do you think that's why she kept on trying to... Do you think that was why? It was just something she did?"

Mrs Sykes sighed a deep sigh that almost sucked the air out of the room,

"I'll never know now will I? I never found out why she did it the first time, I don't even think she knew, all I knew was that she tore herself up with the guilt she felt about worrying the people she loved who loved her. When she knew that somebody genuinely loved her she would leave to protect them from the pain she knew she would cause them eventually."

"She told us that lots of times." Ron said, looking at his feet.

Mrs Sykes lifted his chin with her hand and looked into him with Jo's eyes and spoke softly,

"Doctor Rayner told me that you both took her to the beach often, that you took her dancing, and that you would spend the entire day just seeing how many different ways you could make her laugh. Neither of you have anything to feel guilty about." she let a tear escape her eye as she blinked and released his chin from her grip.

"It wasn't good enough." Ron said with what little voice he could muster as tears began to flow from his own eyes.

"Nothing would ever have been good enough Ron. At some point you had to sleep."

Ron felt as if a cold trickle of water had just run down the length of his spine,

"What?" he shuddered.

"Unless you could've danced with her indefinitely or made her laugh forever there was nothing you could have done to keep her happy all the time. When you and Dee went to bed and she was in her own company that was when the demons would come out to mess with her head. She'd end every day feeling worthless and pointless and..."

"Unclean." Ron said with a hollow sigh.

"Imperfect maybe." Mrs Sykes shrugged.

Ron felt as if he was going to fall down. Dee was right he was exactly like Jo. He was the kind of person who tied themselves in knots and thought about every little thing until the little things weren't so little anymore. They were both the kind of people who would hack into their veins with a knife and feel amazed that anybody actually gave a shit about them and then question why they did. They were both people who refused to confide in Rayner just for the sake of being difficult and who liked the idea of walking around a place with no other person around to have to put on the performance of being ok for.

She also had that feeling every night. That feeling that she'd played the part she'd written for herself for another day and tried to muster up enough energy to do it all over again the following morning. She would destroy herself and then go to sleep. He would go to sleep to destroy himself. There was a reason his head kept telling him he was unclean. It was the same reason his family hadn't been looking for him for all this time. Jo's family had found her hadn't they? Dee had been right about whatever happened to take their memories away from them, it had happened because they had done something terrible.

They were marked men.

Ron rubbed the itchy scar on his wrist underneath the long sleeve of his jumper.

He was, quite literally, marked for death.

ooo


	38. Insomnia

_A/N I had more fun than you will ever know writing the 'When Hedwig Attacks' chapter and I'm glad you liked the brief break in all the angst. I think we all needed it._

_Well I've now had two different reviewers claiming this fic is like heroin...I am beginning to fear for you all once this story reaches it's conclusion!_

_addictednotobsessed, welcome to you and my word do you review a lot? Nothing wrong with feedback so keep at it._

_Right well I've had one request to make the chapters longer and another to speed things up. This is all going to get very fast now as far as the plot moving forward so don't worry about pace and I'd rather give you three short chapters than one long waffling one so that won't be changing, sorry!_

_I hope you're all predicting how I'll get the trio back together...I'm really looking forward to confounding all your expectations (mind you some of you weren't fooled by Dee for one second so you might catch me out again)_

_And now for things to really get going..._

**Chapter Thirty-seven - Insomnia**

It was Thursday night and Hermione was so excited about her quest for the weekend that she couldn't get to sleep. She was buzzing as if she had drunk a whole pot of coffee before climbing into bed and just wanted to be doing something, anything, even manning the phones for the night shift at the Samaritans would pass the time. She had a full day with them tomorrow and then she was going to pack her overnight bag and have another restless night waiting for Saturday to come when she could get on the train and head south.

She was going to find him. She was going to explain everything to him. She was going to help him.

She suddenly felt a rush of nerves, she was going to _meet_ him, why was this so exhilarating to her? He was a total stranger that she now had so many expectation of and they had only had a few telephone conversations and nothing more. Why were her fingers itching like this? Her heart was beating so forcefully that she could hear it pound in her ears. She wondered what he would think of her. She had to try not to alienate him the way she had done with her classmates at night school. She was going to be a friend to him whether he liked it or not. They were both alone and they needed each other. It was true that they needed each other in very different ways but they needed each other all the same.

She looked to her alarm clock on the bedside table; only three minutes had passed since she last looked at it. She wished she could speed up time.

She was going to save him from himself.

"Servabo te" she said aloud to herself.

Huh, she thought, she didn't remember learning that phrase in Latin class.

ooo

Harry had broken his habit of going back to the YMCA for the first time since he had returned to wizarding life, well as much as he could at the moment, and asked if he could spend the night in his old room. Mrs Weasley had been overjoyed and hugged him to the point of near suffocation and Lupin's eyes had misted-up, although that could have been from the swelling on the side of his face from the nasty bruise that had developed after Hedwig had assaulted him with a butterbeer bottle, making Harry feel guilty about how much of a big deal it had been to them all. In reality he had only asked to stay to work some more with Hedwig on their plan. He didn't like to give the Weasley's false hope that he was going to leave the YMCA for good and embrace his life as a famous wizard from now on in but he was getting really impatient to put his portkey plan into action and couldn't worry about their assumptions right now.

He had noticed one thing that troubled him when he had asked to stay though. Ginny's expression was one of outright suspicion at his motives and he knew that she knew too much already. He had to be careful. That was why he and Hedwig were going to work under cover of night rather than the cold light of day from now on. Fred and George had gone back to their flat above the shop so Harry had his and Ron's old room to himself. He would have liked to get Ginny to open those magically sealed draws again so he could utilise some of the 'useful stuff from Fred and George's shop' that Ginny had glossed over as they investigated Ron's belongings that time but that would just arouse her suspicion even further so he had decided against it.

"Hedwig," Harry whispered to his incredibly focused owl, he hadn't really thought about it but her being nocturnal meant that she really was better trained at night, "I was wondering, do you think that we could use Pig in this plan?"

She hooted in a way that told Harry she found that comment very offensive.

"No no, I didn't mean you weren't up to the job, I just think you could use an assistant. What do you think?"

Hedwig's head turned and examined the over excited little own in its cage that had obviously heard his name and wanted to come out and play.

"I know what you're thinking girl but the persuasion is hard enough let alone trying to persuade a person to pick up the portkey without you touching it as you try to persuade them." Harry rubbed his head, "Blimey this is all getting too complicated.

Hedwig hooted and picked up the new practice portkey, a juice carton in knotted handkerchief, and flew out of Harry's opened window with it. He watched her circle the night's sky with her bundle and saw a drunken man staggering along the pavement on his way home. He looked up at Hedwig expectantly but she just carried on circling overhead.

"Go!" he hissed out of the window, hoping he hadn't woken any sleeping Weasleys while he was at it.

Still Hedwig circled. Then Harry realised she was waiting for her assistant, she was willing to give Pig a tryout, and Harry leaned over to Pig's cage and flipped the door open. Pig hurtled out of the cage in a blur of brown and he zoomed over to Hedwig like a feathered tennis ball. They circled one more time, Hedwig with silent grace and Pig with manic enthusiasm, before swooping down on the man.

Pig began to circle the man so fast that he looked like one of those cartoon characters who have an anvil fall of them and see birds flying around their head like a tweeting halo while Hedwig let the carton fall out of the makeshift bag in front of his feet before flapping away. Pig avoided the man's flailing arms trying to bat him away as he took a step forward and trod right on the carton.

"Yes!" Harry exclaimed, almost forgetting how late it was and that he really needed to keep his voice down.

The man had trodden of the test portkey. That was it, that was how they were going to get Ron to touch the tin can, they were going to distract him until he trod on it or kicked it and then he would be brought back home to them. Hedwig and Pig flew back to the room in triumph. Harry was silently cheering, almost miming a round of applause so they knew how pleased he was with them, and Hedwig glided into the room and landed with grace on her perch and puffed out her chest proudly. Harry beamed at her and turned to welcome Pig back. Pig looked overjoyed and did a little loop the loop before giving one last flap to thrust his little body through the window. Harry's eyes widened, oh this couldn't happen, not now.

"Pig look out!"

Too late. Pig's tiny form slammed into the glass and he bounced off and fell like lead into the bushes beneath Harry's window. He had lost his bearings slightly after his victory loop-the-loop and flown into the closed window to Harry's right and not the wide open one that Harry realised he had been blocking after Hedwig had flown in through it.

"Harry? What was that noise?" Mrs Weasley's voice called as she pounded on the door and then he heard Lupin and Tonks calling from further down the hallway, enquiring what the thud had been.

He cursed under his breath and dashed over to the door, swinging it wide as he pulled his jumper over his head,

"It's Pig Mrs Weasley, I let him out to go hunting but he got a bit confused and flew into the closed window."

"Oh." Mrs Weasley said, a little confused about the story she had just been told but relieved that it wasn't something sinister.

Harry began to run down the stairs and Tonks called after him,

"Wake Charlie, he'll be able to help if Pig's hurt."

"I'll do it." he heard Ginny saying from somewhere behind him as he flung the front door open and began to hunt among the bushes for the dazed little owl.

_Please don't do this to me Pig, we just worked it out, we just got the plan right. Please don't be hurt I need you._

He heard a pained hoot that drained the last ounce of hope from his heart and he bent to pick up the trembling owl in his hands as gently as he could. One of his wings was hanging limp at his side.

"Oh no" Harry groaned.

"Did you find him Harry?" Charlie's voice called as he waded through the overgrown front yard toward him.

"Yes." Harry said glumly as he turned and held out the injured owl to him.

Charlie frowned and he took Pig in his own large hands and examined his gently,

"Nasty," he said as he sucked air in through his teeth, "what is it with the owls recently?"

Harry decided to play dumb as they made their way back into the house.

"How do you mean?"

"Didn't you hear about Hedwig's little hissy-fit the other day?"

"Oh that, yeah, Fred wasn't impressed was he?" Harry laughed.

Charlie was about to respond when they entered the house again but Ginny was waiting for them and leaned over his cupped hand to look at Pig.

"Oh you poor thing," Ginny sighed as she stroke Pig's head, "is he going to be alright Charlie?"

"I'll patch him up for tonight and fix him up properly in the morning." Charlie nodded.

"How soon until he can fly again?" Harry blurted out, causing Ginny to look at him with suspicion again.

"Not for a few days at least."

"Why do you ask? Need to send somebody a letter Harry?" Ginny asked him coldly.

"No I was just going to ask Hedwig to bring back something for him when she went hunting that's all." he said defensively.

Charlie carried Pig into the kitchen and Mrs Weasley began to fuss about them catching their deaths and that they should go back to bed now the drama was over with. Harry and Ginny slowly climbed the stairs and Ginny whispered so only Harry could hear her.

"I know you're up to something Harry and I want to help."

"I don't know what you're talking about." he whispered back, not able to meet her accusing eyes.

"Don't give me that, I know you and I know when you're lying to protect me, you're doing something with portkeys and you don't know any magic so you need my help."

"Ginny is this about that theoretical conversation we had with Percy?"

Mrs Weasley bid them goodnight and he and Ginny were alone in the hallway. Ginny turned on him and seemed to double in height as she put her hands on her hips and her face formed a determined expression.

"I want to know what the plan is and I want to know _now_."

Harry considered her for a second. He really didn't want to get her hopes up with this idea. He was getting used to the continual frustrating disappointment and he didn't want to toy with her emotions any more than all the false alarms already had. But this was her brother they were talking about and she needed to do something to help him. What should he do?

"I want to find him Harry. Let me help." she seemed to shrink a fraction as she said this, her voice becoming gentler with every word.

"Come with me," Harry sighed, "there's something I have to show you."

ooo

Ron sat in front of his window, his hands resting on the windowsill and his chin resting on his hands. There were two small pills over on his bedside table. Rayner had begged him to take them to help him sleep. He was looking very rough these days. She was worried. Dee was worried. The cleaning lady had even looked worried when he had passed her by on his way to make a cup of coffee at three thirty in the morning. He hadn't looked at his refection but he didn't doubt that he wasn't looking too good right now.

His eye lids felt heavy, he felt them lowering, he felt sleep drifting down upon him like a heavy snowfall and then he forced his eyes wide open and shook his head to banish the drowsiness that he had been battling for the last four hours. He looked out at the night sky and wondered how long it would be until the sun came up again. His eyelids suddenly felt as if they were magnetically closing and there was nothing he could do to stop it. He forced himself to sit up and his fingers found their way to the window frame. He heaved the window open and the cold night air snapped him out of his losing battle with sleep, the bracing breeze like a icy shower in the morning, he blinked several times as he tried to regain focus. This couldn't go on much longer. He was on the brink of collapse and yet he couldn't bring himself to take those two little pills that were screaming at him from his bedside table now.

He wouldn't sleep. He couldn't sleep. He shouldn't sleep.

He needed help. He couldn't talk to Dee, he had only just pulled him out of his pit of despair, what kind of friend would Ron be to weigh him down with all his crap? He knew what Rayner would say. She would try to get him to accept a strong sedative and catch up on all the sleep he needed. That would mean sleeping for over twenty-four hours straight and he couldn't face that. Twenty four hours of his wrists ripping open and Jo hanging in her room and taunting him and blaming him, and that bloody voice in his head and voices all around him all the time and everywhere; unclean, unclean unclean...

_He'd rather die._

As soon as he had that thought he shot up to his feet and began to pace up and down the limited floor space in his room, scratching at his scars.

_No, no, no! Stop that. You can't think like that. What are you doing? What are you thinking? What's wrong with you? You're not like her. You're not like her. You're not like her._

A hand grabbed his shoulder and cold fingers gripped hard and spun him around. Jo's dead white eyes were staring into him and her blue lips parted as she whispered,

"You _are_ me!"

Ron jumped and his eyes snapped open. He fell backwards from the spot he had fallen asleep at the open window and began to shiver.

"I'm sorry" he said without realising why and to whom he was saying it.

His door burst open and Dee ran inside and dropped to Ron's side on the floor.

"What is it? Are you alright?"

"What are you doing here?" Ron gasped, wondering if Dee really was there at all or if he was in another nightmare.

"I'm returning the favour." his friend said firmly as his eyes moved rapidly across Ron's face, examining him closely.

"What?" Ron said, pulling away from him and lifting himself up to sit on the windowsill.

Dee nodded to the open door and Ron saw that there was a chair outside the door with a blanket and a pillow on it.

Ron lowered his head wearily,

"Dee go back to bed."

"You first." he replied sternly.

"I can't." he said, his eyes stinging and his voice raw.

"You will." Dee ordered as he crossed the room and picked up the two pills on the bedside table.

"Dee no, I can't take those, I'll be fine. I just..."

"Fine?" Dee almost spat the word into Ron's face with disgust, "Have you _seen_ yourself lately Ron? You're a fucking mess. You're dead on your feet and you're making yourself ill and for what? Tell me Ron, for what?"

Ron shook his head.

Dee took a step forward,

"You're taking these pills." he demanded.

"I can't." Ron whimpered.

"You will."

"Dee please, I can't go back there."

Dee paused and furrowed his brow,

"Where?"

"In my head. It's getting worse Dee, it's getting worse ever since she died."

Dee forced his face into an expressionless mask,

"I know."

"I...I don't want to..."he said, looking down at the pills in Dee's hand, "...I like that I can wake myself up when I need to."

"You can take these, get into bed and sleep or you can keep going like this until you fall down and I won't let that happen. I won't let you do this Ron."

Ron felt as if his feet were sinking into the ground and he was being swallowed up by his situation,

"Look I'll go straight to Rayner first thing in the morning and we'll...we'll work something out, but not tonight Dee. Just let me get through tonight in my own way."

Dee wouldn't step back but his voice was a little more sympathetic now,

"Ron you've gone from promising me you wouldn't do anything stupid to doing the stupidest thing ever. What's happened to you this last few days?"

Ron lowered his head his entire body sagged. Dee knelt down in front of him and held out the pills.

Ron looked at the two small shapes in the palm of Dee's hand and felt a chilling breeze shoot up his spine. It was the same icy feeling he had when Jo had touched him in his dream. It made him feel as uncomfortable as he did whenever he heard the word unclean in his head over and over again. He shook his head.

"I'm sorry Dee I can't."

Ron flinched as Dee sprung to his feet and hurled the pills to the floor with rage, he was shouting now, and despite the early hour and the other sleeping residents of the Meadows he pulled Ron to his feet by the front of his sweatshirt and slammed him against the wall.

"Right, you don't want to go to sleep the easy way then I'm putting you to sleep myself."

"Dee just wait a minute..." Ron began to say; he was panicking now and felt an intense anxiety attack coming on.

"You didn't abandon me so I'm not going to abandon you."

Ron's heart was beating like a humming bird's,

"What are you gonna do?" said hoarsely.

Dee held Ron firm against the wall with his left arm and pulled back his right arm,

"You bought me a curry and I'm going to do this, it doesn't really seem fair but you didn't give me any other choice."

Dee's right hand curled into a fist and Dee looked slightly sick.

"Don't look at me." Dee pleaded as he gritted his teeth and began to swing.

"Dee no!" Ron said before everything went black.

Then there she was again, her white eyes lifting to meet his own and her blue lips forming a smile.

"Welcome back Ron."

ooo

Hermione woke up energised and refreshed and began to get dressed. Then she brushed her teeth and her hair and made herself a cup of tea before glancing up at the clock on the wall before heading out to start her nine AM shift at the Samaritans.

"Oh" was all she could say.

It was four fifteen. She really was eager for Saturday to come wasn't she?

ooo

Ginny yawned and stretched her arms wide. Harry watched her and smiled before she noticed his eyes on her and he looked away.

"It's late." he mumbled.

"No it's not," Ginny smiled, "it's early."

Harry looked back at her and smiled a tired smile before fighting back a yawn himself.

"We should pack it in for the night I think." he sighed.

Ginny was clearly unwilling to give up on their night's work,

"But we're so close."

Harry looked at Hedwig, she was worn out and so was he,

"We'll try again tomorrow Ginny, first thing in the morning I swear, we'll find a way for her to do it on her own."

Ginny nodded with great reluctance.

"Poor Pig" Harry sighed to himself.

"Typical of him though, he always gets a bit carried away, his enthusiasm isn't always a positive thing."

They smiled at each other and Harry let out the yawn that he had just stifled. Ginny laughed as she got up and walked over to the door.

"Goodnight then Harry."

"Good morning Ginny." Harry smiled.

She left his room and he listened to her soft footsteps tip toeing back to her own. He looked over to Hedwig who had already settled down to sleep on her perch.

"Good work tonight Hedwig," he said as he crawled into his bed, "we'll nail it in the morning, you'll see."

He hadn't even time to take off his glasses before sleep overtook him.

ooo

It had been the worst nightmare yet, and it still wasn't over.

He was screaming at Jo and she just kept walking towards him, her own wrists bleeding just like his now and the ugly red mark around her neck standing out against her sickly white skin, her veins stood out beneath her paper thin skin as purple lines forming trails around her body and blue lips still smiling at him. Something was different about the smile now though she looked sad. He kept on screaming at her all the same.

"I'm sorry ok? I've said it and said it and said it. I'm sorry. What else do you want?"

She shook her head, the dark purple hair swaying behind her seemed to lose it's colour with ever shake until it was a honey blonde colour with streaks of golden brown running through it,

"This isn't about me." she whispered as a black tear rolled down her cheek and her white eyes began to darken from their icy white and back to the steel grey he missed so much, "I've been trying to show you."

Ron felt his insides burn while his skin turned cold,

"What?" he breathed.

She looked so different now, he could see her real hair and her real eyes and as she lifted her hand to wipe another black tear away he saw that her eyes were a little lilac around the pupils, she had let her disguise wash away and was showing him the real her for the very first time.

"Un-clean" she said again, she wasn't smiling anymore; she was looking at him with a stern expression.

Ron felt the word like a kick in the gut and shook his head.

"What have I done?" he pleaded with her as he fell to his knees.

She leant over him and brushed the hair out of his eyes with her hand. Her hand felt warm. She spoke to him so softly but so seriously.

"It's not what you've done, it's what you've got to do."

Ron felt a pull behind him as the nightmare began to rush away from him. Jo's image began to fade and her warmth and her voice were fading into the blackness. He did hear one last whisper from her before he awoke though.

"I've been showing you the way."

Ron's eyes fluttered open and his head felt as if it was split in two. He sat up in his bed and winced as he put his hand to cheek. Dee had really clocked him. Still in some discomfort he glanced around the room for his friend. Then he looked over to the door, which was wide open. Light was pouring in from the hallway and he slid out of bed and padded across the room in his bare feet to peer around the doorframe and see Dee slumped in his chair fast asleep. He was cradling a very sore looking hand with the other.

_Serves him right._

Ron rubbed his face again and he wondered if Dee had fractured his skull with that punch. It was as if he could feel his own pulse right between the eyes and all the way through his brain to the back of his head. He shuffled over to the mirror and looked at himself.

"Bloody hell!" he whispered, the sound still seemingly too loud for his sore head to take right now, as he examined his reflection.

Dee hadn't been overdoing it when he said how bad Ron looked these days. His eyes seemed to have sunk back into his head by about two inches and he had bags like bruises beneath the spot his eyes should've been. Then there was the black eye that was forming quite nicely and the cut on his cheekbone. He didn't recognise himself.

He couldn't do this anymore. He couldn't stay awake forever and he couldn't take those sedatives and concerned friends couldn't beat him into unconsciousness every night. He couldn't take another dream like that either.

What he could take was a hint.

_Unclean._

It would all stop today.

ooo


	39. Wish You Were Here

_A/N The next two chapters are going to greatly upset most of my readers but please remember that you trust me. _

**Chapter Thirty-Eight - Wish You Were Here**

_"Running over the same old ground,_

_What have we found?_

_The same old fear._

_Wish you were here."_

_Pink Floyd_

"So let me get this straight," Susan shook her head and tried not to laugh at her, "you've been up since a quarter past four?"

Hermione nodded.

"Why didn't you just go back to bed?" Susan asked with incredulity.

"Well I was already up, I was dressed and everything, if I'd gone back to bed it would have messed with my body clock." she shrugged.

"Oh and your body clock's not messed up now?"

"Well..." Hermione struggled to find a decent comeback, then a little bit of trivia came back to her, "...Margaret Thatcher only needed two hours sleep a night and she ran the country."

"Into the ground!"

They both laughed and set of for their cubicles after a quick goodbye.

"Oh Hermione," Susan called over to her just before they took their seats.

"What?"

"Is it tomorrow you're going back to visit your folks?"

"Yep," she smiled, "and then I was thinking of going to the seaside on Sunday."

"Oh nice for some ain't it? Bring me back a stick of rock!"

"I will." she smiled as they both disappeared into their private areas.

ooo

Ron sat across from Dee at the table and concentrated on eating his breakfast. Dee hadn't been able to look at him anyway but he still kept his head down just in case. When he had woken up as Ron walked out of his room to go to the lavatory he had winced at the sight of Ron's face and apologised. Ron had shrugged it off and said that it didn't matter and there were no hard feelings. They awkwardly shook hands and that had been the last time either of them had made direct eye contact or spoken.

"Oh my God Ron what the hell happened to your face?" Harriet gasped as she leaned over to talk to him.

"I..." he chanced a glance up a Dee who was so focused upon the piece of toast in his hand anyone would've thought he had seen the meaning of life burned into it, "...fell."

_Well that was convincing._

"On your face?" Harriet said as she lifted his face in her hand and tilted his head into the light to get a better look.

Ron pulled away from her,

"Yeah did you want something Harriet?"

"Oh yeah," she said as she snapped out of her motherly state of mind, "Rayner's done with me, it's your turn."

_Oh great._

Harriet saw his expression of dread.

"She's going to ask about your face y'know." her Welsh tones made her sound warm no matter what she was saying to him.

"Oh do you think?" Ron asked with some sarcasm.

Harriet threw a look back at him that put him to shame,

"I do. So you'd better come up with a better excuse than the one you gave me." she turned on Dee, "And you should maybe think about wearing gloves."

Dee's head snapped up as Harriet turned on her heel and walked away. His eyes darted over to meet Ron's before looking down at his toast again.

"What are you going to tell her?"

Ron thought for a moment as he got out of his seat and cleared away his breakfast tray before answering.

"I'll tell her I took her damn pills, passed out, and hit my head on the bedside table. That should shut her up."

Dee didn't smile and Ron didn't hang around to say goodbye.

ooo

Harry felt uncomfortable, something was sticking into him and it was really quite painful, what was that pointy thing that seemed to be stabbing his face awake? He opened his eyes and saw a half blurred and half clear version of Ginny Weasley's grinning face.

"Aggghhhh!" he yelped as he sat up in bed and reached to straighten his glasses and rub the spot the frame had been sticking into him.

"Oh thanks." Ginny huffed.

"Sorry but what are you doing staring into my face while I'm asleep?"

"I wanted to see if you were anything like Charlie."

"And?"

"You're not. I was here for five minutes before you woke up and I think that's because you were getting pierced by your glasses."

He rubbed his head again,

"You're right about that."

Harry felt quite relieved that he had slept in his clothes as he slid out of bed and stretched.

"So why are you up already?" he asked her.

"I've had a brainwave," she said as her face lit up like a firework going off.

"Did it hurt?" Harry teased.

Ginny rolled her eyes and crossed the room to the dozing Hedwig before looking back at him proudly,

"I think I've found a way for Hedwig to do this on her own."

ooo

"Well I hope talking helped."

"I'll let you know next time." the caller sighed.

"Someone's always here for you Dave. Good luck."

"Thanks. Bye."

Hermione closed her line to calls for a minute and yawned. She noticed her ex-buddie had glanced over at her but hadn't said a thing.

"I accidentally woke up at quarter past four." she explained.

"How do you _accidentally_ wake up at that hour?" he laughed.

I'm still trying to work that one out myself," she shrugged, "I'm going to grab a cup of coffee, d'you want one?"

"Yeah, thanks." he smiled as his phone rang and he turned to take the call.

Truces were nice Hermione thought to herself.

She tapped her fingers on the counter while she waited for the kettle to boil and gazed out of the window, a smile forming on her lips, she had quite a nice set up really didn't she? She was learning a really interesting subject and doing some really worthwhile work with the Samaritans on a daily basis and this weekend she was going to see her parents and then track down her Ron. She chuckled to herself at that thought. Why did she like to think of him as her Ron so much? The kettle came to the boil and she made the coffee with a light heart.

This was going to be a really good weekend.

ooo

Rayner's heels clip-clopped across the refectory floor and Dee watched as she walked over to Harriet with an anxious look on her face.

"Harriet I thought I asked you to send Ron in after our session was over?"

"I did," Harriet said defensively, he was sitting right over there with Dee when I told him to go."

Rayner looked over to Dee who was listening to all this and beginning to panic as Rayner rushed over to him.

"Dee where is he?" she said.

"I thought he'd gone to see you." Dee said, his heart beginning to pound rapidly against his chest.

"How long ago did he leave?" Rayner snapped.

Dee couldn't think, he couldn't understand the concept of time right now; he couldn't believe what he had just let happen. He knew how much of a risk Ron was these days and he knew what a hard night he'd just had and that he now felt as if Dee was against him and he didn't think to follow him to Rayner's office. Why didn't he follow him to Rayner's office? He slept outside his room and he sat outside the bathroom and he made sure he wasn't around any sharp objects and he just let him walk out without even looking at him because he was too busy being ashamed about what he'd done the previous night.

"Dee," Rayner repeated with greater urgency, "how long ago did he leave you here?"

Harriet's voice saved him,

"It was as soon as I told him to go, like...five minutes?"

"More than that." Dee found himself saying as he got to his feet and set off for Ron's room.

"Dee don't run off, we need to search properly..."

"Did you even check his room?" Dee shouted back at her as he ran, he wasn't within earshot long enough to hear her response.

His feet pounded the corridor and skidded to a halt at Ron's door, still open wide and as vacant as he had seen it the last time.

"No." he hissed under his short breath.

What was he going to do? Where was he going to go? Where would he be?

As the truth dawned on Dee and his hands gripped the doorframe until they were white an alarm bell sounded and a voice spoke over the PA system.

"We have a missing resident, could staff and others be on the look out for Ron Weasley and accompany him to the treatment room please? Anyone with any information on the whereabouts of Ron Weasley please go to Dr Rayner's office immediately."

Dee couldn't let this happen again. He couldn't lose Ron too. He had to stop him. He had to find him. He had to get to the beach.

ooo

"So how does this work again?" Harry asked as they lay flat on the ground under cover of the low hanging branches of a weeping willow tree watching Hedwig circle the park for a third time.

"Well we know she can open the bag well enough by now and we've seen her do it in mid air..."

"_We_ have have we?" Harry said with a raised eyebrow.

"You know _we_ have." Ginny smirked.

"So what about her ability to open the bag in mid air then?"

"Well she almost got it right with Lupin didn't she? All she needs to practice is her aim."

Harry suddenly understood,

"So you're saying she flies over Ron and opens the bag..."

"...Letting the portkey fall _on_ Ron, bringing him back home in an instant." Ginny said proudly.

"We can train Hedwig to do that in no time," Harry grinned, "she's learned harder stuff than that already."

Hedwig swooped down to them with the practice portkey in her claws and hooted.

"So Hedwig, are you up for a little target practice?" Ginny smiled.

Hedwig hooted and ruffled her feathers in readiness.

ooo

"Hello this is Hermione and I'm here to listen."

There was silence.

"Hello?"

Still nothing. She glanced over to her buddie and frowned. He made a gesture with his hands meaning 'keep talking' so she did.

"Did you want somebody to talk to?"

She listened intently for a few seconds, she could hear breathing.

"Did you want somebody to talk to you? I could talk if you want me to."

She waited for any kind of response but none came.

"Well ok, interrupt me whenever you want to ok? My name is Hermione and I live in the midlands on my own. I have a cat but he's at my parents' house. I'll be seeing him this weekend, as I'll be going home for a visit. They live in London."

She listened for another beat before continuing.

"It's an ugly cat really. It looks as if it's run face first into a wall. He seems permanently grumpy because of that. I don't remember why I chose him to be my pet but I think it might have something to do with the fact that I hate to see people unhappy and want to help them feel better. I suppose I'm trying to put a smile on his squished face."

"She killed herself." a voice she had never expected to hear said in an empty tone of voice.

"Ron?"

"She died. She finished it."

She tried to remember to breathe,

"This is Jo right? Your friend."

There was no sound. Her throat dried up on her in an instant, she knew he was nodding down the phone the way he used to.

"Ron I'm so sorry."

He didn't speak. She could hear his breath and something in the background, the wind maybe or the sea.

"Where are you calling from?"

"I didn't have anybody else to talk to."

She bit her bottom lip, he sounded so lost.

"I just wanted to..."he began before stalling and making a strange gulping sound, "...I know you don't...like to talk to me anymore but..."

"Oh God you don't think that do you? I've wanted to talk to you ever since our last conversation. I've been worrying about you all this time and…" she stopped when she heard what sounded like a sob, "...Ron please tell me where you are if you're not at the clinic."

There was an agonisingly long pause before she got her answer.

"I'm in exactly the same place I was when I spoke to you for the first time."

_Oh no...he's at the top of Beachy Head._

ooo

"Bulls eye!" Harry roared as Hedwig dropped the pebble in the paper cup as it slowly revolved on the children's roundabout.

Ginny was doing a little victory jig as Harry got to his feet and threw his arms around her in celebration and the two of them bounced up and down before suddenly becoming self-aware and breaking apart. They looked at one another uncomfortably for a second or two until Hedwig fluttered down between them and they began showering her with praise and Ginny reached into her pocket and produced two rashers of bacon for the feathered star.

"You're fantastic Hedwig," Harry said as he stroked the back of her neck, "do you think you're ready to try it out with the practice portkey?"

She hooted confidently and hopped over to the empty cider can bundled up inside a small cloth bag.

"We'll take that as a yes" Ginny chuckled.

"Right, we need a target for her to hit." Harry said as he glanced around the empty park before an idea came to him, "Hey Hedwig, aim for me. I'll start walking around the park and you try and drop that can on my head."

Ginny laughed as Hedwig seemed to be all the more enthusiastic for this practice than all the others before it,

"She's still not forgiven you about the zoo I see."

Harry hissed at her,

"Don't remind her, she's about to drop something on me from a great height!"

Hedwig was about to take off with the bundle when Ginny called over to her.

"I'll be walking with him too Hedwig so you've got to be sure to hit the right person ok?"

Hedwig hooted and took to the skies. Harry turned to throw an enquiring look Ginny's way.

"Ron might not be alone when she finds him. We don't want her to hit the wrong person do we?"

"Good point."

They set off on their leisurely stroll around the park, the whole time Harry bracing himself for an impact from above.

"So you really don't remember anything about me do you?" Ginny asked out of nowhere.

"Not true," Harry protested, "I remember lots of things about you. I remember what you were wearing that afternoon you showed me around Ron's room and I remember that you swap you knife and fork over when you eat meat and then put them back in the right hands to eat your vegetables which, quite frankly, I find both insane and endearing..." he smiled.

She looked sadder still at this,

"You know what I mean. None of your old memories have come back to you have they?"

He shook his head,

"No they haven't. It doesn't look like this is a reversible thing does it?"

Ginny thought for a second and then inhaled and looked up at him with great determination in her eyes,

"Anything is possible Harry. You don't remember that but it is as far as you're concerned. You can kill the un-killable and survive the un-survivable and keep fighting when there doesn't seem to be any hope left. You can do anything. Remembering your old life will be a piece of cake."

Harry smiled at her little speech.

"Y'know I've heard some of my old glory stories and the one thing that stands out is that these two other people were around when I did all those things."

Ginny smiled sadly.

"If anything's possible then it'll only be possible if they're with me. I may not remember that but I definitely know it."

She took his hand in hers,

"I know it too."

There was a whistling sound in the air as he stared into Ginny's eyes and understood exactly why he had loved her in his long forgotten life before. He was wondering if he should tell her that just as the empty cider can bounced off the top of his head.

Ginny squealed with laughter and looked to the sky to applaud Hedwig as she gracefully circled down to them.

"Shall we try another practice run or shall we...?" she began to ask him before he cut her off.

"Let's get her back to the house and give her the real thing." he said with more confidence than he ever knew he had.

Hedwig landed on his extended arm, Ginny gave her the remainder of the bacon rashers from her pocket, and they rushed back to Grimmauld Place.

ooo

"I can't think of anything else to do. I can't think anymore I have to stop all the thoughts Hermione, they're killing me."

"This isn't they way Ron, you know that, you know because of Jo. Was it the right thing for her to have done?"

"I didn't think so at the time but..."

"No! That's because it wasn't. Your judgement wasn't impaired like it is now Ron. You were right, this isn't the way, and this isn't the answer. You have to listen to me. You don't want to do this. Hold on for one more day please, I can get to you and I can help you but please just keep going for one more day, please."

"Every day is one more day. Every one more day is the same as the last one and I can't do it anymore. I can't survive another night like the last one I'm too tired."

"This isn't the way to get a peaceful night's sleep Ron."

"It's a way to get peace."

"No it isn't!"

"It has to stop. I just have to stop. Jo was right after all."

"No she wasn't."

"I was so angry with her when she did it. I just couldn't make any sense of it all and now I understand it all so perfectly. My existence is just a burden to the people who care about me and there are only two of them. One of them, I can't count Jo anymore can I?"

"You can count me."

"No I can't. You had to look me up in a book to find out how to deal with me."

"That was _my _problem Ron, my own psychological problem not yours, I was wrong and you were right. You have to listen to me on this Ron. This is a mistake andI won't let you make it. You're not well and you can't think straight and now is not the time to make a decision like this."

"Time's up."

"Don't say that!"

"What are you going to say? What can you say that will make tomorrow worth it? I can never get a job and I can never afford to live anywhere because of that and the clinic isn't going to let me stay there forever. I'm not going to wake up one day and say 'Oh now I remember everything thanks for all your help, see ya', it doesn't work like that. I'm going to be on my own in a world where I don't belong and I can't do anything. Why do I want to wait until tomorrow or next week or next month for that to happen? Why do I want to prolong the agony?"

"Because life is worth it."

"Mine isn't worth anything."

Hermione couldn't stop the tears now, she couldn't stand the feeling of helplessness, and she couldn't bear to hear the pain in his voice.

"I'm unclean."

"Don't say that!" she sobbed.

"Don't cry."

"Don't do this."

"Every day is the same, except every day is harder, and I know I shouldn't be here."

"You'll have a happy day again, you just have to wait for it to come along, you can't force it can you otherwise it's not genuine."

"One happy day? I'm supposed to suffer all of this for the occasional good day?"

Hermione had written a note on a piece of paper while they had been talking and handed it to her concerned 'buddie'. The note was instructing him to call the police in the Eastbourne area and tell them there was a suicidal young man threatening to jump from Beachy Head. She had to stop this.

"Did you play chess yet?" she had no idea where that had come from and she looked over to Susan and shrugged, Susan had smiled at her and nodded.

"What?"

"I want to know all about you, I only know a little, and I want to know if you remembered what we talked about with the chess set. Did you find one?"

"What are you doing?"

"You think you're worthless, let me be the judge of that, tell me who you are. Tell me who you really are Ron."

"I don't fucking know!"

"Yes you do," she said sternly, "you're favourite colour is orange and you believe in fate and you don't think public displays of affection are appropriate and you'd love to experience your first kiss more than once..."

She stopped when she heard him start crying.

"I just wish I had a life."

"You do have a life Ron, you have a wonderful life where you don't remember any of the bad people you've met and you're not dogged by mistakes and missed opportunities and you feel every thing for the first time and you live by the ocean and get to swim whenever you want. You have a wonderful life and don't you forget it."

"I already did."

"So did I." Hermione wept and the two of them were crying down the phone line to each other now.

"Why did nobody come looking for me?"

"I was going to!" she blurted, "I was going to tomorrow, I was coming to find you tomorrow, just wait until then. Just wait for me please?"

"I can't do this anymore," his voice was barely audible through the aching sobs, "it's just too hard. I'm so tired."

"There's going to be another day, it's going to be so much better, I promise you. I promise."

He couldn't even speak now, all she heard were gasping breaths between wheezing sobs, and she just sat at her phone and sniffed, wiping her tear drenched face with the back of her hand.

"I didn't want to upset you. I'm sorry." he just about managed to force out of what sounded like a constricted chest.

"Don't...don't...don't do it."

"I just wanted somebody to say goodbye to."

"No, no, no, no, no, please don't do this, please."

"I just wanted somebody to notice that I'd even gone."

"Ron, I think about you every day and I don't think about anybody else who's ever called me like that, you're not nothing. You're not nothing to me. I want to meet you. I want you to wait for me."

"I can't last another day, I'll go insane, I want to do this now while I'm still me and it's still my decision and I still have some control in my life. If I go back they'll put me on the drugs and I'll go crazy and I'll turn into one of those vegetables. I know I will and I can't let myself get any worse. I can't let myself become even more worthless than I already am."

"You're not worthless. You have dealt with all of this so much better than any other person I can think of. You...you are the strongest person I know and that's why I'm so upset that you're giving up. You can't give up Ron you are too special. You are too wonderful and kind and funny and brave."

"I don't even recognise myself. I looked in the mirror today and I didn't know who it was."

"I know who you are."

She heard Ron lose himself to his emotions again.

"Hold on for just one more day please. I swear I was coming for you, I've got the train ticket in my purse right now, I was looking for you all this time. You are wanted. You are wanted."

"My head hurts." he breathed through the tears, "There's too much going on inside."

"Let it all out then, tell it all to me, let me take it on."

"You can't be on the end of the phone for the rest of my life. At some point one of us will have to hang up and when that happens I'll be on my own again and it'll all start over."

"There's got to be another way Ron, this...you can't."

He was taking deep breaths now, slow and deep, and she listened closely to each one. His sobs were getting under control now. He seemed to be trying to pull himself together.

"That's it. That's it Ron, calm yourself down and clear your head, just keep breathing."

"You're missing the point." his voice sounded steadier now, though still husky from all the crying.

"How do you mean?"

"It's not possible to clear my head while I'm still breathing. I can only do one or the other."

"No, come on, you're doing better now, come on."

"Thank you, you really seemed to give a shit about me."

"No Ron come on, keep taking the deep breaths, you're coming back to yourself now aren't you? Keep this going."

"I have to go now." he said, a slight quiver in his voice.

"No stay and talk, stay and talk to me some more."

"It's ok Hermione, I'm going to go and clear my head."

She opened her mouth to say something more to keep him talking but the line clicked. She stared at the telephone in shock. The line had gone dead. She began to shake. Her head was shaking from side to side as she found herself refusing to believe what was happening right now on the other side of the country and her whole body was shaking with the shock of everything that phone call had taken out of her; an adrenaline overload with nowhere to vent itself other than a scream. The scream that she realised she was letting out as she rose from her chair. The scream that made the lights flicker. Her ' buddie's ' arms wrapped around her and hugged her and tried to say something comforting, he was saying lots of soothing words and saying them in such a kind voice but she heard none of it.

She had lost him again.

This time there would be no speculation as to what had happened to him. He was on Beachy Head, alone and distraught, and she couldn't communicate with him. She couldn't help him anymore. She couldn't save him.

She pulled away from her colleague's embrace and began to walk, where to she had no idea, she just needed to escape the confinement of this office. She needed to be somewhere else. She needed to be on the top of Beachy Head, that was where she needed to be, and she needed to be there right now. In her mind's eye she saw it, the chalky white cliffs, the rolling green hills, the red and white lighthouse at the foot of the sheer drop into the sea. That was where she wanted to be.

"Hermione..." Susan called from behind her.

Hermione spun around with the thoughts of Beachy Head still set clearly in her mind to tell Susan that she wanted to be left alone but she wasn't there anymore. Everything had gone black and she felt suddenly confined and unable to breathe, invisible forces pressing in on her, and she thought that she must have fainted for a moment before a whirl of green came into focus before her eyes and cold sea air rushed into her lungs.

_What the hell was going on?_

She would have thought this was a dream she was having after her fainting fit if she didn't feel the breeze on her face and the long grass under her feet and the chill in the air. Was she actually here, wherever here was? She looked to her left and saw a telephone box, the receiver hanging off the hook, and a large sign above it which displayed the words 'The Samaritans' and the phone number that she knew all too well. She knew exactly where she was. She was where she had been wishing she could be. Her eyes widened, as she looked around frantically, searching the cliff for him. And then she saw him.

He was standing quite far away, looking down at something, and she broke into a run toward the redheaded figure. She took in a breath and called out to him.

"Ron!"

He hadn't heard her, he was too far away, and she pumped her legs harder before taking another big breath and hollering as loud as she could manage.

"Ron!"

No, he was still too far. She felt a stitch stabbing her side but ran on as fast as she could. She was just close enough now, she thought; just close enough to be heard. She took in all the air she could take and got ready to call out to him.

She didn't call out to him though, no she screamed out his name. She screamed as she watched the horrific sight of him dropping off the edge of Beachy Head.

_"RON!"_


	40. Traveling Without Moving

**Chapter Thirty-Nine - Travelling Without Moving**

_"I go forwards,_

_You go backwards,_

_And somewhere we will meet."_

_Radiohead_

"Wait, calm down Harry," Ginny puffed as they made their way down the pathway to the front door of Grimmauld Place, "we don't want to seem too flustered do we?"

"Good point." he nodded as he jerked his arm to encourage Hedwig to fly up to his room and wait for them.

They paused for a moment and tried to compose themselves and were almost there when Bill flung the front door open and the three of them jumped.

"Bloody hell you two!" Bill grasped his chest and shook his head, "what were you hiding out here for?"

"We were just about to come in?" Ginny said as she pushed her way past her brother so he couldn't read her guilty look.

Harry decided he needed to do the same, positive that he was looking just as guilty as she was,

"Yeah, we were exercising Hedwig in the park. No windows for her to fly into y'know?"

Bill closed the door behind them and wore a clearly suspicious expression on his own face that he wasn't the least bit bothered about hiding from them,

"Yeah well she's a smart bird is Hedwig, I doubt that she'd make the same mistake as Pig."

Ginny had headed for the stairs with Harry in pursuit but Mrs Weasley appeared at the kitchen door and called out to them,

"Oh no you don't you two! Get in here and have some lunch. You've not sat down and eaten properly all morning and it's now past noon."

"We'll be down in a minute mum, we just want to..." Ginny began but her mother wasn't hearing any of her excuses today.

"In here now, everybody's here..." her resolve broke momentarily but she shook it off, "...almost everybody's here and we never get to sit down together unless there's a briefing. I want you to come and sit at the table with your family. _Both_ of you."

Ginny looked as if she wanted to put up more of a fight but Harry couldn't do it to Mrs Weasley and reached out for Ginny's arm, gently tugging her back down the stairs.

"Come on Ginny, it's waited this long, it can wait until after lunch can't it?"

They were ushered into the kitchen where the many heads of red hair were mingled with Fleur's silver blonde locks, Lupin's mousey brown hair was losing the battle with the grey and Tonks' vivid turquoise curls bounced around her face. Neville was seated at the table too, beside Mr Weasley, he was animatedly talking about the extra room he had transfigured in his grandmother's house that had an in-built climate to help her arthritis during the winter months.

"Sit, sit." Mrs Weasley fussed and Harry took a seat beside Fred and Ginny took the last seat next to him and beside Percy.

"So where have you two been?" George said with a suggestive waggle of his eyebrows.

The mischievous look was slapped off his face as Charlie's hand met the back of his head,

"Shut it you." he warned.

George massaged the back of his head and threw a grumpy look at Charlie before turning to mutter to Fred,

"He's getting more and more like Percy every day have you noticed?"

"I heard that." Percy said without looking up from his bowl of oxtail soup.

The family were smiling to themselves about this but Harry and Ginny were a tad uncomfortable and couldn't look at each other. Their soups were set in front of them and they reached for their spoons at the same time. Then they withdrew their hands at the same time. Then they both hesitated and waited for the other to make his or her move.

Strangely enough it was Fleur, who made the first comment,

"Ah look, zey are mirroring each ozzer. Ow zweet!"

Lupin fought not to laugh and Tonks gave him a dig in the ribs. Even Mrs Weasley seemed to be suppressing a chortle and Fred and George seemed delighted that everybody was lightening up so much and George turned to see if Charlie was going to slap them all around the back of the heads in defence of his sister's blushes.

Charlie's shoulders were shaking and his lips were being forced together with everything he had, but George knew that he was almost at breaking point.

"Fred do the honours would you?" he asked his twin.

Fred bowed his head and extended his arm, slapping Charlie on the back of the head and wagging his finger,

"Now Charlie that is no way to behave at the table, laughing at our guest, I would've thought you knew better that that at your age."

Charlie couldn't keep the smile off his face as he tried to sound offended,

"What do you mean _my age_?"

The table erupted into laughter, even Harry and Ginny managed to let go of their embarrassment to glance at each other and snigger, and the kitchen became so raucous that nobody noticed the head that appeared in the fireplace.

"Arthur! Arthur down here!" the head called as the green flames licked at his face.

Mr Weasley suddenly realised that somebody was flooing and dropped to his knees before the fireplace,

"Broadley, what is it?"

Mrs Weasley hushed the others as they toned down their amusement to let Mr Weasley hear what his work colleague was saying to him.

"I don't know what to say, I don't know what could have happened..."

"Kenneth calm down, I have no idea what you're talking about, what's going on?"

"Is Harry Potter with you?"

Mr Weasley turned and looked at a bewildered Harry before turning back to the head in the fire,

"Yes he is, he's here right now, what's...?"

"Did his memory come back?" the wizard garbled.

Mr Weasley looked to Harry again. Harry saw every other head around the table turn and face him as well. He shook his head vigorously.

"No it hasn't, I swear."

"He says it hasn't. What's this about Ken?" Mr Weasley said.

"I can't understand how this could have happened then." the wizard looked as if he had been slapped around the face with a wet and very stale fish.

Mrs Weasley slammed his palm down on the floor with frustration,

"What? Spit it out man!"

"Miss Granger...she disapparated."

The kitchen at Grimmauld Place became the quietest place on earth.

"What?" Mr Weasley gasped.

"Where?" Mrs Weasley called over from the far side of the kitchen where she had been frozen to the spot as soon as the head had appeared in the fireplace.

"We don't know that Molly. We can't work out how she did it with no memory of how to. We can't be sure she went anywhere or that she didn't splinch herself..."

"Oh Merlin" Lupin said as he rose from his chair.

"So we've lost her again?" Tonks asked.

Mr Weasley waved a hand behind him and made a 'quieten down' gesture to them as he addressed his colleague again,

"What _do_ you know?"

"Well she was at her workplace. She received a very upsetting phone call and was running off, somebody called out for her to come back and she spun around and _crack!_ She was gone."

Mr Weasley lowered his head and tried to make some sense of this.

"We've had to send a team to modify the memories of all the staff there, so many of them saw it Arthur...such a big job, do you think you can join them to...?"

There was a sound that made Mr Wealsey raise his finger to silence the head bobbing in the fireplace as he listened. Everybody in the house listened. It was a whirring sound. Panicked eyes darted from one Weasley to the other across the table and Mrs Weasley whimpered and moved towards the hallway. Percy jumped up from his seat and stopped her.

"No mother, let me check it." he said before steeling himself quickly and marching stiffly into the hall to look at the Weasley family clock on the wall.

The whirring sound stopped and there was a click as the hand that had been on the move came to a halt.

Nobody could see Percy except Mrs Weasley who was the only one standing. She wrung her hands and stared out of the doorway. She was trying to read Percy's face and everyone else was trying to read hers.

"Well?" Mrs Weasley said, a tremble in her voice.

Percy stepped back into the kitchen, his face white and his voice empty as he said two words,

"Mortal peril."

Harry didn't wait for the gasps and the fears and the questions. He didn't stay to hear the pained cries of Mrs Weasley. He didn't slow down when he heard Ginny screaming after him as he thudded up the stairs to his room.

"Wait for me Harry, don't go without me, wait for me!"

He had been having lunch and laughing and joking and getting embarrassed and flirting while...while...

He had been wasting valuable time.

Something was going horribly wrong. One of his friends had magically disappeared and the other one was in life threatening danger. What had been happening to him? He had been having soup and blushing.

"You can't go on your own Harry, you don't even have a wand, wait for me please wait!" Ginny cried out in desperation.

Harry skidded to a halt at his and Ron's old room, he reached out to turn the door knob but the door blew open as if a forceful gale had just blasted it from behind him and he dashed in and dove under his bed to retrieve the portkey.

There were other voices calling out now, shouts to him and to Ginny demanding to know what was going on, thudding footsteps on the stairs. Ginny's light steps were on the landing now and she was almost there but he couldn't wait another second. How long was the wait between someone being in mortal peril and someone being dead?

He heard two cracks as he ripped the translucent bag that protected the holder from the portkey and just as Ginny appeared at the open door and Fred and George apparated two feet ahead of her inside the room Harry's skin touched the old tin can and he whispered two words as the familiar pull behind his navel took him away from them.

_"Cedo Malori"_

ooo

His body slammed down onto what felt like cold damp grass and he heard a scream as something kicked him in the ribs and thudded down beside him.

He straightened his glasses on his nose and looked around at the vast green landscape before turning the other way to see the wide blue ocean. Then his eyes fell on the person who had fallen beside him, fallen over him as it turned out, and immediately recognised her from an oft-seen photograph.

"Hermione?"

She looked horrified and her eyes were flooded with tears as she scrambled to her feet.

"You're Hermione aren't you?"

"What's going on?" she whimpered as she backed away from him, her puffy eyes wide with fear and confusion.

"I don't know," Harry said as he tried to work out where they were and why, "the portkey brought me to you and you apparated here. Why did you do that?"

She looked at him as if he had gone mad,

"What are you talking about? How do you know my name?"

"We...We're supposed to know each other."

"Did you bring me here?" she snapped at him, "How did you do that? I was miles away and then I was here. How did you do that?"

"You did it."

"That's not possible!" she said, sniffing.

She was crying, why had she been crying?

"Are you hurt?"

She shook her head and took a step back from him as he took a step toward her.

"Look there's no way to...There's no way...I know what it feels like, this moment...I've had this moment and I didn't believe it either but you have to trust me Hermione."

"What the hell is going on?" she screamed, "Where did you come from?"

"I came from London. Listen I have to tell you some things and I hope you believe me because this is really unbelievable."

"Am I really here? Did I hit my head? Is this a hallucination?"

"No" Harry shook his head slowly.

She began to weep,

"But it has to be."

"It isn't I promise you."

She looked mortified,

"It must be. He can't be dead. This can't be real!"

Harry didn't understand this. This wasn't how he had reacted when Lupin had confronted him. Who can't be dead? Who was dead? Then Harry's eyes widened as he remembered what had instigated him to take the portkey himself in the first place.

"Ron" he said weakly.

She suddenly became very willing to listen to him,

"You know Ron?"

"_You_ know Ron?"

She began to tear up again and shook her head,

"I tried to help him. I tried to stop him. I was too late."

Harry felt hollow inside as she began to cry even harder than before.

"I was too far away." she sobbed before dropping her face into her hands.

Harry took a step forward and pulled her hands away and stared into her watery brown eyes,

"Where is he?"

She said nothing, just shook her head.

"Where's Ron?" Harry demanded, almost shaking her out of her tearful stupor.

She shuddered and looked him in the eye,

"He jumped."

The sound of the sea and the gulls and Hermione's cries seemed to be sucked into a vacuum, leaving him in a totally mute state, even the harsh breeze seemed to have been sucked away. He stood and stared at her like this for a fraction of a second before all the missing sensations came rushing back to him as quickly as they had gone.

_He jumped?_

"What do you mean he jumped?" Harry said, unable to blink.

She sniffed and shook her head, only able to lift her arm and point out toward the sea, Harry followed the invisible line from her finger with his eyes and then his feet. He took rapid long strides that grew into a hasty jog and then a panicked run. This couldn't have happened. He didn't know Ron at all but from what he had seen in memories and what he had been told and how his family felt about him Harry just knew that this wasn't something Ron would do. He couldn't have. This couldn't have happened.

He neared the edge of the cliff now and felt his throat constrict, the air within solidify like a lump of hard cement, and he swallowed. He saw Mrs Weasley's face, and Ginny and Percy and all the family, and he couldn't tell them this. He couldn't go home and tell them Ron had left them like this. He couldn't tell them he got here too late. He couldn't tell them he had something that might have saved him all along under his bed and that he had kept it a secret until the last minute. One minute, just one minute earlier, and things would've been different.

He slowed his pace as he reached the edge and peered over. There was still some hope wasn't there? Maybe he was clinging to the edge and all Harry would have to do would be to reach down and pull him up. Or maybe there was a ledge just a few feet down and Ron had landed on that. He leaned further over and saw no hands clinging to the edge, no ledge, just a sheer drop. Then he saw, at the bottom of the cliff, there on the sand...

"Oh my God!"


	41. Goodbye Stranger

**Chapter Forty - Goodbye Stranger**

"I have to go now."

"No stay and talk, stay and talk to me some more." she sounded so desperate.

"It's ok Hermione, I'm going to go and clear my head."

He lowered the receiver and rested it back on the cradle, ending the call, and waited for a second before lifting it again and letting it hang off the hook. He took another deep breath. She was right, it was relaxing him, he felt ready now.

The brisk wind chilled the wet streaks down his face and he wiped away the last of the tears he had shed. He turned to face the sea and smiled, it was just as huge and forgiving as last time. It looked a little rougher but the summer was long gone now so that was no surprise really. It was all about perspective he thought. The open sea that went on forever ahead of him, something that had no end, and something that was constant.

He began to walk away from the telephone box and away from the rest of the world. He folded his arms across him as an icy gust of wind cut through his sweatshirt as if it wasn't there and looked up at the sky. The sun was still bright despite the cold and he wondered if Jo had felt this moment of peace before she had made her last desision. He hoped she had. He hoped she hadn't been scared. He wasn't scared. He was about to find his relief.

He was Ron Weasley. He was born in Byward Lane, an alley in London, on a sunny afternoon. He was delivered by a passer by, it was a messy delivery and the blood got everywhere but he was soon cleaned up, and then he grew up a little and learned how do pick up a pen and write. He learned how to use a telephone and how to turn on the light in his room at night. He made friends and they had days at the beach and danced and laughed and tried new things every day until the long happy days grew shorter and darker. Then one of his friends died and he grew tired of life. So much life in such a short time made you grow old and weary so very fast. He needed to rest now. He needed to leave the same way he came into this world.

It would be messy and confusing but it would be quick.

He hadn't expected to get so upset over the phone. He hadn't expected to make that phone call at all but he knew he had to do it as soon as he saw the phone box there. He wasn't going to ask for Hermione, he just planned on talking to whoever picked up, but then there she was. It was fate. They both believed in that didn't they? She had said she was coming for him. She was probably lying. It was nice of her to do that for him though. She was the way he remembered her before, compassionate and kind, and she genuinely seemed upset at what he was going to do. He hoped she didn't blame herself; this wasn't about that one horrible call, he understood she had just been trying something new to help him. She had read a book on how to help him but it didn't work.

If only the answers to all of life's problems could be found in a book.

He reached the edge of the cliff and looked down at the sand and the waves creeping closer and closer inland. They would wash him away. They would wash him clean. He closed his eyes and felt the ever-familiar weight of lack of sleep holding down his eyelids. His head drooped forward and felt cold black sand between his toes, the salty water caressing his bare skin, the wrinkled hand of an old woman in his own while music played far away and the sun on his face while two people lay on the warm silky sand beside him laughing. He swayed slightly before snapping his head up again and waking from the first embrace of sleep.

Had he heard his name?

He looked down again. It would be like flying. He used to dream of flying sometimes, back when he was able to dream without images of his blood flowing and his friend dying and the word unclean being repeated in his head over and over again. His eyes were closed and his head weighed heavy once more he was soaring above the clouds smoothly, cutting through the canopy of the sky like a fine razor blade, and feeling safe. He was securely supported from below and had no fear of falling. He had no fear at all. Once again he thought he heard his name.

His eyes opened and the sun blinded him. He squinted and moved a little way forward, his shoes overhanging the edge of the cliff now. He wondered if he had always been this way or if something had happened to make it so hard to live with himself. His narrowed eyes fell closed again and he hoped that Dee would be ok without him.

"Did you never listen to anything I ever said to you or is it just this one thing you chose to ignore?"

He saw Jo standing beside him at the cliff edge smiling at him.

"It's good to see you" he smiled back at her.

She frowned,

"Coming after me so soon?"

"I need to clean myself up."

She sighed and shook her head,

"You're not paying attention. You've already done that."

Ron grinned at her.

"Since when were you so cryptic?"

"Hey you, I'm deep!"

"Deep or stupid? It didn't take a lot of depth to hang yourself."

She looked over the edge of the cliff,

"Look where you are."

"Could you just try and be a little bit less vague? Simplify it for me."

"I've made it about as simple as I can. It's just two words."

He frowned at her,

"_Two_?"

She smiled at him one last time before the sound of his name on the wind again forced his eyes open and he was once more alone and on the edge.

"No more dreams. No more cryptic conversations Jo." he whispered into the wind, "I'm done with it."

With that he tipped himself forward and dropped off the edge of the world.

"RON!"

The scream had shattered through his thoughts and the adrenaline rush of the fall and the sickening feeling that he'd left his stomach several feet behind him. He knew that voice. He knew that scream. He'd heard that somewhere before...

His arms tore open and blood spilled...she screamed his name...there was a bright light caused by four sticks...a man who looked like a snake...a crooked house in the countryside...a room full of red haired people...a beautiful woman in a wedding dress...a huge man carrying a purple bundle and crying...a flock of yellow birds...a steam train thundering through the countryside...a big black dog...a flying car...a huge chess set...a little boy with black hair and glasses...a warm, round woman with her arms around him...a little girl with long red hair laying on the lawn with him and watching the clouds drift by...the same little girl holding out a lollypop and grinning a toothless smile...

His eyes were wide and he saw the ground rushing up to meet him.

_Now? _His memory was coming back _now_?

He wanted more, he wanted to see it all, he wanted it all back. He wanted his life back, the life he never had. He felt so much love for him and he didn't know why or where it had come from but it was all around him and it was warm and sweet and soft and it made the fall worthwhile just to have felt it for one second.

Two seconds...

Three...

Shouldn't he have hit the ground by now? The beach drifted closer to him and he landed gently as if an invisible balloon cushioned his fall. Then he felt it, the damp sand against his skin as he rested his face down on the beach at the foot of Beachy Head, the wind blew and the warmth left him and he shivered as he realised that he had finally landed.

_Wait a minute shouldn't landed equal dead?_

He pushed himself up with his arms and looked around. He had definitely landed. He looked up to the top of the cliff. He had definitely jumped. He heaved himself up to his feet and felt every available inch of his body with his hands. He was most definitely not dead. He blinked a few times and shook his head to try and make some sense of what had just happened to him.

He was either dead or insane.

He looked up to the top of the cliff again and shielded his eyes from the sun. He thought he saw somebody peering over the edge, looking down at him, and he lowered his hand away from his face. The brilliant sun forced him to close his eyes and he felt himself falling again, but only as far as the sand beneath him, all he saw was black and the sound of the crashing waves faded into nothing.

He was too tired to fight off sleep anymore, there were too many thoughts, his mind shut down.

ooo

_A/N Well? Did I exceed expectations or do you want to throw dung at me for torturing you like that?_


	42. My Weakness Is None Of Your Business

**Chapter Forty-One - My Weakness Is None Of Your Business**

_"My weakness is none of your business. Somehow it always collects into one big melting pot. And all my weakness is none of your business but bad will always collect into one big melting pot."_

_Danny McNamara_

"Why isn't he waking up?" Harry asked the doctor as she nodded for he and Hermione to take a seat.

"After all the trouble I've had trying to get him to go to sleep you think I'm going to try and wake him up?" The doctor said, a little whistle escaping her teeth when she said 'sleep'.

Not long after he and Hermione had found the quickest way down to the bottom of the cliff a shaven-headed young man about their age had appeared at the top, looking over at them, and he was soon joined by members of staff from the clinic that the two of them were apparently patients at. This friend of Ron's, Dee the doctor had been calling him, had become very upset. Well he was more than upset. He hadn't seen Ron standing at the bottom of the cliff after jumping, looking around as if trying to understand what had just happened, all he had seen was Ron still form sprawled on the sand. It had been obvious what he had thought. What wasn't obvious was the idea that somebody could jump from that height and have nothing happen to them at all.

Harry knew that they couldn't explain their being there and he couldn't explain Ron surviving a suicide attempt like this without making himself and Hermione next in line for the straight jacket so he had told this doctor, Dr Rayner, that they were his friends and they had been looking for him and finally found him here. They saw him walking around at the bottom of the cliff and then collapse. That was their story. Hermione was pretty mute; Harry thought she must have still been trying to process everything that had just happened to her, to them all, so Harry was doing all the talking.

"What do you mean? Why don't you want him to wake up?"

"Harry, it is Harry isn't it?"

Harry nodded and she continued.

"Harry calm down, I do want him to wake up but you've got to understand that Ron hasn't been himself recently..."

"Oh I understand that," Harry snorted, "you have no idea how well I understand."

The doctor smiled a world-weary smile and went on as she glanced through the glass partition to the room where Ron was sleeping, surrounded by two very large men and watched over by the devastated looking Dee.

"He's been under a lot of stress and he stopped sleeping which impaired his judgement and his decision-making abilities greatly. He was suffering from nervous exhaustion and that was why we administered the sedative."

"He's been ill?" Harry said, his voice shrinking away from the expected answer.

"He's..." the doctor paused for a moment's thought before continuing, "...been suffering."

Harry looked back through the glass partition again and wondered why things had been so much worse for him than they had for he and Hermione. Well he knew why, Ron had nothing but magical memories, he was robbed of everything but that still didn't explain why things had gone quite as bad as this.

"He used to phone me." Hermione's cracking voice said, snapping Harry out of his meditation.

"That was you?" the doctor said, "You work for the Samaritans?"

Dr Rayner looked from Hermione to Harry,

"But I though you said the three of you were school friends?"

Harry nodded and shrugged,

"It's complicated."

The doctor shook her head,

"You're telling me!"

She focused upon Hermione once again, her red eyes glancing at Ron before dropping back to her hands in her lap.

"So Hermione, you know then don't you? You understand what I'm talking about."

Hermione nodded and turned to look, uncomfortably, up at Harry.

"He's been making himself physically ill by trying to handle all of his emotional problems on his own."

"Emotional problems?" Harry said to himself and frowned.

The doctor sat forward and caught his eye,

"I'm so glad you tracked him down, really, we've been trying to find his family from this end too but with no luck. Your timing was, well..." all three of them looked back at Ron, "...let's just say that we were in something of a landslide situation."

"Is that Dee?" Hermione suddenly asked as Harry noticed the shaven-headed friend of Ron's stand up and begin pacing back and forth.

The doctor nodded,

"Yes, that's Dee, he's going to be furious when he stops worrying."

Hermione nodded,

"He's already lost one of them and now this."

Harry wasn't following this but he didn't like to interrupt Hermione, she had been so out of it ever since the cliff.

"In many ways this time is worse." Doctor Rayner nodded, "Ron knew exactly what it felt like to have a friend do something like this to you and he still went ahead and... well at least threatened to do it."

Harry shuddered. Ron hadn't threatened to do it at all, he had done it, and this made the doctors words cut through him like a blade of ice.

"Harry," the doctor said, "We need to notify his family that he's here. Can you call his parents for me?"

_Oh shit!_

Harry realised the massive complication to his and Hermione's appearances at Beachy Head now. They had both disappeared from somewhere too. Neither of them knew any magic, well nothing they could perform intentionally anyway, and as far as the Weasleys were concerned the telephone was of no practical use whatsoever.

"They don't have a phone." Harry said with frustration, "I don't know how to get word to them that he's here...that _I'm_ even here an Hermione's parents must be..."

Harry realised that Hermione's parents were muggles.

"...They've got a phone!" his eyes were wide and he grabbed Hermione's sleeve and pulled her up out of her chair and over to the door, "Give us a second, I think we can get a message passed on."

"Harry I've got a phone you can use right here." the confused doctor said as he bundled Hermione out of the door and into the deserted corridor.

"Hermione you've got to call your parents and tell them that we've found Ron and that we're at the Meadows clinic in Spinney Gardens Eastbourne and tell them to contact the order and ask them to let the Weasleys know."

Hermione looked at him as if he was mad.

"Look I know I haven't really had time to explain all this to you properly but God Hermione think about his family, they must be frantic. Think about your parents, they must have heard that you just disintegrated in front of a room full of people today by now, you have to make this phone call."

Harry waved his arms in front of his face, dismissing that point as if it didn't really matter,

"That's not what it's called, I keep saying evaporated and that's not right, I can't remember. It's not important Hermione. Please you've got to do this."

Her eyes darted from side to side so rapidly that Harry was feeling a little dizzy, as a thousand questions seemed to whiz by her face,

"I disappeared from one place and reappeared in another. That really happened."

"Yes."

"And so did you but in a different way?"

"Yes!"

"And we all knew each other before but some magic spell erased our memories and magic exists and you're a wizard and I'm a witch?"

"Well when you say it like that it sound's crazy." Harry frowned.

"Does it? Does it really?" Hermione snapped, getting flustered now.

"Look I've heard you're quite a logical person so think about this will you? You were in Warwickshire and now you're in Eastbourne. You got here in a matter of seconds. How did you do that if there's no such thing as magic? Explain that to me Hermione."

She took a deep breath in and let it out again, shaking her head.

"When we're all back together with our families it can all be explained to you but I can't do it here and now, this isn't the time for it."

"Our families?" Hermione looked as if she had suddenly realised something that outraged her.

"Well yours and Ron's but Ron's family have kind of adopted me as far as I can tell..."

"My mum and dad _knew_ about this?" she hissed.

"What? Oh, well yeah they did. They've been trying to help us find Ron."

"They lied to me?" her voice trembled as her eyes widened, "They knew what had happened to me and they knew I could do things like jump from one part of the country to the other in an instant and they didn't say anything to me about it? They sent me away to live on my own and be utterly miserable and all this time they were..."

Harry understood and gripped her shoulders,

"Hermione I'm sure they were trying to keep you safe. I'm sure they did it for the best."

"The best! The bloody best!" she pointed to the solid wall, behind which Ron's sedated body was laying, "I told them I knew him, I told them I'd spoken to him and they didn't say anything even _then_!"

"Wait, what?" Harry was lost now.

"That's why she dropped the bloody phone and went all strange that time, my mother's not a butterfingers, she's a dentist! Dentist's don't drop things Harry!" she screamed.

"I don't...I don't know about any of this stuff, I'm sorry."

"They showed me a picture, I remember now, they showed me a picture that moved and it freaked me out and then it was gone as if nothing strange had ever happened and before I knew it we were packing my things. That was it. That was all the opening they tried to give me to understand this whole magical world thing? Five seconds to accept it or forget it for good. I told them. I told them I'd met somebody called Ron."

"Lots of people are called Ron." Harry said in a low voice, not wanting her to start shouting again.

She was getting subdued again and her voice was evening out once more,

"There's somebody I should meet who knows exactly what I'm going through. They were talking about you."

Harry had heard talk of a meeting with Hermione too and nodded.

"Yeah Hermione, they were going to bring you back into our world but they were going to do it slowly."

"You're my friend?"

Harry nodded,

"So they tell me."

She lowered her head and Harry lifted her chin with his hand.

"Even if they didn't tell me I'd still want to be."

She smiled a watery smile and took another breath,

"Ok, let's phone my parents."

ooo

The Weasleys arrived with Fleur, Tonks, Lupin and Neville. Harry saw the overwhelmed look on Dr Rayner's face at the crowd of people that had descended upon her quiet little clinic and heard her mutter to somebody that they may need a few more chairs. Harry tried not to laugh.

Mrs Weasley ran to Hermione and threw her arms around her; Hermione was a little stiff for a moment before softening and hugging the woman back.

"Oh I'm so glad to see you dear, I'm so glad you're alright, I couldn't believe it when I heard that you'd disapparated."

She released Hermione and smiled at her confused face.

"I'm Ron's mother by the way, you can call me Molly."

"Hello Molly."

At the mere mention of Ron's name the Weasley's looked franticly at Harry.

"He's sleeping" was all Harry could bring himself to say, he saw Ginny pushing past her brothers with a livid look on her face and she slapped Harry's face so hard that he was sure he could hear buzzing, "Ow! What was that for?"

"That was because you went without me!" she snapped before hugging him tightly and her rage melting away instantly, "You found him. You really found him?"

Mr Weasley took a step forward and shook Dr Rayner's hand.

"Arthur Weasley, pleased to meet you, where is my son please?"

Dr Rayner knew she was in it up to her neck if she didn't handle this the right way. There were so many people here,

"Well would the two of you like to come inside and the rest of you could maybe wait in our day room."

"We're not going anywhere." Fred, George, Ginny and Bill said as one.

They crowded into Ron's room; it was empty but for the sleeping Ron and one very large orderly at his side. Mrs Wealsey rushed to his side but the orderly stood between the two of them.

"Mrs Weasley your son really has to sleep, Steven will stand back as long as you understand that we shouldn't wake him at the moment." Dr Rayner explained.

Mrs Weasley nodded and the big man stepped aside. He pulled a chair forward for her to sit on as she took Ron's hand and kissed the back of it.

"Thank you," she whispered to Stephen before looking up at her husband with fresh tears in her eyes and a relieved smile breaking over her face, "We found him Arthur. We finally found him."

Mr Weasley joined his wife and squeezed her shoulder as another chair was offered up to him,

"No, I prefer to stand but maybe..."

Ginny didn't wait for anybody else to take up the offer and sat down beside her mother, briefly toughing Ron's hand as it rested in her mother's as if she needed to feel that he was really there.

"Surely his injuries have healed by now." Percy said, "Why is he still recovering? The accident was so long ago."

Dr Rayner sighed and looked from one expectant Weasley to the other,

"You think that he had an accident?"

Harry saw Percy realise what the doctors at this clinic had been treating his brother for,

"It _was_ an accident doctor. We know what it must've looked like but my brother's not like that."

"What _is_ your brother like?" the doctor asked him with a sad smile.

"What are you saying?" Bill interrupted, "What did you do to him?"

"I've done nothing to your brother, he's been...hurting himself." she began.

"No he hasn't!" Bill yelled.

Fleur tugged at his arm and tried to calm him down, he shook her off and took a step towards Dr Rayner. Stephen, the large orderly, took a step towards Bill in turn.

"There's an explanation for that. It was all a misunderstanding." Bill seethed.

"There's no misunderstanding Mr Weasley, Ron's been suffering from depression."

"You're wrong!" Bill yelled again.

Ron stirred in his bed and everybody's attention was momentarily distracted.

"Look at him," the doctor said calmly, "you can see that he needs his sleep, you can see that I'm right about that can't you? Please keep your voice down."

Bill complied but didn't apologise, his scars twisting his face into a vicious scowl,

"You're wrong." he growled, keeping his voice as low as he could manage.

"No she isn't Bill." a voice from somewhere behind Harry said sadly.

Fred stepped forward and looked at Ron from a distance,

"I've seen it before, he had this look on his face and I just knew," he looked at the swollen black eye and winced, "hell even the bruise is familiar." he snorted as he lowered his head.

"Fred dear you don't know what you're saying," Mrs Weasley said before turning back to Ron's doctor, "listen doctor Rayner, I understand your concern for my son and I thank you for it but we'll just take him home when he wakes up if you don't mind."

"Mrs Weasley I really don't think that's a good idea." the doctor said as she glanced at a tensing Stephen.

"Well right now I really don't care what you think," Bill hissed, "mum's right, we're taking him home."

Harry was shocked. Ginny looked afraid. Fleur looked worried.

"Now Bill, Molly," Lupin interjected, "this is not the way. We didn't drag Harry back to the Burrow did we?"

Mrs Weasley rose to her feet and looked Lupin in the eye,

"I want my boy to come home with me. They can't keep him here against his will."

"And you can't force him to leave." Dr Rayner said, she was a brave woman, Harry thought to himself as the two women faced-off in silent but protective fury over the still body in the bed between them.

Mr Weasley grabbed his wife's shoulders to try to hold back some of her maternal rage,

"Molly please, think of Ron, this place is what he knows. He won't know us will he?"

Lupin took another step closer,

"Arthur's right Molly, remember how slowly we had to take it with Harry at first?"

Bill seemed to get a second wind on seeing his mother being talked out of her moral stand and decide to take over for her,

"But Remus look at him! Look at the state of him. He's not being looked after here."

The doctor's self control was admirable,

"As I have explained, he has been doing this to himself."

Bill glared at the doctor and snapped at her ferociously,

"You really need to stop talking now."

Charlie was in front of his snarling brother in an instant,

"Bill outside _now_!" he demanded as he began pushing his older brother toward the open door.

Bill strained against the force of Charlie's powerful arms as Fleur rested her hand on the side of his face.

"Shar-lee is right Beel, you need to ztay calm..."

"I've heard enough of her shit, I'm taking Ron home." Bill growled as he fought against his much stronger brother.

"You are acting like a prat and I'm taking you outside!" Charlie said firmly as he wrestled him out the door, "We don't need this right now Bill, think for a minute will you?"

"That stupid bitch won't listen to sense," Bill spat as he tried to force his way back into the room, being held back by both Charlie and Fleur now, "he got cut by somebody else. He didn't fucking do it!"

"So it wasn't him trying to jump off a cliff this afternoon either?"

The room froze. Harry cringed. Hermione yelped.

Charlie and Fleur let their arms fall to their sides as they stared at the doctor who stood firm before the entire Weasley family. Bill was free to move as he pleased but he stood rigid as a statue in the doorway and blinked.

"What are you saying?" Bill said as he let out the breath he had been holding since the doctor had spoken.

Dr Rayner looked Harry in the eye and he felt his insides turn to lead.

"Why don't you ask Harry and Hermione? They saw the whole thing."

ooo

Bill was sitting cross-legged in one corner of the room, Fleur and Charlie on either side of him as he meditated, he had almost lost control completely when he heard that Ron had asked Hermione why nobody had come looking for him. Mrs Weasley had broken down when she heard that Ron had only called Hermione so that somebody would notice that he was gone. She had upset herself so much over this that she had actually fainted into Mr Weasley's arms. In another corner of the room was the unconscious form of the doctor slumped in a chair beside the equally unconscious Stephen. They had been stunned so Harry and Hermione could explain exactly what had happened that afternoon without having to avoid the subject of magic.

Harry glanced over at Hermione, she was standing by the open door, and they shared a silent moment of reassurance. This family had just been totally devastated by the news that, not through Voldemort or Death Eaters or any outside force, Ron had almost died. The person they all thought they knew was a stranger to them. The person they had told Harry all about had been lost. The person they loved so deeply and whom they had tried so hard to find all this time had given up on them. Ginny had been struggling not to cry for so long but was eventually lost to her emotions and being comforted by Tonks while Lupin tried to clear his own head about how they could get out of the situation they had created, stunning two muggles and kidnapping a mental patient from his clinic. He knew there was no way now that the Weasleys would allow Ron to stay here alone.

Harry watched Percy leaning over his unconscious brother and examining his bruised eye and the cut on his cheek. He pulled out his wand and pointed it at Ron's face, mumbling something under his breath, and waving his wand. The bruise and the cut healed instantly and Ron's eyelids fluttered open.

"Ron?" Percy gasped, not expecting his healing charm to have revived his youngest brother as well.

On realising that Ron had regained consciousness the entire Weasley family crowded around his bed, Harry and Hermione remained at the doorway, while Lupin struggled to keep the clan under control.

"Don't crowd him!" the worried wizard called to the back of so many red heads.

Harry couldn't see Ron's immediate reaction to this scene on waking up by he saw what came seconds after. He saw Ron throw off his bed covers as if they were restraints and slide up the wall, his back pressed hard against it like a cornered animal, as he stared at the group who surrounded him with fear. There wasn't one ounce of recognition registering upon his face as he scanned the concerned faces and leapt off of the bed and ran for the door. He was halted by Charlie grabbing him and trying to explain who they all were but Harry noticed where Ron's eyes had fallen. He was staring at the unconscious body of the only person in that room he recognised, his doctor, who was slumped in a chair and apparently dead. This was not good.

"Ronnie!" Mrs Weasley gasped as she fought to get to her panicked son.

Lupin and Tonks were trying to get the other Weasleys to back off a little but with little success.

"Ron, it's your mum," Mrs Weasley said as she took Ron from Charlie's grip and looked into his fearful eyes, "I'm your mum. You don't remember me but..."

Ron squirmed away from her and backed into a wall, his breathing didn't sound too good, and Harry began to fear that Ron was about to hyperventilate.

"We've found you son," Mr Weasley smiled, though staying as far back as his fatherly instinct would allow him to, "we've been looking for you this whole time and now we've found you. I'm your dad Ron, it's ok, we're not going to hurt you."

Ron's eyes were scarily wide and he shook his head as his breathing became even more irregular.

"Listen," Lupin said firmly, "there's too many of us, we're going to have to back off for a moment and go into the hallway while Ron gets used to this idea."

"What and leave him on his own?" Bill snapped as if Lupin was the stupidest man on the planet.

"No, we'll leave him with your mother and father Bill, we'll go outside until he's ready to meet the entire entourage ok?" Tonks said, determination setting up stall in her eyes.

Neville didn't even hesitate in reaching out for Ginny and pulling her to the doorway,

"Come on, we'll wait outside, Professor Lupin is right, we don't want to upset him."

Ginny was reluctant but clearly not opposed to leaving the room for a minute or two, as Neville moved alongside Harry he reached out and took Ginny's hand from him,

"It's ok Neville, I'll look after her, I think you should get Fred and George out."

Neville nodded and went back into the group to try and coax the Weasley twins outside. Harry hugged Ginny who was stiff and staring at her newly recovered brother with fear and pity.

"He's frightened of us" she whimpered.

Harry rubbed his hand up and down her back as he said soothing things to her while Hermione took a deep breath and stepped forward.

"Right, all of you who aren't Ron's mum and dad, get out now!" she snapped.

Everyone in the room froze and stared at her. Neville snapped out of it before the twins did and found himself able to shove them out into the corridor before they even realised they had been evicted from the room. Tonks and Fleur had bundled the borderline psychotic Bill outside while Charlie watched him threateningly and followed them close behind. Percy didn't need any persuasion, he left of his own accord and stopped in the doorway to check on Ginny but Harry nodded and smiled him a reassuring smile before he joined the rest of his brothers. All that was left in the room was Mr and Mrs Weasley and Ron; Hermione was turning to leave them in peace when Ron made a break for the door.

Hermione caught him around the shoulders and held him back, she looked into his eyes and spoke with a stronger voice that the tears in her eyes allowed Harry to give her credit for.

"Ron it's me, it's Hermione, you know me don't you?"

Ron's eyes focused on her face and he looked at her pleadingly before letting out a shuddering sigh and lowering his head.

"I came for you, just like I said I would, I came to get you but you didn't wait for me remember?" she said, her voice still sounding strong despite her physical presence failing her completely.

Mrs Weasley took a tentative step toward them as Hermione continued.

"I know you're confused, you're still sedated and how you managed to wake up from that I'll never know but you did and now your mother just wants to see you. She wants to know that you're alright. She's worried about you."

Mrs Weasley smiled a pained smile at Hermione as she finished her little pep talk. Ron had done nothing more than shake his head again. Harry could see that he was trembling quite violently now.

"Ron," Mrs Weasley said with great caution as she laid a hand on her son's back, "we understand that you don't remember but we want you to know that we love you alright?"

Ron swallowed and shook his head again, even more vigorously this time, and backed away from the tearful woman.

"We were looking for you Ron. We never stopped looking I promise." she said, her voice cracking with the emotion, she had obviously never thought a day would come that she would have to persuade one of her children that she loved them.

Harry realised that Ron was suspicious of her behaviour, as if he was waiting for Mrs Weasley to turn into something else and attack him. Ron took another couple of steps back away from her. He seemed to shake his head as if shaking a troublesome thought out of his brain. He looked up and seemed heartbroken to see the woman who claimed to be his mother still standing before him, her arms now outstretched.

"Ron," she said as she grabbed him and pulled him into an embrace that her fought against with all of his strength, "say something to me. Please just tell me you understand what I'm saying to you."

Ron was shaking and breathing even more erratically now and Harry felt Ginny cling to him even harder now. He was so mortified at the idea that these strange people in this room were his family that it make Harry's chest hurt.

Ron finally managed to squirm out of his mother's arms and backed away so fast that he hit the wall behind him. Mrs Weasley suddenly changed her entire demeanour and stormed forward to him, gripping his head in her hands and almost shouting into his fearful face.

"Pull yourself together Ronald Weasley! Answer me, do you understand what I'm saying to you?"

Ron's breathing was audible now and Harry felt that couldn't be a good thing as his eyes welled up and he tried to extricate himself from his mother's maternal grip.

"Say something!" she screamed at him.

Ron slid down the wall and out of her hands, spinning and ducking away from his father as he tried to get a grip on his escapee son, and Ron ran past Harry and Ginny and out the door into the corridor into his brothers. Bill and Charlie barred his way but Percy, Fred and George had moved aside to let him through. Fleur had been crying Harry noticed as she tried to remind Bill that he didn't want to hurt Ron. Charlie was, fortunately, the one who had got the best grip on his frantic brother and was now wrestling him to the ground.

"Ron, I'm not going to hurt you but I can't let you leave ok? Please stop fighting me, I'm your brother."

Ron was kicking and struggling on the floor with Charlie as Bill finally lost all the cool that his meditation had provided him and lunged for his baby brother, ripping him from Charlie's grip and slamming him with great force against one of the closed doors along the corridor.

"What in Merlin's name have they done to you Ron?" Bill seethed as he looked into his horrified eyes, "You're safe now ok? We're taking you home and these people won't be able to plant any more ridiculous ideas into your head."

Ron was completely hyperventilating now and Harry was worried about him, so was Hermione who had stormed forward through the wall of Weasleys and screeched at Bill to let Ron go.

"They've lied to you Ron," Bill seethed, "they've told you you're something you're not and I'm getting you out of here now whether you like it or not."

The door Ron was being held up against suddenly opened and Bill lost his grip on his brother as he fell backwards into the room. A fist flew out and connected with Bill's jaw, sending him flailing to the floor. The figure of the shaven headed young man who had sat at Ron's bedside earlier that afternoon stepped out, ready to take another swing at the prostrate Bill.

"Over my dead body!"

Bill stared up at his attacker as if he was seeing the devil incarnate standing before him.

"Malfoy?"

ooo

_I have suffered ever writer's nightmare and had the last part of this chapter erased by a computer malfunction so I am not happy with it at all but unable to recreate my original version no matter how hard I try. I hope it didn't show as much as I'm sure it does._

_My original deadline for completion of this story was before the general release date of Goblet of Fire but I'm not sure that's going to happen now. The story is ending but I wont hurry it or speed it up, it'll end at it's own pace so no more comments about pacing please...it's out of my hands now._

_Thanks to all the hidden readers who came out of the woodwork to review the cliff top chapters. I've yet to review any fan fic that I've read myself so I'm more one of you than anybody...I don't seem to think myself worthy of criticising anybody else's work so I don't do it._

_Also, I have noticed a certain number of reviewers are; let's say 'Jo-minded' and I just wanted to accept my responsibility to you guys. I am very honest about my own emotional problems on my blog, which you can access via my fan fic profile, and if you really want to talk you can try to get me through Yahoo Instant Messenger. My YIM name is oncelikeshari. I am Shari by the way!_

_I'm glad that you guys now see that you are not alone and that even the most likeable people can suffer from self-doubt._

_Don't be shy about contacting me about this stuff...I have a lot of time for my kindred spirits._


	43. My Rock

**Chapter Forty-Two - My Rock**

"You touch him again and I'll fucking kill you!" the furious shaven-headed young man spat down at Bill as he lay sprawled on the floor.

Draco Malfoy crouched down beside the now dangerously hyperventilating Ron and gently rested his hands on his shoulders.

"Look at me mate, look at me and breathe ok?" Dee said with so much kindness in his voice George couldn't even recognise him as the same person who had just threatened Bill or even the same person who had said such spiteful things to Ron throughout their school lives together.

Ginny had broken away from Harry and taken a step forward, confusion written all over her face as she watched this scene play out before her eyes.

"Breathe with me ok?" Malfoy said, keeping eye contact with Ron as he sat on the floor breathing erratically, "In...and out...and again...and out..."

Malfoy was helping Ron. George couldn't quite get his head around that. He registered the need to question why Malfoy was here at all but that could wait as far as he was concerned. Malfoy, the boy who had almost poisoned Ron on his seventeenth birthday, was regulating his breathing after having knocked Bill for six and telling him he would protect Ron to the death. What planet was George living on because it certainly wasn't the one he was familiar with?

"That's it," Malfoy was smiling as Ron's breathing evened out and George saw his brother's hands gripping the sleeve of his archenemy in desperation.

"Dee I can't wake up!" Ron finally spoke, his voice sounded so desperate that George couldn't look at him.

Instead he looked at Fred who was looking quite sick. George didn't know if this nausea was because of Malfoy being the only one able to get Ron to speak or the fact that Ron had obviously thought that the entire existence of his family was just a figment of his imagination.

"It's ok, they're really here mate, and they really came for you." Malfoy said with a smile he didn't mean.

George was confused now. He knew that Malfoy wasn't happy about the family having found Ron but it wasn't out of spite, he could clearly see that in his expression, he seemed to be upset that he had lost Ron to the family. George shook his head in disbelief. If he didn't know any better he would have thought that Malfoy was afraid he was about to lose Ron.

Ron's eyes teared up and he shook his head in the same way he had done when their mum had been trying to explain who they were to him.

"It's not real, they're not here," he whimpered as he began to hyperventilate again, "I've gone mad I know I have."

"Ron breathe!" Malfoy ordered.

Bill was crawling forward now, still partially dazed and partially outraged that a Malfoy was talking to his brother,

"Get off him." Bill growled.

Malfoy turned on Bill with hate in his eyes,

"I don't know who the fuck you are but I swear to you if you try to hurt him I'll kill you here and now."

Bill looked both challenged and impressed at this statement.

"He's my brother, I wouldn't hurt him, you on the other hand..."

"I, on the other hand, am somebody you don't know." Malfoy scowled, "You're his brother yeah?"

Bill nodded.

"Where the fuck have you been?" Malfoy snapped.

George felt his mother fight the need to correct the fowl language, frozen and dumfounded by the fact that her son had started speaking again but only at the presence of his mortal enemy.

Bill didn't even take in Malfoy's question, he simply seemed to register his presence for what it was...suspicious.

"What did you do to him? You did it didn't you?" Bill hissed.

Ginny obviously couldn't take it any more and ran to Ron's side, taking his hand in hers,

"It's ok Ron, you're ok now, I'm your sister Ginny. You're safe now."

Ron pulled his hand away from her and he looked to Malfoy with wide eyes.

"Look, here's another one that knows me" Ron managed to get out between paralysing breaths.

Malfoy turned his attention back to Ron and picked up on their breathing pattern as if there had been no interruption at all.

"In...two, three...out...two, three..." he smiled at Ron with reassurance before turning to Ginny, "You're his sister right?"

Ginny nodded, somewhat shocked at being addressed by a wannabee murderer,

"Yes."

"Keep his breathing regular, he'll pass out otherwise and then I'll be really pissed off!" Malfoy spat before turning his attention back to Bill.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Bill growled.

"I'm a patient and I'm his friend." Dee responded in kind.

George laughed out loud at this. Percy, Charlie and their parents turned and stared at him in disgust but Fred simply took a step forward and called out to Malfoy.

"Have you lost your memory too?"

Malfoy looked at Fred and seemed to prepare himself for another Weasley onslaught,

"Yes, we worked out that we knew each other and that I was there when...when..."

"He got hurt." Lupin finished Malfoy's sentence for him and Malfoy nodded.

Fred was about to say something else when Ron gasped and gripped Malfoy's arm,

"I'm...I'm dead!"

"No you're not, you've just got...really shitty timing." Malfoy said with some force, George could have sworn that he was angry with Ron as well as protective of him.

"But no one's looking for me, they say they're my family but it's not...they're not...nobody came and I...I..." Ron sputtered.

George tried his hardest not to let a tear escape, that wasn't who he was; he wasn't a crier.

"I know what you did." Malfoy said, now not hiding the anger he felt for Ron.

"I jumped Dee, I'm dead."

"No you're not."

"But I have to be otherwise I'm mad."

Ron was almost pleading with Malfoy as he spoke. It was as if he was begging to be told that he had died in that fall. George felt his body sway and Fred took another step forward while Bill angrily hauled Malfoy away from Ron.

"He's been tricking you Ron, he's not your friend, you've got to listen to me." Bill demanded of his brother as Malfoy fell back onto his behind.

Fleur and Charlie moved toward Bill at the same time and tried to pull him away, his residual werewolf rage threatening to take complete control of his rationality entirely now.

"This isn't winning him over you prat!" Charlie hissed as he held Bill's arms behind his back.

"Beel, you cannot be trusted right now, you are all aneemal and no Weaslee." Fleur sighed as she stroked the side of his face.

Ron squinted at Fleur and whispered,

"Parlez vous Francais?"

"Oui," Fleur smiled sadly at him, "as do you."

Ron shook his head at the veela,

"I can't...remember."

Ginny seemed to get some hope from this and pulled his face around to her with her hand,

"We understand that, we want to show you and help you, and if you never remember that doesn't matter. We love you Ron."

His face didn't seem to even register her words and her eyes filled with tears as he turned away from her and stared at Malfoy,

"Wake me up Dee, please wake me up."

Malfoy looked upset, this was the strangest thing George thought to himself as he watched the son of a notorious Death eater lift Ron's chin so gently and whisper,

"You are awake mate, and don't worry I'm here, I won't let them do anything you don't want to. I won't let them take you anywhere you don't want to go."

Ron shook his head in the way that seemed so familiar to George now,

"No. This can't be, I jumped I know I did, it's supposed to stop now. Why am I still here? What did I do wrong?"

Ron didn't appear to be talking to anybody now but Malfoy took the question as if it was addressed at him.

"What you did wrong was lying to me." Malfoy gripped Ron by the front of his sweatshirt and pulled him into him so they were nose to nose, "You swore to me, you promised me Ron, ' I'm not going to drown myself in the bath Dee' ' I'm not going to hang myself Dee I promise', you lied to me."

"I'm sorry." Ron sighed a desperate sigh.

"No you're fucking not!" Dee yelled as he shook Ron furiously, "You're just sorry you didn't die, you're not sorry that you did it are you? How could you do that to me, and after what happened with Jo? You selfish fucking bastard!"

Malfoy released Ron to backhand him across the face. The already livid Bill yanked Malfoy away from him and threw him a little way along the corridor.

Ginny had screamed and thrown her arms around Ron to protect him. Fleur had clasped both hands to Bill's head and done some kind of Veela trick to fill him with calming giddy love and Charlie had stepped between Ron and Malfoy, still not quite as hate-filled as Bill but not at all happy at seeing his troubled brother smacked around while he was in that state of mind.

"Leave him alone" Ron said as he struggled to his feet, shrugging Ginny off as he did.

"You're confused Ron, you don't know what kind of person this is." Charlie tried to explain.

"I know him a hell of a lot more than I know you lot" Ron said coldly.

It was then that George realised that the clout about the head had knocked some sense back into Ron and that he was now more than coherent...and didn't trust his family one little bit.

"Where were you?" Malfoy spat from his position sprawled on the floor, "Where were you all this last couple of weeks when he needed you?"

George heard his mother speak at last, it was amazing, he had almost forgotten that she was even there,

"We were looking."

"He wasn't hiding lady!" Malfoy bellowed at her and she almost cowered, a sight that made George want to kick Malfoy in the head.

Lupin and Tonks were frozen on the spot and it had only been the reawakening of Molly Weasley that had shaken them out of their state of disbelief.

"Draco, I'm not going to hit you or shout at you or mistrust you in anyway but you have to trust us when we say we are just as concerned about Ron as you are."

Charlie snorted at this statement but Lupin carried on as if he hadn't heard a thing.

"I used to be your teacher y'know Draco? Yours and Ron's and Harry's and Hermione's," Lupin had gestured to Ron's two silent friends at this part of his speech.

Hermione was standing away from Harry at this time, forward from the group but not forcing herself upon Ron in his fragile state, and Harry was still hanging back by the door with Neville.

"Neville too, see Ron?" Lupin pointed the young man out to Ron as he shivered for no apparent reason.

"I don't expect you to remember me, don't worry Ron." Neville shrugged.

Malfoy grunted and said,

"You sound just like him" and nodded to Ron.

George knew something was amiss for sure now. Draco Malfoy had just acknowledged that Neville Longbottom had spoken.

Lupin continued,

"You see Ron, you have a very large family and lots of friends who have been searching for you, we just aren't very good at finding people via...normal methods that's all."

George heard his mother's voice again,

"We never gave up on you Ronnie, never."

Ron edged toward Malfoy, who was hauling himself up from the floor,

"Really?" he said, sounding entirely unconvinced.

His mother's voice now sounded as if it had been weakened slightly,

"We just want to take you home, back to the Burrow, and try to help you to remember."

Ron had frowned at this statement and turned to Malfoy who looked exactly the same way back at him.

"Burrow?" Dee said before Ron shook his head as if dismissing some kind of coincidence.

"That's your home Ron. That's where you belong." George heard his mother say with more strength than before.

Ron shook his head again and muttered,

"A hole in the ground full of vermin."

George suddenly felt the need to give Ron a firm whack around the back of the head for saying this as his mother had just lost her resolve and resumed her weeping.

George hadn't known what Fred was thinking right now but the two of them seemed to move forward at the exact same moment. Just as they did Malfoy had begun talking to Ron as if none of them were there at all.

"Listen Ron, I know this is all a bit much right now. I know that you're tired and that you still haven't got your head straightened out yet but _look_ at these people mate..." George saw Ron and Malfoy glance sideways at the group of hurt and concerned Weasleys staring back at them, "...they're _clearly_ related to you."

George felt as if a ton weight had been lifted from his shoulders as the slightest hint of a smile crept over Ron's face at this observation.

Malfoy became very sombre then,

"I don't know what happened to you on that cliff, but I know you jumped, and I will kick the shit out of you when we have sorted all this mess out over that I assure you. But right now Ron, right now we...you have to listen to these people because they've been who you were looking for all this time and they clearly care about you."

"They clearly hate you," Ron said shakily, "and I don't know why."

Malfoy smiled,

"Well let that be their problem ok? You're not going anywhere without me."

Ron really did smile at that. George felt sick.

"Whoa no, what are you saying ferret-boy? You're not coming back with us," he sputtered.

Ron seemed to be something of his old self again, George recognised the same resolve he had seen when he had stood up to their mother and told her that he was going with Harry no matter what she had to say about it,

"Either he comes with me or I don't come at all."

There wasn't a single Weasley who had a thing to say about this. The only person who spoke was Hermione.

"He's Ron's friend, it wouldn't be right to leave him."

Ron smiled a grateful smile at her and said,

"How did you get here so fast?"

Hermione shrugged,

"I know you won't believe it's possible right now but I'm just as confused as you are."

Ron looked at Malfoy, who seemed to be out of this particular loop,

"Dee, this is Hermione, she's my other friend who isn't you."

Malfoy didn't seem to have understood this statement, and George didn't think he really had either, but he smiled at Hermione anyway,

"Nice to meet you Hermione."

"It's good to meet you at last too Dee." Hermione smiled back at him.

George felt as if something had happened that he hadn't been informed about. Who the hell was Dee? Why did Hermione like Malfoy? Why was Malfoy nice to Hermione? How did Ron already know who Hermione was when she hadn't been trying to persuade him that he did as the rest of them had done?

"I'm sorry about...your friend." Hermione said, the smile fading from her face now.

Malfoy's smile faded as well,

"Me too."

Ron frowned suddenly and nudged Malfoy to get his attention,

"She really was blonde underneath y'know?"

George had no idea where that had come from or what it was supposed to mean. Malfoy had understood though and given him a sad chuckle.

Tonks seemed to have decided to take charge now that everybody else was too confused to fight anymore,

"So let's get Ron some shoes and Malfoy some clothes and we'll all go back to Grimmauld Place together shall we?"

Everybody silently nodded, everybody except for Hermione, Ron and Malfoy who seemed to ask in unison,

"Where?"

ooo


	44. A Stranger At My Table

**Chapter Forty-Three - A Stranger At My Table**

"So what's been the worst part of this week for you then Charlie?" Fred asked him as they sat on the garden wall at the Burrow and watched Harry, Hermione, Ron and Malfoy wandering around in the distance chatting together.

"Well for me it would have to be Ron repeatedly calling mum Mrs Weasley." Charlie sighed.

George nodded as Fred grimaced.

"Personally I'm having trouble with Draco Malfoy sitting at our dinner table and eating our food." George muttered.

"Then of course there's always Bill's visits." Fred said as the three of them watched Harry jog back towards the house, "There's something of a winning combination when it comes to him not being able to look at Ron or Malfoy and Ron and Malfoy not turning their backs on him when he's around. That's always nice."

Harry reached the back door of the Burrow and smiled a greeting to the three of them.

"Hi guys, have you seen Ginny around anywhere?" he asked them.

"In her room." Fred nodded.

As Harry moved to go into the house George grabbed his arm and pulled him back,

"So what are you lot talking about then? Anything interesting?"

"Nothing much, just all the weird stuff we've got to get used to," Harry shrugged, "although Ron's quite a bit happier now that he's discovered the dreamless sleep potion."

Charlie's heart sank a little at being reminded of those first couple of nights of Ron's screams before they got hold of some of the potion at Ginny's suggestion.

"I think Dee's a lot happier because of that too." Harry smiled as he looked back at the remainder of the group in the distance.

"Yeah, good old 'Dee' eh?" George snorted bitterly.

Harry sighed,

"Look I know what you all told me about the kind of person Dee used to be but that's not who he is now alright? He's cool, you should talk to him."

Fred and George looked at Harry as if he was a poor deluded fool who needed a good talking to.

"Well I think Fred and George are kind of caught up in that whole, he tried to kill Dumbledore and very nearly killed Ron thing, it's kind of hard to forgive that." Charlie sighed, he had to admit, he was with Fred and George on this one.

Harry then got that same defensive look that Ron always showed these days when anybody showed any sign of mistrust as far as Malfoy was concerned,

"Well he _didn't_ actually kill anybody did he? Besides, have you seen how he is with Ron? Whatever Draco did in the past Dee's made up for it now. Maybe you should give him a break."

Harry stomped into the house and Fred and George gaped at one another with disbelief.

"Harry defending Malfoy?" Fred said.

"I don't care what he says, I'm keeping an eye on him." George scowled as he watched Malfoy slap Ron's hand away from his wrist and wag his finger.

ooo

There was a knock at her bedroom door and she knew it would be him.

"Come in Harry."

"No why don't you come out?" Harry said.

Ginny looked up and saw him leaning against her doorframe with that trouble-making look on his face that she knew all too well.

"What for?" she sighed.

Harry's mischievous glint faded into a frustrated frown as he stepped into her room and closed the door behind him.

"Listen Ginny, he's your brother, you wanted him back home no matter what state he was in do you remember saying that?"

She lowered her head. She had wanted this more than anything in the world. Harry, Ron and Hermione back at the Burrow together and unharmed. It was more than she could've hoped for. So why did it hurt so much?

"Well I guess I'm just selfish aren't I?" she snapped as she walked over to the window and looked out at the three figures in the distance as they sat on the grass and relaxed.

"I didn't say that." Harry began

"No Harry, _I'm _saying it, I've been watching you all and he's so relaxed when he's with the three of you. Throw one of his family into the mix and it's like...it's..."

She lowered her head. She couldn't say it out loud. It was as if Ron didn't want them anymore. He wouldn't let him mum cuddle him, he wouldn't joke around with Fred and George, he couldn't wait to leave a room when Bill came into it and he was uncomfortably distant with their father and Percy. Charlie hadn't even been staying at the house after the first night. There had been something just plain wrong about how when Ron's nightmares had tormented him in the middle of the night Malfoy had been the first one to his room and the only one to calm him down. It had been her suggestion that they get him some dreamless sleep draught but it had only been Hermione's persuasion that had got him to drink it.

They were the people he listened to now. Hermione, Malfoy and Harry.

Then there was the fact that he was able to trust Lupin, Tonks and Neville whenever they came by the Burrow to see how they were doing. Neville had stayed on at Grimmauld Place and Harry used to go in for a spot of lunch on his way into work.

Ah yes, Harry still worked. Harry still worked and had a room at the YMCA, though he only stayed there a couple of nights in a week, and Hermione was still flooing to Leamington to take her Latin lessons of an evening. Then there was that strange morning routine that Ron and Malfoy had going on where neither of them would come to breakfast until after Ron had gone off into a separate room with Hermione and just sat around talking about nothing in particular for about ten minutes. Ginny had tried to talk to him once but he had just given her basic 'yes' and 'no' answers to her questions and vague shrugs to any other question that couldn't be answered with either.

"It isn't his fault that he got stuck in a mental institution with somebody you all hate." Harry muttered under his breath.

"That isn't it!" Ginny spun around in outrage at the idea she could be so mean spirited to her own brother.

"Then what is it then?" Harry snapped back.

"It's..." it was the unspoken topic that was on the mind of every Weasley every minute of every day since they found him, "...It's what he did alright?"

Harry lowered his head and didn't say a word.

Ginny sighed and sat down on the corner of her bed,

"I just can't believe he did it that's all. Then again I can. We were all just so certain that the slashed wrists were an accident or an attack by some other person. We were so sure that he wouldn't...he couldn't..."

"He didn't." Harry said as he sat down beside her.

Ginny looked up at him, her eyes wide,

"He remembers what happened? _You_ remember?"

He shook his head.

"Hermione's been doing her junior psychologist thing and come up with a pretty strong case that he didn't do it."

Ginny didn't want to get her hopes up as she asked,

"What case is this then?"

Harry seemed reluctant to tell her this. She found that strange, as this was hardly bad news.

"Well Ron's dreams...nightmares I should say, well they always have his wrists ripping open in them and this word said over and over again."

"What word?"

"That's not important, the thing is that his wrists just rip open, there's never been a knife or any kind of blade and Ron's never dreamt that he's been doing it himself. It's always been done _to_ him not by him."

Ginny managed to let herself smile, but only briefly.

"So all we need to do now is prove that he was magically pushed off that cliff."

Harry's smile vanished and he shook his head,

"That's not really your problem though is it Ginny? You don't want to know why he jumped, you want to deny that he jumped at all, and he can see that. He can't talk to people who are terrified of what they might have to hear."

Ginny stood up and looked back out of the window at her brother and the two people who had seemed to be able to comfort him. Harry joined her and whispered one last thing before he left her room.

"He asked me what kind of person you were. He thinks you seem nice. I'll tell him you're busy."

She wiped a tear from her eye and ran after him.

ooo

"So d'you think she'll come?" Dee said, attempting to sound as if he didn't care either way.

"Why are you asking me?" Ron snorted, "I'm just related to her, I don't know her or anything."

Hermione sighed, she really couldn't get Ron to drop that final wall with his family, although she understood that a blood connection didn't necessarily ensure emotional closeness or affection of any kind between strangers it was still just a shield Ron was using to protect himself from his family. She was sure of that. He seemed to feel that any day now they would realise that he wasn't worth the effort and send him back to the Meadows. His idea of defending himself against this was to keep as distant as possible with everyone he felt only cared about his welfare out of duty.

That may have been why he trusted her and Dee so completely. He also accepted Harry pretty quickly when he found out that the four of them had all been affected by this memory loss simultaneously. Neville and Luna had been by for a visit and that hadn't been too bad, although something about Luna made Hermione very frustrated, but when the twin's friend Lee Jordan had come to the house it hadn't been a very comfortable afternoon. One thing that the family weren't handling very well were their obvious mistrust of Dee, or Malfoy as they insisted upon calling him, and the twins had seemed to be bolstered by the appearance of an ally against him.

She had been at the Burrow ever since the family had accepted that they would have to take Dee if they wanted Ron and for some reason Hermione had felt the need to go with them to ensure it wasn't a trick. She now had something in common with Ron in that she felt betrayed by her parents. How they could have left her in the dark all this time she would never be able to understand. Fortunately the Weasleys had told her she could stay with them for as long as she wanted on condition that she 'owled' her parents every day. This was a strange thing too. She could send an owl with a letter to her parents. Ron had an owl too; a sweet excitable little thing that had been overjoyed to see him when they got back, but it was injured and couldn't fly right now.

"I've been thinking," Dee said out of nowhere, after a few moments of silent contemplation between them all, "your dad said I have a house. It's mine now, no other family of mine survived to claim it, and I was thinking that maybe I should go and stay there."

Ron sat bolt upright,

"Has someone said something to you?"

"What?" Dee said.

"Did one of them ask you to leave?" Ron said with agitation.

"Not in so many words but that's not why I'm saying it."

"You want to go?" Ron asked him with hurt in his eyes.

Dee turned to face Ron full on,

"I don't want to leave you to be brainwashed against me no," Hermione felt the need to defend the Weasley family's motives but was cut off before she could even begin, "but I don't want to get in the way of you getting to know your family again and I am."

"Sod them!" Ron huffed.

"You can't say that mate," Dee smiled, obviously comforted by the loyalty his friend was showing him through all this, "they're worried about you. They don't want to see you hurt anymore and that's something we've got in common."

Hermione smiled at him, she liked Dee, and he really was good for Ron's mental health. That was another issue in itself. It was the unspoken thing since their arrival at the Burrow. The family didn't mention the depression or the cliff, neither did Ron or Dee, and the only people who tried to get any of them to talk about it were Harry and herself. This was group denial and that couldn't be healthy.

"Unforgiving lot though aren't they?" Ron said bitterly.

Dee snorted,

"They make me sound like a right bastard that's for sure."

She looked away from them for a second and saw Harry returning to them, at first it seemed he was alone but a little while later she saw Ron's little sister running out of the house after him.

"She's coming."

Ron and Dee looked at the two figures as they made their way over to them.

"Maybe I'll go for a walk and leave you two alone." Dee said.

"Maybe you won't" Ron said firmly.

"Listen you two, just drop the defences for a while won't you? She's coming to you despite the fact she doesn't trust Dee and you won't look her in the eye Ron. Remember she's the one who gave you that potion to help you sleep?" Hermione felt like a mother warning her petulant children to behave themselves in front of company.

"Yeah," Dee nodded with a small smile, "I like her for that alone."

"Did you ever thank her Ron?" Hermione asked Ron as she saw him growing more anxious the closer his sister got to the three of them.

He shook his head. Hermione lowered her head. Why did he clam up in the presence of his family like this? From the moment he met them he'd rarely spoken a single word to most of them. All he really said was please and thank you and once in a while he would ask one of his parents where he could find something in the house. He wouldn't call them mum or dad though, that broke their hearts she could plainly see, and Hermione had been working on him to drop that act with little success.

"Talk to her Ron."

Dee seemed to be backing her up and she felt a great deal of gratitude for his being there right now as Harry and Ginny reached them and joined them on the long grass.

"Look who I found." Harry smiled, aware of exactly how lame that was for an opener but not really caring about the charade anymore.

"Hello Ginny" Hermione smiled and Ginny smiled back at her nervously.

"Ron?" Harry said, giving him a verbal nudge in the ribs to be nice to his sister.

Ron's lips parted and he looked as if he was going to say something but then he closed his mouth and swallowed. He frowned and tried again but all he could get out was a breathless croak. Ginny had seen that he was at least trying and set the ball rolling for them.

"I thought I'd come and sit with you lot," she said roughly, "that maybe you had some questions about your old lives or maybe you had some questions about mine or...something." she trailed off and glanced at Harry.

Ron cleared his throat a couple of times and seemed to internally motivate himself to say something in return,

"Am I..."

Ginny seemed on the verge of tears almost immediately on hearing Ron's voice directed at her but kept a tight grasp on her emotions as she nodded for him to continue.

"...Was I a good brother?"

Ginny smiled and nodded,

"You were a total pain but yeah, you were a great brother. You are I mean, you still are."

Ron shook his head and broke eye contact with her,

"Not anymore."

"Why not?" Ginny snapped, "What have I done?"

Ron looked back up at her,

"It's me, it's my fault not yours, I'm not myself anymore am I?"

Ginny reached out for him but remembered how he flinched when family members tried to touch him. The family had put that down to Bill's temper on the day of their reunion, a fact that Bill was all too aware of and the main reason he was so uncomfortable when he came to the house these days. Ron had seen that she wanted to comfort him but that she had also been aware of his discomfort and decided against it. Hermione thought that the simple gesture of allowing him his personal space made Ginny's touch nothing to defend himself from anymore and smiled as she saw him shuffle over to his sister a few inches. Ginny looked as if that was worth a bear hug to her and let some relief show on her face.

"I saw you," Ron said, exceptionally quietly, he cleared his throat and tried again, "I saw you y'know?"

"When?"

"It was bizarre," Ron almost smiled at this, "I don't...have a life but it flashed before my eyes anyway."

This was a breakthrough, Hermione thought as she struggled not to let anyone see how much of a big deal this was.

"You remembered?" Harry asked him.

"No, it was all new but it was in there. It's still in there, I just don't...I can't..."

Ginny leaned forward and her hand rested on Ron's knee as she spoke,

"You saw _me_?"

Ron nodded and seemed to be putting an awful lot of effort into not shaking off his sister's hand,

"Yeah we were...We were just out here I think, you were a few years younger and I wasn't quite so tall."

Ginny let herself laugh at that,

"You sprung up!"

Ron let a smile linger before swallowing and continuing with his revelation, Hermione noticed that his leg was squirming a little under Ginny's hand and she really hoped he could let this physical contact thing go,

"Then there was an earlier one, you were really little, you didn't have any front teeth."

Ginny looked embarrassed and threw her hands up to her face. Hermione hoped that this was her natural reaction and not something contrived to relieve Ron's discomfort without letting him know she'd noticed it.

"That's how your brain showed me to you?"

Ron shrugged and smiled again.

Harry looked enormously pleased with himself at this interaction, he had been torn when Ron had not immediately warmed to Ginny at the beginning as he and Ginny had become very close while searching for him. Dee had been trying not to encroach into this conversation but something was obviously bothering him.

"So you...remember falling then?"

Ron looked at Dee and knew that he had just opened a can of worms that he now had to deal with and nodded. Ginny was staring at him in anticipation; she had to know his side of this after having heard Harry and Hermione's disheartening versions.

"So?" Dee pressed.

Ron took a deep breath and looked down at his hands, he tugged at his long sleeve subconsciously as he spoke,

"I just went really...calm. I was really calm and really tired from...everything and I stood there and I started having these little mini dreams."

Ginny detected a ray of false hope and pounced on it,

"Did you _mean_ to fall?"

Ron swallowed and nodded. Ginny's body slumped and she lowered her head. That was what the Weasley's were suffering the most and every single one of them would have embraced the idea of it being an accident with both hands.

"Did you see her?" Dee said, something pained in his husky voice Hermione noticed.

So did Harry and Ginny who both frowned at this cryptic but clearly emotional question.

Ron took another deep breath and nodded before looking up and meeting his eyes.

"Did you speak to her?" his voice sounded broken at this second question.

Again Ron nodded.

"What did she say?"

"She said what she always said, unclean, but she said I didn't get it. I said I was gonna...We talked about what I was gonna do and she didn't seem to think it was a very good idea witch is totally hypocritical don't you think?" Ron smiled sadly but Dee didn't return Ron's sense of whimsy.

"And?"

"I told her that I was going to get clean for her. She was always the one telling me I was unclean all the time and she said I already was clean and that I was missing the point."

"Who...?" Ginny began to ask but Harry put a quietening hand on her back and she let Ron go on.

Hermione silently thanked Harry for that, Ron had never spoken about that moment after their phone call in very much detail and she didn't want to distract him from doing so now.

"She was saying everything cryptically and I asked her to simplify it for me and she said she'd made it a simple as she could and it was only two words I had to understand and..."

"_Two _words?" Dee frowned.

"I know, that threw me too because she never said anything other than unclean to me over and over again."

"So then what?" Dee asked.

"So that was it, she just told me I was missing the point and then I snapped out of it again and...then I dropped."

Hermione felt a lump in her throat. She saw the image in her head of Ron falling forwards and disappearing over the edge of the cliff. She saw Ginny shudder and avert her eyes from everyone. Ron had scanned the faces of the group and dropped his head, chewing on the inside of his lip and scratching under his sleeve.

"What have I told you about that?" Dee snapped loudly as he pulled Ron's hand away from his scars.

The outburst was so unexpected that everybody had been snapped out of their gloomy states and they were rigid and staring at Dee.

Ron grew defensive again,

"Sorry," he mumbled, "I don't know I'm doing it."

"Let me see them." Hermione heard herself saying.

"They're healed they just...they just itch from time to time." Ron shrugged as he folded his arms into himself.

"I didn't ask you that, I asked to see them.," she said firmly.

Dee stared at her for a moment, startled that someone other than him had it in them to boss Ron around in his current state. Ron didn't offer either of his arms up but loosened them a little as he stared back at her. She grabbed one of them and pushed up his sleeve. The sight that met her eyes was worse than she had imagined.

"Oh Ron," she gasped, "what did you do?"

He half-heartedly tried to pull his arm back but Hermione's grip was too firm. He shrugged.

"You tell me. I thought you said you didn't think it was me who did it." he half grunted.

"No not the cuts..." she said as her finger began to trace the swirling silver lines that snaked all the way up his arm, "...these. How did you do this?"

Ron shrugged,

"You're asking the wrong person."

"We thought they were burns." Dee said as he watched Hermione turn Ron's arm over to see more of the same on the other side.

"They're magical burns, kind of," Ginny said, "he got attacked by thoughts in the department of mysteries..."

Ginny's eyes suddenly widened and she seemed to understand something.

"That's it! That's why you feel...that's why you get confused Ron."

Ron clearly didn't understand this at all,

"What?"

"You were attacked by this magically preserved brain that wrapped around your arms and burned thoughts into your skin. That must be why you sometimes feel as if you have too many thoughts in your head."

Ginny seemed so relieved to have a reason for Ron's depression that Hermione decided against pouring cold water on her theory. She didn't have a hell of a lot of magical knowledge but she was pretty sure that Ron's problem wasn't about dealing with too many random thoughts but too many specifically his own. That was why he was finding it harder to deal with. They were personal. They personally attacked him. They knew his weaknesses and targeted them. Even Ron's brother Fred had said that he noticed something of an inferiority complex in Ron before he had disappeared. Ron's problem wasn't a new development. It had been an existing problem that was being brushed under the carpet rather than confronted.

"Hey, you lot," Charlie's voice hollered over to them from the back door of the house, "mum say lunch is ready."

Ginny sprung to her feet with excitement,

"Wait until they hear about this, they'll be so relieved!"

"No wait Ginny!" Hermione blurted out as the young woman prepared to bound off toward the house.

"Ginny please don't," Ron said as he reached out and grabbed her arm, "I don't think...I don't know..."

He looked shaky all of a sudden and seemed to be getting another of his anxiety attacks. Ginny had obviously taken something of a boost by Ron's having instigated physical contact with her and decided that she'd keep this to herself if it meant she earned her brother's confidence. She smiled and took his hand in hers.

"Whatever you want Ron," she said, "come on, let's go and get something to eat."

As Hermione watched Ginny lead Ron inside and Harry's contented smiling face as he looked to her and Dee before following after them she realised that this was how it was going to have to be for now. It was going to take a lot of work but she would have to get each member of the family to make their own breakthrough with Ron in their own individual way before he could really feel comfortable surrounded by all of them. Bill was going to be a toughie.

"So what do you think?" Dee's voice said from behind her.

"About what?"

"Is he going to do it again?"

She didn't know, she honestly didn't know.

ooo

It had been a sight for sore eyes Molly thought as she watched her two youngest children enter her kitchen, Ginny leading Ron by the hand, and sit together at the table. Ron hadn't left Draco Malfoy's side since they had arrived at the Burrow and it had hurt the entire family to see him recoil from them as if he was afraid of them. Ginny had taken it quite badly and the look on her face at finally having made even the slightest breakthrough with him gave her hope for the rest of them.

"Are the others coming?" she said with as much nonchalance as she could manage in the circumstances.

"They're right behind me." Harry grinned as he bounded in through the back door and sat at Ginny's other side.

Fred and George were already seated at the table and had given Ron a welcoming smile, they had obviously approved of his temporary independence from Malfoy, but Ron hadn't returned it. He averted his eyes and looked over his shoulder to the open door before turning back to Ginny and giving her a nervous smile.

Molly turned back to the pot of tea she was making and stifled a small sob. Ron not having any kind of bond with Fred and George just felt so wrong and she hoped that they would make more of an effort with him the way Ginny obviously had. She had to admit that she hated having Draco Malfoy under her roof but if it made Ron happy she would adopt the hateful boy in a heartbeat. She hoped it wouldn't come to anything as extreme as that to earn her son's trust again.

Hermione and the boy her son now knew as Dee came inside and sat at the table in silence. The table tensed almost instantly. Charlie sat back in his chair and stiffly nodded a greeting to their guest before turning to say something to Ron.

"Alright there Ron?"

Ron looked across the table and nodded. He turned and whispered something to Ginny before turning back to his brother and forcing a smile onto his face and saying,

"I'm fine thanks Charlie."

Molly took a deep breath and tried not to lose her resolve, it was going to be tough, she knew that Ron had just had to ask Ginny what his own brother's name was. Charlie had known it too and had put on a brave face.

"He's not Charlie, I'm Charlie!" George said as he threw down his knife and fork in disgust.

Ron's eyes widened as he turned his face back to Ginny accusingly. Molly spun around to chide her son for teasing Ron at a time like this as Ginny broke into a giggle.

"He's joking, get used to it they do that a lot."

Ron turned back to see that George was grinning that wickedly smug grin of his and a smile crept across Ron's lips for a moment,

"So you're the funny one yeah?"

"Hey!" Fred was affronted by his exclusion, "I taught him everything he knows."

"So it's your fault he's that funny?" Malfoy said from the end of the table.

The twins had scowled at him but Ron had laughed before realising that his new friend was apparently excluded from any mirth at the dinner table and turned back on them with a hard look.

"What's your problem?" he snapped.

Molly had to defuse this situation now.

"Tea! The tea's ready, Ginny would you pour?"

Ginny leapt up and took the teapot from her mother, obviously on the same page as her as far as distracting the family from another uncomfortable situation regarding the Malfoy boy.

"Of course mum. Tea _Fred, George_?" she said their names threateningly.

"Why thank you _Ginny!"_ Fred mimicked her as he held out his cup.

"Drop it." Charlie warned them.

The twins took their tea and reached for the sugar bowl as Ginny turned to offer Ron a cup.

"Tea Ron?" she smiled.

"Thanks Ginny."

Ron watched her pour and lifted the cup to his lips when Fred held out the sugar bowl to him.

"No thanks, I don't take sugar."

Molly spun around and Fred stared across the table at his brother as he drank his tea, still holding out the bowl of sugar as if he had clearly misheard.

"You take everything with sugar." Fred said warily as if there was a stranger sitting across from him doing a very bad Ron impression.

"You take _sugar_ with sugar" George said, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.

"Now boys, Ron knows if he takes sugar or if he doesn't, pass the bowl around and see if anybody else would like to sweeten _their_ tea." Molly fussed.

This was too strange. Her Ronnie had always had a sweet tooth. What had happened to him? Did the loss of his memories also wipe away his little quirks and endearing traits that she had memorised during the course of his life? Where had he gone? Why had he gone? Would she ever get him back the way he was?

There was a cracking sound in the back garden and Percy came in soon afterwards.

"Hello everyone, I'm not too late for lunch am I mum?"

"Not at all," Molly said, welcoming the distraction as she began setting down the plates on the table, "sit down dear, Ginny's pouring the tea."

"Thanks Ginny." Percy smiled as the twins turned their focus away from Ron briefly to watch Percy as he held up his teacup.

"Ron doesn't take sugar in his tea Perce." George said as he looked back at his younger brother, still not quite believing that this wasn't a joke.

"Neither do I" Percy shrugged.

"He used to." Fred said, also turning his attention back to Ron, who wasn't looking at anything other than his own cup.

"Well people can change can't they?" Percy said, ever the diplomat, "If people didn't then we'd never learn to walk and talk in the first place."

Fred looked back at Percy and scowled,

"What have you been drinking Percy?"

Molly rounded on her sarcastic son and snapped,

"Don't you criticise him for keeping his manners and civility at this table, you could take a leaf out of Percy's book, both of you!"

"But mum, if we took any more leaves out of his book all he'd have left would be the cover!" George scoffed.

Ron's eyes darted up to George for a second and he smirked a little but before that sight could lift Molly's spirits it was gone.

"So how have you been settling in then Ron?" Percy said, deciding to ignore Fred and George.

"I'm ok thanks..." Ron's mouth had opened to say something more but he stalled and looked back down at his tea again.

Percy kept a brave smile plastered onto his face as he picked up his knife and fork as his plate was set before him,

"Well if you feel like a game of chess anytime after lunch just let me know."

Ron's head snapped up and he stared at Percy and then to Hermione, who was also looking quite surprised.

"You play chess?" Ron asked.

Percy's smile melted into a genuine one as he answered,

"Not as well as you do."

Hermione looked over at Ron and grinned.

"Tell me about it!" Dee snorted.

Ron smirked and mumbled,

"Bad loser."

Percy looked from his brother to his brother's new friend and his smile remained but became somewhat bewildered.

"Does he ever lose to anyone?" Malfoy asked Percy.

"Never" Fred said proudly.

"What he said" Percy chuckled.

Molly thought that Percy had been better at forgiving Malfoy, well not forgiving him but accepting this new person wasn't the boy he had once known, and she guessed that it was because of his own second chance having been granted to him with his family. Still, he wasn't quite on board with the sentiment that 'Dee' was Ron's new best friend, but he seemed more than willing to put up with it if it meant they had Ron back with them.

Molly settled down at the table as Ginny set the teapot down and took her seat.

"Well tuck-in then everybody" she said.

They ate in a semi-comfortable silence for a few minutes before Ron suddenly spoke unexpectedly.

"That would be nice P...P..." he turned to Ginny with a look of frustration on his face.

Ginny smiled at him reassuringly and mouthed the name that was on the tip of her confused brother's tongue.

"Percy!" Ron said with a little too much vigour as he snapped his head back in Percy's direction.

Percy looked as delighted as Molly thought was possible for somebody whose baby brother had just blanked on his name.

"What would?" he grinned.

"Chess, after lunch, if you still want to."

_Oh bless him; he was really trying!_

"Of course I still want to. I've missed having a real challenger."

The family seemed more at ease now and even the twins hostility toward Malfoy subsided a little. Fred was still a little tightly wound as he reached for the bread rolls and sent George's cup of tea flying.

"Oh bollocks!" he hissed as he dabbed at the spillage with his sleeve.

"Fred!" Molly chastised her fowl-mouthed son.

Why was it that her children all swore like they did? She hadn't brought them up that way; it must be Arthur's fault she told herself, she must remember to have a lengthy conversation with her husband when he got back from the ministry later on.

_"Scourgify!"_

She said as she pointed her wand at the spill and it disappeared in an instant.

She settled down to carry on with her meal and Fred mumbled an apology when she noticed Ron staring at the spot where the spill had occurred.

"Ron? What is it dear?" she asked him, reaching out a tentative hand to lay on his wrist.

He managed to flinch away from her just before she made contact and shook himself out of his sudden daydream.

"What? Nothing, I'm fine." he stammered.

"Ron?" Hermione asked him as she subconsciously mimicked the same move Molly had just made, only this time Ron didn't pull away from her.

"I just..." he thought for a moment and then looked up at Malfoy with an intrigued frown on his face.

"Deja-vu?" Malfoy asked him, as if this was a common occurrence between the two of them.

"Yeah."

Ron had nodded slowly and then looked back at the spot on the tablecloth that had been magically cleaned.

"Mrs...Mum?" Ron asked with some hesitance.

_Mrs Mum? Well that was an improvement on Mrs Weasley anyway._

"Yes dear?" she smiled.

"How did you do that magic trick for cleaning up stuff you just did?"

"Spell" Ginny whispered in his ear.

"Spell, sorry."

"You mean _scourgify_?" Molly asked, not quite understanding where this was going but knowing that Ron was fighting to understand something and wanting to help him any way she could.

"Yeah," he nodded thoughtfully, "so you say that and stuff gets cleaned?"

"Clean?" Malfoy suddenly exclaimed out of absolutely nowhere as if catching up to Ron's train of thought.

Molly nodded as she watched her son glance down the table at Malfoy and then Hermione and Harry before looking back at her.

"So what would you do if you wanted to put that spill back the way it was?"

Molly wasn't following this logic,

"Why would you want to...?"

"Just suppose Mrs Weasley. How would you go about un-cleaning that spot?" Harry said with an encouraging nod.

"Well, I suppose..."

Molly thought through her knowledge of household spells and pointed her wand back at the tablecloth.

_"Verso!"_

The tea stain was back on the tablecloth, soaking further into the white lace.

"That's it! That's perfect. _Verso_. Un-clean." Ron said, as if getting the answer he was struggling for.

Ginny's eyes were suddenly wide and she jumped out of her chair and withdrew her own wand, pointing it at Ron's face, saying with more confidence and hope than Molly had heard in her daughter in a very long time,

"_Verso!"_

ooo


	45. Come Back To What You Know

**Chapter Forty-Four - Come Back To What You Know**

"Well?" Ginny asked after the flash of white light had illuminated her brother's face.

Ron was searching his mind but she couldn't stand the suspense and began to bounce up and down on the balls of her feet.

"Are you back?" she said, he saw the hope in her pleading eyes and he hated what he was about to say that would take that away from her.

"No."

Her shoulders dropped and so did the arm with the wand pointed at him.

"What on earth is going on?" Mrs Weasley gasped.

_No, not Mrs Weasley, mum. She's your mum. She's your mum. Call her mum._

"It was just an idea mum," Ginny said as she dropped back down into her chair, thoroughly disappointed, "I just thought...it was something he said earlier."

Ron threw a warning glance at his sister who pressed her lips together and gave only the slightest of nods to let him know she'd not say anything to the family he wasn't ready for them to know. He looked into himself a little deeper, was there anything he could see any clearer now? His tongue felt furry and he noticed an unwelcome but immediately recognisable sensation in his mouth.

"Ginny, I think you just un-cleaned my teeth."

She smiled at him sadly,

"Sorry."

"Never mind," Ron shrugged as he put a comforting arm around his little sister, "it was worth a try."

He realised that his family had noticed him hugging her and jumped away from her again as if she had stuck a fork in his side.

_Bloody hell, why did he do that? _

Why was he so weird about touching any of them? What did he think was going to happen?

"I was sure that was going to work," Ginny sighed, "un-clean." she said to herself thoughtfully.

Ron couldn't understand what else un-clean could have meant,

"Maybe I should sleep without the potion tonight and see if I could talk to Jo."

"Ron, what are you saying?" Dee said, "Jo's dead."

Ron lowered his head. He hadn't meant it like that and now he had upset Dee.

"Sorry mate, I just..." Ron began before one of the Dee-hating twins chimed in.

"Leave him alone!"

Dee turned on the twins to defend himself and Ron couldn't have this escalate into a row.

"Can we not look for an excuse to do this every five minutes?" the woman he couldn't manage to call mum barked at her children and her guest.

Ron looked at her with gratitude as everybody settled down, back into their familiar uncomfortable silence, and she smiled at him.

"How about I dig out all your old school books while you play your game of chess with Percy and you can look through them for something?" she said.

Ron thanked her and saw that Hermione was very enthusiastic at the idea of looking through some magic books for a solution.

"Don't get too carried away will you?" Ron warned her with a mischievous smirk, "I remember how your last bit of research turned out."

"You remember what?" Ginny said.

"Don't get your hopes up Ginny," Hermione rolled her eyes as she cast a sad glance back at Ron, "he's talking about something that happened quite recently."

Ron winced; he hadn't meant to remind her of that to make her feel guilty all over again.

"Sorry, that was a bit insensitive wasn't it?"

One of the twins laughed,

"Now _that_ is new!"

"What is?" Hermione asked them as the looked at each other and laughed.

"Well," said the other twin, "he usually says insensitive things that upset you but he never normally apologises afterwards."

Ginny was laughing too now. Ron was a little offended though.

"So I'm a git in real life?" he asked.

The twins nodded,

"But in a really good way."

"Oh don't listen to them Ron," his mother said as she threw a light-hearted scowl their way, "you and Hermione just have a bit of a fiery relationship that's all."

Ron felt his eyes almost pop out of his head and he turned to see that Hermione was equally shocked at this statement,

"Do you mean...?" he began.

"Are you saying...?" Hermione said at the same time.

Both of them stopped and waited for the other to finish neither did. Harry stepped in, his curiosity was obviously as eager to know what that meant as Ron's was.

"Are they a couple?"

Ron's mother smiled sheepishly as she said,

"Very nearly."

_What was that supposed to mean?_

"What's that supposed to mean?" Hermione said as if reading his mind.

"It means," a twin said, "that you are but we're not supposed to know about it."

He and Hermione stared at each other. This was so strange. They were...a _they._

"Did I know about this?" Harry asked Ginny who was greatly amused.

"Yes you did, but you pretended you didn't and you're a terrible liar so I knew."

Ron didn't know what to think about this. He had a connection with Hermione anyway, before this news, and now it seemed he was simply acting out his past life. He had been thinking that it was a shame that they were only friends because she was the person who seemed to understand him better than anyone else did. She was the one who knew how to make him feel better without making him feel like a burden. She was...she was...

"You're my girlfriend," he said aloud.

She swallowed and nodded,

"Apparently so."

The Weasley family were frozen in a way that suggested they feared some kind of spell would be broken if anybody moved, spoke or inhaled.

"Huh" Ron said, not really knowing what a boyfriend and a girlfriend were supposed to do when they lost their memories, went crazy and amateur therapist respectively, and then became friends.

"And to think the first question I ever asked you was 'do you believe in fate?' " she breathed, her eyes still as wide as his.

Ron needed a change of subject, he and Hermione needed to have this conversation some other time and in front of no other people. He racked his brain for a new topic, a new focus, a major distraction toput all of their minds on something else.

"It happened to us all at the same time didn't it?" he found himself saying unusually fast, "He must've done it to us all at the same time."

Hermione blinked as she stared at him, ordinarily he would've expected to be asked what the hell he was on about if he had randomly spouted something out of nowhere like that but she seemed to with him immediately.

"How do you mean?"

Ron's head almost felt as if it was buzzing,

"Well I can't see this bloke saying _scourgify, scourgify, scourgify, scourgify _and none of us ducking can you?"

Harry and Dee seemed to be catching up rapidly with this new approach to Ginny's use of the spell earlier and it was only the family who were looking from one to the other unable to understand exactly how and when this conversation had begun.

"I mean it's not as if the last one of us to get hit with it would've just stood around and waited to get hit is it?" Ron continued.

"Of course!" Ginny said, suddenly catching on, "Quick you four, stand in a line and I'll try again."

"Ginny you twit!" Fred or George scoffed, "You'll still only hit the first one in line,"

Everybody was caught-up by now as Percy narrowed his eyes and stroked his chin,

"So we need to work out how a charm like Scourgify was aimed at all of you by one wand, hitting you at the same time."

"It's not possible," their mum said with a shake of the head.

"I jumped of a cliff and now I'm having lunch with a girlfriend I never knew I had but who I knew after making a random phone call. Are you telling me something as simple as this is impossible mother?" Ron said, raising an eyebrow.

The woman looked at him and swelled, why was she so happy, what had he said?

"You called me mother" she said, her eyes filling with tears for the umpteenth time today it seemed.

Ron hadn't noticed that he had done that and shrugged,

"Well you are aren't you?"

She nodded and Ginny moved over to her to give her the cuddle she knew Ron still wasn't able to give.

"Right, where are those old school books?" Hermione said in a very business-like manner.

This had to be possible, there had to be something they could do, and Ron was confident they were going to find it.

_She was his girlfriend?_

ooo

Percy made his move and watched Ron staring across the living room at Hermione as she flicked through the pages of an advanced book of spell-reversals. He smiled and prodded his brother in the arm to get his attention. He got that; he got his attention and one of those flinches that were like a kick in the guts. Percy lowered his head; he was going to kill Bill when he saw him next.

Ron winced at him apologetically and took in the pieces on the chessboard. He moved his hand to his bishop who ducked and looked back at him quite grumpily.

"Sorry," Ron smiled uncomfortably at Percy, "I keep forgetting you're not supposed to move them with your hands."

Percy smiled,

"That's ok."

He leaned forward and said to the bishop,

"Could you go over to that square please?"

The chess piece looked up at Ron and then to Percy and said in its squeaky voice,

"When did he get so polite?"

Percy laughed and the bishop made his move, battering one of Percy's pawns as he did.

Ron looked back over at Hermione and saw that she was discussing something with Ginny now. Percy was distracted from coming up with a new strategy as he watched this little scene. Poor Ron had so much to be confused about but at least this was something nice he thought. Harry left Ginny's side and came over to join them.

"Any luck yet?" Ron asked him.

Harry huffed and shook his head,

"They're looking at the most advanced magic we can find right now and it still doesn't look as if we're getting anywhere. Did you hear back from your dad yet?"

Harry had asked Ron this question but Ron had turned expectantly to Percy, of course he thought, Percy was the one who had a father not Ron...at least not in Ron's head, not right now.

"No," Percy sighed, "he's going to ask around the ministry to see if anyone's heard of one spell hitting four separate targets at the same time. If it can be done, someone there will know about it."

Harry nodded as Ron glanced back over to Hermione before realising that he was doing that a little too much recently and whipping his head around to focus back on the chessboard.

"It must be strange for you." Percy smiled as he waved another piece forward into inevitable oblivion at the hands of Ron's dominant pieces.

"What?" Ron said, knowing exactly what he was talking about but playing dumb.

Percy shook his head, some things can never change, and he saw that Harry was also glancing over to the two young women as they pawed over another huge spell book. Harry frowned and leaned into to Ron.

"Isn't it a strange feeling to know that you've been...that you and a girl have...that you've got someone but them being a total stranger to you?"

Percy raised his eyes but not his head, watching the two confused souls discreetly as they spoke under their breath about their forgotten love lives.

"But she's not a stranger," Ron said, trying not to sound too exasperated, "I already knew her, I know her, before I found out that I...y'know? _Knew_ her."

"Well at least she doesn't remember either, you're both in the same boat, but Ginny and me...She remembers everything. She knows when I'm lying!" Harry said with wide horrified eyes.

"Oh that can't be good." Ron mirrored his friend's troubled expression and shook his head with pity for his friend's situation.

Percy struggled not to laugh as Ron make another aggressive move that thwarted his latest strategy.

"Your move P-ercy?"

It was quite funny really, Percy thought, Ron had so many names to remember now and he was really trying. Something in his head was telling him that Percy's name began with a P so he would begin but then his mind would go blank for a second and he'd stare at him nervously until the name came back to him. He always shrugged apologetically after he did it but at least he was getting better results with Ron's memory-lapse than Fred and George were. During a bitter word exchange with Malfoy earlier on Ron had snapped at them,

"Oi twins, pack it in!" and they had laughed.

It defused the tension but everybody had noticed that he never called either of them by name. They were always 'the twins' when they were together and 'Fred or George' when separated. Quite literally, that had been what Ron was calling them, Fred had looked amused the first couple of times but now it aggravated him to the point that he couldn't look at Ron when he said it so as not to let him see how much it hurt.

"Fred or George have you seen Hermione?" he would ask of a morning and whichever one of them it was would grunt and point him in the right direction.

Percy focused back on the board as he heard Harry sighing deeply.

"I can see why I liked her though, why I like her now, but something feels wrong. I wish we could be starting on the same page the way you and Hermione are."

"Whoa, whose starting what? We're not...we can't, we don't remember." Ron sputtered.

Harry smiled,

"Oh come on, it's obvious that you were into each other even before you found out that you were already into each other, why does knowing that you're boyfriend and girlfriend change that?"

Ron squirmed in his seat,

"It doesn't but..."

Percy's eyes darted up to see Ron's expression of reluctant honesty.

"...I like her. Not just as a girlfriend like her but I like her in the way that I could talk to her over the phone all those times. I'd like her no matter what our relationship was and it makes me think that I shouldn't do anything until we remember exactly what kind of thing we have going on."

Harry frowned,

"What are you saying? I'm not following this at all."

"I'm saying that if Ginny liked you and you were a nutter like me I wouldn't be too pleased about her going out with you." Ron said remarkable quickly.

"Wait, are you saying you don't think you're good enough for Hermione?" Harry said.

Ron shrugged,

"Well that's true but that's not what I meant really."

Percy didn't like this conversation now,

"What _did_ you mean?" he asked his confused little brother.

Ron looked right at him and seemed to be chewing on the inside of his lip, then he looked back at Harry and said,

"What I mean is...look how unhappy I make people who love me."

As Ron said this he glanced back at Percy who realised that he was wearing an expression of hurt and worry, completely validating what Ron was saying. Ron shook his head and turned back to Harry.

"Would you want to do that to somebody you thought a lot of?"

Percy wanted to say something to him to wipe away that thought but he couldn't think of anything. He knew it was true, he loved Ron and that meant that he was worried right now and it caused him pain to see him like this, but all the hurt was worth it. He was worth it. How could you tell somebody in Ron's emotional state that he was worth the effort? Ron didn't want to be an effort. He didn't want to be Hermione's burden.

"Ron..." Percy began, not really knowing what it was he was planning to say.

"I don't know you from Adam," Harry began, "and yes I'm concerned about you and I don't want to see you upset yourself or hurt yourself but I'd rather spend the rest of my life worrying about my best mate than without him."

Ron looked at Harry with a sad smile before lowering his head,

"That's what Dee said and look at the mess being friends with me has made of him."

Harry's face set into a mask of solid resolution,

"Listen, if you weren't worth the trouble we wouldn't waste our time fretting over you. You don't worry about people who are insignificant or somebody you see as something of a chore, you worry because that person's happiness validates your own existence and all you want for yourself is to be the person they can confide in. Are you saying that all you do is cause worry? You worry just as much yourself y'know? Half of your problem is how much you worry about hurting the rest of us. Does that make us not worth you or your friendship? No it doesn't. You're worrying about this because you've let yourself care about her and she's worrying about you because she's blatantly in love with you."

Ron's eyes were wide,

"Where did you get that from?"

Harry smiled,

"I overheard Ginny saying it to Hermione a little while ago."

Percy snorted with laughter. He wanted to bottle Harry's personality at times like these.

Hermione's voice suddenly became louder with her obvious frustration at the books not being any help to her.

"So, let's get this clear in our heads, each of us had a wand. We would have had four wands pointing at him and he would've had one wand pointing at us and..."

"Not necessarily," Percy heard Fred sneer from the doorway, "it could have been three wands against two."

_Oh not this again Fred please._

"You just can't let it go can you?" Ron snapped as he rose from his chair and focused his growing anger on his over-protective brother, "there were five people involved in this mess and one of them died while the other four lost their memories. That's four against one, he was on our side in the end, think about that for a second you moron!"

Ron stormed up the stairs to his bedroom where Malfoy had been hiding out from the judgement and mistrust of the Weasley family.

"Oh you're a genius Fred you really are," Percy hissed at his brother, "how is that helping anyone? If you want to get rid of Malfoy and get Ron back the way he was you're going to have to work with us and not push them both away."

Fred scowled at the floor and grumbled,

"I can't stand having that bastard in this house. I can't stand how all of you seem to think that him almost killing Ron is something we should ignore until he remembers that he wants him dead. What then Perce? What happens when he remembers he hates our family? Do you think that'll be the end of it?"

"Do you see Ron in this room right now Fred?" Percy asked him as his fury bubbled over, "Can you tell me of one decent conversation the two of you have had since we got him back safely? Is this the only way you can think to deal with him? Punch him out when he says something that upsets you; repeatedly tell him that the one person who was there for him when we couldn't be isn't really his friend, what good does that do him? What good are you doing his mental health Fred because I'm curious to know?"

Fred seemed shocked. Percy felt a pang of guilt at bringing up the fight he and Ron had had earlier that year but he couldn't let things go on like this. Yes, it was true, he did worry about how Malfoy would react to Ron when he got his memory back but right now he was Ron's self-appointed guardian and that was good enough for Percy.

"Fred! Percy! What on earth is all this shouting about?" their mother called out to them as she stormed through from the kitchen with their father at her side.

"_Somebody_ upset Ron again." Ginny said as she stared at Fred.

His mother looked livid but their father seemed resigned to this scene greeting his arrival home from work these days.

"Right, everybody sit down," he said before his wife could explode with rage, "where's Ron, George and Malfoy?"

"Ron just went upstairs and I think that's where Malfoy is as well," Percy said to his father, "I've not seen George since lunch, sorry."

"George is right here," said the voice of the missing twin as he stood behind his mother and father cradling his left arm in his right hand.

"George, what did you do?" his mother screeched as she pulled him into the living room and forced him down into Ron's vacated seat.

"I went out for a fly and sort of, well..."

"Crashed." Fred said as he rolled his eyes.

George nodded as Fred moved forward to look at his brother's broken wrist and bloodied robes; he had a nasty gash on his forehead that was bleeding quite heavily.

"I told you that broom was faulty you prat." Fred groaned.

"Move out of the way and let me see to him," their mother said as she pulled her wand out of her pocket and began to patch George up with a series of basic spells, "_Episkey!_"

As Ron and Malfoy came down the stairs to see what all the commotion was about Percy pulled out his own wand to clean-up George's bloodied robes, out of the corner of his eye he saw Ginny moving forward and he thought he saw Fred reaching into his sleeve for something.

_"Scourgify!"_ Percy said as he flicked his wand at the front of George's robes.

The same word was said to his left and his right as well as both Ginny and Fred had done the same thing at the same time. Their mother screamed and George flew backwards off his chair, a hole magically burned into the parts of his robes that had been soiled.

"Be careful you three!" their mother bellowed at them, "What have I told you about household charms? They can be very dangerous if you over do them!"

The words left her lips and all that remained in the house was the silence of a group revelation.

"It was us." Hermione gasped as she looked at George, still sprawled on the floor on his back.

"You all did a scourgify charm at the same time" Ginny said, not quite understanding what this could mean but knowing this was very important all the same.

"Wait, so we _cleaned_ the greatest dark wizard to have ever lived to death?" Harry said with great scepticism.

Ron and Malfoy had come back into the room now.

"No we cleaned each other's minds, why would we have done that?" Ron frowned and he looked to his equally bemused friend.

"We wouldn't have, there's no sense to it." Hermione shook her head.

Malfoy crouched down over George and offered him his hand to help him up, he took it and as he was hauled back to his feet Malfoy looked at his magically burned robes.

"When you did this were you specifically targeting the stain?" he asked.

"Yes" Ginny nodded.

"So," Malfoy went on, a very thoughtful look on his face, "we would've specifically targeted our memories in order to do this to ourselves then?"

Hermione shook her head,

"No wait, that doesn't make any sense either, we _all _would have lost _all _our memories. This was targeting magical memories."

Percy began to pace up and down, he could do this, he could work this out, he was a Hogwarts Head Boy for crying out loud!

"We've been looking for something really complicated, I bet this is the simplest thing and that's why we keep missing it." Hermione snapped, almost telling herself off.

"You were trying to clean something. You were trying to clean something after you defeated You-Know-Who," Percy said to her as they focused on each other, the two most intelligent people in the room at that moment striving for the simple answer to this complicated problem, "all four of you all aimed the cleaning charm at the same thing and said it at the same time. What the hell for though?"

He saw Hermione's eyes widen and she pointed at George,

"Blood, we were cleaning up the blood!"

_Ron's blood._

"Ron was bleeding!" Percy said as the two of them turned their gaze on him.

"There would've been blood everywhere." Hermione gasped with excitement, "We all tried to clean up the blood at the same time."

"That would explain the magical memory loss," Fred suddenly said as his brain began to work something out for him, Percy smiled at him, he _knew_ he was smarter than he ever let anyone know, both the twins were, "he's a pure-blood!"

George was right there with him,

"Of course! They cleaned the blood and the spell picked out the magical qualities and when it backfired on them that's what was cleaned away."

Hermione looked almost victorious,

"So Harry is a half-blood and I have no magical blood in me at all so our memories were only partially wiped but Ron and Dee..."

"Both pure bloods" Percy said, so sure they had finally found the key to this whole thing.

Fred and George looked at each other before Fred tried to work out how the counter spell would have to be performed.

"So you four would have to all cast the 'verso' spell at the same target at the same time and it should backfire on you because of the power surge of the four spells combining and..."

It was as if nobody wanted to say it out loud. Nobody wanted to jinx it.

"This will mean we need Ron's blood again though won't it?" The worried voice of their father asked the geniuses at work.

The twins, Percy and Hermione looked from one to the other and willed one of them to find a way around that part.

"I'll do it, it's fine." Ron said quietly.

"No you won't!" his mother and Malfoy said at exactly the same time.

"No Ron, I forbid you to even consider it." Hermione shouted at him.

"You _forbid _me?" Ron scoffed, "Where I have I heard that before?"

"No Ron, there's another way, there has to be." Percy began to panic.

Harry had been strangely quiet throughout this drama unfolding and it had taken them all by surprise when his strong voice made a statement that silenced the debate once and for all.

"I'd rather stay without my memories forever than have you hurt yourself one more time. I'm not risking your life to get part of mine back."

"Me neither." Hermione said firmly.

Dee glanced around the room and nodded,

"Well I'm pretty sure you'll all agree that I'm not the kind of person any of us want back so I'm fine with staying as I am," he turned to Ron who looked as if he was about to protest, "and you already broke your promise not to do anything stupid once, I won't let you do it again."

There was a flash of silver and before anybody could stop her Percy saw his mother slice into her own palm with a kitchen knife.

"Mum!" Ron gasped as she stepped into the centre of the living room and let the blood drip from her hand onto the floor.

"Molly what are you doing?" their father exclaimed.

"It doesn't have to be pints Arthur, just pure magical blood and that's what I've got, mine and Ron's blood is no different."

She smiled over at Ron who looked pale as he watched the small puddle of blood form on the rug.

"Your blood is my blood after all, we're the same you and me." their mother looked around the room at all the Weasley children, "All of you, you're all my flesh and blood."

She stopped squeezing blood from the cut in her hand and marched over to Harry and Hermione. She touched their foreheads, right between the eyes, with her bloodied thumb. They each had a smudged thumbprint on their skin as she took a step away from them.

"And now you two share my blood too." she smiled.

Percy felt so proud of his mother at that moment that he moved to reach out for her but she was already moving back to the doorway and to Malfoy who swallowed, not quite sure what to expect.

"You," his mother said as she reached Malfoy, "you're Dee aren't you? You're not Draco at all."

Malfoy looked chocked-up and shook his head silently.

"Well you are my family too, you looked after my Ronnie like one of his brothers and I'll never forget it...even if after this spell...you do."

She pressed her thumbprint to Malfoy's forehead too and he looked as if he was about to pass out. She turned to their father and sighed.

"Arthur dear would you mind healing this for me, I seemed to have been a little clumsy in the kitchen?"

Percy saw his father plant a kiss on his mother's cheek and take her injured hand in his own. As he withdrew his wand Ron tapped his mother on the shoulder.

"Mum?" it was the second time he'd called her that in the last five minutes and it warmed Percy to the bone.

She turned around and her eyes welled up at hearing her son call her in that old familiar way. Ron took a step toward her and pulled her into a hug. His mother's head only reached as far as Ron's lower chest these days but he still looked like a little boy as he whispered into his mother's hair.

"Thank you."

Percy heard his mother sniff before looking up at Ron and releasing him from the embrace.

"Go and work a miracle Ronnie, do the spell and find your way back to me." she smiled.

As Ron stepped back to join the small group that was now forming around the pool of blood on the rug he turned his eyes to his father.

"We haven't talked much since I've been back have we?" he smiled apologetically.

"Not much no" their dad said with a sad smile of his own.

"We'll have a chat when I get back;" Ron smiled as he extended his hand to his father, "deal?"

Percy felt a lump forming in his throat as he saw his father shake Ron's hand and nod.

"Deal."

Ron then joined Malfoy, Hermione and Harry in the middle of the room. Ginny, Fred and George had handed them their wands and Percy offered his to Ron as he passed him. He looked down at the unfinished game of chess still set up on the table.

"I can win that game in three more moves if you want me to" he smiled.

Percy shook his head and chuckled,

"I know you can, let's call it a draw and leave me with some dignity shall we?"

Ron laughed and took his position between Hermione and Malfoy, directly opposite Harry, and nodded.

The four of them readied themselves and then, with one fluid movement, cast the reversal spell.

_"Verso!"_

ooo

_A/N I just keep leaving you hanging these days don't I? It's not a cruel device, it's just theyway this is turning out I'm afraid. What comes next is what Greenpluff has been waiting for since I wrote my very first flashback...All the unanswered questions are about to be answered._


	46. Fade Out

**Chapter Forty-Five - Fade Out**

_"Cracked eggs, dead birds_

_Scream as they fight for life_

_I can feel death, can see its beady eyes_

_All these things into position_

_All these things we'll one day swallow whole_

_And fade out again and fade out again."_

_Radiohead_

"This is your final stand against me Potter and you're too timid to fight alone I see."

Harry kept his wand pointed at Voldemort as the snake-like eyes moved across to rest upon Ron and Hermione.

"This isn't the fight I wanted." Voldemort sneered as his eyes returned to Harry who was beginning to feel the dread that had always threatened to distract him from the final battle.

He knew that the first thing Voldemort would do would be to target his friends, he had tried to leave them behind for this final confrontation but they wouldn't have any of it. He knew they wouldn't but he had to try anyway. Now it was about to happen, Voldemort was about to take them out of the running as they faced their final battle in the deserted Diagon Alley.

"_Cruci-_" the dark wizard aimed his wand at Ron but Harry was ready for him.

_"Protego!"_

Harry's shield charm covered Ron just in time but Voldemort had been counting on him doing that and spun on Hermione.

_"Spiritus asper!"_ he hissed.

Hermione grabbed her throat and bent double, she was gasping for air, and soon she fell to her knees. She couldn't breathe. Harry didn't know what to do.

"_Anapneo"_ he ventured before having to throw up another shield charm to protect himself from Voldemort's unforgivable curse.

This couldn't happen, Voldemort couldn't be allowed to torture his friends to distract him.

Ron pointed his wand at Hermione and said,

"_Spiritus lenis._"

Hermione's breathing eased and Ron stepped in front of her as she struggled back to her feet. Harry was quite impressed, he knew that Ron and Hermione had been experimenting with new spells but he hadn't realised that they could turn a spell of Voldemort's around just by amending the incantation a little. Voldemort realised that they weren't quite as weak as he had given them credit for either and this seemed to worry Harry, if Voldemort thought they were a real threat then he wouldn't just use them to get to Harry, he would eliminate them from the equation entirely.

"You cannot defend all three of you at once Potter." he snarled.

"We can defend ourselves thanks," Ron said as he threw an impediment jinx at Voldemort.

Harry braced himself as he deflected it away and attacked him once more. Harry was ready though, he was strong, and he knew that Ron and Hermione would be on the ball enough to back each other up whenever Voldemort threw a cause in their direction.

_"Diffindo!"_ Voldemort hissed and before Harry could finish deflecting the curse aimed at him he turned on Hermione again and shouted "_Reducto!_"

Ron's shield wasn't raised fast enough and Hermione was blasted into him and they both flew backwards into the wall, which collapsed around them. Harry wanted to run to them but he knew what needed to be done and concentrated on Voldemort with everything he had.

_"Evanesco!"_ he called out, it was one of Hermione's that she often used to make things disappear for good.

It slammed into Voldemort like a wave hitting a wall and dispersed to reveal his spiteful smile. Harry groaned, he supposed you had to have a place in mind to send the thing to in order for it to work properly, and sent a disarming spell at him to buy himself some thinking time.

He chanced a glance over his shoulder and saw that Ron and Hermione weren't buried beneath the wall at all, they had both cast a levitation spell to hold the rubble away from them but it was weakening and Harry had an idea.

_"Accio bricks"_ he yelled and, as the bricks hurtled toward him, ducked so the rubble carried on and hammered into Voldemort.

Ron looked impressed and Hermione grateful as they got to their feet.

"Thanks Harry, that was more difficult than it looked" she said.

"Levitating a loose pile of rubble above you with just two wands? Nah, piece of cake" Ron said as he dusted himself off and suddenly sent a curse over Harry's shoulder.

Apparently Voldemort had recovered from a pile of bricks coming at him much faster than Ron and Hermione had and sent a curse at Harry's back.

"Thanks Ron" Harry said as the three of them all readied themselves for another round of the battle.

Harry took a deep breath and hit Voldemort with one curse after the other in between shield charms and saw similar flashes emitting from Ron and Hermione's wands too.

"Enough!" Voldemort bellowed as Hermione actually managed to penetrate one of his shields and cut his sickly-looking skin just above the eyebrow, "It's time for _your_ mud-blood to flow. _Sectus minuo!"_

Harry had just cast another disarming spell while Voldemort was delivering his little speech but he hadn't been fast enough. A jet of light exploded from the dark wizard's wand and rocketed towards Hermione. Harry watched in horror as she screamed and threw her arms up in front of her face, unprepared for such a spell coming at her so fast.

_"Protego sempra!" _Ron yelled as he threw a special kind of shield charm in front of Hermione.

The shield covered her and remained for three times as long as a normal protego spell, the only problem with it was that the person shielded could not send any spells out through it to defend themselves or others. Despite the power of Ron's shield Voldemort's curse was stronger and a little of it managed to penetrate the magical barrier and cause small nicks and grazes on Hermione's arms. Hermione was screaming louder than before but not at her own injuries. She was pressing against the shield around her trying to get to Ron who was bearing the brunt of Voldemort's deflected curse.

"Ron! No, please no..." she screamed as cuts, much deeper than her own, tore into Ron's veins at his wrists.

Blood poured from them as Ron paled and fell to the ground.

"Ron hold on! Hold on for me please" Hermione begged as she dropped to her knees when the shield fell away from her and aimed her wand at Voldemort, a fury in her eyes that Harry had never seen in her before, "_Avada kedavra!"_

Voldemort laughed as he deflected her unforgivable curse away with carefree flick of his wand.

That laugh cut through Harry the same way the spell had cut into Ron's veins. He found Hermione's heartbreak,concern and fear for Ron amusing?

"_Crucio!"_ Harry yelled, but again the curse was wafted away with a careless wave of Voldemort's wand.

Ron was slumped in Hermione's arms now and she was shrieking as if his pain was her own and frantically waving her wand at him.

"_Ennervate...Episky..._Ron please stay with me, please"

Harry threw another shield charm in front of himself as he ran to his friends' side.

"He's not..." Harry began as Voldemort laughed again.

"No," Hermione sobbed.

She didn't seem to be sure of her answer but she needed it to be true, so did Harry. He felt the rage bubble-up inside of him and let it out through his wand.

"_Sectus sempra, crucio, avada kedavra!"_ he shouted as he threw as many curses at Voldemort he could think of while Hermione tried to throw another shield around the three of them.

_"Immobulus"_ a weak voice said as a spell caught Voldemort off guard and he froze for a couple of seconds.

He and Hermione looked down at Ron whose blood-drenched hand clutched his wand tightly and threw his modified shield charm around the three of them as Voldemort shook off Ron's first, weaker, spell and sent another of his own powerful ones flying their way.

"Oh Ron," Hermione gasped and broke down at the same time as she threw her arms around him.

"Get me up," Ron winced as he struggled to stand as the shield began to fail.

"No Ron, you're hurt," Harry said.

It was too late for arguments. Ron was pulling himself up and pointing his wand at Voldemort.

"A soldier this one isn't he?" Voldemort grinned.

"You better believe it," Harry said as he turned on Voldemort again.

"And we all know what happens to good little soldiers don't we?"

Hermione held up her wand, ready to cast a shield before Ron,

"You coward, you can only threaten the wounded and you're supposed to be the most powerful wizard in the world?"

Voldemort looked right into Hermione as he spoke again,

"Good little soldiers become casualties of war."

Hermione cast the shield charm and Harry hollered the reductor spell as Voldemort repeated his previous attack on Ron.

"_Sectus minuo...minuo...MINUO!"_

Harry couldn't bear Hermione's cries as she fought to re-enforce her collapsing shield around Ron. The curse finally burst through and struck Ron, seeming to squeeze the blood from his open veins and create new cuts further up his forearms. Ron, through some miracle, managed to stay on his feet. He lifted his wand with his hand, his wrist dripping with blood worse than before, and sent a swirl of thick black smoke around Voldemort, obscuring him from their sight and them from his. As Hermione rocketed a binding spell into the cloud Ron fell.

Harry caught him halfway down and set him gently on the ground.

"Hermione, you've got to get him out of here."

"No Harry," Ron said through gritted teeth, "there's something she can do, I can keep going."

Harry looked up at Hermione expectantly but Hermione was shaking her head,

"No Ron, it doesn't work the way it's supposed to, it only delays...it doesn't work!"

Her voice was shaky and Harry glanced over at the rapidly dispersing black smoke and the green glow from Voldemort's wand growing brighter.

"What doesn't work? Delays what Hermione?"

She blinked away the tears that were threatening to fall and whispered,

"Death."

Harry looked down at Ron as his head fell back and his eyes rolledinto his skullbefore closing.

"Do it" Harry demanded.

"But it only buys him a few more minutes" she said, her voice choking on the words.

"Do it!" he said again.

She swallowed as Harry threw two aggressive curses at Voldemort before having to use almost every defensive manoeuvre he had ever learned to protect the three of them. Hermione pointed her wand down at Ron and sniffed. Harry couldn't watch, Ron looked dead already.

"_Redivivus_" she sobbed.

Ron gasped a lungful of air and his eyes grew wide as he gripped his chest. It had worked. Harry heard Hermione blubbing as she helped him up and Ron sounded as if he had been locked in a deep freeze for an hour when he spoke with chattering teeth.

"Let's finish this."

Harry was about to attack when Voldemort beat him to it and a flash of green light blinded Harry and he closed his eyes, preparing for the worst.

_"Protego! Mobil corpus!"_ a familiar but unexpected voice called out as the green light hit a shield and bounced away, as did Voldemort who seemed to be flying backwards against his will.

The voice had come from Harry right, Ron and Hermione were to his left, and he turned to see which one of their friends or allies had joined the fight just in time.

"Malfoy?" Harry said, the disbelief so much that Harry actually lowered his wand and let his arm hand limply at his side.

"What in Merlin's name is he doing here?" Ron said, also gawping at Draco Malfoy as he continued to send Voldemort flying backwards until he couldn't continue the spell anymore and broke the connection.

Malfoy looked at the three of them and flexed his wand hand as if the levitation spell had given him a severe cramp,

"You're welcome" he snorted.

"What?" Harry said, now aiming his own wand at Malfoy's chest with suspicion.

"Just deciding to join the winning side are you?" Hermione snapped at him, "Well we're not quite there yet, you might want to re-think your allegiance."

Malfoy looked as if he was about to say something spiteful to Hermione and Harry jumped in before he could with the burning question of the moment.

"Why would _you_ want to kill your precious dark lord?"

Malfoy blinked as he met Harry's hard stare,

"The same reason you do Potter. I want to avenge my parents."

Before either Harry or Ron could scoff at this Voldemort apparated just feet in front of them all and raised his wand.

"Our mothers died for us because of him and Weasley's as good as gone...for Granger I presume" Malfoy said in a low voice as he aimed his wand at Voldemort as the dark wizard began to say the killing curse, his wand aimed directly at Harry.

"I'm on your side because I've been loved" Malfoy said as he said the killing curse himself.

This was unbelievable. Malfoy was counterattacking rather than defending himself against Voldemort's attack. He loved his mother so much and he was willing to die to make Voldemort pay for her death. His own mother, his parents, his friends, Sirius, Ginny, they had all loved Harry and he was willing to do the same. Ron had taken a curse to his very veins that there didn't seem to be a magical solution to and he had done it in order to save Hermione because, Harry knew it though it had never been talked about, he loved her. Then there was Hermione; she had revived Ron and given him just five more minutes despite his blood loss, knowing he was dying just to let him finish what he set out to do. She loved him and it destroyed her to see him suffering and she had prolonged that suffering to help Harry. She loved Harry too. Dumbledore was right it was all about love.

"_Avada kedavra!"_ all four voices called out as one as the four separate spells from the four separate wands met and formed one powerful killing curse which blasted through Voldemort's own curse and hit the most evil wizard in recent history directly in the chest.

The light was brilliant white, not the sickening green that Harry remembered sprouting forth from Voldemort's wand when he had murdered Cedric Diggory or when Snape had done what he had done to Dumbledore. Voldemort screamed as if he was in terrific agony and Harry struggled to keep a grip on his vibrating wand. He saw that Malfoy was sweating with the strain of the powerful magic he was connected to and then he glanced over at Ron and Hermione to see how they were faring. Ron was weakening, the blood was even dripping from the end of his wand tip now and he was struggling to keep his arm up. Hermione was focused on keeping her aim steady but her free hand gripped Ron's tightly as if she was willing him to keep his wand up for just a few seconds more.

It wasn't enough, Ron couldn't take anymore, and he was about to drop.

Then Voldemort was gone. There was no body, just ashes. No wand, just splinters. No more evil, just three wizards and a witch still channelling an awesome amount of power and releasing it from their wands into one single force that they couldn't break. But they had to break it. They had to get Ron some help. They couldn't wait for him to die to break the connection. It had to stop...but how?

ooo

_Think of something Granger, think...THINK!_

She couldn't let him die now, not after they had won, not after everything. She had to stop this and get him to St Mungo's. He needed a real healer not a slight delay and that was all she could give him. Now time was almost up.

She couldn't think of anything. What could she do to get this power to dissipate? It was flowing out of them without a target. That was what they needed, a target. They had to do something that wouldn't hurt anybody, something safe, something simple.

"What's the most harmless spell you know?" she shouted at nobody in particular.

"What?" Malfoy yelled back.

"What is the least dangerous spell you can think of to cast with the last of this energy so we can break the connection. We need to perform a simple spell."

"What you mean like something from the first year?" Ron's voice was strained and his arms was shaking uncontrollably now but he still couldn't lower it and break the magical bond.

"Anything" she cried with desperation.

That was when she saw it, the puddle of blood on the floor before them, Ron's blood. He had lost so much, she felt like crying.

"The blood," she said with a whimper, "clean away the blood. We'll use scourgify on three ok?"

Ron could only nod and Harry and Malfoy grunted their compliance.

"Right, one...two..._Scourgify!_"

The four of them said the cleaning charm and aimed their wands at the pool of blood on the floor.

Immediately she knew something was wrong. The power seemed to be flowing into them rather than the blood. The blood wasn't going anywhere, nothing was being cleaned, how could this not be working?

The white light suddenly flashed like sheet lightning, filling the whole of Diagon Alley with it's blinding brilliance. She blinked and the street came back into focus.

_Wait, what street?_

She was sure she had been in a street but now there was nothing. She looked to Ron who could barely stand now and grabbed his upper arm to steady him.

"Where did it go?" he sighed weakly.

"I don't know" she said, totally bewildered now.

"Run!" Harry's voice shouted to them and they turned to see him and Malfoy running down what was left of the street.

That was right, what was left of the street, it was crumbling away around them. Whole buildings just seemed to dissolve into blankness. Hermione pulled at Ron's arm and they began to run after Harry.

"I can't..." Ron gasped after a few steps, "...you go."

"No Ron, I won't leave you. We' can get you to St Mungo's in time, we can I know it." she said as she pulled his arm over her shoulder and tried to part-drag part-carry him after the others.

Malfoy had glanced over his shoulder and seen that they were lagging behind. He looked annoyed and hesitated for a moment before dashing back to them and taking Ron's weight himself.

"Get a bloody move on you two, it's falling apart!" he snapped.

"What's falling apart?" Hermione asked him, she was so confused.

More buildings vanished in a puff of smoke just like...it was like...

Her eyes were wide as she saw a brick wall opening up and a black haired figure running through it as if his life depended on it. She turned around and saw two men behind her, running behind her, and one of them was covered with blood. Should she go and see if they needed help? She kept on running as the people on the streets seemed to become faceless and the shop windows became empty and then there were no people and there were no shops and there were still two strange men running after her. They were chasing her. She became alarmed and ran faster. She pumped her arms hard and passed through a hole in a brick wall. Then she realised that she was holding a wooden stick in her hand like a conductor's baton. She discarded it and ran faster.

Then she was in a pub, that's what it looked like, and there was a strange looking man staring at her. There were lots of strange looking people staring at her. The pub was full of people in robes all looking delighted and rushing towards her. She heard footsteps hammering behind her. She was still being chased. Then she saw a crack of daylight under the door in the corner and ran for it, shoving the robed figures aside and then not even seeing any figures at all anymore. She flung the door open and hurtled out into the road. There was a loud screech and a car. She fell to the ground and burst into tears in the middle of the road.

She had no idea where she was.

ooo


	47. Not Sick But Not Well

_A/N So there's some stuff I need to clear up apparently._

_The most important thing is this, I am not building up to a big climax, I can't understand how anyone who has read this fic could possibly think that I am, this whole thing is an emotional journey and those don't get tied up in a neat little bow at the end. There will be no final post-apocalypitc battle, sorry._

_Then I have to tell Kami1, you are absolutely correct but I explained what I intended to and I didn't do it in a clumsy manner. It's true, I don't write action sequences or battle sequences as well as I write angst and dialogue but again, that's not the nuts and bolts of this story and that's not what the story's conclusion is about either. (Don't think I'm annoyed with you again...I'm just blunt, it's a British thing!)_

_One last thing about the spell confusion. No, Voldemort didn't make Ron depressed. No the spell Hermione peformed to give Ron some more time after he passed out wasn't the cause of it either. By having her say that it wouldn't stop death didn't mean that Ron would bring about his own because he was supposed to be dead, it meant that he should have bled to death long before he even reached the alley where he was found...the spell gave him extra time to end the fight and escape and that is all. This chapter should tell you that the depression isn't anything anybody did to him._

_This is a very long note I know but there is only one chapter left and then a short epilogue soI wanted to warn you that I'm tying things up now and there are no big battles or revelations left to be had. It's all about the emotional closure._

_Sorry if some of you feel let down by this fact but I honestly can't understand what you've been getting out of this fic if you wanted something else. It's been a real pleasure hearing from all of you. I'll start looking up all of your fics as soon as mine is finished. Shari._

**Chapter Forty-Six - Not Sick But Not Well**

She held her breath. The spell had been over for about fifteen seconds and nobody had said a word. She hoped it had worked. Harry looked startled and confused. Hermione looked as if she wanted to cry. Ron looked the same way he used to before a big Quiddich match. Then there was Malfoy. Malfoy looked utterly horrified. It was then that Ginny knew the spell had worked.

Ron's eyes met Hermione's and he whispered with a shudder,

"Everybody knows."

She threw herself at him and hugged him as if he was freezing to death and needed her warmth to live.

"Yes they do and they still love you anyway. I told you didn't I?" Hermione breathed heavily before releasing him and giving him quite a hard whack on the arm, "I told you!"

Ron winced. Ginny didn't think that Hermione had hurt him; it seemed to be more of an admission of his own stupidity. As Hermione saw this she threw her arms around him and began to cry.

"I can't believe you tried to...you almost...don't you _ever_ do anything like that again!"

Harry looked devastated as he watched his two friends before looking at Malfoy and scowling.

"You still here?"

Malfoy narrowed his eyes and broke away from the group,

"Oh don't thank me Potter! Don't even mention how I saved your skin from the dark lord or that I looked after your bloody nut-job of a friend all this time."

Ron broke away from Hermione as Malfoy stormed through the group of stunned Weasleys, Fred seeming smug and sickened at the same time that he had finally showed his true colours, and grabbed him by the arm as he was about to barge out of the door.

"Dee wait..."

"I'm not fucking Dee!" Malfoy bellowed as he turned on Ron, "I am not your bloody friend Weasley, you've got Potter and the mud-blood for that, and I've got Pansy."

He yanked his arm away from Ron and thundered into the hall. Ron made a move to follow him but Fred pulled him back.

"Let him go Ron, he's not worth it and you know that now don't you?"

"Don't you?" George said with hope, as the family seemed to hold their breath for confirmation that Ron, Harry and Hermione were back in their right minds.

Ron pulled away from Fred and said,

"I'm back," Fred looked delighted, "but that doesn't mean I don't remember this last couple of months either."

Fred's face dropped,

"What?"

Ron ignored him and glanced back at Hermione,

"I've got to..."

"Go, it's fine, I'll be right here" she interrupted as she waved him off with both hands.

"No Ron, what are you doing?" Harry said, his eyebrows knitting together with annoyance and confusion.

"Leave him," Hermione snapped before turning back to Ron, "go!"

Fred made a half-hearted gesture to stop Ron from pursuing Malfoy but Ron was already gone, down the hall, through the kitchen and out into the yard.

"Hermione what are you doing?" Harry shouted, "He remembers who he is now, he remembers who he hates and that's us."

"He doesn't hate Ron" Hermione said calmly.

"Yes he does!" Harry, Fred and George said together.

"No he doesn't" said their mother from the door, "you can't forget loving and caring for someone. Not even Hermione and Ron could, or you and Ginny either Harry."

Fred charged at the open door,

"Well I don't trust him with Ron, not in the state he's in."

"Was," Ginny corrected, "the state he _was_ in. He's back now remember?"

Fred suddenly froze on the spot. He looked to Hermione and swallowed.

"What?" Ginny said, "What is it?"

The weighty silence was interrupted by the sound of shouting outside the house. George, his arm still not properly healed yet jumped out of his chair and looked about ready to explode.

"I'm going to kill him!"

Their mum began to plead for calm, as did their father, but the twins were already running for the back door to find out what was going on between Malfoy and Ron. Harry wasn't far behind and Ginny found herself keeping pace with him as they raced through the house and out into the back yard where they saw a red in the face Malfoy hollering at a patiently calm Ron.

Ginny couldn't make out any of what Malfoy was saying because of Fred and George's breathless threats that were being hissed as they ran. Harry looked as if he simply wanted to be at Ron's side right now and nothing more. Ginny just wanted all of this to stop. She wanted to be able to exhale all the stress and the tension and for her family to be able to be normal again.

"I can't believe what a pathetic little bastard you are Weasley. Let it go, Dee is dead; he never even existed. You go back to your muggle-loving scum of a family and never mention this to anyone again do you understand?" Malfoy shouted.

They had reached them now, Ron had held up a hand to tell them to stay back while he responded to Malfoy in an even tone.

"Look I know this is confusing and I'm not an idiot, I still remember that you've been a total prick, but I got to know the real you. I got to meet who you could have been without your daddy telling you what to think every minute of the day when you were a kid."

"Don't you dare talk about my father!" Malfoy raged as he stepped forward to be almost nose-to-nose with Ron.

"We can talk about my mum if you like." Ron said, his eyes glancing up to the bloodstain on Malfoy's forehead.

Quickly, he wiped the dried blood away with apparent disgust,

"That fat trollop can't wait to drag more people into her bloody massive family can she? Makes you think doesn't it? Is she looking to finally get it right? I mean look at the long line of mistakes she's already made."

Fred and George weren't going to stand for that and they advanced upon Malfoy when Ron cast an impediment jinx on them. He still had Percy's wand clutched in his hand. With a claming breath he turned back to the seething Malfoy.

"Convincing little performance you've got going there, I might have bought it myself if I hadn't been so good at playing a part myself, you don't have to be the bad guy just because you think that it's your role y'know?"

Malfoy looked sickened beyond words and Ginny realised that Hermione had just joined the group, the remaining Weasleys not far behind her.

"You've been spending a little too much time with the analytical little whoare haven't you Weasley? You almost sounded intelligent for a minute there. Pity I know you better than that." Malfoy sneered.

"Yeah, you know me very well don't you Dee?" Ron nodded.

"Don't call me Dee!" Malfoy roared.

"Ron, don't antagonise him" Percy said nervously.

Ron turned to the small group and looked at them apologetically before throwing the immobulus charm at them and turning back to Malfoy with his jaw set, ready to pick this up a gear.

"You did me a big favour once Dee, I think it's time I returned it."

Before Malfoy could protest at his 'other' name being used Ron had slammed his fist into the side of his head, causing him to stumble backwards, and grabbed him to stop him falling before landing another punch to his jaw. As he pulled back his arm to hit the dazed Malfoy again he raised his voice, unable to keep the calm tone he had been using moments before.

"I understand why you're angry. I mean I'm not going to keep quiet about what you did while you were away am I? You and your own little whoare frolicking in your bed late at night."

Malfoy seemed to pale and his face became expressionless as Ron looked so unlike himself, he was almost enjoying being spiteful.

"Shut up" he growled in barely a whisper.

Ron threw Malfoy down onto the ground and stood over him,

"You'll have to hang around with me. Us muggle-lovers stick together after all." Ron smiled in a nasty way.

"Shut up" Malfoy repeated with a little more aggression this time as his rage gave him the strength to get back to his feet.

"Pathetically weak sort of people aren't they muggles? I mean they have a couple of little problems here and there and they just string themselves up and swing away!" Ron was so unlike himself that it made Ginny want to cry to see him that way.

She knew what he was trying to do but it still made her feel an ache inside. Malfoy couldn't hold himself together much longer and she felt an internal scream as she saw him hit Ron back, his fist pounding repeatedly into Ron's stomach as Ron fell to the ground, pulling Malfoy down with him and aiming a kick at his ribs as they landed. The both writhed wheezing for a moment before Malfoy regained enough breath to speak again.

"Leave her out of this" Malfoy yelled as he got to his knees and grabbed Ron's sweatshirt, yanking him forward.

"Or what Dee? You'll sit outside the toilet while I pee?" Ron snorted despite being in some obvious pain.

That had made no sense to Ginny whatsoever but it had obviously hit the spot with Malfoy who threw him back down to the ground and struggled back to his feet to stand over him threateningly.

"Don't think I can't see what you're playing at Weasley. We are _not_ friends understand? We will never _be_ friends. We never _were_ friends. Get over it or go and find yourself another cliff."

At that last comment Dee aimed a kick into Ron's stomach. Ron's resolve was gone and he looked hurt for the first time. It was this that seemed to hit Malfoy more than any punch Ron had delivered or anything he had said to him so far. He didn't seem to know what to do with himself now and took a step backwards without taking his eyes off of Ron's face.

"I'm going home" he finally said, his voice barely even there.

"There's nobody there for you" Ron wheezed.

"There's nobody here for me either" Malfoy said, looking and sounding like Dee for the first time since the spell.

Through some miracle Ron managed to get back to his feet, still clutching his stomach and coughing but not ready to give up just yet,

"Where am I now 'cause I thought I was right here?"

Malfoy swallowed before answering with great bitterness,

"You're back with them that's where you are" he said as he nodded to Harry and Hermione, "you don't need me anymore."

"I don't need you huh?" Ron winced as he aimed Percy's wand back at the Burrow and flinched as a twinge of pain caused him to falter for a second.

Malfoy almost took a step toward him before setting his bruised and bloody face into that hard hearted mask he had been using before,

"You know you don't, the spell worked, you're ok now."

Malfoy had turned to leave and Ron seemed to have taken his last statement as if it was a physical blow.

"I'm _ok_?" Ron said weakly as Ginny felt some sensation coming back to her limbs, "You think I'm _ok_?"

Malfoy looked uncomfortable as he took another step away from him,

"Take your problems somewhere else Weasley, I don't have to pretend to care anymore."

Ginny noticed that Malfoy's voice was shaky as he said this and she couldn't help but wonder just how much of Dee was really in Draco.

_"Accio emergency kit!"_ Ron called out as he pointed his wand at the house again.

Ginny heard Hermione let out a gasp, the immobulus spell must be wearing off, and soon after a small wooden box zoomed into Ron's waiting hands. He opened the lid and pulled out a handful of empty potion bottles just like the ones Ginny and Harry had seen in his room at Grimmauld Place and threw them down onto the grass at their feet.

"Dreamless sleep draught, chocolate frogs charmed with a calming spell," he threw three chocolate frog wrappers and a half eaten frog onto the floor on top of the empty potion bottles, "Firewhisky!" Ron said with a twisted smile on his face, "She didn't give me that one, that was _my_ idea."

"Ron please..." Hermione's voice managed to break through the spell and she took an unsteady step towards him.

Ginny found that she could move herself now but she was still frozen to the spot. Frozen the same was Fred had been when she had asked him what he had been talking about when he said 'in Ron's state' earlier on inside the house. She wanted to cry, this wasn't supposed to happen, he was supposed to be ok now. What was going on? She knew everything about Ron, she knew things that were going on in his head before he did, how could she have seen his secret relationship with Hermione so clearly but not this?

Because she had wanted to see it.

Ron pulled out a small container of pills with a white label stuck on the front of it,

"Oh this is a good one, Hermione got me these illegally from the Muggle world, anti-depressants. They're fantastic, you should try one, and then there's this..."

Ron's eyes were wide as he rummaged inside the box just as Hermione had found enough inside her to move toward him with more certainty.

"Ron, don't do this please, your family..." she said firmly.

"Euphoria in liquid form, always good for a laugh that one...quite literally. Guess who brewed me that one Dee?"

Ron's eyes darted over to Hermione whose eyes were welling up with tears. Malfoy seemed about ready to either hex Ron into the next life or burst into tears himself.

"What are you saying?" he asked with suspicion.

Ron emptied the box onto the ground at his feet as he spoke,

"I'm showing you how fine I am Dee. This little lot, this isn't a new collection of mine is it Hermione? Oh no, I've had this for quite a while now."

"Hermione?" Harry's empty shell-like voice said as he turned to examine his friend's distraught expression.

"You know me and Jo had a lot in common," Ron said, his voice raw with spent emotion, "we're both fantastic at hiding things from people, especially things that they don't want to see."

Malfoy actually took a step back towards Ron at this,

"I..."

"Forget it," Ron said as he kicked the wooden box away from himself before turning back to head back inside the Burrow, "go back to your mansion Draco, all those empty rooms...should be very comforting for you."

Hermione crouched down and began to tearfully gather up the contents of Ron's emergency kit and shove them back inside the box. She didn't seem able to look anybody in the eye as she stood up and rushed into the house after Ron with a breathless,

"I'm sorry" directed at nobody in particular as she went.

"This is..." Percy shook his head, "...this was because he lost his memory not...he wasn't...not before..."

"I would've noticed" their mother said with a broken voice, before her face suddenly seemed to replay all the little tell-tale moments in the past that she had ignored and she began to weep into her husband's shoulder, "Oh Arthur how could we have let this happen?"

"You didn't," Harry said firmly as he scowled at Malfoy and then, bizarrely, the twins before storming off after his friends, "he wasn't...he was fine. I would've noticed."

"Harry, wait!" Ginny called after him but he was running into the house now.

Malfoy seemed to have forgotten what he was doing out in the shabby grounds of the Burrow and shook himself back to his senses,

"Well I'll leave you to it then. I can recommend a great clinic if you're interested, but of course, you already know it don't you."

He disapparated on the spot. He had been trying to deliver a cutting parting line to ensure that nobody would bother him with any of Ron's problems again but his heart had clearly not been in it. Ginny shook her head as she realised what was really going on here.

All she had wanted was for Voldemort to be gone and then things could get back to normal and then he was gone but so were Harry, Ron and Hermione. So then all she wanted was the three of them back, memories or not, and then she could get back to normal. Well she had got them back but without their memories she couldn't be happy. If only they could get their memoriestoreturn,that way things could really go back to the way they were and everybody could be happy again. Now they had their memories and she was still lost. Her brother was still unhappy. Hermione was still racked with worry for him. Harry was still out of the loop as far as his friend's past was concerned. The family were still miserable. She looked to Fred and George who had their heads bowed, George seemed to be rubbing Fred's back in a comforting manner.

"You knew didn't you?" Ginny said hoarsely to the two of them, they raised their heads and looked at her, "You knew something was wrong. You said so at the clinic but nobody took any notice of you did they?"

Fred shook his head and George fielded her accusations,

"Not now Gin."

"What do you mean not now?" she screeched as she turned her full attention on Fred, "This is why you hit him that time isn't it? This is what you were talking about. You found out and you had a fight and..."

"Ginny leave him alone!" her father barked, "You're just getting at Fred because you feel guilty that he noticed something was wrong and you didn't. _I_ didn't either Ginny. This isn't your fault. This isn't anyone's fault."

Ginny ran into her father's arms and began to sob into his tatty Weasley jumper.

"I didn't think it was this bad," Percy said, his hand to his mouth, "I knew there was something going on but I didn't think it was this bad."

"I have to go to him," their mother said suddenly, "Hermione obviously can't manage this on her own, he needs me"

"Molly no," he doesn't need to be made to feel guilty about this" Ginny heard her father say, her face still pressed into his chest.

"Is that what you think I do to my children Arthur? Lay guilt-trips on them all?" she snapped, totally outraged at this comment.

"I didn't say that Molly love but he's obviously ashamed of this problem and it's probably because he knows how much it would crush you, it would crush all of us, so I really don't think he needs to see you in this state making him hate himself even more do you?"

Ginny squeezed her father a little tighter and soon felt her mother's warmth around the two of them, a three way embrace that soon grew to incorporate Percy.

The twins never joined them. They mumbled something between them and disapparated in an instant without a parting word.

_Would things ever be ok for their family again?_

ooo

_Oh great! What a prat, what a prat, what a prat. That was not how to handle that problem._

"I'm such a dick!" Ron hissed to himself as he paced his bedroom floor, gnawing on what was definitely now a scar on the inside of his bottom lip.

_Shit, stop doing that!_

He couldn't believe how he could've made a situation as dreadful as the one he was in even worse.

"I'm such a fucking idiot!"

"Don't say that."

Hermione was at the open door watching him. How long had she been watching him?

"Everybody _knows_ now!" he said as he began to feel the after affects of his fight with Dee.

No, he hadn't fought with Dee he had fought with Draco. Bloody hell he couldn't confuse himself anymore than he already was, his head would just spin off his shoulders and explode.

"That's not a bad thing Ron," she said as she rushed over to him and hugged his tightly.

Far too tightly as it happened, his stomach was killing him and she was crushing her body into the still forming field of bruises. He must have made some kind of sound that indicated the amount of discomfort she had been causing him as she released him and pulled his sweatshirt up to examine his battered torso.

"It's fine, forget it," he muttered as he tried to stop her fussing over him.

"It's not fine," she frowned, "Malfoy gave you a real kick that last time."

"Everything felt pretty real to me" he winced as he lost the battle to keep his stomach covered up.

"Oh Ron, this looks awful!"

"Well thanks for that Hermione" he huffed as she tenderly ran her fingertips over the swollen skin.

Harry burst into the room and was startled for a second at this scene before stomping over to the two of them, his eyes wild.

"How could you not tell me about this? Both of you, how could you keep this from me?" he yelled.

"Harry it wasn't like that" Hermione began.

"Harry, I told her not to tell anyone, don't have a go at her."

He had tried to stand ahead of Hermione to take the inevitable brunt of Harry's rage and hurt but she had curled her arms around his waist and was clinging to his side.

"So this whole time, while we were destroying the horcruxes, you were...you were..."

Ron nodded.

Everybody knew now. His life was about to turn into shit.

Harry turned on Hermione,

"And you knew what he was going through and you didn't say anything to me? You let him fight Voldemort knowing what state he was in?"

"Whoa there mate, nobody _let_ me do anything, I'm not brain-damaged."

"You're..." Harry shook his head, he couldn't say it, nobody was ever going to be able to complete a sentence for the rest of Ron's life now, "...potions and anti-depressants and you never told me. How could you not tell me?"

"Oh like there's never been anything you've kept to yourself to keep us from worrying about you." Ron said with scorn.

"This is different!" he shouted again, "This is you having panic attacks and throwing yourself off of cliffs and all because you are too pig headed to ask for help."

"I did ask for help Harry," Ron looked down at Hermione who was still clutching him too tightly for comfort around the waist, "I asked Hermione."

Harry looked angrier still,

"So poor Hermione had to take this all by herself did she? Did you think that was fair on her?"

"Harry don't, you don't know" she began to defend her own coping abilities to him but he didn't want to hear it right now.

"No I bloody didn't know did I?" he raged, "What the hell was that portkey all about then eh? Cedo Malori and Servabo te, why exactly did you think he needed to get to you in an instant and be saved Hermione?"

"Harry..." Ron began, unsure exactly what he was going to say.

"I'm asking her not you" Harry said with a hurt glance at Ron.

"I just wanted to know that he could..." she looked as if she couldn't bear to say it out loud, they never had, even when the portkey idea came about the real reason for it had never seen spoken of, "...I needed to give him a way of finding me when he really needed me."

Her head was low and burrowing into the side of his ribs now, Ron was sure this was as uncomfortable for her as it was for him.

Harry's anger seemed to dissolve into utter devastation as he let out a deep breath and looked Ron in the eye,

"She thought you were going to kill yourself didn't she?"

Ron shook his head vigorously,

"No it wasn't that, she was just worried that I was having a worse time of it towards the end, I'd recently...I'd just had my falling out with Fred and she realised what it had been about and that I was turning in on myself and she just wanted to be able to be there for me if I ever got too bad."

Hermione lifted her head and looked up at him with tearful eyes,

"You never needed to use it though did you?" Ron smiled down at her and she turned to face Harry, "He was getting better Harry, he was coming out of it when we all got our memories wiped."

Harry looked down at his feet and tried to understand all of this, he raised his eyes before he raised his head and asked Ron the question Ron had been used to fielding in his memory-loss state and now realised that he was going to have to answer all over again now that his old demon had been revealed to everybody who knew him,

"Why did you jump?"

He found himself hugging Hermione back as he pondered the real answer to that question,

"I couldn't think of a single reason not to."

That had hurt both his friends, he knew it had but he felt he owed them some honesty right now.

"I didn't have you Harry, and I thought that Hermione was just humouring the nutcase, Jo was dead and Dee...Dee was worrying about me so much I thought he'd be better off without me."

"It wasn't just that though was it?" Hermione sniffed as she looked up at Ron again, "Your doctor told us about your lack of sleep, nervous exhaustion can do funny things to a person's mind and yours was already pretty jumbled at the time." she looked over at Harry, "He was ill when he did it. He's not like that anymore."

Harry took a step toward them,

"You're still not ok though are you?"

Ron smiled as he released Hermione and felt her loosen her hold on him,

"You can't just order yourself to be happy and self-assured. If you were to start picking on all of my biggest faults and sensitive issues I'd defend myself and we'd probably get into a huge row, hey one of us might even hit the other, but that's not the thing mate. It's the little innocuous comments that I miss-read or focus on and over-think until there's about eight hidden meanings behind it and I start to convince myself that you're saying something you really didn't at all."

Harry folded his arms across his chest and frowned,

"Such as?"

Ron thought for a moment,

"Ok, remember how badly I took that comment you made about the leprechaun gold at the Quiddich world cup that time?"

Harry nodded.

"Well I know you weren't flaunting how much money you had, I knew you really hadn't noticed that it had vanished and you wouldn't have cared even if you had, but the thing was that really got to me. I had about three hours worth of self-abuse to go through in my head before I could let that go. What you really thought of me, what Hermione really thought of me, what total strangers thought of my family; I ended up tying myself in a big knot that ended up with me thinking that you resented having such an over-sensitive friend who would jump down your throat over things you had no control over and that you'd be better off if I just didn't hang around you any more."

Harry unfolded his arms and looked at the floor. Ron felt like an utter sod. He was such a self-involved head case these days. He just couldn't help making people feel bad could he?

"Now he's internally abusing himself for upsetting you by the way" Hermione said as Harry and Ron turned their heads to stare at her with surprise.

Harry looked from her to him and Ron found himself shrugging and nodding,

"See how well she can read me now?"

Harry smiled and the three of them stood and looked from one to the other in silence before Harry cast Ron a mischievous look.

"Firewhisky?"

Ron chuckled,

"What can I say? I'm an idiot!"

"At least you didn't have to clean up after him," Hermione grumbled.

He and Harry broke into relieved laughter at this and Ron wondered if maybe she had been right all along. Maybe telling people about his problems wasn't quite the disaster he had convinced himself it would be.

ooo

His footsteps echoed around the massive dining room. The looters had been busy, the Malfoy home had been stripped bare, and Draco didn't even have anything to throw to vent his frustration.

"So you came back then?" a familiar voice said from a darkened corner.

"You were waiting for me all this time Pansy?" he asked, doubtfully.

"I've been keeping an eye on you, well not an eye, more monitoring your location." she smiled as she stepped into the light.

"It was you wasn't it? You were the young woman who gave the muggle hospital my details."

She nodded.

"Why did you do that?"

He was greatly suspicious of his former girlfriend. No, she was his current girlfriend, she had been at the time of his memory loss, but he couldn't think of her that way now. She was a remnant of his old life, not a participant in his new one.

"If you didn't disappear you'd be in Azkaban right now" she shrugged.

"Not necessarily, I helped the golden boy to defeat the dark lord, I would've been exonerated I'm sure."

Pansy began to walk across the dining room, her heels clicking on the bare stone floor,

"A bar full of patrons in the Leaky Caldron beg to differ I'm afraid. They see Potter passing through and then he's never seen again, then Granger in a frantic state, and then of course the Weasel. That one would be hard to explain wouldn't it Draco? The last anybody ever sees or hears of the youngest boy in the oh so popular Weasley clan is him staggering through the Leaky Caldron, hacked to ribbons, and hotly perused by yourself. It doesn't look good for you does it?"

He took a step toward Pansy as he tried to understand what it was she was trying to achieve,

"Do you _want_ me to go to Azkaban or not?"

She smiled and shook her head,

"Of course not Draco. I just don't want you becoming a muggle-lover and defender of the mud-blood scum like Severus Snape did. I want my Draco just they way I like him."

He looked at the young woman he had known since she was a snot-nosed little girl and felt somewhat nauseated. She was attempting to be seductive. She was really trying. It shouldn't be an effort to endear yourself to the person who's supposed to love you.

_Jo never had to try. She was just there and that was all he ever needed to want her. _

"What if I were a muggle-lover now? What would you have to say about that Pansy?"

She laughed as if she had confirmation that her old hate-filled beau had come back to her at last.

"Still as witty as ever, I'm so glad, I'd missed that the most."

She was almost close enough to touch now and this sickened him. She seemed vile and cold and he wanted to take a step away from her but his ego couldn't allow that.

"And what if I told you my position on mud-bloods had changed?"

She sneered and an evil glint flashed in her eyes,

"Oh do I have competition from that troll Granger?" she laughed as if she'd just conjured up the most hilarious image in her own head and looked at him with some degree of disbelief that he wasn't sharing her mirth.

Pansy's lips were almost touching his own and he wondered if he could really do this. Was he able to make this change in his life? Did he really want this? He knew that he did. He wanted this and it would make the rest of his life very hard and things would probably turn out painfully but he wanted it all the same.

He knew exactly who he was now.

"And what if I was to tell you," his voice was low as Pansy's face was a hair away from his own, "that I would die to protect Ron Weasley from the likes of you and your family?"

Pansy hesitated and stared up at his eyes. She was trying to see if this was a joke. She was pleading with him for it to be a joke. She silently begged him for the punch line. She wanted a punch line that was never going to come.

"Get out of my house" he hissed as he pushed her away.

She looked livid.

"What's wrong with you? I thought you were back the way you were Draco?"

He felt a sudden strength inside him, he could do anything now that he was honest with himself, he could be brave enough to start again and be who he really wanted to be.

"Draco's gone Pansy. I killed him."

Her face fell and she tried to understand what was being said to her.

"What, who are you? Are you on Polyjuice potion to make you look like Draco? What have you done to him?"

"He killed him, just like he said," a voice echoed from the other side of the dining room.

He looked across to the grand oak doorway and saw Fred and George Weasley standing there with their wands at the ready.

"I think it's time for you to go love," George said as he pointed his wand at Pansy, "Dee's coming home with us and he doesn't want to lock any vermin in when he leaves."

He felt as if he was going to laugh out loud. The Weasley twins had come to take him back to their family home a mere hour after beating their beloved brother to a pulp before their very eyes.

Pansy glared at the Weasleys before staring back at him with eyes that weren't able to see past the face of her former lover,

"Who the hell is Dee?"

He swallowed and drew himself up to his full height,

"He's Ron Weasley's new best friend."

ooo

The three of them stepped into the kitchen where the Weasleys, who now included Charlie, Bill and Fleur as well, sat around the table all looking tired and worried. Harry knew that Ron's two older brothers had been summoned to let them know that Ron's memory had returned, Draco had left, and that Ron had revealed his big secret to the family.

"I'm really sorry" Harry heard Ron mutter as all the faces around the table turned togreet them.

Mrs Weasley's chair scraped along the floor and she flung herself at him and squeezed him harder than his sore stomach really could take without causing him to yelp with pain.

"Oh Ronnie, I'm sorry, I forgot you'd been fighting, let me do something about that for you."

Tugging at Ron's sweatshirt in much the same way Hermione had been doing Mrs Weasley reached for her wand and began to fuss over Ron's now multi-coloured stomach.

"Mum, it's ok, leave it for now will you?" he chuckled, "Hermione's already had a go, that's why the bruises came up so fast."

She looked at Hermione sadly and rested a hand on her cheek,

"Oh Hermione, you wonderful little thing, you've been looking after him by yourself all this time."

Another chair scraped and Harry saw Charlie getting to his feet and catching Ron's eye,

"Hiya Ron, welcome back."

Ron smiled and gave his brother a pat on the shoulder. Harry saw how much Charlie had needed this, he had been so uncomfortable ever since they had found Ron at the clinic, and he seemed to need to re-introduce himself to his brother.

"Sorry I was all weird with you last time Charlie." Ron sighed, as they broke apart.

"Don't apologise anymore, it's all I've heard you do recently and I think it's time you stopped."

Ron glanced over at Hermione and they laughed,

"That's what she said."

Charlie smiled,

"And what did you say?" he asked Ron.

"I said sorry." he shrugged.

The family laughed, all except Bill who looked just as uncomfortable to be in Ron's presence as he was during his last visit. Harry decided to instigate some kind of communication between the two of them and saw that Fleur was thinking the same thing. She tugged at Bill's sleeve as she got to her own feet and breezed around the table to embrace Ron.

"Oh 'ow I missed you," she gushed as Harry saw Ron go almost limp in her arms, she must have unwittingly released some of her Veela mojo on him, "Je'taime mon petit frere."

She kissed him on the forehead and Hermione raised an eyebrow at Ron's dazed expression,

"Oh don't go like that again," Ron rolled his eyes, "she's my sister!"

Hermione smiled and shook her head. Harry saw Bill edgily fidgeting in his chair and leaned over the table, extending his hand,

"Hello again Bill, it's good to be back, I hope I wasn't too much of a pain while I was all forgetful."

Bill grinned and shook Harry's hand vigorously,

"I kind of liked you better actually."

Harry locked eyes with Bill and directed them over to Ron. Bill swallowed and got to his feet.

"Welcome back Ron" he held out his hand.

Ron took it and they shook hands uncomfortably. Ron seemed to be staring at Bill with great caution.

"Thanks Bill, it's good to see you again."

They broke their handshake with as much awkwardness as they had started it. The family tried not to stare but it was obvious that they all were.

"So..." Ron began before hesitating and wondering if he should really say what he was about to, "...you're kind of scary."

Bill shook his head and let out a sigh,

"I'm really sorry about that day, it was the wrong time of the month and I was worried and scared and angry and I didn't handle things too well did I?"

Ron couldn't help but smile,

"Time of the month? What are you a wolf or a woman?"

Bill smiled too as Hermione slapped Ron on the arm. Their smiles slowly faded and Bill pulled Ron into a quick hug. Harry looked away as did most of the others. Ginny and Hermione didn't avert their eyes; Harry supposed it was a man thing that made them all uncomfortable to watch stuff like this. He heard Bill's muffled voice though.

"So I hear you've been having a hard time of it then?"

They had broken apart again and Harry felt safe to look up now.

"Just a bit" Ron shrugged.

Bill seemed to be feeling self-conscious just before he spoke again,

"Well I was going to say, if you ever felt like you needed it, you could always floo to our place and meditate with me if you ever wanted to. If you thought it would do any good."

Bill shrugged as if it was a stupid idea and Fleur wrapped her arms around him and smiled up at him lovingly,

"Ah Beel, what a wonderful idea!"

Ron smiled and nodded,

"That sounds good, I should have told you about this ages ago shouldn't I?"

Bill nodded sincerely,

"You really should have. I wish I could have helped you back then."

Ron shrugged,

"Never mind."

It wasn't the most comfortable of situations but it was better than everybody had been feeling lately Harry thought so he allowed himself to relax and put his arm around Ginny's shoulders.

"Does this mean we're a 'we' again then Mr Potter?" she teased.

"Until I can find anybody better." Harry shrugged and received a dig in the ribs for his poor sense of humour.

As Mrs Weasley set about making some more tea and Ron and his father sat down to finally talk to each other for the first time in a long time Harry realised that there was somebody missing from this moment of group catharsis.

_Where were Fred and George?_


	48. Start As You Mean To Go On

**Chapter Forty-Seven - Start As You Mean To Go On**

_"You will never understand how it feels to live your life with no meaning or control and with nowhere left to go. You are amazed that they exist and they shine so bright while you can only wonder why." _

_Jarvis Cocker - Pulp_

"I'm so very proud of you do you know that Ron?" he said as he handed his son another of the magically cleaned plates to put away in the kitchen cupboard.

Ron looked at him but gave no response; he seemed to be struggling to understand what exactly his father was being proud of. Arthur saw him glance down at his exposed forearms, he had rolled up his sleeves to do the washing up, and come over all self-conscious about his scars.

"No I didn't mean that, although I'm prouder of how you got those scars than you will ever know, I mean I'm proud of the way you coped all by yourself the way you did."

Ron took another plate from his father and put it on the higgledy-piggledy stack, failing to look Arthur in the eye,

"I didn't cope with it. I lost my marbles didn't I?"

He gripped his son's arm and said, with determination that he would understand exactly how impressed the family were with him,

"You lost everything but your marbles Ron. You kept your head when you had nothing else but the very basic building blocks of your personality and I want you to understand that."

Ron was about to say something; Arthur waited patiently but saw that his son wasn't able to begin to articulate his inner thoughts right now.

"You found your way from a city you were unfamiliar with all the way to Eastbourne and you checked yourself into a place for help. Do you know what would happen to most people Ron? Do you know what I found out on the streets of muggle London while I was looking for you?"

Ron shook his head.

"I saw that most young people who find themselves lost and alone in London end up sleeping on the streets, begging for scraps of food from strangers who think they're scum, and freezing to death."

Ron lowered his head and still said nothing.

"I had to identify a dead body Ron."

His son's head quickly snapped back up, his eyes wide with horror,

"Dad, I'm so sorry..."

Arthur smiled and slapped his son on the back reassuringly,

"It's not your fault is it? None of this is your fault. I'm just pointing something out to you that I think you really need to know. You survived Ron. You managed to look after yourself in circumstances more dire than most of those people we came across in our search for you. I am prouder of you for that then I am that you helped to take down You-know-who."

Ron sighed; it was the same sigh he used to give when he was a little boy, as if the weight of the wizarding world rested on his shoulders.

"I didn't do anything to be proud of dad. I only lasted as long as I did because I was calling Hermione and I had Dee and Jo with me."

"Do you not know how much strength it takes to admit you need help? You looked after yourself so well that you found somebody to help you with your problem, a problem you didn't understand, and you found two good people to befriend and get you through your time at that clinic. You found people who wanted to protect you."

He saw Ron's head dropping again and gripped his shoulders with both hands.

"You did so well son, I'm so impressed."

"I let her die though," Ron's voice said as he shook his head, "she was there for me and helping me and all the time she was hurting inside and I didn't see it until it was too late."

"Ron..."

"I just wanted her to be happy so much, I wanted to believe she was ok and I ignored all the signs that she wasn't. She was losing the fight and I just watched her do it."

"Am I to blame for you jumping off that cliff-top Ron?"

Ron looked mortified,

"No of course not!"

"Am I to blame for not seeing your pain when you were last at the Burrow? Fred saw it, Hermione saw it, did I see it and sweep it under the carpet?"

"Dad no, please don't think..."

"Well you're not to blame for whatever it was your friend did."

The pair of them shared a silent moment at the empty kitchen sink before Ron's cracking voice penetrated the calm like a jagged blade.

"But I didn't survive did I? I jumped, I gave up, and I don't understand how you can be proud of me when I made such a mess of things."

Arthur wished there were simple answers like there used to be. He wished he had all the answers for all his family. He wondered when it was that his youngest boy's problems had evolved from 'my sister is bugging me' to 'I'm too exhausted to face another day'.

"You care so much my boy. You care what people think, whether or not people are ok, and you try so hard not to trouble the people who care for you with your own problems. You carry such a burden and you never complain about it or try to unload any of it on others to give yourself a rest. Your curse is part of what makes me so proud of you. You have such internal strength and nobody ever sees or appreciates it. I remember what you said to Hermione when you got your memory back. You said 'everybody knows' and you were devastated about that."

Ron's eyes glistened,

"I know how much you all wanted this depression stuff to go away and now you know it won't. I can't give you what you all want."

"And what is it we all want Ron?"

"The version of me you all liked."

Arthur held his son to him and felt his fatherly knowledge coming back to him, he didn't have all the answers to all of Ron's problems but he did have a lifetime of experience to help him to deal with them.

"I don't want any 'version' of you son. I just want you to understand that you don't have to hide behind the Ron Weasley disguise you wear to cover up the person you think you should be so ashamed of. You lost your disguise when you lost your memory and you still had a family that loved you and wanted you back. You still made a wonderful friend in this girl Jo. You still made a difference to Draco Malfoy. Your friendship made him a better human being didn't it?"

Ron broke away from his father and shook his head,

"He was already that person, he was just..."

Arthur grinned as he saw comprehension dawn upon Ron's face,

"In disguise?" he said, finishing the sentence Ron had left hanging in the air.

Ron smiled,

"Y'know for someone so bad at chess you're pretty sharp dad?"

He chuckled at this, very Ron-like, compliment.

"Why thank you Ron...I think."

They laughed as the back door creaked open and the twins stepped inside the house, followed by Draco Malfoy.

"Dee?" Ron seemed hopeful although his face had fallen into an anxious expression.

Malfoy gave a slightly uncomfortable smile and lifted a small leather bag he was carrying in his right hand,

"I just popped home to pick up a couple of things."

"And drop something eh Dee?" Fred grinned with an arched eyebrow.

Ron frowned at this comment but Malfoy and George had smiled.

"What can I say?" Malfoy shrugged, "I'm a muggle-lover."

Arthur felt a warming flash of satisfaction shooting through him from the tip of his nose all the way down to his crooked toes as he watched Ron beaming as he crossed the kitchen and took Dee's bag from him.

"Come on mate, you can stay in my room with me and Harry."

"Um, I don't think Potter's going to like that idea Ron."

Ron's face set with determination,

"He'll like it or lump it, c'mon."

Dee shrugged and smiled as he followed Ron out of the kitchen. Within a second Ron leaned back in at the kitchen door and, smiling nervously, addressed Fred and George.

"Do you two want to come up and help me transfigure him somewhere to sleep?"

Arthur saw Fred look as if he'd just sold a lifetime supply of 'you-no-poo' to Dolores Umbridge after convincing her it was a treatment for her persistent cough and follow Ron and Dee upstairs closely followed by an equally delighted George.

Considering he didn't have a clue about this fatherhood lark Arthur Weasley had done pretty damn well bringing up those kids he thought to himself with a wider grin than he thought his face was able to accommodate.

ooo

Harry watched as Ron lead Malfoy up to his room, their room, and felt his heart sink.

He knew that Malfoy wasn't the person he had once loathed with every fibre of his being. He knew that this person was really Dee. He remembered that, in his befuddled state, he had really liked Dee and even defended him to Fred and George. There was still something not right about this though. He still felt as if he should hate this person. He wanted to hate him so much. He needed to glare and snipe at the person who had been there for Ron when he himself couldn't be.

_That was it wasn't it?_

Harry needed to hate Draco Malfoy, Dee, because he had replaced him in Ron's life. There was no place for Harry it seemed. Ron had revealed all about his problem, a huge step for him, and he had done it for Dee. He had kept it from Harry though. Hermione knew, Dee was told firsthand, and Harry only knew because he had been close enough to overhear his best friend's confession.

He was jealous of Draco Malfoy.

He felt Ginny's fingers interlock with his own and realised that she was reading his mind in that infuriating way she had. She was smiling at him, a sad but understanding smile, and squeezed his hand.

"The three of you made room for me didn't you? Why can't there be room for Dee?" she asked.

"It's not a matter of me making room for Dee, it's about whether there's any room left for me in Ron's life."

Ginny looked a little cross with him as her eyes focused on his own with fiery determination.

"After everything Ron told you about...his problem you're thinking of distancing yourself from him?"

Harry wasn't sure what he had said to make her think he was the one ditching Ron.

"What? Ginny, no that's not what I was saying at all."

"Well that's not good enough" she said as she let go of his hand and sat back, looking at him accusingly, "you have to start thinking about what you say before you say it Harry because now you know that he picks out the little things and misinterprets them into something huge and slowly tortures himself with them until..."

"Whoa Ginny breathe will you?" Harry said, holding both hands in front of him almost defensively.

"Sorry," she said as she finally paused for breath, "it's just that I can't stop thinking about what he told you about his over-thinking of things and now I can hear every little thing he can twist in almost everything anybody says and it's terrifying me!"

Harry moved closer to her and rested his arm around her shoulders, pulling her into a loose hug as he did,

"Me too."

She rested her head on his chest and they sat in silence for a while before Ginny returned to her original point.

"I just heard what you were saying the way Ron would've heard it and it made me so angry and frightened. I hate to think what he might make of you growing apart from each other Harry."

Harry hadn't really thought about it that way, he had only been concerned that he was being usurped by Malfoy.

"What did I say exactly? Translate it into Ron for me would you?" he asked sadly.

She sighed before wrapping her arms around his waist and giving him a squeeze; for her comfort or his own, he couldn't be sure; before she let him hear what he might have said.

"You were wondering if there was any room for you in Ron's life."

He nodded.

"Ron would have thought that you meant was there room for your friendship now that you knew his secret. Could you really be bothered to make the effort to put up with Dee's company for a friend with Ron's problems? Wouldn't Malfoy be a brilliant excuse to take a step back from the uncomfortable situation of being friends with somebody you didn't understand anymore?"

Harry shook his head and felt a little sick,

"No, he wouldn't think I meant that, he couldn't believe I'd drop him because of that."

"He wouldn't think badly of you Harry, he would feel badly about himself and come up with as many reasons you would benefit ending your friendship with him. He's a chess player; remember? He's a damn good chess player and he knows the fastest and most effective way to take out his opponent's defences and attack with no mercy. That's what he does to himself. That brilliant part of his mind that knows just how to pick apart his opponent's entire strategy is the same part of him that turns in on himself and begins to attack his sense of rational thought."

Harry shook his head, as he understood what Ginny was trying to explain to him. If he showed any signs of discomfort around Ron he could be triggering some kind of internal conflict that he had no control over.

"How the hell are we ever going to have a normal conversation again?" he sighed as he ran his hand through his unruly hair.

"That's not the point Harry, you can't censor every little thing before you say it."

"But you just said..."

"It came out wrong..." she smiled at him, "...see, even I do it?"

He laughed as she took his hand again,

"What I meant was that you've got to look out for that moment when you see him start to do it and put a stop to it before it even begins. We've all got to get into the habit without making a big deal of it."

They heard footsteps thudding back down the stairs and Harry knew that Ron, the twins and Malfoy were returning. He looked at Ginny who smiled a resigned smile as she reminded him of something he really needed to remember.

"All those times outside, the four of you talking and excluding me and the rest of the family when we first got Ron back, you used to be able to do it. Hermione had great instincts and Dee was a pro. The poor guy, he only had two friends and they both had the same problem, he had it down to a fine art by the time they got here. You picked it up pretty fast and it didn't interfere with you four having a laugh and talking seriously and making snide comments at each other's expense in your own time-honoured way!"

He laughed. Only in the presence of a Weasley could the word git be used with genuine affection. The footsteps stopped and Harry looked over to the doorway and saw Ron looking in at him with a nervous smile.

"Hey Harry, look who's back" he nodded at Malfoy who stood at his side, almost bracing himself for anything from a glare to a fist in the face.

Harry looked at the familiar face wearing an unfamiliar expression and nodded,

"So I see."

Ron and Malfoy shared a anxious glance before Ron took a step inside the living room and continued,

"So I said he could stay in our room."

He looked so apprehensive, Harry didn't know how to deal with this at all, and he couldn't look at Malfoy. He needed to make sure Ron understood he wasn't angry with _him_.

"It's your room, whatever you want is fine."

Ron shuffled a little uncomfortably and said,

"Well you've still got yourroom at the YMCA haven't you? I s'pose you want to get back to your own place."

Then he saw it, Ginny had been right; it wasn't hard to spot at all. It was a little flicker in the eyes and a slight tilt of the head that gave away that other part of Ron putting thoughts into his head. Harry could nip this in the bud before Ron had even noticed it. It wasn't hard at all.

"Actually I was thinking of giving that up and maybe...staying, if you didn't mind."

Harry couldn't see Ginny but he could feel her swelling with happiness behind him, she obviously thought he was handling this pretty well.

Ron's eyes brightened, his head shook off the thoughtful little crook, and he was himself again in a second,

"Of course I don't mind It's _our_ room you dozy git!"

Harry couldn't help but laugh. He noticed that Malfoy was smiling at Ron's relief and somehow he knew that there was more than enough room in Ron's life for both of them.

"So Dee," he said, "do you snore?"

Ron turned to his other friend and frowned as if intrigued by this himself.

"Not that I've been told" he shrugged.

Harry pointed a finger at Ron and smirked,

"He does."

While Dee sniggered Ron looked at Harry with mock outrage.

"Which one of us spent the most nights in Griffindor tower screaming in his sleep?" Ron asked.

Harry grinned wickedly,

"I know which one of us spent the most nights in Griffindor tower screaming 'Hermione'."

"That is not even funny!" Ron sputtered although Ginny, the twins and Dee were visibly contradicting him as they doubled up with laughter.

Harry couldn't help but join in with their mirth.

_This was great. Ron wasn't different at all._

ooo

It was so late now that Mr and Mrs Weasley had gone off to bed.

Fred and George had apparated back to their shop in Diagon Alley and Bill and Fleur had headed home long ago, making lovey-dovey eyes at each other. Charlie had fallen asleep on the sofa in the living room,

"Old habits die hard" Harry had chuckled with Ginny before they said their goodnights and went up to their rooms.

Dee was clearly tired but felt a little self-conscious about going up to Ron and Harry's room while Harry was up there alone but he could see that Hermione really needed to talk to Ron alone.

Alone for the first time since Harry had barged in on them after Ron's little 'coming out of the crazy closet' routine as he so typically called it.

"G'night then" Dee waved after making a comment about needing to get to sleep before Ron and his snores made it impossible.

"Night Dee" Ron smiled and Hermione gave him a wave as he disappeared up the wonky stairs.

They were alone now.

So as not to wake Charlie they had moved into the kitchen and were sitting beside each other at the empty dining table. She looked back from the stairway at Ron who was staring at the back of her head. He gave an embarrassed laugh as he noticed she had seen him looking and dropped his eyes down to examine his hands. She looked at his hands too, then the various scars that we impossible to ignore all over his forearms, and she realised that Ron hadn't thought to roll down his long sleeves since doing the washing up with his dad earlier on in the afternoon. This made something warm her from the inside.

She reached out and took one of his arms, tracing the different scar patterns with her fingertips before lowering her head and pressing her lips to one of them, and another, and another...She needed to kiss every one of them.

"Us Weasley's and our scars eh?" Ron sighed with a contented smile, "I don't know what you and Fleur see in them."

Hermione lifted her head and stared into Ron's eyes, fixing his gaze so he wouldn't look away again,

"We see the brave, selfless men who suffered them so that somebody else didn't have to."

Ron didn't seem to know what to say to that but felt he had to say something and she saw his lips parting with uncertainty. She couldn't wait anymore. She pulled his head in towards her own and enjoyed his silence, the silence she ensured kept on going as long as her lips covered his own.

_Merlin she had missed this!_

They kissed like that for long enough to make Hermione dizzy. With enormous reluctance she pulled her lips away from his and let herself breathe again. Ron was smiling at her.

"It's been a bit of a day hasn't it?" he asked with that little mischievous sparkle in his eyes.

She laughed as she snuggled into his chest,

"I can't believe that it was only this morning neither of us could remember our past."

"_Our_ past or _the_ past?" he asked, as if wondering what kind of a conversation this was going to be.

She looked up at him, into those vivid blue eyes she couldn't believe she'd ever forgotten and smiled,

"Us Ron, this morning we didn't remember anything about the two of us. It makes me feel queasy just thinking about it."

She shuddered and clung to him tighter.

They had taken so long to get together that when they finally had done it was with so much intensity they had taken even themselves by surprise. It was really a miracle they had kept their relationship quiet as quiet as they did.

"I'm sorry I forgot you" he mumbled into her bushy hair.

"What did we agree about the apologising thing?" she was looking back up at him with an eyebrow raised.

"I can't win can I? Either I'm pig-headed for never saying sorry when I hurt your feelings or I'm a nutcase who apologises too much!"

She lifted her head off his chest and kissed him again. He closed his eyes and she felt her own well up with tears. His eyes opened once again and he saw her eyes glistening and pulled away from her. She hated that feeling, a kiss ending before she was ready, and let out an almost inaudible whimper.

"What is it?" he asked with concern.

"Nothing," she smiled, though trying not to squeeze the tears rolling out onto her cheeks, "I'm just relieved."

She wasn't sure if he understood and she didn't wait to read his expression, lowering her head again and resting it once more upon his chest. Her ear was pressed over his heart. She loved listening to his heartbeat. She used to do it all the time when she had been worrying about him. She told him that it sounded more comforting to her than a thousand of his reassurances that he was ok.

"You were right. I'm s... Well, y'know?" he smiled as he stopped himself apologising _again_, "But I should have listened to you when you told me to talk to people about this."

She squeezed him tighter still and sighed,

"It doesn't matter now, it's all out in the open, and you know you're not alone anymore now don't you?"

She felt him squeezing her back and planting a kiss on the top of her head,

"I was never alone, I had you."

She sniffed back the threat of a flood of tears before saying with a quivering voice,

"You'll always have me."

"I missed you so much, even when I didn't know what I was missing I missed you."

She sat up and looked him in the eye again, this time with determination to make him listen to what she had to say.

"I knew _exactly_ what I was missing. There wasn't a single day that passed when I didn't reach out for you or look for you rolling your eyes at me when I did my star pupil bit in Latin class. I even missed the bickering y'know?" she chuckled.

Ron laughed at this too,

"I know that feeling all too well. I used to enjoy Dee's banter with Jo more than was probably healthy."

Ron's face seemed to fall when he realised he had brought his friend Jo into the conversation. Hermione decided to carry on as if she hadn't noticed him swallowing and looking down at the table.

"I had a dream about you teasing me once, I never told you that did I?"

She smiled her most encouraging smile but saw that Ron was getting choked-up, he needed to talk about this but he couldn't start the conversation.

"Ron, what's the matter?"

She rested her hand on his cheek and fixed her eyes upon his face, searching his features for any hint of what was going on inside his head. Her heart warmed as she saw him smile; it wasn't one of his fake ' I'm ok ' smiles, she hated that smile; he was letting himself think of his friend and enjoy the memory rather than be pained by it.

"Nothing, just remembering Jo when she was having a good day."

Hermione's other hand rested on his other cheek and she moved her face within an inch of his own.

"I wish I could have met her, she sounds...like you."

Ron couldn't help but laugh, she felt a tingle of pride at this and bridged the one-inch gap between them and kissed him again. It was only a relatively short kiss by their standards but she felt just as dazed as she had after their ever-long embrace earlier. They parted only enough to be able to breathe, their foreheads resting against the other's, and his breath was against her face. She could've sworn it had its very own flavour as it glided over her taste buds in warm heady waves.

"We've got to do something Ron," she breathed into his face as her fingers found themselves in his hair.

She felt him trying to pull back to focus on what she was saying but she held the back of his head firm, not willing to lose their closeness just yet...if ever.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not going to be able to go home...wherever it is I'm calling home at the moment, not after being away from you so long already."

He smiled at her and she felt his hand in her own hair now as she continued.

"I mean we spent every day for over a year with each other during this Horcrux thing and I don't know if I can last a day without..." she had to stop otherwise she would start gushing and embarrass herself, she knew it.

Ron's lips pressed against hers and he smiled as their brief kiss ended, that was another thing she couldn't get enough of, he smiled while he kissed and it felt amazing.

"We'll figure something out."

She knew things were going to be all right at that moment. There were going to be bad days but everybody has bad days, they were going to be fine.

"You never left me did you?" she grinned.

"I never will."

ooo


	49. Epilogue

_A/N 25th May 2006 - NEW ADDITION TO AUTHOR's NOTE AT END OF THIS FIC!_

**Epilogue**

"So there have been no rough patches at all?"

"Well there was a bit of a thing the other night when Tonks came over and she'd changed her hair colour."

"Oh?"

"She changed it to purple, dark purple, me and Dee...well we didn't expect it and it kind of took us by surprise. Dee was really shaken-up for a while afterwards."

"And you?"

"Yeah me too. She changed it as soon as she realised though, she felt really bad, I think we pulled ourselves together just to stop her from beating herself up over it."

"She dyed her hair there and then?"

"Oh, no I mean...she'd changed it by the time we saw her next, to blonde. She's blonde now...because of dye."

The two of them stared at each other for a few seconds before changing the subject.

"So you're living away from home now?" Dr Rayner asked, that characteristic little whistle at the beginning of her sentence.

Ron nodded as he sat back in the familiar chair across from her,

"Yeah, me and some friends from school are sharing a house together."

Rayner raised her eyebrows, seemingly impressed,

"Nice. How many of you are there?"

"Well there's Dee obviously..."

Rayner's eyes nearly bulged out of her head,

"Wait, you went to school with Dee?"

Ron chuckled,

"Yeah, didn't I tell you that? That's how we knew each other."

Rayner shook her head, Ron realised that he kept forgetting she originally knew them when they thought of each other as strangers.

"Go on then, who else?"

"Harry, who you've met, and Hermione you know too, and Neville who _was _here but he was pretty quiet so you might not have noticed him."

She nodded,

"I think I remember him. That sounds great, must be a big house."

Ron's eyes widened,

"You have no idea."

"So are you all getting along alright?"

"Great, well I've shared with Harry and Neville all through school and me and Dee lived here together so there's not a hell of a lot to get used to really is there?"

She frowned,

"Wait a moment, four guys and one girl? Well Hermione's a braver woman than I am to be sharing a house with all of you."

Ron grinned sheepishly,

"Well she's not...really...just sharing the house...really...sort of."

Rayner sat forward and leaned over her desk,

"Spit it out."

Ron's couldn't shake off the damn grin as he got to the point,

"She's kind of sharing...with me...my room..._our_ room."

Rayner looked amazingly pleased with herself for some reason,

"Ah so you're not just living together; you're living _together_."

Ron felt like a total prat with that dopey grin still plastered over his face as he nodded.

"Harriet owes me a fiver." Rayner muttered under her breath.

"I wondered why she kept on asking all those questions!" Ron exclaimed, the revelation that his love life had become the source of intra-nuthouse betting finally wiping the grin away.

Rayner looked smug as she sat back in her chair,

"She thought she had the inside information because of you having breakfast together before your sessions but I knew you weren't the type to go yammering on about being in love."

Ron sat bolt upright in his seat,

"Wait, I never said anything about being in love!"

Rayner looked even smugger now,

"You didn't have to."

Ron slouched back down in his seat and folded his arms across his chest,

"What kind of therapy d'you call this?"

Rayner chuckled,

"Oh your session's over Ron, this is my time."

"I don't remember you being as jovial as this before" Ron said as he narrowed his eyes and tried not to smile.

"Pfft! Well we all know what your memory's like."

Ron couldn't stop himself from laughing at that, she almost sounded like Fred and George.

"Right," she said, getting back to business, "so I'll see you same time next week then yes?"

"Yep," Ron clapped his hands together as he prepared to get out of his seat, "make sure the tea's ready, two sugars."

"You don't take sugar" Rayner frowned.

Ron grinned,

"Oh yes I do."

ooo

"He's back!" Neville gasped as he scampered away from the window and down the hallway of Grimmauld Place, tripping as he went.

"Calm down Neville," Harry said with amusement, "it's brilliant we've told you, he'll love it."

"He might be cross...he might think it's none of my business...he might..." Neville panicked.

"He won't be cross, don't worry" Dee said despite looking slightly anxious himself.

This was probably because he had been working with Neville on this for a month now and he had really felt as if he was doing something useful to help Ron with his ongoing treatment. Every Saturday morning Ron would apparate back to Eastbourne and go for a session with his doctor and Neville and Dee would dash to the door at the bottom of the stairs where the abusive portrait had been to get to work on the new room.

Hermione was pretty proud of her contribution herself, the obliterating of Mrs Black's portrait and the surrounding wall, making way for the door in the first place. It had been this that planted the idea into Neville's head to begin with. He had been so proud of himself after transfiguring his grandmother that climate-changing extra room and, after hearing some of Dee's stories about their lazy days at the beach during the days and nights in Eastbourne, became incredibly motivated to convert the new room in the house into something special for Ron. Neville had been at a loss to understand how to treat Ron regarding his depression to begin with and that was why, Hermione thought, he had embraced this opportunity with gusto. He could finally do something to help him.

The front door opened and Neville and Dee stood rigid in front of the battered-looking door, a sandy coloured wood with sea shells carved into it here and there courtesy of Dee, while Harry beamed as he watched a relaxed Ron come in and close the door behind him. Hermione was watching all this from the doorway to the living room, knowing how much Ron was going to love this and wanting to be able to see his reaction as well as the looks of satisfaction on Dee and Neville's faces, and she glanced at Harry who wasn't standing back with her due to the need for somebody to be there to calm Neville's nerves. Ron frowned at his welcoming party and stood in front of the closed door.

"Hello" he said suspiciously.

"Hi Ron"

"Hello Ron"

Hermione tried not to laugh at the anxious twosome as they answered, trying and failing to appear nonchalant. Ron was still staring at them the same way he looked at Fred and George when they were being nice to him.

"What are you doing?" he smiled but with great caution.

Both Neville and Dee had begun to speak at the same time, then stopped and nodded for the other to continue, then stared back at Ron utterly dumbfounded. Harry took pity on them.

"They've got a present for you."

Ron's suspicion evaporated into intrigue,

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," Dee nodded with enthusiasm, "Neville did it, he made the whole thing, it's really good."

Ron cast an amused glance Neville's way.

"Dee helped!" Neville yelped, almost as if not wanting to take all of the blame for the inevitable offence he was about to cause Ron, "He told me about everything that makes you relaxed and happy."

Ron's face dropped and his wide eyes darted to Hermione.

"No not that," Neville waved his hands as if trying to wipe away what he had said from the air before him, "other stuff!"

Harry was gripping his sides and howling with laughter at this. Ron was looking completely confused now.

"What the hell are you talking about Neville?" he said with exasperation as he approached the two of them, still standing in front of the closed door, "Is this about the spare room? You've finished it?"

Neville nodded excitedly,

"Except it's not a spare room, it's your room."

Ron blinked, his face blank,

"I have a room, it's upstairs."

Neville nudged Dee to take over for him with the presentation of Ron's 'gift'.

"What he's saying is we...well Neville..."

"No, we" Neville nodded with encouragement to Dee.

"_We _transfigured you a place to go when you needed it. Y'know, so you didn't have to apparate or floo anywhere, so you could still be here with us."

Hermione looked at Ron and watched him try to understand exactly what was going on.

"Did you make me a padded cell?" he asked them eventually.

Hermione let out a loud laugh on hearing that. Ron shook his head and looked at his four friends with a bemused grin. Harry seemed to have finally had enough.

"Just open the door and let him see" he huffed with impatience.

It was as if Harry's words had shoved Dee and Neville aside and Ron looked at the carved door as if trying to figure something out. Before he could get there Neville reached out and turned the door handle and pushed the door wide. Then Ron saw it.

Hermione took a step forward to see the look of amazement on his face.

"You...did this?" he gasped.

Neville nodded nervously. Dee tried to read Ron's shock, obviously hoping it was a positive kind of surprise, as he began to explain what they had done.

"We were worried you might think we did it because we didn't trust you enough to let you go to the actual beach. That's not why we made this for you. We just thought that..."

Dee glanced to Neville for a little help.

"We just thought we'd bring the beach to you," Neville finished Dee's sentence, "so it would be there whenever you needed it."

Ron was still taken aback by the sight before him. A room he had last seen as a dark and empty space of about three feet deep by four feet wide was now going on forever into the horizon.

"How big is this?" he managed to say as he took another step closer to the room.

Neville seemed very proud as he spoke now,

"It's an illusion, you obviously can't go as far as you can see but, "Neville stepped inside the room and walked across the soft sand about thirty feet before pressing gently against an invisible barrier that would let him go no further, "you can go this far in and just a little bit more to either side."

Ron looked very impressed. He bent down and picked up a handful of sand from the floor of the new room. He let it sieve between his fingers before looking back at the returning Neville.

"You built me a beach" he said with an amazed chuckle.

Neville looked overjoyed at how well Ron seemed to be taking this,

"Yeah we did" he nodded.

Dee was suddenly taken with a burst of proud energy as he dragged Ron through the door and pointed out to the ocean,

"See we couldn't get you any sea yet but we're working on it so in the meantime you've got the illusion of the sea and we've got different kinds for you. Low tide, high tide, smooth, choppy..."

Ron inhaled deeply before turning to Dee with amazement,

"It even smells like our beach."

Dee almost exploded with pride and Hermione took off her shoes and stepped onto the sand behind the three of them,

"That's all down to Dee," she said, "he worked on that for a very long time."

Neville nodded,

"He said it had to smell exactly right."

Dee shrugged as if it was no big deal but he couldn't wipe the look of satisfaction that Ron had noticed his efforts almost straight away.

Neville became strangely serious all of a sudden,

"You see Ron, I wanted to give you something to give you some peace when you need it. It'll be there all the time waiting for you. It gets dark at night and the sand gets cold and if you come in early enough you can watch the sunrise and sometimes the skies are blue and sometimes there are clouds and...and... and it's yours."

Ron was speechless. He looked at the ceiling, white fluffy clouds slowly drifting by in different shapes, perfect for cloud watching. He looked back out at the sea and listened to the magical sound of the crashing waves. Then he looked back at Neville and swallowed.

"This is the best thing I have ever been given in my life" he said with deep but awe-filled sincerity.

Neville smiled and looked across at Dee, who was also smiling, and then nodded back towards the door and they left the beach room without another word. Ron reached out and grabbed Hermione's hand and pulled her down onto the sand with him as he sat down and lay back on his elbows. She had always declined the invitation to come into the room and have a look around while Dee and Neville had been working on it. She had wanted to see it for the first time at the same moment Ron had seen it. She lay back on her own elbows beside him and rested her head on his shoulder and sighed. They heard the door creaking behind them and turned to see a grinning Harry pushing the door closed.

"Hey mate, don't you want to come and watch the clouds with us?" Ron asked.

"Maybe tomorrow, I quite fancy a Sunday afternoon at the seaside, I said I'd meet Natasha and Mario at the pub tonight. They're missing me and I told them I'd introduce them to Ginny."

Ron narrowed his eyes at Harry and said in a very authoritative manner,

"Well I don't want you coming home drunk and throwing up on my beach young man."

Harry rolled his eyes and gave a snort of amusement

Ron was frowning and he turned to Hermione,

"Y'know that's probably the strangest sentence I've ever said in my life?"

She nodded,

"And you've said a lot of strange stuff over the years."

"Well I'll be off then, have a nice day at the beach, bye" Harry waved as he closed the door.

Hermione watched as Ron lay flat on his back and looked at the passing clouds.

"I wonder if they transfigured any of them to make a rude shape," he pondered aloud.

She smiled and settled down with him, her head nestled into the crook of his shoulder and her arm draping across his torso,

"Can we stay here 'till sunset?" she sighed.

"I could stay here forever."

**The End**

ooo

_A/N Ok so before all the gushing I have one favour to ask of you all. If you don't mind could you not only review my final chapter and epilogue but also give me an overview of the whole story? I do have ideas for some other fics (nothing as long as this one...yet!) and I'd really like to know what you thought were my strengths and weaknesses are. _

_Ok now to the gushing..._

_I cannot express how grateful I am to the wonderful Scrib and Greenpluff who were with me from the very start. They both posted reviews on my introduction within 15 minutes of me posting it and have stuck with me. I will be writing a one-shot Christmas Ron and Hermione treat for you both so keep your eyes open during December!_

_Oh my word bograt, what can I say, ego a-go-go for me as far as what you told me goes. I hope you get a kick out of working with the Samaritans when you turn eighteen and if nothing else happens to me for the rest of my writing (so called) career I can take comfort in knowing that I made a difference to at least you. I can't believe I put the idea to do voluntary work into someone's head...it was entirely an accident but I am very pleased that that's happened. It really does people like us (and Jo) a power of good. I've been a volunteer at a local children's charity for over a year now and I am in such a better state than I was before I found myself an emotional outlet. Good luck!_

_Happy belated birthday unknownspecies, I didn't forget I swear, I just couldn't post these chapters because my cockatiel died on the same day I walked out on my job and I've kind of been caught up in other things. On the plus side I did buy a plane ticket to Thailand and am off there for my own birthday in January! _

_Narsissistic Molly, yes I do have some form of depression...how on earth could you tell? I get S.A.D. too so this time of year can be particularly tough at times but I've been doing quite well so far. I am also (in my group of friends) 'the funny one' and fortunately they all know that I sometimes need my quiet time and let me have it. I think the biggest problem people face isn't living up to the act they put on but finding people who will accept them when they eventually drop it. _

_There are loads of you to thank and this'll go on forever if I tried so thanks to all but here's some of my regulars who I hope to entertain again very soon:_

_Laly Weasley_

_Regulus Arturus Caesar_

_Kaiser Monkey_

_Dansgirl34_

_Bryan_

_HarryLvr_

_UNISOL_

_Magnolia Lane_

_Kani1 (LOVE that you challenge me!)_

_rupertlovesme_

_Snowflake Ginny (the gal who had my Draco/Dee twist sussed from the moment she read it!)_

_fantasticarla_

_Zille_

_BookSmartBrilliance (Hi again)_

_bleedingmascara_

_harryp123 (always the exact same review but always there!)_

_DiTS_

_So that's all from this story, I got a lot of requests for a sequel but I really don't like to ruin a good thing by dragging out an inferior follow-up, I have a one-off Christmas fic and then an idea for something a few chapters long but no epics on the horizon for the time being. You never know though...I may watch another movie while taking a break from reading a Potter book and then get drunk and come upon another idea that turns out as well as this!_

_Oh and to the person who told me off for spelling apologise with an 's' and not a 'z'...I'M ENGLISH, I SPELL THINGS THE ENGLISH WAY!_

_Sorry but that guy really pissed me off!_

_Bye,_

_Shari_

_ADDITION ! - There is now a 'one year later' follow-up one-shot set in this universe due to several demands and a particular loyal reviewer's birthday so please check my profile for 'Solitary Confinement' if you want to read it! Thanks._


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